TTC after stillbirth

Today should be about my last day of AF (cycle day 5).

Previously I've focussed way too intensely on the Fertile Window and making sure we BD on those all important positive OPK days... whilst we both really want this it's made things quite awkward!! I'm wondering whether to focus less on that and more on just trying every other day or so this time around... take the pressure off a bit

@askingalways i definitely felt a feeling of panic and desperation those first few (dodgy cycles) but after my first 'normalish' cycle felt a bit calmer and accepting and i think i posted on here (or maybe FB) that it was only a matter of time and in a year or two it wouldnt matter if it was this month, next month or three months... it WOULD happen and i kept reminding myself of that. After an early BFN i braced myself for AF and celebrating my first 'normal' textbook cycle (all the 'usual' symptoms and was sure i ovulated) and guess what, it never bloody came. Why? I was pregnant of course. I definitely think having a word with myself helped but also dont panic. Keep talking to hubs (although definitely dont put any performing pressure on 😁) and be as healthy as you can. I dont know if it helps but i did a crystal healing meditation session (by accident but really enjoyed it so decided to find out a bit more and another happy coincidence, stumbled across a crystal selling shop when i was considering buying my own) and found that it helped to focus on the positives and give me a bit of mental energy (probaby psychomatic but hey!). I used rose quartz (emotional well being), moonstone (pregnancy and fertility) and one that i forget the name of but draws away impurities and negativity (i can find the name if you are that interested!).
And definitely keep up the chat here.... priceless! 😁

@partyinthekitchen it soooo is isnt it! My favourite response in the end to people asking if my previous pregnancy was planned was 'Why, were you an accident?' (After stumbling through a few times, so much fun to turn the tables!)

Welcome to the worst club in the world @littlelucy37 and @alwaysasking (I really like that description). Ttc after stillbirth is such a headf**k, desperately wanting to be pregnant and equally terrified of being pregnant. I hope it will happen for you soon though, fingers crossed.

@39Suzy, what you wrote above “I always feel like when someone asks personal questions i have to answer and have realised, i don't”. – This! Absolutely this. Just because someone asks you about your plans doesn’t mean you have to share anything, ever, if you’re not comfortable. How is your week going? @Testar0ssa how is your week going? Urgh people asking you your business. It’s shocking really.

My rainbow DC was a very lucky 1st try and a stressful pregnancy. Now I’m onto what I hope is our 2nd rainbow DC (touch all of the wood everywhere). This one has taken a year and 2 MMCs – I’m hoping this is a sticky bean. I’m 38 so no spring chicken either but nothing I can do about that only stay fit and healthy as much as I can. I’m booked in for a scan at 10+3, which I’m fine with, if it was too early I would be worried I would still miscarry. I’ve also decided to opt in for the Panorama test too, with my age I want to know whether to brace myself or not.

Hope you’re all having a good week ladies xxx

@LittleLuce37 my periods have been much heavier after my stillbirth. I always used to wear pads overnight and there was barely any blood loss over night. Now I've been flooding the pads several times a night to the point it would wake me up as I'd felt like I wet myself.
I have bad period pains over night now too so that I barely sleep for 3 nights when I'm on.
It feels like some extra cruel punishment reminding me that I'm not breastfeeding or pregnant.

Thank you @LittleLuce37 & @39Suzy

When you've had losses like us it's really hard not to feel like the world is against you and you're destined for only bad luck!

My logical mind knows 'most normal' couples can take several months but I think my logical mind lost control when everything went wrong before.

Any tips on staying positive and sane each month and not turning in to a TTC monster!!?

@askingalways hi, we lost our girl at 32 weeks in April and have been trying since my periods came back in June. And I can totally relate to the desperation and paranoia hats something is wrong. I only joined the other day but I've already found this group incredibly helpful xxx

Hi @askingalways welcome to the worst club! I am sorry for your loss and hope your rainbow arrives soon x

👋🏻 hi everyone, please can I join?

I lost my little boy at 41 weeks earlier this year. I'm desperate to be pregnant again as I can imagine lots of you can relate to. 2 months of trying and we're out of the game again this month as of this morning.
I've been pregnant twice and have an older daughter. I know so many people go on to have their rainbow babies but i can't help but feel I'm guaranteed more bad luck and will never get to bring a baby home again.

I relate to so much you've all posted I wanted to join in and be another member of the worst club in the world.

Hope going back to work goes well @littleluce37 i found it tough, really tough but it got better quite quickly. I had a meeting with the head of HR today to give some feedback on what they did and didnt do. Definitely felt better after!

@39Suzy sounds like mine

@Testar0ssa I'm not worried as such but am paranoid so I'm waiting on s call back from the dr just now

About to ring line manager about phased return to work from next week

@littleluce37 my first arrived 5 weeks after loss and was very heavy and 7 days long (normal without coil was 4 to 5 days first day or two heavier than last few days tailing off quickly). Next cycle was three weeks later and similar (i dont think i ovulated), next one was 28 days ish (normal cycle length) and about back to normal in terms of length but definitely slightly heavier. I think i ovulated as had sore boobs, cramps and nausea. Conceived the following cycle. Definitely varies from lady to lady but looking back on here we had lots of heavier than usual comments.

I also preferred to use pads so i could see what was going on and with the first few cycles, had a few moments where is came quite heavy in waves.

