TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 24 🐧🐧

Hi @daisyfrau welcome to the thread but I'm sorry you find yourself here. I go through phases of being relaxed and philosophical
but then lose my cool every so often! I also received methotrexate during my ectopic. I suffered terrible mouth ulcers but that's apparently a rare side effect.

@InDreamland I totally understand where you're coming from. After my ectopic I switched my phone off, cancelled my Facebook and went to bed. I literally slept for 3 days and only got up to eat when forced to. I was so done in and didn't want to see, speak or hear from other people. Of course, everyone freaked out and thought I was having a breakdown but I genuinely just wanted peace. I didn't want to have to engage with people or interact with anyone. I just wanted quiet. It was a part of my healing process. Unfortunately, other events happened that forced me to 'adult' again and it was a super stressful situation I had to deal with. I've always felt a bit resentful that I didn't get to see my 'switched off' time through to it's natural conclusion. So I don't think you're nuts at all. You just need the time and space to get yourself together and you will, in time, reboot and feel ready to get back in the world. Big hugs to you x

Thanks for all your advice. I guess I do need to force myself to do something rather than just lay around the house. Just need to be brave but will maybe give myself a little more time. Think DH wants me to go somewhere, anywhere, with him, just to get out of the house. Not sure how I can face the world just yet - I can't face seeing pregnant ladies or babies at the moment and they're everywhere. I considered going back to the gym but everyone knows me there (the owners text me last night - they're so lovely). Church - so many people know me there too. If we just walk up to the high street I'll bump into people I know. I feel like I need to go somewhere I'm anonymous but not too crowded which means getting DH to drive me somewhere far away. I feel bad for not responding to messages but what do I say when I really just want some space? I think part of me wants to avoid hearing unhelpful things like "just get pregnant again", "at least you know you can get pregnant", "have you thought of adopting", or "it wasn't meant to be" - same things I think others have all posted as having been said to them. I just want my baby back, I want this baby, the one I had plans for, I want my own baby to carry to term and give birth to, it took 5 years to get pregnant so just getting pregnant again isn't that easy and simple. Gosh I sound nuts.

Hi,

First post to this thread
Age: 34 (35 in Aug)
TTC #2
DD is 3
TTC since Aug 16.
July 2017 Ectopic - Methotrexate
April 2018 MC at 6+3
July 2018 MC at 5+6

Baby dust to all! I'm trying a more relaxed/philosophical approach now, after a very stressful & sad year and having to accept that my family will not look the way I'd assumed/hoped, and trying to believe that that's going to be ok. One day at a time. Still TTC but less tracking/checking as that was getting to be too much for me. Best wishes to all!

Bloody hell this new one moved quickly.

Roll call:
26
TTC baby number 1
Trying since May 2017
Natural Miscarriage at 5 weeks in May 2018
PCOS and on metformin which seems to be working.

Returned off honeymoon early yesterday morning and decided to test as AF hadn’t arrived and I have rather a few symptoms. Got a bloody evap line on an IC so tested again this morning on a FRER and negative.
Feeling so down about it 😩😩😩

Hope everyone else is well xxx

@Boboelephant I think that was it. I don't think it was very far apart at all :/ I'm doing okay besides work being a pain. Have a growth scan on Wednesday so we'll see how that goes. 27 weeks now but if I'm honest still half expecting to find my way back here; I don't think that will change much though sadly.

Thanks @bobothelephant! I hope you are right.

@Laney79 Mine is Friday (27th July). I'm having a party. I just hope I feel ok on the day. I'm determined to celebrate life even though this last year has been my most difficult. I'm guessing there will be tears at some point but I hope I can enjoy it. It's one of those occasions that I was imagining very differently earlier in the year.

@Virgo89 It takes a while to get the lingo! Yes, it sounds like you are good to go if you want to get back on ttc. It might be a bit confusing this month because your cycle could be a bit out of whack but I know for some people on here their bodies have gone straight back to normal cycles.

Hope you have a good day, fellow penguins!

@bobzybaby sorry you are feeling a bit out of sorts today. It is hard when someone close is pregnant.

@zarala he he that actually made me chuckle. I knew what you meant bloody predictive text catches me out quite a bit!

@Blondcat sorry to see that this morn. The limbo is a nightmare when you don't know if you're just to early.

@Boboelephant have a lovely holiday! Hope you get some very well deserved relaxation!

@zarala Thanks for sharing your post. My biggest pet peev is when anyone suggests fostering / adoption as an alternative to having your own baby as if the 2 things are easily interchangeable. I also agree about our babies not being meant for this world yet.

I'm feeling a bit out of sorts today. I normally cope really well. But, our close friends just announced a pregnancy. I'm absolutely delighted for them, they've been TTC for a couple of years and we're all mid to late thirties so there's been some 'time' panic! A lot of my friends have chosen not to have kids so I've not really had to deal with an announcement before (from someone close). We always spoke about how amazing it would be to get preggo together and I'm feeling a wee bit left behind.

Hopefully this month will be our month! 🤞🏻

@Blondcat sorry obviously meant late implanter!

