TTC after stillbirth

Lovely news @Miami81 about your scan. Your colleague is an idiot! Some people are much better off just staying silent.

I’m in my fertile week as well @PartyintheKitchen although no positive opk yet. Hopefully it won’t be long.

Big hug @39Suzy and I hope this week at work is over for you soon.

I have lots of ovulation signs so starting to get stressed that we will miss the crucial egg this month, which is something I always do at ovulation time. I’ve just spent the morning with a pregnant friend and will be seeing another one this afternoon, but think I am doing well with it. Not convinced it will be the same once they have big bumps or newborns but taking it one step at a time for now. At least I can honestly and genuinely say that I am ok about them being pregnant and obviously hope things go well for them.

How is everyone? I hope you are all ok. Even though I am not always that good at posting, I do check in frequently.

@miami81 😂🙈 seriously, someone said that??? I bet they felt stupid too.

Wow that is a lot of tragedy in a short time but nice you had that support too.

Well.... today is another day, still feel teary but need to just pull myself together and get on with it. I wish i could just fast forward a few months and be in a better place again. But i said that in April and all of a sudden, we were in July, the last few months a blur, with a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. No choice but to keep moving forward.... the days are long but time is going quick. Makes no sense...!

Oh @39Suzy well done for going in and also for taking a bit of initiative in what was ok and not ok.
I didn't do that, but again I found myself in a slightly surreal situation where I was the third very significant loss in the office in 2017. We are a pretty small company and one of the guys who has been there since first day his wife died of cancer earlier in the year. Then the managing director and his wife (who both work in the office) lost their grown up son in a freak accident (in August, I was 24 weeks pregnant at his funeral). So when it came to my return to work both my colleague who had lost his wife and the bosses wife had rang me and talked to me about how I was feeling about coming back.
I got a lot of hugs and silent hands on back type moments in those first few days, people genuinely don't know what to say and sometimes it is best to not say anything.
One of my lovely colleagues put his foot in it with 'I know you said that your pregnancy was high risk but I am sure you weren't expecting this', no no I wasn't expecting my baby to die, you dick!!!
Anyway. Nothing much else to report from me, full drugs regime is in play now, didn't sleep a wink last night wondered if it was maybe to do with the fragmin/ heparin.
Nothing much planned, DH 40th is at the end of August so am taking him away to the lakes for a long weekend then.
DD's first birthday/ anniversary is the end of sept so we are going away to west of Scotland for that week, We didn't want to go foreign but didn't want to be in the house either.
I have no holidays at all left this year somehow, oh well, if I need more I will just take them.

@partyinthekitchen that makes me so sad that your manager didnt do more.... i emailed mine yesterday to ask her to send a note out to the team to say 1) i am in today and 2) what is ok (talking about it is fine, but i may change the subject, not talking about it is also fine but do ask me how i am and tell me your news as i want to hear it. Dont just ignore me out of fear and also made a point about how isolating this situation is). Most external contacts (who knew i was pregnant) i contacted myself fairly early on as have worked with them for years and the other two, i contacted on last week and one today by email. My manager did ask what i wanted weeks ago but couldnt think straight at the time.

I know there will be a few people that dont know (mostly internal) but will have to cross that bridge when it comes to it... by now i think word has spread (based on a few people's reactions this morning when they saw me and almost climbed up their own arse rather than say anything beyond 'Hiiii' whilst looking away quickly.... like a shifty puppet eye movement that screams 'Fucking awkward'). It is so disappointing that people in general , not just work collegues, cant find anything to say. Easy to ignore the fact ☹

I cried a lot this morning (which i feel embarassed about now) but i think if i was your client, or one of my collegues and looking from the outside in to this, i wouldnt think any less of you/me. Just how much brave we are. Hoping tomorrow is better.

Belfast sounds lovely! Perfect weekend! 😁

I have booked to go to Venice for my birthday in December so nice to have something to look forward to. And have 5 weeks holiday to take too before December so plenty of time off to look forward to as well.

