The Good, The Bad and The Yams!

@Booksandbaths1 love that! Made me chuckle. Yeah I hate the last few days before af arrives

@Booksandbaths1 😂 I wish tiramisu counted!!

@owlpatrol sorry to hear about the cramping. I loathe the last few days before FP arrives, it's such a head fuck. Every cycle I tell myself I won't get my hopes up... and I do.

I'm trying the asprin this cycle. I think I'm 2 dpo but I didn't use opks so not certain. My DH has borderline low sperm count so we aim for every 2-3 days in the fertile week regardless. Figured too often depletes the swimmers 😂 Not sure if that's the best approach though. I need to chase up my hycosy and find out for certain the deal with paying for private ivf before nhs cycle. If we are allowed to we may aim for Oct/Nov. I've just read 'it starts with an egg' and have ordered a load of ubiquinol as apparently itis a good antioxidant. Told DH last night that we should be eating a Mediterranean diet as it's best for fertility - his response was 'does tiramisu count?' 😆

@Chooklass me too never thought I'd be here either! Next month I'm pushing dp for his tests and going from there so fed up of not knowing now!

Morning yammers!

TFIF!! Knackering week what with all the timed sex 😂 can’t believe I’m only 3dpo. This is going to be a loooooong 2ww!

I’m on cycle 30 something 😳 but in the spirit of positive mental attitude I’m not really counting cycles any more.

@owl next month I start chasing my borough for my nhs ivf funding. I’m also scared @pink and never thought I’d get to this stage but it is what it is.

Hello yammers. Still lurking, still got positive vibes focussed firmly on thread. So sorry everyone's having a shitty time of it, the swollen bellies and tummy rubs still wind me up and I'm big enough myself now.

Pinkemi I might be totally wrong but as far as I know you do not have to give any reason at all for taking your leave entitlement, and if you want to use it on a hospital day it's absolutely none of their business whatsoever. I think I'd be quite firm about that if I were you and tell them you were only being polite by saying where you'd be. Manager sounds like an intrusive jobsworth.

I'm going to try asprin next cycle and get back on the low sugar wagon properly. Gearing up for two big family weddings in a couple of months so have extra incentive to lose a few pounds and clear my skin up!

Hope FP stays away @Owlpatrol. I made the mistake of counting up the cycles a few weeks ago - am on cycle 17. I remember in the beginning seeing women on these threads who'd been trying this long and, although I didn't expect it to happen first time, I never thought it would be that long for me! 😭

@Chooklass I'm 13dpo today and cramping badly onto cycle 21 now I think. It would be a miracle baby now!

But thank you all for your kind words this thread keeps me sane! We must all be due a bfp soon on this thread! If af comes this month what's everyone's plans for next month?

@chooklass we can count down together!

@maddiie I second what @chooklass says re investigations. I went to my GP after no periods 6 months after stopping the pill and she was like “that’s definitely long enough for something to be up”.

@Pinkemi @owlpatrol @LexiJean sending you hugs, I can’t imagine how hard it must be to juggle this around work, I feel so spoilt!

Totally agree this thread is keeping me sane, or as close as possible.

8 days until the test...

I agree @Booksandbaths1 , this group is a life saver!

I'll be 8dpo tomorrow. I dread the last 6 days before FP these days. The potentially test-able time. Feel like I can't concentrate on anything else. I've not used tests since I got that false +ve frer (or chem) a few months ago - it broke me to finally see a line after so long for it to be gone the next day. Not putting myself through that again (though still feel the urge).

@Lexiejean thank you for your wise words and support. Yammers rock, this group has saved my sanity on many an occasion. Well done for biting the bullet and talking about your bro in law, must be such bitter sweet. I agree that seeing the swollen bellies is the hardest. I took myself off to a yoga class this eve to find my inner calm. Turned up and the yoga teacher is like 7 months pregnant, ha. So I dug deep and counted my breaths.

@owl and @pink I don’t think I’d tell my boss. When it comes to that I’m thinking vague women’s issues. Although all my bosses are female so I need to be careful what I say as they might know procedures etc! Also, I’ve heard the GP can sign you off as that was a concern with the private clinic- pretty bloody obvious what’s going on if my letter is from abc ivf!! And @pink that’s the time off I’d calculated as well.

@books I hope your irl TTC buddy is doing well. I’m sure she was nervous telling you as she knows what you’re going through and I bet you’re all mixed up dealing with the news. We’re here for you! I’ve never had anyone irl so I’m a bit jealous you’ve had that at all. I hope you can still talk to her but you might have to see how it goes. I’ve tested myself telling a work colleague my bro in law is pg- how excited I am to be an auntie. Managed it without tears and with genuine enthusiasm. Not sure how. Hope I’ll be ok when I actually see them but I’m dreading watching her tummy get big.

@Owlpatrol im sorry to hear that.. thats gotta be hard.

I just don't want to give her the satisfaction of thinking that ive "failed" at something else.. you know? Sounds awful when i put it like that.. coz actually you never know if she had problems conceiving her own child or whatever.. She could be really understanding.. But she COULD be not understanding at all. Im not sure I want to run that risk.

if it doesnt work I guess ill have to tell her.. but i dont want to think like that.

gah i dunno. whole thing is a mind screw.

