TTC after pregnancy loss- thread 23 🐧🐧

@Yukka thanks for the advice. It's all very start stop like it can't make up it's mind. It's driving me insane. I just can't deal with this will it won't it uncertainty along with the emotional.

Hi ladies not posted for a while. So so sorry to see there have been a few more losses again, it's sad and cruel and not fair.

@indreamland although my first mc was 5wks and happened quickly it was just like a normal period with a bit more pain. If it is painful o to a&e and they'll give you oral morphine to take home. Hopefully this is the start and it will be done in a few days xxxx

@pancakes7 hope they sort you out quickly, how frustrating xx

@Boboelephant thank you. Think I posted too soon today. Just been for a wee and am passing more larger clots now and it's starting to look redder with blood. Think this is the start? I just don't really know what to expect even though I've read so many posts of others since Wednesday nothing really prepares you for the real experience i guess.

You done very well to not buy the test. Fingers crossed though that AF doesn't come for 40 weeks x

@RedRobin7 if you need a day home and relaxing you should do that. Hope you feel better soon and you DH has just popped out for some air and isn't p'd off. He must understand you've been through hell. I do think men have it easy though. Yes they can be affected emotionally about the loss and it will hurt but fact is we're the ones also dealing with the physical implications on top.

@boboelephant @fnej01 and @RedRobin7 thank you all for your advice, not a jice thing to have gone through for any of you so I do appreciate you taking the time to share your experiences and what worked for you. I think I will try get them to book me in for whichever is the soonest option. I've no idea what they can do at my local hospital. Unfortunately I don't have health insurance. I am supposed to be 12+1 today. On Tuesday when they scanned they said it looks like i was only 5-6 weeks so it is taking ages for things to happen naturally - all I've had so far is brown clots/tissue passing but no red blood. I feel like at the moment apart from the scam I'm waiting for the gush of bleeding. I'm sleeping on a bath towel folded so it's 4 x thick in bed just in case it happens in the middle of the night - don't want to ruin our 7 month old matress and nice bed sheets.

I have no pain today which is a relief but still bleeding heavily. Feeling so sorry for myself, I've not even showered or had anything to eat yet today. My husband wanted to go on a 2hr road trip as he had a nice plan for us today but I didn't want to leave the house and now he's gone out and seems pissed off with me!

@InDreamland Oh also they can't do it the same day as you have to have blood tests first. Pre-surgery stuff to make sure everything is okay for them to go ahead. I had mine on the Friday and then the surgery on the Monday.

I have heard that some areas don't suggest the surgery and tell you to wait but I don't think this will be the case for you as you've already had a period of time between the first and second scan.

@InDreamland Frustratingly I found out on a Tuesday and they couldn't fit me in until the following Monday. So I had what felt like a long wait. It never occurred to me that I could have used my work health insurance to go privately! If you have health insurance that's a possibility.

I had general anaesthetic and don't think I would have taken another option. Like @Boboelephant I woke up in pain and there was blood and lots of clots for the first few days but nothing compared to what I'm going through now. I did bleed for 3 weeks after the surgery but it was very light brown for most of it. I had approx a 10 day break and then my period arrived.

Hope this helps you to prepare yourself xx

@InDreamland really sorry for your loss. I was a MMC , and exactly the same as you was planning to opt for surgery after confirmation scan. I wanted to feel I was moving forward. We found out mmc the day before we were due to go on holiday for 4 days to Germany. We decided to go anyway, and nothing happened while away.
At my local EPU they book you to come in for surgical management a couple of days after the scan. My scan was due Monday so was in my head preparing for Surgery on weds.
My MC started naturally about 5-6 days after we had found out (I think a day or so after getting back from hols), 1st couple of days very light spotting and I actually went to work rather than sit at home go mad as felt ok. I think day three everything progressed and the major day was day 4. I think everyone is different and it does depend where you are I was about 12 weeks, I too read lots of stories and was quite anxious about sudden gushes but that definitely wasn't the case for me. Just wishing you all the best and wanted you to know you aren't alone x

@zarala sounds like you're recommending the same as @Redrobin7. Hopefully it's something they'll let me have quickly. Thank you for your advice.

