STOP! Yammer time. 🍠

I read a probably fake quote by Beyoncé once that when she has a bad day, she allows herself one day to wallow and indulge in feeling crap, then gets her arse up and gets on with being productive/doing something to improve the rest of her life. No idea if it's a factual but I think it's a good attitude.

Ah yeah.. I had a moment where I was like.. ohh it could be! Then was like face it.. it's not and you know it.

Just hate feeling like such a failure. :-( never believed it would take this long.. never ever!

Glad to see I'm not the only one drowning their sorrows into alcohol. Lol

@Pinkemi DH and I have an agreement that on the first day of FP (cos I always kid myself when I spot before that it's implantation bleeding which it never is) I'm allowed to wallow/sob/curse as much as needed. It's fucking shite and it's horrible to have to go through it each time. I'm having more than a baileys, so no judgement here

@wonkyDonk87 god knows.. but my OH always knows it's a sign.

However.. earlier this evening I had a bit of pink tinge when I wiped.. which resulted in me basically having a mini melt down. :-( was trying so hard to not let it affect me.. but knowing FP is due any minute is just heartbreakening. Especially seeing as this month I tried so so hard to be relaxed and all that crap.

It doesn't work when I try really hard and it doesn't work when I don't try at all and just have sex when we feel like it.

So fed up I've had a Bailey's. Sod it. Sod it all. :-(

@Si1ver Good luck for tomorrow!

@Pinkemi Fully understand the grief feeling. Also - horniness during FP, what IS the fuck that about?

My lovely sister text me today, in a lovingly diplomatic way, to ask if I wanted her steriliser/car seat/etc to be kept still before it gets sent to charity/tip. Don't know if I'm being obnoxiously hopeful by saying yes or weak for saying no and giving up

@Si1ver Good luck for tomorrow:-)

@BGDino yep.. me too. When i found out that I had low AMH and the IVF clinic basically said i shouldn't keep trying naturally for more then 6 months.. I felt devastated. It was like I was going through grief! My dreams of having a baby naturally felt like they had died! I'm still in the 6 month period.. but its slowly vanishing. :( June is the last month.

I am convinced that I'm out this month again (i'm due tomorrow or Sunday depending on which app you look at).. Got loose bowel movements today, a bit of crampyness... a major craving for chocolate yesterday... the biggest tell tale sign will be if I get very horny over the next couple of days.

If i was still temping, im sure my temp would have dropped by now. My resting heart rate seems to have dropped the past couple of days on my fitbit... dunno if thats a sign.

@Si1ver good luck with your transfer tomorrow!

Thanks @BG - will just have to see what happens but good to hear other people's experiences.

@Chooklass I got told no sex, swimming or baths until 48 hours after any bleeding stops. I only had a bit of cramping an hour after but nothing after that but YMMV (also my anaesthetist gave me a script for 10 x 500/30mg paracetamol/codeine which are pretty strong which makes me think some people do get more pain)

@BGDino - it's bloody tough, all this. You are in good company here! I alternate between sadness, frustration and hopelessness at the moment. Being told by a doc that there are fertility issues is a tough milestone in TTC but hopefully the start of figuring out the problem. X

Yammers - I've got my hysteroscopy next week, right at the start of fertile week. Anyone have experience of whether it's okay to TTC in week after? Finding conflicting advice online (eg risk of infection so no sex for 7 days). Will ask when at appt but at least one of you guys is bound to have been through this!! Also - how uncomfortable is it? Did you take painkillers before?

@Si1ver will cross all my crossables for the transfer for you 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

@Spottyyellowdress @Si1ver I feel a bit better knowing I’m not the only one feeling like this thank you xxx

@LookingAtTheStars89 I gotta good feeling for you hun!

Treating myself to a red wine tonight. In two minds about this cycle obvs I'm only 2dpo so who knows but staying positive! Got a party next weekend af due 25th so to soon to test anyway but I might do one anyway!

@Si1ver oooh fingers crossed hun!

Si1ver that’s really tough; I wonder what their reasoning is. I hope all goes well on Saturday.

@Paranormalbouquet local authority rules. Can't adopt for 12 month's post miscarriage.

We'll take the clinic's advice on how many to transfer. I think if we have two of the same standard then we'll transfer two.

@Si1ver that sounds promising. Are you transferring one or two? Can I ask why a miscarriage means you can’t adopt?

Actually on that note Yammers, all five of my eggs have made it to day 3. We have four grade ones and a grade three. Embryo transfer is scheduled for Saturday morning first thing.

@BGDino really fucking angry. Pissed off with all the people who conceive easily. More pissed off with my PCT for not helping me. Rage that my husband and I can't adopt because of the miscarriage. Feeling like I'm being punished for not meeting my husband until later on.

It's crap.

@BGDino I’m feeling exactly the same. My husband was so convinced there wasn’t a problem and that I was being impatient and then to see his face fall yesterday just made me so so sad. Makes me feel broken and a bit useless to not be able to perform the one function we exist for!!!

Did anyone else feel really sad/angry/guilty when they found out they’d need some sort of fertility assistance? Feels like I haven’t done much except cry for the last 48 hours, and I can’t even put into words what exactly it is that I’m upset about :(

Hang in there little @para bean! God I can only imagine how scary the bleeding must be. You’re sounding strong and calm though @para 🤞

@LookingAtTheStars89 it makes sense when you see how clomid works. The idea is to block oestrogen, triggering a rise in LH which in turn triggers ovulation. So the effects will be prolonged.

I think the haematomas are a bit random, they can form at time of implantation or can be a failed twin implantation. They seem to be fairly common though.

@Paranormalbouquet. It's funny, you'd think you'd experience the effects on the days you actually took the drug and not after!

I'm sorry you had another bleed I've had pregnancy bleeds and they make you feel sick to your stomach. Mine was always unexplained. What causes haematoma's? Is it just random? I'm little bean was ok x x