TTC after stillbirth

Hi @PartyintheKitchen and thanks for joining, it's a comfort to hear from ppl who have done a whole pregnancy after loss already.
We have been assured that we will only see one consultant and that if she's not available my case will be handed over to one other one that I have already met.
We were already a high risk pregnancy with our dd who died, we were being seen by a number of different clinics and in my pregnancy with her I was seen by 9 different consultants. After she died at 27 weeks I wrote them all a letter basically asking how she could have died when I was being 'cared' for by so many people, I feel like we never had a lead consultant in charge who was making overall decisions and who I knew to contact if I had concerns. Anyway it will be very different going forward, I just wanted to let others know that one consultant is possible, you may have to push for it is all.

Hi @partyinthekitchen and thanks for sharing, it means a lot.

That 'at least' comment reminded me of something my mum said just a week later... 'At least you can get pregnant and you know, sometimes these things are sent to try us' I can still remember it clearly now (one of the few things in those first few weeks) and wonder what on earth she was thinking but... i have come to realise that people say the most awkward and inappropriate things as they feel the need to say something to try and comfort you.

That is disappointing about the consultants, we have been advised that future management would be by one consultant not a bloody collection! But we havent had our follow up yet so not sure what the future pregnancy plan is yet.

Hello @PartyintheKitchen and thank you for sharing. I hope you stay here with us and join us all in getting our healthy babies in our arms next year.

Oh and if anyone has any questions about anything you think I may be able to answer please just ask, I had a million questions post stillbirth and whilst preg the second time.

Take care all

Hi everyone, just wanted to pop on here and say hello and to wish all of you all the best, also so sorry that you are here.

@Bumbers I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, hope you’re taking care of yourself at this difficult time.

Just wanted to share my story to give you some hope. My little boy was stillborn @36 weeks just before Christmas 2012, he was a twin, his twin was born alive. The autopsy showed no reason for him passing. So we had the strange/sad/happy/brutal situation of one baby surviving and one passing away. That was a very weird first year. A lot of people said “oh well at least you have this one” – wtaf, but I won’t get into all the stupid things people have said over the years – you know it all most likely. He is now 5 yrs. When he was 15 months we fell pregnant again, we weren’t trying but weren’t not trying – amazing really considering we’re trying again now and I can’t imagine being that relaxed! The subsequent pregnancy was so so hard, so stressful. I hated every minute of it and I had a bit of a mantra to myself saying I would only celebrate when the live baby was in my arms. I see a lot of you are the same here – I totally get it. I did have great support from the midwives. I was under consultant care which was ok but as I saw a different consultant each time I would have to explain to them why I was high risk at each visit (they NEVER read the bloody notes, ever). I remember one time giving the consultant a total mouthful for not reading the notes whilst bursting into a flood of tears “WHY CAN’T YOU READ MY NOTES!”, he was very sheepish, and so he should have been. That was an emotional rollercoaster – knowing that at each visit I would have to relive the whole stillbirth again and again. So make sure to ask the consultant to read your notes before they even open their mouths, as that’s what I did in the last few months as I was so sick of the visits. The midwives were much better in being prepped for me which I was thankful for. DS3 was born Christmas 2014, via VBAC. I was shitting myself for the whole labour but also felt very in control of my body, a very weird feeling, I think it must have been my primal instinct as I didn’t think I would be like that. I was monitored very closely by the head midwife on call (awesome woman). When he was born he was struggling to breathe, not seriously, but as I was so shitting myself I shouted at the MW to “Get him off me and sort him out, I can’t have him die!!”. I put a fire under her arse and she rang the emergency bell and he was sorted out quick smart while I looked on, still shitting myself. I was so happy to be put in the normal ward with all the mums and live babies, I didn’t even care that I was kept in for a week with DS, he was alive so what else could I want! We’re TTC again, we’ve always wanted 3 here with us. I’ve had two MMCs this year already but I’m strong and will keep trying until another baby is live in my arms. I feel anxious but know I can have a live baby and hope it will happen again. I may pop on a bit from time to time to check in.

Hugs to all

@Bumbers I am so very very sorry xx

Oh @Bumbers how devastating. I hope testing is carried out and you get some answers. Will be thinking of you on Thursday. Sending love.

Glad your DH is onboard to keep trying @toots123 and hopefully it won’t take you long. I don’t think there would be any harm in seeing your GP now and think that under the circumstances they will be sympathetic and willing to help sooner than guidelines state.

For those of you who received letters from your consultants confirming your post mortem results or ttc plans, how long after the appointment did you receive them?

@Bumbers I'm so so sorry love 😢

@Bumbers I am so sorry.

Oh @bumbers i am so sorry. There is nothing else to say that will make it any better but know that i am thinking of you and sending you much strength to get through this. 😚 I hope you get some answers x

@toots123 good luck to you and thanks x

Hi All. Bad news at my scan this morning- there was no heartbeat. Going in for surgical management on Thursday. Probably due to our known genetic issues, but we are going to push for testing and hopefully confirm.

Hope everyone else is doing a bit better.

