The Good, The Bad and The Yams!

@LexieJean sounds like a good plan hun. Good luck keeping sane over the coming days, you got this. Similarly we go our nhs referral letter through yesterday. DH and I have been trying to wrap our heads around the fact that we need IVF this week. I had to explain the stats and how it often doesn't work 1st round as he hadn't quite taken in that multiple cycles may be needed. It's daunting but I'm glad so many options exist. Even donor eggs if my reserves are as low as the tests seem to suggest.

@Teachermummy83 Thank you. Yes starting the infertility tests was a bit scary at first but I do recommend seeing your GP if you've been trying for a year +. A few blood tests and a semen sample is all that's needed to start with. I felt that at 34 (33 when we started ttc) I would rather know in advance if we were flogging a dead horse (sorry, awful metaphor! 😂) and needed help rather than waiting and hoping in vain. Plus the testing process often takes longer than you'd expect. Fingers crossed that you don't have any issues and nature takes it's course soon enough, just something to think about.

Thanks ladies.

Yes @books I’m waiting at least two days- I can’t bear a negative pg test so I’m just going to wait it out. No chocolate cravings or spotty flare up as yet but I just know it’s my body playing a cruel trick on me. No poas until Saturday/Sunday. I’ve had plenty of 30 day cycles before I started the acupuncture.
In other news (ivf) we’re officially referred and just waiting for funding to clear as we went to a hospital outside our own ccg.

@LexieJean yes I'm with you too hun! And thanks for your support. I'm feeling better if not a bit deflated atm. Still on fp, it's so hot and sweaty and the last thing I can think of is dtd right now haha!!

@lexiejean, yep I’m with you, the building your hopes up is dire, I’m sure it makes FP even worse. Fingers crossed for you though!
@books, that’s a rough one, I’m 34 too and that would upset me too! Hopefully the specialists will have some suggestions though. Good on you for being brave enough to seek advice, I’m still at the burying my head in the sand stage, thinking ‘next month will be our month.....’ and too scared of what Drs will say if I go
Surely one of us will get better news next month - law of averages and all that??!

@LexieJean yes I hate that hopeful waiting/debating/thinking/praying too. There is always a chance. I tend to give myself until at least 2 days after FP is due as a goal for when I can test. Or you could test now if you'd rather know either way... personally I wouldn't but I tend to know when FP is on her way anyway. Do you have any unusual symptoms? And yes, high fsh/low amh equals shit diagnosis for me.

Ah! Help yammers! Talk me down! I just checked my cycle and I’m cd25. Since I’ve been having acupuncture I have 26 then 29 day cycles, switching regularly (which apparently indicates one ovary slightly different to the other 🙄) and this should by a 26 cycle.
I think I hate this false hope just before FP more than I hate the FP actually starting!

On my way to gynae to get nhs ivf referral. Unless I’m too old since January.

Oh @books that’s crappy! How did they determine that? Is that just from your amh levels?

Also wanted to send hugs to those with FP happening atm. It sucks but chin up ladies, we'll get there! @owlpatrol sorry that you and your dh had an argument. The stress of ttc can easily lead to that, be easy on yourselves and make sure you've got fun stuff planned in.x x

The week isn't yet picking up for me. Went to see a fert specialist yesterday who described my ovarian reserve as that of a 40 year old (I'm 34 so felt like a slap in the face tbh) and told us to get on with ivf pronto but that our chances of it working are reduced. So feel like we're stuck between struggling to conceive naturally and poor ivf with time really not on our side. Hmmm. Hope everyone else is doing better. I'm so glad the sun continues to shine as that really boosts my mood ☉☉☉

Here’s hoping this is a better week all round.

I felt sick last night which is waaaay to early to be a sign in my 2ww I know and is due to the prosecco I drank all afternoon and nothing else. But still....

@books that sounds really tough hon. It’s so hard to make new friends as adults and it’s extra disheartening to feel left out on top of TTC. 💐

Thanks all, and @LookingAtTheStars89 I'm so pleased it has worked out for you, will keep that in the forefront of my mind

Sounds like most of us have had dire weeks! Before this experience I never liked it when I got the 'when are you going to have kids, then?' Question, but it has an even worse meaning to a yammer. I will never, ever ask anyone that question. I'm quite a private person so am keeping schtum in the main although two of my close friends know. I'm probably 'luckier' than some of you in that most of my friends are still single so I don't have to suffer the same level of baby bombs, so aptly named. Hopefully that won't be coming, but who knows

Is everyone at work next week? Summer hols now isn't it, here's hoping for quieter commutes at least!

