TTC after pregnancy loss- thread 23 🐧🐧

@tedlife you are right. I suppose it will play on my mind either way but at least if I wait until Sunday, it is the weekend rather than test Friday morning and then being depressed at work ahead of DS' birthday.

I was about to say I hate the TWW but in reality I also hate AF week and right up to FW too. FW at least you feel like you are doing something to progress things and then it's waiting around again for another two weeks.

@Newbie21 I think it's a nice idea in theory that you'll just "get it out of the way" by testing Friday but in reality I think you'll be disappointed if it's a bfn and it may not be as easy as you think to push it out of your mind and may end up ruining your DS's birthday for you. Just a thought but you know best how your emotions hit you x

@angelbabyollie I have a weird feeling in my lower abdomen but not sure if pulling or whether pushing is the right description, not painful and not uncomfortable just weird. I can't recall having it previously but I wasn't symptom spotting then. Maybe I am just more sensitive down there following the D&C.

So I have a silly question: Saturday it is my amazing DS' 2nd birthday and it also happens to be the day AF is due so plan was to not test until Sunday and focus on the birthday boy which of course I will do but do you think it is a good idea to test on Friday and then if BFN then I can put it out my mind and focus on birthday totally and not be upset by AF turning up or do you think I just continue the holiday chilled out attitude of what will be will be (or at least try to!!) ? (Please don't think I'm a bad mum for thinking about BFPs/AF etc on DS' birthday )

Hi strawberrye I should be ovulating today or thereabouts. I don't OPK or temp so not certain, but I seemed to ovulate on CD17 my last two cycles according to pains and AF dates. Will try to JKS a couple more times if I can get OH interested tonight or tomorrow just to be on the safe side. Not had any pains yet today...
Please show us the progress of your rainbow blanket. I think I might be feeling ready to start up my baby bunting project again.

InDreamland I hope the scan goes ok tomorrow and offers you some closure. It's not a nice thing to have to go through when you're already sure you've MC but I think it does help to start the emotional healing process. Hugs xxx

Not long til the dog arrives RedRobin7! That's exciting! I'm really pleased for you that you're doing this!

robin78 doing something for you sounds like a lovely plan (and of course JKS) Hope you have a lovely relaxing time.

Boboelephant I just got back from having my reiki session. It was nice and relaxing. The lady was lovely. We had a long chat about why I was there at the start and discussed the MC and my strange gynae history and my need for balance in my life at the moment and how I'm trying to focus not only on TTC again or the MC.
She said a few lovely things. One was that MC was like losing a spirit, which touched me. She also said when pregnant the pregnancy becomes part of you and it's hard to find who you are again afterwards without the pregnancy and probably my womb and ovary are also missing the baby and being part of that creative process. She told me to visualise my womb and ovary and welcome them to me when she had her hands placed over that area.
She also used a crystal pendulum over my chakras at the beginning of the session and actually paused to tell me that my 3rd eye was wide open, but I'd closed off my emotions. She said creating a pregnancy was sort of the ultimate way of being creative and she thought I'd completely shut off that in other areas of my life and expected I felt a bit nothingy about everything at the moment. (Not quite how she put it, but it's the phrase I'm using!)
This is completely true. I was low for a couple of months after MC and then decided it was time to pull my socks up and "move on" but I've just been feeling like everything is stagnant and unfulfilling.
She said while she understood the strategy and the need for it at the time, she felt it wasn't serving me well anymore and I need to not be scared of opening up again. She said I should just be me and everything else will fall into place.
During the session I was very relaxed and then a couple of times out of nowhere I started crying silent tears. It was a lovely gentle release.
Glad I went.
How are you doing, is AF ok this month?

Sorry for all those who've had BFNs recently, I really feel this thread is due some good news!

@angelbabyollie I experienced the pulling sensations in early pregnancy, never had anything similar at any other time.

Thank you for your kind words @cakelaur @redrobin7 @knitknitty and @Tedlife* @strawberrye* (hope I didn't miss anyone!). Your support has made my day SO much better! And brought tears to my eyes on a couple of occasions - in a good way!

@Tedlife your comment about rewarding myself for the strength I've shown this year was really helpful. I am going to try and focus on that.
We all need to remember that I think. No one would choose to be here but we are finding ways to cope, to 'ride the waves' and also to support each other along the way.