I hope your ovulation theory is correct @39Suzy.

Congratulations @MrsLCW and a lovely link to Penny.

I hope the two week wait goes quickly for you @Miami81

Big hug @nutellaoffthespoon

I hope everyone is doing ok. I just have this horrible feeling that I won’t have another child and I can’t shift the thought. I’ve also started worrying about work which is silly really as I’m fairly certain I won’t return, but I need the money really.

@nutellaoffthespoon it is funny isnt it how these things bring you closer x

Congratulations @MrsLCW How lovely! So delighted for you!

Thanks @39Suzy and @Bumbers Yes I think we're doing okay overall - it's just the unpredictable ups and downs. DH has been so strong and I just feel I've relied on him too much which has pushed him to breaking point. But we're talking more honestly and deeply now so hopefully neither of us will too far off piste without the other one knowing.

Congratulations @MrsLCW. I am so happy for you.

@39Suzy fingers crossed for you

@Miami81 I hope the tww goes quickly.

@nutellaoffaspoon I am glad you managed ok with the newborn. I think we will always have ups and downs, I don't think it will ever entirely go away. I think organising the cremation was actually good for us (esp DH) as it felt like the only thing we could actually do for our babies. I hope it helps you both as well.

@miami81 i will wait until AF is due or i get symtoms. Last two times (i had a MC @5 weeks too) my boobs grew overnight and i felt sick a good few days before AF. 🤞

Lovely news @MrsLCW lovely for you to feel that connection with Penny as well.
I am 1-2 dpo today. Feeling quite anxious about it all, but nothing I can do now but wait.
Won't be testing until cd 24 I think, so ages to go yet. I have 26-27 day cycles so it should be fine to test then.
Fingers crossed for you @39Suzy when are you thinking of testing?

Congratulations again @mrslcw 😁 (and great work Penny!)

@39Suzy you lovely lady I have!! I got my BFP on thurs, the day after What would have been Penny's due date, so I like to think she's sent us a gift!
We moved out of our house on thurs and into our new house in Cheshire on Friday, so all in all a pretty perfect weekend!

I've attached pics of my tests, CB was thurs and digi fri... AF due today.

Sending you all loads of luck and love, and major thanks for being there!! Xxx

Hi @bumbers i had pretty much given up on this thread so great to hear from you! I have caught up with the MW and there is still no date booked for the autopsy (still quoting 12 to 16 weeks which means it will probably be August). Hope the next few weeks go quick for you, i really hope it is good news as you deserve it.

@nutellaoffthespoon that all sounds positive. I havent come face to face with any of the babies that are arriving yet but sounds like you managed well. Sorry to hear that DH is struggling. I think that everyone grieves differently with no set pattern so there will be days where you are off kilter as a couple. I guess you just have to recognise that and be there for him.

We have decided to go to the funeral (hospital cremation) as we think it will help us. It wont be for a while yet but we know it is there.

I am a week away from my anticipated AF. I was looking back at dates (as all my NHS scans dated me +4/5days with my previous pregnancy) and actually think i ovulate earlier than i thought (cd10) and had a longer LP. Looking at my last cycle, (which was shorter than 'usual')if my LP was 14 days, it would be right ..... so, i used this as a basis for tracking this month and seem to have ovulated early (judging by CM and cervical position) so will just have to see if we have got the timing right. Boobs have gone really heavy and have had cramping /pinching feelings but that could mean anything. Feeling a bit more relaxed about it i think and keep telling myself it will happen in the end even if it isnt this month.

I have seen that MrsLCW has had a BFP 😁

Sorry I've not posted in a while - had an up-and-down week and struggled keeping up with communication all over.

Some positives - had a second meet up a friend and her newborn and felt only good things, and loved my snuggles. Less positive - DH struggling and me feeling like I'm making things more difficult for him. Plus we're sorting arrangements for the cremation which is taking a toll on us both. Even though I think we'll both find it tough but also actually really quite healing.

On the TTC front we are actually just planning to not wait at all now. So just going to play things by ear until my cycle sorts itself out but won't actively wait until any specific point.

I'll keep you posted but it'll be a while until there's much to report I suspect...

Fingers crossed for those trying this month - really hope there's positive news for you soon.

How is everyone today? Hope people are managing to enjoy the sunshine.

@suzy39 it took us 12 weeks to get our PM results. They didn't really find anything.

However, we arranged the cremation (separately via the co-op funeral care) as we didn't want to go with the hospital burial which was the standard option. However we did that within a few days of the loss. We chose not to attend or keep the ashes, which were instead scattered in the child section of the crematorium, by a pretty pond.

I have a first scan on Monday. I think I will be 9w 4d. Not feeling happy or positive at all as know it is still more likely than not that this pregnancy won't end with a baby. Really want to get the next few weeks over with.

Hope everyone else is doing ok! Anyone approaching testing time?

Posted too soon!!! And been for a lunch date today. Hope you are all enjoying the sunshine x

Hi ladies just checking in to see how everyone is? Had a haircut yesterday (not the usual hairdresser as not quite up to facing her yet