Gaaah ffs. DH and I moved to a new city almost 2 years ago. I made some nice new friends and every one of them is pregnant. Found out about the last one this afternoon. So now feel actually I'm not only not able to get pregnant but won't be part of the friend group new baby social stuff. No body wants to go for a drink and the chat is all about pregnancy stuff. Feeling utterly shit and upset 😣

@fairyann I’ll echo that- it completely depends on the person you’re telling. A few friends have been massively supportive- no pity but one friend who knows how long I’ve been trying has just this week called me selfish for not visiting her newborn. You just can’t tell how supportive/understanding/helpful people will or won’t be. Unless they’re a yammer of course!

Understandable @teachermummy83 and @wellyouarenice, it does depend on the people you tell I suppose

@FairyAnn we found that telling my family just gave them more things to tell me I'm a failure at so it's not always the best thing. It also means people stop telling you things and ends a friendship.

Thanks FairyAnn. I totally understand what you mean, I’m just struggling with the actually saying it publically. As crazy as it sounds, I feel like the minute I tell people we’re having problems, it confirms that we really are. I know burying my head in the sand won’t help either, but I can’t face the pity just yet x

@Booksandbaths1 I think wine does have sugar haha! Anyhow my diet went totally out the window last night. So back on it tomorrow!

@teachermummy83 these sorts of comments are the reason why my OH and I have decided to start telling people about our problems. I'm a wreck at every family gathering incase someone says something and I get upset. We feel better having it all out in the open.

@LexieJean thanks hun xx my oh also didn't want anyone knowing but in the end I've started telling people now.
@Teachermummy83 aww looks like there's a few of us with Af at the same time. I agree some months are easier than others
@LookingAtTheStars89 thanks hun, men are so confusing!
He's been great today though, we've used the more cooler weather to start clearing out the "spare room" and done a charity shop run!

Owl patrol I’m with you - rotten week, everything on my ‘to do’ list has gone wrong, hubbys been working overtime which led to a big fall out. I’ve been feeling really exhausted, queasy and lightheaded which got my hopes up that this was, at long last, our month, only to be bombed out again last night by the dreaded AF! Bawled my eyes out. Some months I can brush it off but some months just really really upset me and I just wonder if we’ll ever hit our own wee jackpot.
To make things worse, I’d spent the day shopping for 3 more newborn gifts that I’m dreading delivering. 3 close friends have all had beautiful baby boys within a year of their weddings, and I’m desperately trying to be happy for them and not a complete jealous cow. That has, of course, started the usual ‘are you not thinking about kids’ and ‘you’d both be great parents, do you not want kids’ comments from everyone and their dog. The final straw was a particularly insensitive ‘you’d better get a move on’ from an elderly relative! I could just cry all over again

Oh @owl that sounds like a really emotional week! I’m glad you’ve talked it all through- good luck with the sa for your dp. They don’t know how lucky they are just having to wank into a cup! My OH was in the room (albeit behind a curtain) for one of my internal ultra sounds and has been a bit more sympathetic since! And I’ve just been graphic in my descriptions of all the various tests I’ve been for! 😂 anyway- enjoy your weekend with wine and chocolate, sorry FP arrived.

@dino sounds like you have an amazing supportive boss. I would be more open about our fertility struggles and most of my friends know but my OH doesn’t want anyone to know.

I also got a baby bomb this week from a neighbour, although it's harder everytime I get one, I'm definately dealing with them a bit better "Oh just another one attitude"

Sending hugs out there.

Af came this morning and I've had a rotten week, me and dp had a massive row on Thursday about something completely irrational and at the end he said he didn't want another baby (he has 2 from previous) I was soooooo upset as you can imagine but we made up and he said he didn't mean it but it has put me in a weird mood for a few days. That with Af coming means I need wine and chocolate this weekend. Diet has actually been going well till af arrived!

I'm going to be pushing dp for sperm testing, after our row I had this dream that after his first wife he decided to have the snip and he hasn't told me! WHY am I so irrational. Obviously he laughed it off when we made up, but man it's been an emotional week.

Anyone else felt like that this week? Or just me hehe. Have a lovely well relaxed weekend all xx