@39Suzy So sorry to hear you’ve had a hard start back. It’s very tough. You’ve done the first day now, so, deep breath, you’ll never have to do the first day again. This year will be a year of firsts for you. First day back at work, first anniversary etc Well done and so sorry you had to face your diary and the “you” of your previous life, the happy go lucky 39Suzy who didn’t have a care in the world. That is tough. Best of luck with tww too, fingers crossed for you.

I remember physically shaking walking into the office on my first day back. Nobody said anything to me about my stillbirth, not one person. It was so hard. I know they found it hard to bring it up but I felt very lonely that day and in those first weeks. I had a job that required interaction with lots and lots of clients and I quickly realised that my manager hadn’t told a lot of people. So I spent the next few weeks/months telling people that one of my twins didn’t make it. I even broke down sobbing in a client’s office – it was horrible. They were so nice of course when they realised. But my manager should have managed that for me to some extent. He honestly didn’t think it was an issue.

So, please be nice to yourself (that goes for everyone here). Don’t push yourself if you’re not able. It’s perfectly ok to say “I can’t come in today, I need a day”. There’s only so much one person can cope with in a short space of time.

Belfast was cool. We did the Titanic museum and I hit the shops a bit while dh chilled at the hotel. Great buzzy scene there, perfect for a short wknd. I would recommend.

Hey @partyinthekitchen great to hear from you.

I am in TWW now, desperately trying not to symptom spot (and failing). Been getting cramps on and off the last few days and had a teeny tiny bit of spotting last night (streak of orangey brown and a blob of red mucus TMI i know). The cramps got so bad for about 10 mins i was going to take a painkiller (felt like contractions) but started to ease before i went to bed. Boobs are also sore (but can be 'normal' PMT). I think i O'd last Wednesday on CD13 which feels pretty normal for me. Either way it will be a positive as this cycle feels much more like normal.

I went back to work today (just a half day) which was so hard... first thing to do when i switched my PC on was to delete my holidays and calendar reminders for all my mat leave and antenatal appointments. So, so shit. I hope tomorrow will be better... at least it is back to back meetings so no time to sob! And it is only half a day.

So tell us about Belfast, what did you do whilst you were there?

Best of luck with fertile week.... at least the weather has cooled. My FW took a lot of (sweaty) dedication!

@Miami81 So happy to hear that baby is fighting fit in there, fingers crossed bean keeps going at that rate for you. Pregnancy is a friggin rollercoaster post loss. Go bean go!

@lilaciris so sorry you keep getting baby bombed, that's totally shit. Feel free to rant here all the time as it can be mentally so hard to get through news like that so often, especially after loss is so recent. Sending a hug.

@bumbers how did your work trip go in the end, all ok?

@39Suzy so sorry to hear your group blocked you like that, I find it so hurtful on your behalf. Stick with people that help and nurture you for sure. Glad you gave them a bit of a telling off too, good on you. And glad you had a nice wknd.

Sorry haven't been posting lots, concentrating on nice wknd away with dh and work has been busy too. Belfast was fun, it’s a great wee spot. Coming into fertile week now, fingers and toes all crossed. The tww will be when we're on holiday with DC so hopefully I'll be totally distracted as they are generally non-stop. I find (tww + work) = headf*ck! I can never concentrate when I'm doing a tww at work. Too easy to go online looking at countdowntopregnancy hpt stats, I work with numbers so I love a good statistic I do. Anyone else in testing phase? Or nice holidays planned?

Hope everyone else is doing well in themselves. Sending positive vibes to all (Gawd I sound like a hippy – I’m 100% not! – but I really mean it).

Hurrah :)

Aw @miami81 that is so good to hear, so pleased for you x

Wonderful news @Miriam81!!!

Good news at hospital this morning girls. Measuring good for dates and heartbeat looks good too. So for today things look good.
Thanks so much for your support.

It is hard regardless of how early it is. Have a lovely day @miami81 and hope you smile 😊

Thanks guys. Doing ok, like it's just the reality of our situation unfortunately. Heading out to the museum and cinema today for some distraction.
DH is really struggling. I think both of us thought we would make it through an early pregnancy failure ok, but it's just not that easy. Brings back a lot of the emotions of losing dd.

