Staying Sane - Positivity during TTC journey

Morning Sunshine Ladies,

The test I took on Saturday morning was negative, which was actually a relief since I'd had a heavy/painful "period".
So I'm back to square one.

I'm actually feeling OK. I just have to keep trying!
OH has been lovely and we've had a really good week; lots of love and playfulness.

Hi again @TinyPaws. I'm glad the meditation helps. I've fallen off doing mine a bit I should get back into it. I was feeling bad about having stopped doing it and then remembered Eat, Pray, Love when she stops meditating because she's fallen in love and then panics, and the medicine man tells her it's all part of living a balanced life. It made me feel better anyway. Haha!
There's no harm in a bit of 'woo'.
Cats are the best for cuddles. My cat has been looking after me recently.

Talking of 'woo' things, sometimes I use runes. I can see people running away from me right now... haha! Anyway, it's a bit of a fun hobby and I don't really put much stock in to it, but I did a reading a couple of days ago and read the meaning in a book I have (The Book of Runes - Ralph Blum) and it sent a shiver down my spine.
Here's what the messages said:
"If there appears to be an obstacle in your path, consider that even a delay may prove beneficial. Do not be overly eager to press forward, for this is not a time or situation in which you can make your influence felt. Patience is the counsel this rune offers: nothing hectic, no acting needy, or lusting after a desired outcome. This rune speaks to the difficulties that can arise at the beginning of a new life."

The last sentence stopped me in my tracks.
I then went on to read about the second rune I'd pulled and got this message:
"Be aware that no quick results can be expected. A span of time is usually involved; hence the key words 'one year', symbolising a full cycle before the reaping, the harvest or deliverance. To those whose labour has a long season, a long coming to term, this rune offers encouragement of success.
And then the 3rd and final rune I pulled was this:
"A rune of great power, making life force available to you. You may see fit to withdraw or even to retreat in the face of a pressing situation, especially if events or people are demanding that you expend your energy now. Know that such a retreat is a retreat in strength, a voyage inward for centring, for balance. This rune counsels opening yourself up, letting the light into a part of your life that has been secret,shut away."

They really spoke to me. I think I have been putting too much pressure on myself for this to happen as quickly as possible, and it's not something that can be rushed. And I have definitely been retreating into myself and not giving out much energy and/or attention to others as much as I used to before MC. It's been a way of staying sane, but I think it's gone on long enough. I need to just get on with life as though I wasn't TTC and put my energies into enjoying life and other people again.

Talking of which, OH's parents arrive on Monday next week for a visit. They're staying a week. His mum has been battling breast cancer for the past year and is just coming off all her meds (she's been given the all clear). So it'll be really lovely to spend time with them and a lovely distraction.
Timing wise it's not the best, because I think I'll be ovulating sometime next week, but I guess it's giving me a break from TTC. Since I know it's not going to happen this month I can relax a bit and focus on other things.
I am going to try out OPKs for the first time this cycle though, so it'll be a practice run with that. I think I'll start doing them on Saturday or Sunday.

How is everyone else today?

The GP said I need to do another urine test, which I'll be doing tomorrow morning.
The reason I had the bloods in the first place was because I had a really vague line on a test I took on Thursday (as I was late) and since I was so ill and getting prescribed steroids on Friday he sent me for the bloods to make it a bit more clear-cut.

From what I've read online below 5 is considered not pregnant as some women can have small traces of HCG in their system naturally. 25 and above is definitely pregnant and between those two is seen as a "grey area". But I think this just turns out to mean you're either really, really early on or losing a pregnancy. (Unless you have some other health condition causing the higher than usual HCG, but I'm not considering that option).

I had been getting slight pregnancy symptoms about a week after I could have ovulated but then they started going away again. So I think it was just a sort of slow to give up CP. That's my second CP now since MC. I know they're common, but they suck.

Anyway, onwards and upwards.

@zarala and @Eastend2015 I really hope this is it for both of you! Got all my fingers and toes crossed for sticky little beans for you.

Hahaha!!! I'll have to change my name to NickKitty!

Yes, so AF arrived on Sunday and I was awake in the night with period pains which I haven't experienced in over 10 years.

Blood tests showed 8 for HCG, so with the late and painful AF and slightly elevated HCG levels it all points towards a very early loss.

Looking at the positives though it means I'm still looking clear of endometriosis, or at least it's not getting in the way of getting pregnant which is massively positive. I just have to try and keep hold of the next bean!

My cat has also been tremendously lovely and cuddlesome this week (she's usually quite aloof), but she's been coming and sitting on my belly with her paws wrapped round it like a human hug and just sitting purring at me with her chin resting on my tummy. So cute and lovely.

Morning Eastend25

Sorry I've been really quiet recently. AF was late again and then quite heavy and painful. I have a telephone appointment to discuss results of a HCG blood test done on Friday today. I think it'll just be him saying it was negative but I'm a bit anxious that I've had a CP. Time will tell.
I also had a stinking cold last week and it set off an asthma attack so I'm still getting over that and dosed up to the eye-balls.

All in all, I haven't been the world's most upbeat person recently.

I am getting back on track again though. A new cycle and another opportunity to get to know my body better. We have OH's parents visiting in a couple of weeks around the time I should be ovulating, so I'm counting myself out this month. I am, however, going to start using OPKs for the very first time and use this month as a trial run to see if I can get the hang of it for October.
I'm concentrating on sorting myself a healthy eating plan again too (not that I eat unhealthily). So I've been researching foods to eat or avoid to help with my asthma and for endometriosis in case that is what's causing the change in my cycles (I have a history of it but haven't had any problems for about 10 years). In my experience endometriosis is really responsive to stress and mind-over-matter really works for it.
Once my asthma is under control again I'll look at what exercises I can do too, but for now I just need to be able to breathe properly again!

How is everyone else doing?

Eastend2015 Congrats on the scan. All looking good so far! How exciting! Are you feeling a bit more relaxed now?

ChaosMoon No, I haven't read it, but it's now on my to-read list.
Your love of granola made me chuckle... Of all the things!?!

So ladies, today seems like a good day to have a good day. The sun is shining, I'm on the late shift at work, don't start til 12... finish at 8 which is the down-side, but it means I miss the most stressful part of the day and Fridays are usually weirdly a bit more chill for some reason. And I've got some paperwork done this morning which has been hanging over me a bit so feeling a weight has lifted. Love checking off something on a to-do list!

For anyone struggling to feel like today is a good day, remember every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day... so be on the look out!

What's everyone up to this weekend? (and is it just me or has this week flown by really fast?)