TTC after pregnancy loss- thread 23 🐧🐧

@RedRobin7 thanks I think maybe you should do that and as hard as it is maybe have a selfish take care of you day and do what ever makes you feel a little better. I'm so sorry hun devastated for you xx

EPU Just said take paracetamol and see how I go... if it carries on then go to A&E 🙄

@Russkispy omg I'm so sorry for your loss and the hell you went through. That was appalling. Sending you hugs x

@redrobin7 I would've thought it should show it up but perhaps not 100%. I had blood tests 48 hours apart to check the HCG levels were dropping. I assume if they don't it's a sign of ectopic.

@RedRobin7 that's good at least your not alone. Please let us know what they say.
Wish I could do something to help you. I'm sending you healing thoughts and I'm sure the rest of the huddle is too x we are here if you need us

Thank you @boboeleohant. I never had a MC never mind a missed one. And when i had the second early scan and they told me and told to call EPU next day. Went there to reconfirm and scheduled a D&C a week later. And that’s what happened on the day 2 weeks ago: “If I tell you how the morning went in the EPU, don’t think you’ll believe me! Hopefully nothing like that happened to you if/when you had your D&C!
We came in just before 8am, got prepped and sat in the cubicle in my gown, waiting to be taken to the theater. I had all tests and swabs done, signed all the forms, the anaesthetist came in, briefed me etc. and I was told we would go for the op shortly. And only then around 10am, the registrar came in, with my notes, asked about my scan from Monday. Off she went and came back and said: I’m really sorry but we can’t D&C on you today! The consultant who scanned you on Monday should have never scheduled your op today! Looking at your scan, your fetal pole is not even 7mm long, and under the National guidelines, we can’t op on you! She said, we schedule another scan in a week! And only then perform D&C if non viable pregnancy. WTF, I was screaming like mad!! As if my embryo would fucking spring back to life from the dead! When it stopped at 6 weeks on the 8th June! and I was supposed to be 9 weeks today!! Are you fecking kidding me! How 2 consultants on Monday never told me about those fecking guidelines! It was only measured 5.6! Told her he squeezed us in for today especially as we’re flying away on Sunday. And if they didn’t op today and something happened while away, that would have been their responsibility!, I lost my cool at that point, and my DH too! She then went to see her boss who happened to be in today, lucky me! came back and said he ok-eyed it! By then I was in bits! Stress level through the roof and then she took me to the theatre! But then my hospital number didn’t much the paper work! What a shambles! I tried to stay calm! Suffice to say, it was all done and I’m home now. I’ll be writing a complain and go public with it! How can they let this happen! As if I wasn’t going through enough traumatic times! incompetence of the senior consultant was absolutely bang out of order and very upsetting to us! Especially to me as you can well imagine!”
Nobody, absolutely nobody should go through this madness and hopefully none of you did!
Hospital told me to take a pregnancy test 2 weeks later which is tomorrow and if shows positive to call EPU. Hope it’s negative and I can lose the chapter and move on.

@Daffodil77 I'm really confused why they're doing a blood test to rule it out and why it wasn't checked on the scan. I had an internal scan - would that have picked it up?

@Lilimum4 They just said they can only see retained product and that I'd already passed most of it. They did take a blood test and I have to return tomorrow for another so they can rule out ectopic since they never saw the pregnancy. It's all a bit confusing really. Will ring them anyway just in case. My DH has told work he can't leave me today which is good.

Morning.

It seems like it's hugs needed all around at the moment 🐧

@RedRobin7 I'm so sorry. I know you were expecting it from the scan but that doesn't make anything any easier. Take all the time you need to heal. Although part of me has wanted to get pregnant straight away after this last mmc in March if I'm being honest it's taken me a good 3 months to actually be ready mentally again. There's no fixed timeframe for this just do what is right for you & definitely take all the time from work you need. I hope the physical side of things goes as smoothly as possible. Totally understand you taking a break from here while you're healing but am here if you want advice or to chat- feel free to pm me.

@InDreamland I know life can be cruel sometimes but the hardest thing with all of this is that it's usually nothing that any of are or aren't doing & your certainly not to blame. Have you or your partner had any investigations at all? Given your long wait before conceiving you would definitely be referred if you asked your GP. Might help to try and get some answers and an idea of where to head next. I can't imagine your heartache. I hate the whole people wanting to know your business reproductively. I've started telling people who ask these kind of (though usually unintentionally) insensitive questions about my mc history just because I think it's the only way people will learn that this shuts hard, you don't know what a woman is going through & that it can be hurtful. Maybe a little bit of it is to shut them up as well...