@Boboelephant thank you. I need something so think this is the best thing amd DH yesterday said to get it if it will help.

@Redrobin7 it's ok, I'm an emotional wreck at the moment so anything sets me off. It is a beautiful candle and the words are just perfect and so true, probably something everyone on here can relate to.

On Tuesday I guess once we've had the second scan that seems to be requried to confim mc then we'll be given the options. At the moment I really do just want the physical part over with asap in the fastest least painful and cleanest way possible so I am likely to ask to just have the surgery and hope they allow it. Can they refuse? How quickly can they do it? Will they do it same day or do you have to wait? At the moment I don't want to leave the house in case it suddenly starts gushing out like I've read some others have experienced, even though I'm constantly wearing a pad now I don't think it copes with that much blood from what I've heard. I don't think I can start the emotional psychological healing process until the physical is over first.

@InDreamland Sorry, didn't want to upset anyone by posting the pic.

Having now been through the surgical management and the natural process, I also feel it's definitely less painful and cleaner to opt for the surgery. When I went in for SMM I should have been 13 + 2 and we think the baby had died 4 weeks before. So I don't know how long I would have been waiting for my body to realise what it needed to do. It's not pleasant and I will always remember how I felt that day being wheeled down to theatre but my husband was allowed to stay in my room, so I had great comfort waking up knowing that when they wheeled me back he was waiting for me. The hospital staff were also so kind and really looked after me.

Some people prefer the natural process because they feel it helps them come to terms with what's happened. Everyone is different and there's no right or wrong. If you would prefer to continue waiting then that's what is right for you. I do understand how hard it is to keep waiting for this to happen though. I hope it's not much longer.

I hope my comments aren't upsetting but sometimes I feel it helps hearing other peoples experiences xx

@KnitKitty haha yes my ex was not a very sexual creature and it was quite frustrating(even when not TTC!) so I can fully imagine your frustration - but big meals before bed should be against the rules during fw! Always a mood killer!!!
But good luck tonight and Monday! Fx this is your month!
You really are a ray of sunshine in the thread! I've been catching it over the last weeks messages and you really are a sweetheart! 😍

Haha @Boboelephant our DH's sound so similar! Like living with a teenage boy sometimes 🙄
@TinyPaws ooh! I had that in my last 2 pregnancies! Fx it is good news.
I've actually got it now- but I think it might be thrush 🙄 as there's no way I could be pregnant this month.
@Pancakes7 I'm so sorry this is dragging on for you ! The first time I did an ERPC they didn't scan me, but they did after the second one. I think it should be standard! I hope it's nothing too serious and you can finally move on! Sending hugs
@InDreamland hey- I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position. I was in the exact same spot as you back in March- I decided to try and let it expel naturally- but it wasn't really happening. I did a lot of meditation and asked my body to let go and release! Just wanted to move on and start the healing process. Have you considered ERPC or medical management? Personally I'd choose ERPC - as i found it the cleanest, quickest and less traumatic (also medical management didn't fully work for me) but discuss it with your doctor.
@RedRobin7 love the candle
And I'm so sorry what you've been through this week. Sending hugs

Thanks @TedLife and @InDreamland

@Pancakes7

@RedRobin7 your candle is beautiful ans made me cry (again - that's all I've been doing since Tuesday). Yesterday I found a "bean pendant" necklace from a well known jeweller which I've decided I will get once this is over with. I want to get something as a memory that i can keep with me forever of our little bean (that's what I'd been calling him/her), our first ever little bean, who never got to join mummy and daddy.

Redrobin, that candle really struck a chord with me.... those words really do apply to all of us on this thread..... so very true
Lovely x

@Pancakes7 oh I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I hope this is sorted as quickly as it can be and you can move on. You poor thing xx

@KnitKitty I'm due AF 28/29th too! Aww it's nice to have a cycle buddy, fx for us both 

@RedRobin7 your candle is absolutely lovely and the sentiment is just perfect. I also love your tattoo idea - two parallel lines is really beautiful.