Hi all just dropping in to say have a lovely weekend 😙

How are you doing today @miami81- sending you lots of love x

Oh @Miami81 how stressful for you and I hope you get a good outcome at your next scan. As the others say, we are here for you. Sending you lots of love.

Thanks everyone for the support. I know you get it in a way others just can’t. Xx

Crossing everything for you @Miami81

What @39Suzy said, xx

🤞 for you @miami81 you know where we are xx

Morning ladies and thanks for all the good scan wishes.
So the pregnancy looks to be a few days behind at the moment and the heartbeat is slow. Things aren't looking great, now we are in a waiting game.
Thanks for all your support I will probably be a bit quiet for a bit but I am thinking of you all and will be back around soon I am sure.

@lilaciris i am sorry that that has upset you. It is a shitty and unavoidable fact of our new lifes, the gift that keeps on giving. Sending you a big, big hug.

@miami81 it is perfectly natural to feel the way you do. I truly hope that your rainbow baby helps to reconnect when the time is right.

I am at the end of fertile week so 🤞 we have done enough. We feel ready for this to happen (terrified in equal measure).

Oh @LilacIris that sucks. I'm sorry. I have already taken a huge step away from my group of university girlfriends. I just can't, one had her baby the same time as me, two are due in September around dd's first birthday (along with every other fucking person I know), one of those her first baby had the same dates as my first miscarried baby. It's just too hard to see them all and hear them all carry on when it feels like my life has ended.
I am lucky in a way that my friends who live close by here to me are at very different stages, either already done with babies or not quite there yet.
It hurts just so much. The anger and pain and bitterness just feel like they will consume me some days.
One of my best friends in the entire world had her second baby in May. He was a boy and I am not ashamed to admit that I am ridiculously glad that he is a boy. I don't know why it helps but it does.

Oh @Bumbers, I hope the rest of your trip goes quickly and is ok.

I hope hypno helps @Miami81 and I know what you mean about something unavoidably wrong. I was told by someone it was all for the best as there was clearly something very wrong with my daughter. There wasn't. She was absolutely perfect and would be here today, and be healthy, without a doubt if she had been born a fortnight earlier. Of that every medical professional I have spoken to is absolutely certain.

That’s awful @39Suzy about your group. I’m on a few other groups and all without exception have been wonderfully kind to me, messaged me, bought kind and thoughtful or practical gifts, or else they have just been there for me and talked about my daughter. I suppose so many people don’t know what to say or do but you would think most have enough sense to at least be polite and kind.

A third woman in the last fortnight has now informed me that she is pregnant. All of them are women I spend most of my time with and when I wasn’t being so bitter and teary I would consider some of my closest friends. I’m really worried I won’t get to have another baby. I’m scared I am too old, I will either not conceive or miscarry too many times that DH will decide not to try again or of something even worse happening. I don’t want anybody else’s baby so it isn’t that I am jealous of them in that way but I am (and this is so selfish) really scared that I won’t be able to keep them as friends if they have their newborns and I still am not even pregnant, let alone have another child.

That is so shit @39Suzy . Well done for saying something. I posted infrequently on my antenatal group but then dropped out without saying anything ... I stupidly made the mistake of looking at the group with the pictures of all the safe happy arrivals. I haven't made that mistake again. Totally agree that you need to do whatever helps in that moment-and I'm glad this group is of comfort. It is to me too.

That's so thoughtful, kind and nice @Miami81 re your group.

I think I was very lucky with my group and also there were ladies on there who had previously had late losses (diagnosis related) and a stillbirth so I think as a group they just understood more then your average group. Iykwim. There was at least one midwife as well, so again, just having someone there who encounters the realities of loss in her job also helped. I feel they weren't all in the bubble if you see what I mean.

Aw @miami81 that is so sweet of them. I was so hurt at the time but glad i plucked up the courage to be outspoken. Sounds bitter but it just made me realise how fake and bimbo'ish they were. Almost all replied immediately to say i had constantly been in their thoughts and wondering how i was. Bullshit... clearly not enough to bother sending a message and pretty much said that to them 🙈. I also made a point of saying that i had found a group of kind, supportive and understanding strong women (that's you lot by the way 😁) when everyone else failed me. It gave me some satisfaction.