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Original poster

Staying Sane - Positivity during TTC journey

507 replies

KnitKitty · 13/06/2018 18:26

Hi ladies,

So, TTC is an anxious and sometimes heartbreaking time and is just a constant roller-coaster of emotions:
Some of us have been trying for a long, long time and just feeling like it will never happen.
Some of us are trying after a previous pregnancy loss.
Some of us aren't seeing eye-to-eye with OHs.
Some of us don't have an OH to lean on and are going through it alone.
Some of us are trying with fertility treatment.
Some of us are trying for our first, and some our fourth
Some of us want to be trying but can't yet for one reason or another.
Some of us are dealing with health issues which may affect fertility or mental health.
And some of us are about to, or have just started trying and might be worrying about how long it will take or if this or that will effect fertility etc etc...

It's just not the funnest journey to be on and I thought we could do with a thread just for positive messages and thoughts.

SO, no negative messages on this thread, but feel free to post:
A positive mantra or affirmation you use or think someone else could use
An idea of how to relax or pass the TTW time
A nice thing that happened to you recently
A success story despite the odds
A picture or word of hope (rainbow pictures most welcome)
A positive message to those who are going through one of the above scenarios at the moment even if you're not on the same journey as they are right now
A nice/positive quote you've read or heard
Or something which brightened up your day

The idea is that anyone having a wobble for whatever reason can come here and soak up some positive energy to help them feel better.

I'll go first:
A mantra I have been repeating to myself at the moment is "Good things happen to me. I accept miracles in my life."

A word of hope for anyone thinking of coming off the pill or who has just come off the pill and who has a history of endometriosis; I have suffered with endo in the past and was very worried that the moment I stopped taking the pill I would get all clogged up with endo again, but I conceived in the second month after coming off the pill and I have a colleague whose wife conceived two children (one the first month after coming off the pill, the second the third month after the pill) without a problem even though she has endo too.

Right, who's with me? Any more positive stuff to share anyone?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
39
ChaosMoon · 01/08/2018 20:47

@Chanel05 I found that trying not to symptom spot didn't work, so this month I embraced it instead. It's actually been quite fun. I am fairly sure AF will be here tonight or tomorrow, as predicted, and I know I'll have a wobble. But then I'll take a leaf out of @KnitKitty's book and remind myself that my next chance has just started. What ate you doing to keep positive?

@VenusStar your DH sounds gorgeous. You have a good one.

I love that train quote @KnitKitty - it's so true!

Chanel05 · 01/08/2018 20:45

It’s good to be in it with other people, I’ve been quite in my head about it today. Not even due af until next Wednesday! 🙈 What about you @VenusStarr?

VenusStarr · 01/08/2018 20:42

Yes! @Chanel05 trying to not focus on it but find myself drifting off. But that's what this thread is for! :) When are you expecting af?

Thanks @KnitKitty, I like those quotes Flowers

Chanel05 · 01/08/2018 19:44

Is anyone else driving themselves crazy at the moment with every little twinge, wondering what it could be? I know I’m being ridiculous, I don’t think I “feel” pregnant (not that I’d know as I’m only on cycle 1 ttc#1), but I am so aware of everything going on in my body! It’s driving me mad.

Original poster
KnitKitty · 01/08/2018 19:28

TedLife I prefer waiting to see if AF turns up or not too. Somehow seeing a BFN is like someone shouting at you "YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT!" but when AF arrives it just feels more like being told "Try again." Don't know if anyone knows what I mean...
Oooh, a fertility massage? Hope it's nice. What makes it especially for fertility?
And of course, you ARE fabulous! Posted the pic for you...

Thanks ChaosMoon winging it can be a lot more relaxing sometimes.

VenusStar Great that DH is feeling positive.

Good luck in the TTW ladies!

A couple of quotes for today:
"No matter what happened yesterday, today is a chance to make tomorrow better. Make the most of the present and the future will be brighter." (Quote from livelifehappy.com)

"When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off, you sit still and trust the engineer."

OP posts:
VenusStarr · 01/08/2018 15:37

Sorry to hear you're in limbo @KnitKitty. I hope you get a clear answer soon. I know what you mean about opks, I never got a positive when I did them and also measuring bbt I found it quite stressful. That's great that you didn't get hooked on a negative cycle of thinking, you're right, none of us know the future.

I got a lovely message from my dh earlier, he's been having to work extra to cover sickness and he's got something on his mind that is out of his control so he's obviously been reflecting and focusing on the positive so that was nice :)

I'm still in the tww, af due in 5 days I think. I'm feeling extremely bloated and uncomfortable but no other signs. Have been finding it hard not to think about it. Being back on this thread has helped though :) am on some training and we've finished early so bought some shoes for a wedding on the weekend and going to get my hair cut :)

ChaosMoon · 01/08/2018 13:45

@KnitKitty I'm so impressed you managed to talk yourself round in the middle of the night! You're an inspiration.