Day 2 of 3 in a row was a tough one, think the pressure was getting to us but we got 'there' in the end. DH is off for the night now so we had to squeeze it in early - so to speak! Back for more tomorrow then just Tuesday. Need to just accept that we'll have done everything we can this month and what's meant to be will be.

Hope those who have been feeling down are feeling a bit lighter today xx

@RedRobin7 Yes I got a negative test 2 weeks after smm. But she said even though it's negative there could still be something there. When I originally felt unwell for the second time I phoned the epu but because of the negative test they said it couldn't be caused by the smm. Maybe I'm a rare case? Or maybe I'll have the scan and it won't be that. I just hope its nothing too serious. I just want to have my af and be able to try again. It's feeling less and less likely that I'll get pregnant before my due date in December.

InDreamLand I totally understand that limbo of waiting to MC after that awful scan, I've been there myself. I waited 4 days and then decided I couldn't keep waiting so opted for medical management. I had that twice to no avail and had an ERPC in the end. I hope everything happens well, with not too much pain and sooner rather than later so you can start to heal. We're all here for you. xxx

TedLife sending you glowing healthy egg vibes! How long is your TTW normally? I've worked out I should be due AF/BFP on 28th or 29th this month. What about you, Jessabean? Any idea with your cycle? How is FW going?
I was hoping to make OH DTD yesterday and tomorrow, but he got home late last night and then ate a big meal and wasn't in the mood. Sigh. So I might have to try and pounce on him tonight and Monday instead (I don't think we can hack 2 days in a row, sadly). I've been looking at my cycle from January when I fell pregnant though, and we only DTD the day before when I think I must have ovulated, so I'm trying to not panic about not doing it enough!!! Even if we only DTD today and I ovulate on Monday, I still have a chance, right?? Gargh!!!

TheHalfBloodPrince Good luck with your TTW!

Hi seven201 sorry you find yourself here, but you're among a really supportive group of friends now. Hugs xxx

Sorry for BFN Fae1989, maybe you're testing too early?

Looks lovely littleemma1! Hope you're having an amazing time!
I've been thinking I might announce my miscarriage in October. It's when I should have been due with mine, and it's also baby loss awareness month for those who've lost babies in pregnancy or after. It gives me time to prepare myself more mentally too, I don't feel like going public with it just yet.

RedRobin7 That sounds like a lovely tatoo. No advice to give though as I don't have any myself.

So sorry GPS76. You're NOT a failure. The bright side is a fresh new start has begun with this new cycle even though it was unexpectedly early. The last cycle just wasn't it for you, so it's good it's out of the way sooner rather than later. xxxx

MrsLCW I'm sorry you've had spotting. Anything like that is worrying in pregnancy, especially if you've already suffered a loss. But spotting in early pregnancy IS common, so try to relax if you can. Good luck with the scans. Keep taking each day at a time, and if that's too much each hour at a time. Try to do some relaxation breathing. I totally understand the panic. Hugs xxx

Hahaha zarala at the use of "horndog"! Sometimes I wish my OH was like this, it's more complicated when they're never in the mood!!!
I don't think it would be tempting fate to get that tshirt (it sounds lovely!) Maybe get it and put it away somewhere and forget about it. xxx

Pancakes7 I'm so sorry hun that you're going through this. I am glad that they've found what's causing the problems though, hopefully this is the beginning of your recovery now. Hugs xxx I know how you feel about the scans. I had a total of 5 while going through MMC/ERPC. It's just such a long, drawn out process. xxxx

Heehee doddlebobs I get what you mean, at least the grapefruit juice makes you feel like you've got some semblance of control over a very uncontrollable situation! Good luck with your FW!

TinyPaws fingers crossed the CM is a good sign......

That candle is beautiful. Gave me a wee lump in my throat. Hope you're feeling a bit better today @RedRobin7

@Pancakes7 I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't have any positive memories of scans and understand how traumatic it all is. Sending you hugs x

@Bobzybaby I haven't had it designed yet but I have two pictures which should help them understand exactly what I'm after so it shouldn't take long. Just waiting for them to reply if I can have it done next week.

After my first loss I also found it comforting to have a personalised glow through candle. I have the baby's nickname engraved on the top. I like that when it's lit the words glow. I will get another one with a different quote for my second baby.