I'm 21, in my last year of Uni but really want baby

Your bf sounds terrible and will not make a good dad.

You sound lovely and I am sure you will make a great mum when the time is right. However, that time isn't now. I know you feel very grown up now but the human brain does not complete all the changes of puberty until about age 24-25. No major life-changing decisions should be taken before that age.

Your 20s are for exploring who you are as an individual and building the foundations for your future life (hopefully by gaining skills and experience so you can support yourself).

Whilst some early relationships do survive, it is much more usual for relationships which start in your teens to peter out even if both people are perfectly nice (which I don't think your bf is) just from maturing in different directions.

Obviously plenty of people do have babies this young and if you do then it won't be an utter disaster - but wisdom would be to wait.

Don't do it!! You'll end up dropping out of uni and on benefits!!! Make better choices.

You're definitely not in a position to be thinking about having a baby. Think about the situation you'd be putting that child into - potentially a broken home, with a single parent who isn't yet able to provide for them.

Also, I genuinely believe this- the urge to have a baby is hormonal. I'm 30, and every now and again in my life I've had that rush of 'I want a baby!' when I absolutely wasn't in the position to be having one. it might last a few weeks, or months... then it passes... Please wait until it's a more appropriate time.

There are so many things to factor in and it doesn't sound like it would be a good thing at all.

I wanted a child at your age and even stopped using protection with my partner at the time, like you, we had been together for 3 years. I am so so glad that I did not get pregnant by him.
I got pregnant 2 months before I turned 27 to my wonderful husband and we now have a 6 month old. We own a house and are financially stable.
I have suffered with mental illness for the past 15 years and I waited until my mental health was at the best it could be.

You can't be properly medicated while pregnant so if you're not in a stable place, pregnancy would be the worst thing!

You're both struggling mentally and a child can and will push all your buttons at times. I struggled so much with the lack of sleep that it actually stopped me from bonding with my daughter for the first couple of months. She is now my everything and I wouldn't change a thing but it's so hard at times.

He has proven him self to be untrustworthy and if this is the third time he's done this, it will not be the last.
I'm sorry but he is not the man that you will end up spending the rest of your life with so don't have kids with him unless you want to be a single parent.

You are so young and have so many years where you can do whatever you like, you will always have the chance to have kids so why rush?

I don't want to come across as a judgmental mum but please slow down and grow up before even thinking about it. You have no idea, none, how hard it is to a) be a parent b) be in a situation where the relationship falls apart and have to fight to have your child for even 50% if the time and live with constant threats. He sounds like a shit, but if he could be less shit for 3-5 years you can think again. You're 21, not 31 so what's the rush? Also get your degree. It's such a waste not to

I'm 20 and have a 7 month old baby and omg it is the hardest thing ever! The amount of strain it puts on your relationship and you as an individual. You need to be with someone you can trust 100% and you can always rely on, it doesn't sound like the right relationship for a baby right now. Give it a few months and see how you two are getting on and have another thing about things... I don't think it's anything to do with age, being a mum is hard at 16, 25,40! X

Is it possible that the current baby fever is brought on by uncertainty about your career? It’s not usual for people to get to the final year and still be completely lost about what you want to do afterwards. If you know for a fact you want to be a mum one day you may have an urge to start your family right now because it’s the only thing about your future you are sure about. If that sounds like a possibility (could be totally off the mark since I don’t know you at all!) I’d suggest talking to your uni’s career advisor and see if there is something you can do with your degree that you can get excited about, and get yourself in a better position to support your future family.

The majority of women on this thread will be older than you OP, we want the best for you and to give you sound advice. It is so important for the rest of your life that you are able to be financially independent. Financial independence gives you the freedom to be free to make your own decisions in the future and protects you if a partner at any stage of your life leaves you.

You mention that you have bad credit, why is that? This indictates that you are still learning about money and money management. Understanding and being able to mange money is extremely important for achieving your long and short term goals. I think you should be honest with yourself, you are putting the cart before the horse talking about have a baby when you are not in a stable relationship, you are financially vulnerable and do not have your own home. Babies are beautiful and wonderful but they also need to have a secure and stable environment in which to grow. Right now as a young woman you could make financial sacrifices and live a very simple life such a cheap flat-share for example. Most likely however you would not want to raise a baby in the same environment and you would not want to be in a situation where you were forced to do without things you would like to give your child.

You might want to reflect on why you are longing for a child right now? Do you see having a baby as giving you a new option or path out of something that is making you unhappy? It’s important to recognize any issues or personal problems you are dealing with would not disappear if you had a baby, instead you would still have those issues but now you would need to look after a vulnerable human being whose needs you must meet before your own 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Having a child is the greatest commitment you can ever make, you are bringing a new person into the world and you are personally responsible for absolutely everything that happens to them. There is absolutely nothing that compares to the seriousness of this commitment.