@Boboelephant yeah that was thread 17! Somehow these months have somehow flown by- and with regards to the baby weight- it's so hard to get fully motivated when in the back of my mind all I keep thinking is- I'll be pregnant soon ! So bring on those 🍰🍩🍫🍔🍟🌮🍝🍕! 🥗can wait! 🙈

@Kintan I actually found revisiting my old posts quite empowering as it made me realise just how much time has healed and strengthened me and I'm in such a different place now. (That was written in March)

@RedRobin7 it is so isolating isn't it! I thought pregnancy would bring me even closer to my Oh but all it does is widen the difference between the sexes...(IMO)
Well done keeping the weight off! Exercise is so good for our minds - helps burn off all that extra anxiety and frustration we carry Around

@Boboelephant have a wonderful time on hols!!!

@Blondcat sorry for BFN! Eugh - hope you get your answer soon and it's just a late imposter 🤞🏽

Morning everyone. Gosh the new thread has flown through!! So sorry to see all these new names.

@laney79 I am not tracking so not exactly sure but around 16dpo I think by normal cycles of 25 days. But it could have been later I guess. I will just wait for af to show or do another test next week.

Thanks @Boboelephant -hope you are right and that we'll all get our BFPs soon. Had hoped for mine as my birthday prezzie but I think it's unlikely-feeling distinctly like AF is about to arrive, will test sat if not. Where are you going on Hols?

Sorry @Blondcat - how many dpo are you? Any chance it's just too early for the test to detect? Big hugs anyway 🐧 huddle for you.

Age 37
TTC#2
MC March 2018 at 6 weeks (age 36 at the time)

Just had news that at 8+2 egg only measuring 7 and no heartbeat visible, so preparing for the worst.

Sorry, not familiar with acronyms so forgive me if I've got mixed up.

Thanks @boboelephant.

Am away at the moment, just passing through to check in. Hope you're all doing ok.

@Indreamland I kept to myself and close family for about a week then I felt ready to talk and see others. I spent that week doing the garden and painting the garage, was really therapeutic. I did have to do one work thing in central London two days after the bad news but no one knew and my husband came with me to hold my hand. You do what feels right for you- take your time. Try to go for a walk every day if you can. I found myself getting stuck in bed which made me feel worse.

@boboelephant the hormones have been really bad this af, very strong emotions that took me by surprise. I should o around CD 13. Hope you're ok x

@Blondcat sorry hun we wrote that at the same time. Ugh sorry for bfn and limbo. Sending hugs.

@KnitKitty I think it's a good thing. Even if you need a few more tissues! I am determined now to let it out as I need to and heal this body of mine! I also meant to say sounds to me like you have ovulated too. Change of cm is a good sign. 🤞
@Blondcat any news??

So I did a test this morning and nothing bfn! No idea what is going on still no sign of af.

@RedRobin7 thanks hun x off on hols tomorrow so may not be around as much for the next week. I have very important things planned like topping up my tan! 😀🌞 i hope you change your mind and celebrate your birthday. You still have lots of time. I know that probably doesn't help you but sometimes we just have to accept that what we want is not life's plan for us. I also wanted to have all my kids before 30. Ended up getting married at 30 and DS at 32 and that was perfect. I would never have chosen to be 35 with two losses and still trying but I am determined to stay positive and hope one day in the not too distant future I will be able to hold my baby and say you were worth the wait.
@Robin78 and @Laney79 I love that you guys have birthdays in the same week. I remember you joining at the same time and you seemed really in sync. Happy birthday to you both for next week! Ancient or not 😟😂 I believe you will both be mummas soon!
@xJune88 sorry you're in this limbo stage. It's really tough. Hope your body regulates soon.

Hugs RedRobin7. I was having baby dreams too last night. Dreamt I was cuddling a newborn twin. It was a nice dream but then I woke up feeling like I was missing out. Sigh. I guess it's our brains trying to make sense of everything!
If you can, try to explain to DH how you're feeling and why. It's best not to keep it all to yourself. Write him a letter if it's easier?
Hope you have a lovely day being aunty! It will get easier.

Powerful words zarala, I think they probably resonate with all of us.

Dyra The spots could be caused by ovulation. I never used to get spots but I now get break-outs mid month and then at AF time now. The mid-month ones actually seem to be worse than the AF ones!!! Quite annoying, but at the same time semi useful as it shows my hormones are doing things...
Good luck. I hope you don't have to wait too long for your next BFP.

Blondcat how are you this morning?

Thanks Boboelephant I think the reiki did open up my emotions. Can't tell if that's a good or bad thing yet... lol

Jessabean I was the same yesterday. Fine in the morning, blubbing in the afternoon. I think I get a wave of PMS-like emotions during/after ovulation; I've noticed being more sensitive the last couple of months around that time.

Currently waiting for my cycle to sort itself out which is so frustrating. After my last mc I didn't get a period for 8 weeks! It's been nearly 4 now but no signs of ovulation yet if I even ovulate this cycle. So fed up!

@zarala I couldn’t agree with you more - the babies we have lost just weren’t meant to be here yet. It’s important not to get stuck in the ‘they should be here’ mindset as I think that is really damaging to our psyches. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I hope revisiting what you write directly after you mc wasn’t too painful.
Sending hugs to everyone, especially those that are having a tough time right now xx