@knitknitty I don't think I will do anything to commemorate the anniversary as such but will do as @Tedlife* and @strawberrye* suggest and do something nice for myself (nails? swimming? movie?) at some stage in the day. Or maybe go for dinner with my man. That might be a nice way of marking it and a good precursor to day 3 of the SMEP!

Thanks everyone. xx

@redrobin7 just to say, like others on here, two mcs can indeed just be a cruel case of 'bad luck'. My friend had 2 mcs in one year when she was about 34 and went on to have 2 successful pregnancies straight afterwards. I think everyone feels different about whether they want to push for referrals after 2 mcs. For me, I was very influenced by a chat I had with a lovely nurse at the EPU who said her advice after working there for over 20 years was just to give it another go and not to over medicalise it when it was probably a combo of my age and bad luck. But do what feels right for you ...

@Angelbabyollie I have had lots of pulling sensations and feeling heavy for two cycles, identical to my early pregnancy symptoms, but no BFP yet. I think in my case because I had an ERPC my uterus is super sensitive to everything, so I feel every little pull. I really hope this is a good sign for you. When is af due?

Thanks @zarala I count myself lucky that we have a treatment plan ahead of us, it does help. I just hope it works!

@InDreamland Just to say I hope the pain eases off soon. I had a second scan whilst I was miscarrying and it helped me to know where we were at with the bleeding and how much more was to come. I found the second scan reassuring, I hope you will too x

@RedRobin7 I hope you are feeling a bit better. I'm so jealous of your Guide Dog! What a lovely distraction. I actually worked two days after my miscarriage on a job that I had already booked that I didn't want to lose. I was so glad of the distraction, it made me feel a lot better being around positive people. Nothing more positive than a doggy ;)

@Angelbabyollie oooh! Yes I did with my first pregnancy ! Fx for you!

Just wondering if anyone has had like a pulling sensation? Not painful just weird! No af as yet! X

Just wondering if anyone has had like a pulling sensation? Not painful just weird! No af as yet! X

@Boboelephant EUGH. God I am so sorry
Absolutely gutted for you.
I know you've tested yourself- have you tested hubby?? We did sperm comet test which analyses not just normal sperm count but also morphology dna of sperm and identifies if there's any issues.
There are lots of supplements men can take to optimise their little swimmers- co enzyme q10 and other stuff to counteract damaged sperm... I mean it could help?? I know you've tried everything, it's just really unfair and shit and I'm so sorry. Sending big hugs!

@RedRobin7 after my second mc I asked my doctor for some tests and after a bit of persistence she agreed to test my hormones - even though having 2 MCs is sadly considered bad luck! So see if your doctor will do that. She absolutely wouldn't consider referral to RMC but i was happy to be able to get tested at least! Good luck!
Maybe your brother didn't know what to say- I know the mere mention of mc just makes people act so weird - I hope you're not too upset by that - and glad you got in some lovely cuddles!!!

@InDreamland It sounds like you've managed to pass the most of it- so I would just go in tomorrow as planned. When I was mc'ing i was happy being at home and not having to deal with it in public! But I know everyone has a different experience so see whatever makes you feel more comfortable. I must say however I am happy that this happened quite quickly for you and naturally and you didn't need any medial intervention- even though it's not a nice thing to go through- it's a good sign that your body is healing itself ! Fx for your scan and hope you're feeling ok

@Laney79 sexy shower time!!!
We all know it worked for @Lovemysparkle !
(Although whenever we've attempted it - we end up giving up the awkward positions and move it to bed! Reality doesn't tend to match the fantasy!! Hahaha)

@Mistymeow Sorry for bfn. Good luck for Oh's treatment and hope it kicks in super quick so you can catch soon! I know we tend to blame ourselves and feel like failures but it take 2 to tango!

@MisBit1 Don't worry at all! I know how hard it is keeping up with this thread! What is slapped cheek? How does one become immune?! Good luck for your scan! Ask your EPU if they do reassurance scans? Mine does for anyone who has had an mc- you can go in anytime after week 7. I just don't think we can have too many scans given our experiences!
Plus there's a study that shows that mc occurrences drop relative to the number of scans we have- they don't know why! But at the RMC they scan women every 2 weeks and find it helps !

@TheHalfBloodPrincess I think your temps look good- still above coverline - I think it's a sign of low progesterone if it drops below/ but I am not an expert- ?? Sorry!