Yesterday I read a Cochrane review of the evidence comparing people who time dtd with their fertile window and those who don't. Conclusion - not enough evidence But, they also said that while 68% of people believed they knew when their fertile window was, only 13% of people actually got it right. So of you're not temping our using opks, the nhs guidance of doing it every 2-3 days is your best bet.

Loving your affirmation @TedLife and the idea of being a temple of peace and tranquillity. I really need to hold onto that when AF comes. Going to be 35 this month and for the first time ever I feel like the number matters. It's stupid. Nothing is going to happen on my birthday that makes me any less fertile than the day before!

@CookieWaffle I hope its both a sign and that you get some chocolate!

CookieWaffle · 01/08/2018 13:14

@ChaosMoon sounds like the random conversations me and DP have! Aggressively positive sounds like me at work when all the bitching is going on and I want to quit! Keeping my fingers crossed AF stays away xx

@KnitKitty I totally understand the panics, but there was obviously a reason why it didn't happen that time and it doesn't mean it will never happen. Friend had a similar worry after having her fortune read. Was told she'd have 2 kids, had had 2 times where she'd taken the morning after pill and was convinced that was it for her. Now she has 2 kids...

I'm glad I tried out the OPKs, although I've only had the one positive it did give me an indication that I was coming up to ovulating at least.

@TedLife sorry for AF arriving, probably the best plan to wait on the testing. I hope the massage helps xx

Well 5dpo and having the same cramps and backache as last month. I'm really hoping this is a sign. Gimme a sign! Or at least get me some chocolate! :)

TedLife · 01/08/2018 10:13

@ChaosMoon lol that did give me a chuckle this morning. I didn't test this month and AF just arrived, I did find it a bit easier to swallow than the stark whiteness of a negative pregnancy test. It's just personal preference but it helped me this month - though it is so very hard not to cave in!

Really going for the positivity this week, i'm on CD 6 and booked in for a fertility massage on Saturday morning. I am going to be a temple of peace and tranquility and not negativity and sadness this month.

I'm also trying meditation and trying to visualise being pregnant and holding my baby. I found when I was pregnant I was so scared id lose it that I was just a bundle of constant negative thoughts and then I lost it anyway. So positivity all the way!

As for today's affirmation, I thought this might be a nice change of pace.

Staying Sane - Positivity during TTC journey
Original poster
KnitKitty · 01/08/2018 10:01

CookieWaffle Your comment about traumatising the therapist made me laugh. Hope you had a lovely night's sleep. I once had a taster of Indian Head massage and it did seem good. Never had a proper one though.

Haha ChaosMoon at least having someone there being a sounding board is helpful. As you say, you've not wasted a test if it's negative, and if it's positive you will find that out in time. The waiting around is quite a challenge though.
Hmm... will try and think of some aggressively positive strategies for you...puts on thinking cap

Well it was another test and another BFN for me this morning so I can only conclude that my cycle is all over the place this month.
Someone on the TTC after pregnancy loss thread mentioned that heat can stop you ovulating, so I'm wondering if the weather we've had has affected me?
I guess I'm not out yet this cycle then... Best get back to it! Lol!
This puts paid to me knowing roughly when the best time is to DTD, but maybe winging it is better.
I'm going to have a chat with OH about possibly using OPKs but I'm not really sold on the idea myself so I'm not sure I even want to bother.
That conversation will have to wait though because we have visitors arriving around lunch time today. They're only staying one night, but it'll be a nice distraction.

I am feeling fine despite this period not showing up business. I've impressed myself actually!
I did wake up in the night worrying about endometriosis and what if I never get pregnant again and the one I lost was the only one I will ever carry etc etc etc... But I remember my last thought before going back to sleep again was "you don't know the future, there's no point worrying about it." I guess this positivity stuff is sinking in on a deeper level. Smile

OP posts:
ChaosMoon · 01/08/2018 09:30

Conversation with DH last night
Me: I can't decide whether to test in the morning
DH: would you be testing strategically or because you want to
Me: bit of column a, but of column b
DH: what's strategic about it?
Me: ... nothing...

Which had us both in stitches and I decided not to. But now I think AF is going to arrive and I suspect there'll be no point tomorrow. I guess that's one less piece of plastic in landfill...

I think I'm going to need to be aggressively positive today.

How are you all doing? Xx

ChaosMoon · 31/07/2018 20:11

Sounds blissful @CookieWaffle. Glad she's sorted you out. ☺

CookieWaffle · 31/07/2018 19:49

Ahh ladies, let us know how you tests go xx

I've had some really tense shoulders and headaches recently. Decided I needed a massage so last night saw a spot for an Indian head massage at lunchtime today. My god. I thoroughly recommend. I think the therapist was actually traumatised by the tightness of my neck as she game me a look when I said it felt a bit tight. I should sleep well tonight!

Original poster
KnitKitty · 31/07/2018 18:28

You just made me chuckle ChaosMoon. Baby dust for you xxx

OP posts:
ChaosMoon · 31/07/2018 18:18

I love that both those affirmations @KnitKitty @TedLife. And the idea that each is a month closer to being a mum.

