TTC after recurrent miscarriage - thread 3

labmum I haven't asked, will ask on Monday at the FMU appointment.

Yes, things have calmed down a little, I think he's realised that getting pissed and shouting at me will achieve nothing but his bags packed. I'm still not completely thawed out with him, but things are better.

A little girl, how lovely!

That all sounds positive @irony. Fingers crossed they come up with a plan going forward and that the left kidney is fine and just hiding. Could they do an MRI to visualise it better? My friend took part in a study which involved an MRI scan and the detail they could see was just amazing!

Have things calmed down with DH now? Have you had chance to talk things through?

So, baby is still doing fine, happily kicking away in there. Still consistently measuring 2 weeks behind.

I've officially been diagnosed with oligohydramnios (low fluid) and they've diagnosed baby's right kidney with hydronephrosis and said its severely multicystic. They can't 'confidently' visualise the left kidney.

But on the other hand, my fluid has slightly increased, and there is no drop off in growth, fetal movement or fetal heartbeat. Also found out baby is a girl too.

Hoping for reasonably good news on Monday.

How did you get on irony? Thinking of you x

Thinking of you @irony

Everything crossed irony x

So sorry oddsbobbins fingers crossed it'll happen for you soon!

20 week scan today for me at 10.20,which should be such a happy occasion. Fingers crossed things don't look too awful on the scan. Despite my best efforts, I'm finding myself hoping after reading one, single, solitary good outcome on Google of someone whose baby has the exact same problems as mine. Obviously not paying attention to the 100+ bad stories I've read. This situation sucks beyond belief.

Sending you a massive hug oddsbobbins, I have had many a lonely 3am musing on exactly what you're going through and it sucks to high heaven, I'm so sorry. It's hateful and unjust and cruel and awful. People who pick themselves up after repeated losses and just keep going are some of the most resilient people I know and you do it because you have no choice. What's the alternative to cracking on, giving up? And you're not there, you're just taking some time to heal and look after yourself, your body and heart and spirit need to rest and mend and then you'll carry on. We're all here for you x

The feeling of not trusting your body is so painful and I found doing things that consciously helped me reconnect with it - what was good, whole, capable, strong, beautiful, about it made a big difference in my head. I love a bath so made time for long soaks with nice products, took up Pilates, started going to acupuncture, made a lot of healthy delicious salads and baked quite a lot of cakes, bought a nice top, had some sex. Things which are normal and feed good.

When I was getting over my first MMC I remember feeling really crappy and sore and tired lounging around on the sofa in my PJs, deciding to paint my nails and being amazed (and slightly embarrassed! ) that it made such a difference.

@irony and @bean I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's crappy how much the stress of pregnancy and miscarriage affects relationships. I hope you have people around you who you can turn to for support or venting.
I'm really low at the moment. I had a few days after the miscarriage where I was trying to be positive and proactive, and now there's nothing left to do but wait and try not to think about how I may have to go through this over and over and might still not get to be a mum. I hate this.

@irony I’m angry on your behalf. My husband and I aren’t on the best terms at the mo as I don’t feel he’s being very supportive of how crap I feel and how it’s been tough. Blokes are rubbish sometimes

Oh @irony I'm so so sorry. There's no excuse for him to take his frustration at the situation out on you and it sounds like he just lost it. Can you access any counselling through the maternity unit. Both as a couple and individually. You need to be able to vent in a safe space on your own and then come together to discuss how to move forwards together as a team. Take care lovely.

Hi anne hope you're well. No, he attempted to speak to me, I ignored him completely. He also made me toast and a cup of coffee which promptly got thrown in the bin/down the sink. I am so, so angry. I can be a bitch at times, I'm definitely the sharper tongued of the two of us, but I would never speak to another person the way he spoke to me last night. He's said sorry a million times already today but I just don't even want to forgive him. I hate him.

Not going anywhere Hopefulforourrainbow x

How's the holiday?! Send me some sunshine if you can, it's very grey here today.

Oh my god Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly that is so so awful, you must be feeling completely battered. You don't deserve to be spoken to like that by anyone, least of all your partner who is meant to support and care for you. Sending you such a big gentle hug.

Did you speak this morning?