Sending hugs to everyone who needs it today
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Thanks everyone, I'm actually doing ok. I'm only 2 months in to TTC this time so I've not been expecting to catch this soon. A bit disappointed but not at the really frustrated point that some of the others are at.

@InDreamland I'm sorry you're going through this. I echo the others, if your pain levels get too much you should contact your local unit / GP for stronger relief.

@RedRobin7 If there's anything I've learnt after 4 losses it's this: I am stronger than I ever imagined I could be. I never imagined I would be in this position and still surviving. There are some really rough and raw moments but some really beautiful ones too. Sending you hugs

@Newbie21 and @RedRobin7 thank you for your advice. I've tried calling but no-one answers. Thankfully at the moment the bleeding doesn't appear to be really heavy and the pain from last night has subsided.

@RedRobin7 glad that you could enjoy the cuddles but it's sad to read your bro and SIL seemed to avoid you. Just sounds really heartless and would have expected them to be there for you. I get they've just had a baby themselves but you also need some love and support.

@strawberrye Sorry missed your comment on the first glance. Thank you. I'm probably just overthinking everything at the moment. Maybe in a few weeks time I will feel more positive.

We are getting our Guide Dog in training one week today so I'm really excited about that and pleased we have a distraction. My DH has conveniently booked himself on a training course next week so I'm going to be settling the dog in on my own! We've bought her an Amazon echo for the kitchen and found a calming dog music playlist on Spotify in case she gets scared and lonely 😂

@InDreamland So sorry you're going through this. I started bleeding heavy last Monday but I couldn't be seen for a scan until Wednesday. I was bleeding so heavy, constant clots (some the size of my hand) and the pain was excruciating and going through to my back. EPU told me this was normal and to take pain relief. So I just had to cope with it. Now that I'm through the other side, I think I should have gone to A&E to get something stronger. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

@Jessabean I surprised myself when meeting my nephew and didn't cry. I had some lovely cuddles and felt so lucky that I am a part of his life. It was still a difficult day - my brother was there too with his wife and their one year old and they pretty much ignored me which was hurtful.

@KnitKitty Thanks lovely. I know I shouldn't lose all hope. After one miscarriage people said it was just common and to try again... two was just bad luck (everyone has said that, not just you 😊) but I'm not sure what I'll do if it happens again. I don't think I can keep waiting for the unknown though so I think the answer is just to find out.

@indreamland maybe call the EPU and tell them and ask what they think? If bleeding is still heavy or you are in any pain might be worth going in today but definitely call for peace of mind. Sorry you are going through this x

for everyone this morning. Scanning through all the comments I'm so sorry to read all of the AFs showing up, BFNs and general feeling low. Life really is mean and it's not fair any of us should have to go through this. MC/pregnancy loss shouldn't even be a thing, women should be able to get pg when they want and have hapoy healthy babies. Sorry if I'm soundung crazy but head is all over the place.

Can I ask some advice please from you all (sorry I know this is a conception thread rather than a mc one) - unfortunately and sadly you're all in the best position to say what to do. Have our second scan booked in tomorrow morning at the EPU to confirm the mc. Over the weekend though proper bleeding started and yesterday night after dinner I suddenly felt my heart rate go up and got really hot, felt sick and shaky with lower back pain. Went to the loo and loads just fell out of me (sorry for TMI) and I felt something large moving through and out. Instantly symptoms started easing but I took some ibuprofen to deal with the remaining milder pain. Last week after the first scan the Dr said if any bleeding can go back to EPU (or if really heavy to a&e) - given we have the scan booked there tomorrow morning anyway is there a reason I should go in today for the bleeding? I just don't know what they can actually do now. I know I'm mc'ing, that's pretty obvious from what I'm passing. Or should I just go tomorrow as planned? I just want this physical side over with as I'm really struggling emotionally but feel so drained - just sobbed down the phone to my boss this morning and had to stop myself from saying I just want my baby back when asked if I want anything from work (help wise) as I'm so worried he'll think I'm nuts.

@bobzybaby sorry for AF showing for you

@laney79 sorry to hear you are feeling down and that DH is feeling the pressure. That sounds like a tough situation to cope with. As cakelaur said maybe jump him in the shower? Or could you have a chat about why he wants to shower before DTD? Seems like a bit of an odd barrier especially in an established relationship.