@TedLife I totally agree with you. I happened to be in a situation where my first pregnancy we told all family and close friends as I was pregnant over Christmas & New year & would have been obvious with not drinking. Then I miscarried between Christmas and New Years & so had to untell everyone almost immediately. But because it was so nice having everyone's support the first time we told most people the second time as well that I was pregnant & miscarried. Now though I think I'm going to be more selective in who I tell. Some friends have been more supportive than others - this process has really shown me who my friends are! But saying that if the subject came up with whoever I'd be honest with everything. The harder thing is the expectation from society to keep quiet about it. Like do you tell work colleagues etc.. feel there's so much more pressure there to keep quiet about it all.

@RedRobin7 might be a difficult question what could they see on the scan lovely. During my last mc I had pain on my left side. It lasted just a day and then the bleeding slowed down. Please let us know

@redrobin7 when I was scanned to confirm MC, there was something in one of the tubes. I had no other symptoms of an ectopic. They took it very seriously though and I had to stay in for 2 nights in case it ruptured.

I would've thought that they'd have checked when they scanned you. It can't hurt to call them though to check. They may want to er on the side of caution like they did with me.

I hope they are able to suggest something for the pain at the very least. Sending virtual hugs. Xx

Morning ladies - need some advice from any of you who might have had an ectopic. So as you know I had a scan yesterday which confirmed miscarriage... I've been heavily bleeding with clotting since Monday and this morning I've woken up with stabbing pains in my right side which I know is the side I ovulated on. Is it possible to have an ectopic if I'm bleeding heavily?? I just don't understand why the pain is suddenly appearing. Will call the EPU once it opens at 8:30.

It's interesting you bring that up tedlife. I generally told close family and friends when it turns out our bean had already passed by that point. Second time I kept it quiet just purely because I needed to do my own thing and no one was particularly helpful during my mmc. That then ended in another mmc anyway after a good looking scan, then people found out anyway (it was coming up to the Christmas period and I just couldn't do it myself). I actually felt weirdly guilty towards that baby as no one was really around to enjoy their short existence but I was just trying to protect everyone really. This time round I was very non-plused about it, again close family and friends knew, I just assumed it would be mmc no. 3 and so I just got to a point where I didn't care about anyone else's feelings tbh. Pretty selfish I guess but I just needed to have people on my side if anything did happen, but understood that I was wanted to get on with it without any questions.

I never really knew of the statistics to begin with. I certainly didn't think it'd happen twice in my stupid naive state (but I think that's down to trying to stay positive). There shouldn't be a time limit on when to tell people really. There are so many variables with these things.

Thank you @Lilimum!
@indreamland, I’m so sorry to hear about it! I just can’t imagine how you feel but we’re all here to support you! Big hugs 🤗

Thanks everyone for your warm welcomes and kind comments. As much as i love those closest to me I don't think any of them truly and fully understand what I'm going through or feeling right now. My DH is probably closest to how I feel as it was his baby too and obviously we've been on this long 5 year journey together but ultimately it's my body and I'm so scared of what is next to come the day of and following the scan. I'm not yet ready for counselling but when the time is right I will look into it. I just feel so hopeless, useless and a total failure. I just don't understand how this is happening to us - I'm active, fit and have a (slightly unhealthy) obsession for nutritious balanced meals. I was taking folic acid before we conceived and the day
after we got the BFP I went straight onto pregnacare and reduced everything I should limit. I don't drink or smoke anyway. I feel like I've done everything right yet or takes us 5 years to get pregnant only to lose our baby. I just can't get my head around it when I'm surrounded by people at work who are very unhealthy who seem to just get pregnant straight away and breeze through to a full term pregnancy. Why?

@Russkispy welcome and I'm sorry for your loss.
As to your question about TTC after mc. I waited one AF after all my MCs just for dating purposes. But there is no rule that says you have to wait at all.
The lady that pointed you in this direction was right this group is so supportive. We are all here for each other because the losses are terrible to go through alone and TTC is hard and can be stressful. Here we all understand and can speak (type) freely and ask questions and offer support to each other. I hope this group can give you some comfort. Xx

Hello lovely ladies, can I join you please
Me 42 with DD of 13 months, conceived with IUI, first successful round. Very lucky!
May 2018: another IUI. Successful. Saw heartbeat at 5w6d. And I thought I was 7 weeks. Rescanned at 8 weeks, no heartbeat. Pregnancy stopped just after the first early scan. Missed miscarriage as had no signs, no bleeding etc. had a D&C a week after the second scan. We definitely decided to TTC again. And because of my ancient age (will be 43 in April), we really need to get going. But where to start. And how? Naturally? Or IUI again? Has anybody on here conceived before your first period after MC? Or did you wait for AF first? I tried to read about MC and it stills feels foreign to me.
I quickly read some of your posts and can see you’re all at different stages of TTC. Need your advice on TTC after MC. And I’m sorry some of you had BFNs and some ended in MCs! It’s all very horrible and unfair but must stay strong and keep going as the battle is not over yet. Congratulations to some of you with BFPs, here to yiur healthy pregnancies. I just didn’t know where to turn after my missed MC until a lady from the other thread suggested this thread and you all seem so lovely and supportive! Thank you!