Ok @Lexiejean and everyone else I've got to self focus and remember, other ppl getting pregnant does not make me getting pregnant any more unlikely!! As I've just found out my long time ttc IRL good friend is pregnant. I'm thrilled for her but she is my only friend who truly got what I've been going through and was my go to when I felt awful as she was in the same position. And now she's not. Feel like bursting into tears but trying to not be so self absorbed and jealous. Tips for keeping it under control please!

@Pinkemi I know how you feel, my boss happened to get it out of me when I first went for tests. She's nosy and although she didn't ask directly she has a way of getting information out of people! Needless to say I actually felt a lot better telling her and she's been quite supportive but overall I would not recommend telling your boss. I do feel she has "pigeon holed" me since, and I think that's because she's not a child person. It's a hard fact of life women are judged for having or not even having and just being child baring age! I have reminded her a few times I'm not actually pregnant yet

Gah.. And so the lies start!

I have just booked myself in for a consultation at the IVF clinic.. to see what treatment they would recommend we have. I told my managers manager (as mine is off at the moment) that I wanted the day off because I was going to hospital for "women's issues" and didn't know how long the tests etc would take. She said to me.. you shouldn't be taking holiday for hospital appointments.. take it as a "sick day." She is now going to speak to my manager about it when back from holiday. Should have just kept my mouth shut and taken the day off! lol I wanted to keep the whole day free in case they decided to do tests then and there.. and didnt want to run the risk of it over running the hour. you know?

If we do go ahead with it.. then i'm hoping the scans can be done in the morning before work.. so all the time off ill need is egg retrieval day and maybe for the implanting day.. and for the day we get results (in case it's negative.) so 3 days holiday or sick i guess.

My DH thinks i should just tell my manager.. but Im not sure how she would take it. Plus.. our relationship is not that great. I think i'd stress more about her knowing.

urgh i just dont know anymore!

@Pinkemi It's so frustrating, it's now been over a year and a half since I came off the pill, surely I'd of been more regular than this by now! I will keep trying. Trying to not let myself test in the middle of the day today.. I've never had spots in my life, but I'm suddenly covered, especially on my forehead and back of neck. I know it'll be due to me being a miserable frump these last few weeks and comforting eating loads of processed and sugary foods but my brain just plants these little seeds. I'm getting through a test a day lately, I am deranged

@LexieJean Exactly.... He understands that its going to be a hormonal head screw.. but hes like I'll be here to support you through it. I dunno.. I'm just scared.. I think thats the biggest issue. Plus i dunno how ill cope if it doesnt work. (Not sure how I will cope if it DOES work either.) haha

@Owlpatrol I'm sorry your feeling so down. Ive just been to see a counsellor because basically everything got a bit much. I feel a bit better for getting a lot of my worries off my chest though I must admit. I'm so glad I have you guys to vent and moan too.. who understand what I'm going through and dont judge! Thats the important aspect.. the no judgy-ness of you all.

@Booksandbaths1 thanks! Ill take a look at those podcasts.. just listening to people going through the IVF process might help. (or make it worse.. i dunno. lol)

We don't qualify for NHS IVF sadly as I'm too fat. Id need to lose about 2 stone to be able to qualify and I've been trying to do that now for about 4 months... very unsuccessfully.

@maddiie ah thats frustrating.. i understand that GP's have a certain criteria that they have to stick to but it makes it so difficult for the rest of us who really want the help. (hugs) Id keep pushing. lol

@Booksandbaths1 yeah we will need to take a reality check at some point and start saving I guess hehe. Thank you though it means a lot, I'm actually in a good mood now. Must have required coffee!!

@maddiie - sorry if you've already looked into this, but have you considered PCOS? I think it's the most common cause of wonky cycles. Until your gp gets their finger out and refers you for tests, you could read up on myo inisitol supplements and maybe try that? Really helped me and from all my internet researching before taking it there don't seem to be adverse effects (apart from cost!) so seems pretty safe x

@BGDino Thank you that's very kind but I already have about 200 internet cheapies, I just gave up cause my cycles made it too exhausting haha

@Booksandbaths1 I have been to my GP several times. They keep refusing to do tests saying it's due to me coming off the pill (despite the fact that was more than a year ago) and that I'm young and to just relax and give it time

Ooh yus the spacing worked this time 💪

@owlpatrol don't be too harsh on yourself hun, you're allowed to be hacked off. Forcing yourself to feel cheery because you feel you should certainly won't help. Distractions sound excellent. So are you aiming for private ivf if no bfp in the meantime?

@maddiie the opks might be worth another go. DH might be upset though 😂 Personally if I was having 90 day cycles I'd be straight off to my GP demanding tests (but that's just me, I'd want to get info). Have you been?

@pinkemi ugh gawd no more baby bombs pls! The podcasts I like are IVFML, the fertility podcast and Matt and Dorees eggcelent adventure. Would you qualify for nhs ivf?

(Sorry about the lack of spacing, I put it in but seems to go once posted) x

Awww ladies just been catching up and seeing you all in the same boat as me has reassured me I'm not alone

I've been such a moody mare this week. I'm on holiday but I just can't relax I feel sad and hormonal and snap at dp at the smallest thing. Af due at weekend and I know it's coming but I have a sense of no way forward at the moment, we can't afford private ivf yet and dp won't entertain the conversation anyway about him getting tested I'm really fed up tbh! He'll talk about it but then the conversation doesn't go any further. I've got some plans for this week to keep me busy during af so that's one good thing!

Onto cycle 21!