@mistymeow sorry for the BFN, how are you feeling?

@robin78 will be thinking of you tomorrow, dates are always hard. Have you got anything planned to distract you? Fingers crossed you manage conceive your rainbow baby this cycle

@Kintan congrats on your BFN (feels weird to say that) hopefully this signifies a new start for you

@KnitKitty hey how are you? Whereabouts are you in your cycle?

@redrobin7 Sorry to hear you're feeling so scared at the moment, but that's completely understandable. I know how sad and frightening it is to have a second loss, but I echo what @KnitKitty said, 2 consecutive losses are considered recurrent and are just thought of as “bad luck”. We still both have a good chance of conceiving and carrying a healthy pregnancy next time round, although I get it that you probably feel that is a unachievable goal at the moment. Please don't worry if your doctor doesn't test for anything just yet - although I know it's a horrible situation to be in and I know how shit it is to feel like you have to just keep trying whilst feeling you’ll lose any future pregnancies. Sending lots and lots.of hugs.

@Jessabean hope the move went well, sounds like your jks has good timing despite how busy you've been, fingers crossed it pays off!

It seems like the centre of the huddle is big today, which is sad to see. Despite missing DH and knowing it won't happen for us this month due to timing of his work trip, I'm feeling fairly upbeat. I have ordered some baby wool off the internet and I'm going to knit a rainbow baby blanket, having been inspired by the knitting chat on here a while back. Hopefully by the time the blanket is done I'll be expecting a new arrival to carry in it. I'll take my turn on the outside of the huddle to help keep you girls warm 🐧🐧🐧

Thanks everyone. It's so hard seeing all those happy families with their little ones, you feel all alone with it all. But it does help being on this thread. Realistically I know that it's highly unlikely we will fall pregnant until DH starts his hormone treatment (which was stopped when I fell pregnant in March). He is seeing his consultant next week so hopefully he will have a new prescription. It will then take a couple of months for the sperm count to go up (in theory).

Sorry things are not good at the moment @laney79. I hope things will improve soon, hopefully it's just a question of time. Maybe you both need a bit longer to recover from what has happened.

@TheHalfBloodPrincess I'm not an expert with temping but I think if you are not sleeping well this can affect your temperature. It looks like you ovulated and that's what you're looking for with temping. With my 2 cycle post miscarriage my temps were all really low (I don't think I ovulated) but this month they have been fine.

@boboelephant @strawberrye & @bobzybaby sorry for af showing. I am sure I will be joining you tomorrow.

@mistymeow sorry for the bfn.

@laney79 sorry you are having a tough time. My dh feels the pressure too. We only dtd on what should have been ov day according to period tracker and cm (not tracking with temps or opks as don't sleep well and think the pressure from opks would get to me too!) then after that when the pressure is off. I don't tell him when it's fw but after a number of months ttc he has worked out roughly when it would be.

@boboelephant and @mistymeow so sorry for the AF appearance and the BFN. This journey is so so hard and so so unfair. Big hugs to both of you and be good to yourselves.

@Laney79 sorry you are feeling so down at the moment. The fact that trying to do something so special and create something so amazing becomes such a process and chore is just so unfair. We're all right here with you, sister! Big hugs.

RedRobin7 Hugs! I know you have this feeling that somethings not right, but try to remember that having 2 MCs is still just considered bad luck (I hate this phrase in this situation, but it is what they say at hospital). There's no reason to assume that you'll have a third MC at the moment. I totally understand your feelings though, and I really hope your GP at least does something for you.
You still have plenty of fertile years in front of you, so don't feel pressured to trying again before you're ready. Sometimes we just have to throw our meticulously thought-out life-plans out of the window and just go along with the revised plan our body gives us. Everything will happen at the time is should happen, you don't need to rush things. Give yourself time to grieve both of your lovely little beans and be kind to yourself.
Holding your hand as you sort out cancelling appointments. xxx

@boboelephant and @mistymeow so sorry for the AF appearance and the BFN. This journey is so so hard and so so unfair. Big hugs to both of you and be good to yourselves.

@Laney79 sorry you are feeling so down at the moment. The fact that trying to do something so special and create something so amazing becomes such a process and chore is just so unfair. We're all right here with you, sister! Big hugs.