Therefore as so many other posters have said, step back from moving in such a very serious direction. You clearly have not got a stable environment to bring a baby into. Instead, finish your studies and sort your financial situation out. This would bring your stress levels down and help you to become much more optimistic about your future. Aim for financial independence and a stable relationship with someone who is ready and able to share parenting with you. Someone who is excited about having children and ready to make that commitment. I would recommend you buy a book such as “Personal Finance for Dummies” and teach yourself money management.

You don’t sound emotionally, financially ready and your relationship does not sound secure at all. I would not even entertain have a child at the moment. You will need extra support as you have schizophrenia and medication for it that may need to be adjusted. You may well need more support whilst parenting too. You need a secure situation both in your relationship and also financially/housing, etc.

You will probably end up as a single mum down the line if you have a baby with your partner. He has tried to cheat on you. If you truly believe that he is sorry and won't do it again then give him a couple of years to prove this before having a child with him.

I also don't think you know how expensive childcare is, how much you're going to have to work all hours and drop everything at a good entry level job or how far behind in your career it will make you if you take four years out without any work experience straight after your degree.

I agree with all the PP about not having a baby before you finish your education and with a man who has already tried to cheat on you. Don't do it.

But lets talk about your broodiness. Why do you feel so broody? Are you trying to fill a hole in your life from childhood. Or could it be a symptom of your schizophrenia? Maybe worth talking to a HCP about that. And about the practical considerations like how pregnancy might affect your schizophrenia and if you can take your medication when pregnant/breastfeeding? You are very young, have a serious mental condition, and no income. Do you have substantial support systems in place to help you during pregnancy and parenthood?

Why would you want a baby when you've just worked 3 years for your degree? Trust me it is HARD to get a good grad job. It took me 3 months after I finished my MA... do you want that uncertainty when pregnant? Especially with an unreliable partner?
I'm 23 now and a year out of uni and there is enough to be dealing with- the move into full time work, being a bit skint, moving away from home.
We were the same as you, met on the first day of uni and lived together whilst there for the 4 years, apart in summer. It is nothin like living together alone when you both work full time. It's taken us this year to figure it out, to get back to an equilibrium with each other in an entirely new life.

Slow down. You have your whole life ahead of you.

I’m 21, just graduated this summer and I’m 5 months preganant. Me and my partner are not financially stable but are getting there. If I could have had more time after graduating then I would have taken it.

If I were you I’d wait another 12 months and see where you’re at, that way you’ve given yourself more time to prepare but also have a date for when you know you can satisfy your baby cravings. It’s difficult enough coping with a partner’s mental health, your own and a baby. A baby needs stable parents and you will need 100% of his support so I’d wait until he’s coping better.

Additionally, the stress of housing worries while pregnant is enormous. All I want is to feel secure in my own home and time is running out, I’d have loved to have sorted that first so my baby didn’t have to go through the stress with me.

Do not have a baby with this man. You have at least 20 years fertility ahead of you. You will make better choices. Get your education .

From experience, I can pretty much guarantee you you won’t be with this guy in a couple of years. You don’t need to put up with this.

Finish your degree. Get started on your career. Improve your credit rating. Save some money if you can. There’s no rush, you have plenty of time,

Please get your education - no one can take that from you and you can get a job/career - with a baby, no quals and a potential cheater on your hands you'll end up in hot water

Broody feelings or not, ignore til you're in a much better place as for now til you have tour degree you have very little to support a baby

Please don’t have a baby yet. Finish your degree. I had 4 dc ‘later’ in life and 2 have SN, so I have only just now returned to PT work at a much lower level after 12 years out of the work force. Having a degree just always makes it so much easier to get a job, to change careers with a post-grad degree (eg teaching). Tbh, he sounds like an arse and will probably only cheat again. I really wouldn’t have a baby now, or with him.

It doesn't matter how long he was talking to them for you seem to be making it ok in your head because it was only 2 hours he still done it regardless if the chat was 2 hours or 2 mins the thought was there and he acted on it. Having a baby can be extremely tough and can test even the strongest of relationships I understand your broody but the tine is not right for you right now finish your degree and make sure your partner respects the second chance you've given him and can prove he is trustworthy.

If he will marry you first(if he won't commit this far then he's definitely not ready and if you won't, nor are you); if you have both finished your degrees and got jobs; if you can afford childcare so that having a baby won 't stop you establishing yourself in a career, then go ahead. Otherwise you would be completely mad.

Also might be an idea to wait til he's actually passed the driving test and bought the house if you want those things. Sounds like
Pie in the sky.

You will be vulnerable if you move into his house and have a baby, particularly if you don't work full time so aren't earning as much. It would be sensible to wait a bit and really work out if this relationship is a good idea first.

Give him a second chance, that's fine. But this has just happened, you need to give it time to prove he's not going do it again before you jump into having a baby. Surely you don't know what whether he's earned his second chance or not?!

DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR DEGREE TO HAVE A BABY WITH HIM. Seriously. Do not rely on him. Why would you want to have a baby with someone who behaves this way? Are you prepared to be a single mother, because I can almost guarantee that's what will happen?