@tessa0ssa great to hear from you. Hope you are doing ok and managing to field that question... i have ended up giving the long-winded 'Well, that is a difficult question as my body has been through so much and mentally and emotionally it is also a big ask which there isnt a right or wrong answer for. Anyway, what will be will be and nothing in this life is guaranteed is it?'
Then started yakking on about so and so who thought they couldnt have babies or whatever and change the subject. I have used it about three times now and has definitely done the trick in terms of deflecting from having to answer. Quite frankly it is none of their business.... but i guess you can't say that to them!!! I always feel like when someone asks personal questions i have to answer and have realised, i don't.

@LittleLuce37 I think less the first few times once they eventually started again, but now back to normal.

If you're worried or want to talk about it, speak to dr or consultant- mine have been great answering questions and having a proper answer has helped put my mind at ease

Just checking in... have in laws staying so not much time for myself.

"And are you wanting to try again..?"

Urgh, leave me alone.

Hope everyone's ok x

Has anyone had much heavier periods after their stillbirth?

I THINK mine are, and I'm sure I'm getting more clotting, just not sure if it's

A) maybe a bit psychological as I notice everything so much more because of TTC and hating every time AF appears

B) because I'm using pads and used to use tampons so I can see what's going on better (if that makes sense?!)

C) my mind is just convinced something is wrong when there isn't

@Miami81 yup! I forced myself back to slimming world otherwise I'd have laid in bed eating crap or nothing... just tried to do positive things because I had to keep myself busy. Was great at the time but once DH went back to work and DD to school all of a sudden I had too much time to myself to think. Due back at work in a couple of weeks.

Been TTC for 3 cycles now and I know I'm being impatient but every AF or BFN kills me!!

Hey @LittleLuce37 I'm so sorry for your loss. I am also 37. We lost Eilidh last year also. I was getting really panicked about my age and general health as I am also overweight. I lost loads of weight after Eilidh died as I just couldn't be bothered with food. It felt really weird when people were being really positive about my weight loss cos I just wanted to scream in their faces that my baby had died, did they really think I gave a shit about food or weight. But the weight loss has helped me feel more positive about the start of this pregnancy as I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am in a much healthier place.
I ended up taking my bbt temperature to make sure that I was ovulating. Again it was making my anxiety peak a bit so I felt it was worth the effort to make sure it was definitely happening. I couldn't get on with opk's at all. I had to tell DH when I was ovulating cos he is away a lot with work and needed him to be here!!!

I know it's just so easy to panic about what could be perceived as a negative! I'm overweight too but since we lost Ellie I've lost over 2st and am keeping going plus I was heavier when I fell pregnant last year. So a healthier weight is obviously for the better but it's not so bad it's stopping me either xxx

I am 40 this year and several of the ladies i have chatted to on here are 35+ so don't worry too much about your age! I definitely didn't tell hubs when i was ovulating! Personal choice but i didn't think the added pressure would help with his 'performance' and definitely made it more enjoyable.

Thanks @39Suzy I'm just paranoid cos I'm 37! Mind you this time last year I got pregnant with Ellie with no planning whatsoever so I guess I have to see that as a good sign.

What's difficult is that I kind of feel responsible for all the timing/when to do it etc. When it took longer to get a positive ovulation test than predicted last month my DH was like "well why did you start so early" 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

He definitely wants to but seems to think that once will do the job... then says he feels pressure when it gets to the ovulation day... thinking about just trying every other day after AF and in fertile week this time??

Good news then @littleluce37 you will get there in the end x

Pretty regular... generally around 28 days. I've been using the Flo app and trying OPKs too. This month I ovulated later about day 19 but the two cycles before that was day 16. I'm getting the positives with the OPKs so that's a good sign... just not hit the mark yet so to speak.

@littleluce are your cycles regular? For a 28 day cycle, you generally ovulate on day 14 so would need to DTD days 11 to 15 (sperm lives for up to 5 days and eggs 12 to 24 i think). However if your cycles are a bit irregular, longer or shorter than 28 days, or you are still a bit all over the place then learning to spot ovulation symptoms or using OPKs maybe the one for you. Either way every 2 to 3 days throughout the cycle is generally going to do the job 😊
That is good your consultant is encouraging too.

Thank you @39Suzy

It's just such a minefield. Naively I probably expected it to happen quickly plus I'm impatient so I've convinced myself there's something wrong (the consultant who looked after us when we lost Ellie saw no reason why not and was so supportive of us trying again).

Plus the timing / fertile window... when to do it, how many time? AAAARGH!

I'll have a look for the group and look forward to hearing about your stories xxx

Hi @littleluce37 welcome! You have definitely come to the right place, these ladies are awesome 😊

I am so sorry for your loss it is such a tough journey you are on. But we have had seven (i think?) BFP since the thread started so hope it will bring good fortune for you too.

@toots123 has set up a FB group for those on Facebook so if you are on there just drop her a PM to join. Some are TTC and a few with rainbows on the way.

Sorry AF has arrived. I took about two months to get back to normal but then conceived the following cycle so fingers crossed it happens soon x

Hi

Hope it’s ok to join in. I'm new to all this but thought it was about time to look for some support!

I’m 37 and TTC again after by DD was stillborn at 32 weeks in April. We have another DD who is 7.

It’s early days but me and DH were both surprised to find that we were equally keen to try again. First month was a total wash out as I completely screwed up timing! So I guess we’ve been properly trying for 3 and no luck yet. In fact I’d got my hopes up as I was a couple of days late but AF arrived today. I’m gutted.

I know it’s early on but all this tracking and trying is totally new to us both... we were very very lucky that both times before it just “happened”

So... that’s me!