Thank miami81 and labmum

I know its his baby too, and I know he's going through it as much as I am, but the things he said to me last night are awful. He never shouts at me or verbally abuses me, ever, however I was subjected to over an hour of him belittling my parenting, screaming at me, calling me a lazy fat cunt etc. I am literally >< this close to packing his stuff whilst he's at work and locking the house down. At a point where I don't even want him here now. How could he treat me this way whilst we're going through this shit?!

@irony it'll just be the stress of the situation coming out. But I 100% think that you shouldn't have to do housework if you don't feel like it at the moment. Perhaps you could pay a cleaner to come in for a few weeks until you feel more up to it to save any further arguments?

And now I've just had the biggest bust up imaginable with my OH cos I haven't done any housework in about a week and he's sick of the shouse being a shithole :(
Sometimes I just feel like not being here anymore, I really don't see the point.

Hey I keep checking in even though I'm still away. That's fantastic news @miami. So happy for you. I hope all you pregnant ladies stick around here. You've been such a great support and it's so nice to hear things are going well.
Fmu I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling. Sending virtual hugs xx

That's lovely news @Miami81 great that they've put you a week ahead too which must have put your mind at ease. I'm off to my doctor's this afternoon, been on my mind alot how my af has been since the miscarriage, been googling the reasons what could be causing them to be the way they are and I know things can take time to settle back down, I did go in July and say cant do anything and basically she said nothing will be done unless you've had 3 losses, but even if some checks could be looked at such as how my fertility is just to put my mind at rest a little. X

@Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly it must be so unimaginably hard for you to have to wait. I know it won't be of much comfort to you but wanted you to know you're in my thoughts. Xx

Hi ladies, it's FMU here, changed my username.
Time seems to be dragging til my rescan next Monday, genuinely don't know what to do with myself :( how is everybody else doing?

Hi Ladies,
Sorry I've been MIA. We were on vacation and prior to that I was laid up with a stomach flu.
Welcome to the newcomers, though sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.
@miami and @anne congrats on your recent good scans!
I should be 9 weeks today. Our next appt with the midwife isn't until Sept. 18th and I've convinced myself the baby isn't viable because I had a fever when I had the stomach flu. I spoke with the midwives while I was sick and they had me take fever reducers as soon as I realized I had one. They didn't seem overly concerned, but I'm not really having pregnancy symptoms so I've convinced myself we'll have another mmc. They said I could go for a scan prior to the appointment but I've been holding out to make sure they'd be able to see something. I may try to go next week though for my sanity.

@MissPMA thank you, has been bitter sweet seeing the announcement this morning did have a little cry and then sorted myself out when my little boy was saying ok mummy? I've supposed to have made an appointment at my doctor's for a b12 injection which I have every 3 months so it could be down to that as to why I feel so tired. Good job you listened to your instincts and weren't fobbed off by the midwife! Yep I've had some counseling which did help a little bit. Haven't done a test first thing in the morning which I know is better, it's being of an evening when I've done the test. X

@laura I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a crap time, it’s conpletely natural to mark off the weeks as what should have been, and hearing of your friend’s New arrival must be bittersweet. I’m also sorry to hear that you lost your brother.
Sounds like you’ve been feeling rubbish, have you had your iron levels tested? I was completely exhausted after mc1 and at my checks the midwife at epu kept fobbing me off saying it was my hormones or I was depressed when actually my iron levels were very low, which should have been obvious seeing as I had been hospitalised because of heavy blood loss but there you go. so it may be something that may be worth checking out. Also, have you considered counselling to help you through this tough time?
Your af sounds strange, have you done a test first thing in the morning?
@munchies I’m glad you had positive news about the ivf and that you have November to focus on, I hope all the timings work out perfectly so you get to squeeze in an awesome holiday too

@FMU I agree it's a heartbreaking comment to be told that....there's nothing positive about having to go through a miscarriage time and time again.

@Oddsbobbins I haven't phoned them for another scan, I'll just go to the one I have booked on Tuesday. I started cramping last night and bleeding again. The cramping didn't last long and there hasn't been much blood but I've had a little fresh blood ever since. I'm glad you have counselling booked and referral to RMC. What are your ideas for holidays in December?
We were thinking about 1 last big holiday in January for my 30th but we're given some positive news yesterday that once this is all confirmed as another miscarriage I can get onto the list to be seen for IVF in November. Obviously it'll be an initial appointment and I don't have a clue about timescales from there but I'm holding onto that for now to keep me going....x