Hi Kintan sorry you find yourself here. Hugs. I bled for about 2 weeks after ERPC, had my first negative test 4 weeks after ERPC and took 39 days to get first AF. Don't think I ovulated at all that cycle, but the next cycle I was back to normal.

Hi TheHalfBloodPrince Good name. Big Harry Potter fan. :)
Sorry for your loss. Best of luck this cycle.
I had MMC in March. I was also pressuring myself to be pregnant before October. Last month I took a break from TTC and focused on myself and getting my mental health back on track. I decided I needed to let go of the need to be pregnant before a certain time and I've felt more at peace now I've allowed myself more time for it to happen.

Congratulations MisBit1!!!

Sorry you're struggling Bobzybaby Good luck for Friday. The spa sounds lovely!!
Good luck also to Boboelephant (and anyone else doing POAS Friday!) I really hope all these symptoms you have are being caused by a little bean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TinyPaws Best of luck with the IUI and TWW!!! Fingers tightly crossed for you!!!

charlyn sorry about your ectopic. best of luck with TTC again. xxx

doddlebobs it is always tough when you talk to someone who's expecting, especially when it's at the same time as you were. xxx

RedRobin7 Just sending some more hugs xxx Very bitter sweet becoming Aunty at this difficult time. xxx Sorry about the scan. I'm glad you're taking some time off. xxx

hellotoyellow Aww, sometimes you just need a good cathartic cry!! And gin. Cheers!

Laney79 and GPS76 Good luck with your TTW.

Hugs UnicornsandRainbows1 anniversaries are so difficult. xxx

weasledee sorry about BFN and no AF. :(

Fae1989 I know what you mean, it is hard to keep up sometimes! Hope you're doing ok. We're here if you need us.

Hugs Lilimum4

There's a lot of you in the middle of the huddle today!

TedLife you bring up a subject I've pondered a lot about myself.
I'm still on the fence as to if I want to announce it earlier next time due to having MC before.
I totally agree with you that people don't seem as bothered when you're announcing a pregnancy that you've already lost; it's like it never happened for them. It's one of the things I find hardest, actually, is I never got that excited moment of announcing my pregnancy before losing it.
But even though I've thought a lot about it, I still can't make my mind up about how I'll approach it next time.
I do talk openly about my MC though and I have found it's meant I have amazing support from the people I tell. Everyone at work knows and it's not a taboo subject so they don't feel awkward talking to me about it and I find that really comforting and helpful.

Hi InDreamLand I'm so sorry you're going through this. That wait between scans is horrible. There's nothing I can say right now to make you feel better. You just have to feel the pain right now and let yourself have a good cry and let yourself grieve. You will begin to feel better over time, but it will take time.
You have done nothing to deserve this. No one deserves this.
Please look in to signing up for counselling to help you cope in the next few weeks. Hugs. xxx

@redrobin7 so sorry hugs

Hugs to @weasledee @lilimum4 @unicornsandrainbows1 sorry you are have a tough day.

Welcome @indreamland sorry you find yourself here.

Fx for those due to POAS tomorrow. I don't think I have caught this month so going to wait it out for af due a week today before testing as much less of a disappointment especially when you are sure it is not your month.

@tedlife I totally agree that people should not feel they need to keep quiet about their pregnancy. Whatever people feel comfortable sharing then they definitely should. We only told my mum and our sisters when I fell pregnant second time at about 7 weeks and it was sort of by accident but we didn't mind. I was thinking the other day about what you are saying and I think the only thing that stops me telling people is if I lose it and then I have to tell people and talk about it when I don't want to. Sometimes I feel comfort in talking and other times I just want to hide away so I'm just not sure what I would do if I am lucky to be pregnant again but i definitely won't keep quiet because I feel like I have to or should, I'll do what feels right so you are so right to share your happiness however and whenever you choose

@indreamland so sorry you find yourself here and please don't feel like you deserve this, you do not. Do whatever is right for you -time alone, time with friends, whatever you need. I hope you find some comfort in this group.

@InDreamland I'm sorry for your loss. You do what ever feels right for you. If you want to shout and cry or you want to shut the door on the world that's exactly what you should do. And please don't blame yourself you did nothing wrong. We are all here for a chat and to offer support when your ready.

@InDreamland sorry you find yourself here. It really sucks. But please know you haven't done anything to deserve this. if you can't face the world right now, you don't have to. Just go to ground for a few days if you can and resurface when you feel up to it xx