Really glad you're feeling better KnitKitty, and sending you boatloads of baby dust for tomorrow. I'm might test in the morning too. My app said AF was due Wednesday, but yesterday it changed to Thursday. Now I'm anchored on something happening tomorrow but I know I should probably wait!

I had a weird taste in my mouth earlier, which I found very exciting, because I'm ridiculous. And I've broken so many things today. I almost told myself that was a sign but, as the name possibly suggests, creating mayhem is not so unusual for me... Smile

Original poster
KnitKitty · 31/07/2018 17:26

Well what I thought was AF was actually bowel cramps last night. Confused sorry for TMI.
Still no sign of AF.

Will test again in the morning but I'm really not expecting a positive result. I don't feel pregnant, nor do I feel periody. I think possibly I just haven't ovulated this cycle and so I'm skipping a period. My cycles are usually regular since coming off the pill, but I do only have one ovary and a history of endometriosis so possibly I'm having a blip. Maybe my ovary just needed a break!!! I does do all the work on its own, bless it. Once I see a BFN tomorrow I'm going to try and put it out of my mind and hope my body sorts itself out. Possibly the pains I had last week were actually ovulation, in which case I'd expect a period sometime at the end of next week.

I am feeling loads better emotionally, anyway. Thanks for your support ladies!

TedLife I love that affirmation.

VenusStar have you started a new cycle? Hope you're finding ways to make yourself smile today. xxx Be kind to yourself.

Not posted a quote for a while, so here's one:

"Just because something isn't happening for you right now doesn't mean it will never happen."

I like to think that every month is a month closer to me being a mum. It's just I don't know how long the path I'm on is. I think we get impatient, like the kid in the back of the car on a long journey saying "are we there yet?" every 5 minutes... I like to think there's some exasperated guardian angel of mine in the drivers seat every month saying "just a bit longer!" and knowing where we're headed. haha!

OP posts:
VenusStarr · 31/07/2018 16:51

Hi @TedLife thank you for that affirmation, it's helped me today. I've not been feeling too great the last couple of days so you posted that at a good time for me :)

Glad you're OK @KnitKitty Flowers

TedLife · 31/07/2018 16:03

@KnitKitty if she is due to come, I hope she arrives soon for you. Good to hear you speaking positively of it though. I do love the way as soon as she's here you're automatically on to CD1 and it really feels like a fresh start.

With that in mind, I think today's affirmation from me will be:

Every time my period comes I rejoice in the fact that my body is functioning correctly.

Original poster
KnitKitty · 30/07/2018 22:40

Thanks ladies, as usual you're like rays of sunshine.

Welcome to the thread TedLife, so glad that we've managed to help your mood today. That's made me smile. :)
I think not comparing yourself to strangers on the internet is definitely a good idea. I totally get what you mean about feeling like there's a certain quota of BFPs you miss out on because others have had theirs... But it's not the case. We will both have to work on this together!

And CookieWaffle I do that too... feeling fearful something won't happen if I've thought about it happening too much or wanted it to happen too badly. But actually, the opposite is true from research... Visualisation (as discussed previously in this thread) is a really powerful tool the mind uses to get what we want. Don't be scared to imagine the life you want!

I've just started feeling "periody" so I think AF might be about to knock on the door. I'd like her to arrive if she's coming because it'll be the start of a new cycle and usually my mood improves massively once I start bleeding. I think I just need a good shed.
Maybe this longer cycle is my body doing something different and getting properly ready or a healthy pregnancy... No way of knowing, so will just hope and wait.

Thanks for your support everyone. xxx

OP posts:
CookieWaffle · 30/07/2018 22:13

That's what keep telling myself haha :)

ChaosMoon · 30/07/2018 22:02

What? Majesty was the best! (I never had Appljeack)

CookieWaffle · 30/07/2018 21:31

Applejack was so much better than Majesty anyway.

Damn I'm showing my age.

ChaosMoon · 30/07/2018 20:51

Love those affirmations @TedLife

@CookieWaffle a bit of positive visualisation and you can be in that Gymkhana. Never let go of your dreams. 😊

CookieWaffle · 30/07/2018 12:43

Sending lots of positive vibes and hugs your way today @KnitKitty, its great that you've got some things to look forward to xx

@TedLife I'm very bad at comparing myself to anyone, we all know we shouldn't! My mum has always taught me that everything happens for a reason and that doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad reason, there's totally good reasons too.

I've always had this funny rule that if I imagine it happening it doesn't happen. This I totally believe after dreaming about the My Little Pony Castle and getting the Gymkhana instead (this wasn't recently by the way). So I'm trying to not even think about what it would be like to be a mum which is freeing my mind up for other distractions, like what's for lunch and why the Gymkhana was sooo much better...

TedLife · 30/07/2018 12:21

Another mantra i'm going to embrace today personally is:

"I will not compare myself to strangers on the Internet."

I struggle a lot with seeing other ladie's BFPs on boards. It's not that i'm not glad for them but i feel so sad that it's not me, and wondering why it's not me. But I haven't lived their life or been through everything they have so I need to stop thinking about positive pregnancy tests as a limited quota that are given out to everyone else and I get missed. I will try to be better at this.