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Original poster

'Fired' as bridesmaid because TTC!

89 replies

Doodlebug89 · 27/01/2018 11:43

A close friend asked me to be bridesmaid over a year ago for her wedding this coming July. Me and my husband got married last summer, but have held of TTC until now to avoid a big bump during their wedding that might create dress problems.

In December my friend mentioned that she was going to start TTC straight after the wedding and asked whether we were. Not thinking anything of it, I mentioned that we weren't but we would next year. That evening she sent me a long message saying that she thinks it's best if I am not bridesmaid because I am ttc, and it makes ordering dresses etc difficult.

  1. I am not pregnant.
  2. I may not be for a long time.
  3. Unless I get pregnant Jan or Feb this year I will not have a significant bump by mid July.

I'm happy to:
A. Order a size up and pay for alterations.
B. Wait until March to order the dress
C. Order it now and pay her back for the dress if I can't wear it

I explained that I feel really uncomfortable being removed as bridesmaid as if I am not pregnant by July (which may well happen) I'll feel doubly sh*tty. It will highlight the fact that I am not pregnant to me and dh. Additionally, I will have to explain to people who knew I was a bridesmaid why I am no longer a bridesmaid. If I am pregnant, no problem. If not, she thinks I should tell people that "we are planning to start a family and it would not have been fair to the bride and groom." I refuse to do this - I haven't even told my own mother that we are trying to conceive. In fact, I have barely told anyone because we don't want the pressure. So I will be put in a really awkward and horrible position.

I feel that it would be bad to remove someone as bridesmaid because they were pregnant (unless they were ready to pop!), let alone because they are about to start ttc. Surely if I am her friend, having a small bump shouldn't be a problem? I have offered the solutions above regarding the dress. I feel she is putting my in a really terrible position, for no real reason.

Am I being unfair?

OP posts:
Cake20189 · 27/01/2018 12:32

She’s being a brat. Ignore her and don’t put off TTC for a wedding xxx

afreshnewname · 27/01/2018 12:31

So she won't show you the dresses but has said they are brown and unforgiving? Or have I misunderstood? It's highly likely 😂

DIngdongmerryilyonhigh · 27/01/2018 12:31

Your friend either wants to make sure the spotlight is firmly on her or she wants the Hello mag perfect wedding day and a bridesmaid having a bump will either detract from her or spoil the photos

Firstly you don't have to tell anyone you're ttc, or you're no longer a bridesmaid because you're ttc or might be pregnant by the wedding.

Secondly, when the wedding comes around if you're not pregnant then once again you don't have to explain why you're not a bridesmaid, or you thought/hoped you might be pregnant by the wedding.

Thirdly, with such a competitive friend you have a whole world of pain coming your way if you both end up pregnant at the same time, have a baby roughly the same time. Motherhood can be a whole new spectrum of competitiveness! Who will have the best nursery? Who will look the most glam during their pregnancy? Who will get back to their pre pregnancy shape/lose weight the quickest? Whose baby will smile/crawl/walk/talk first?

KittyB52 · 27/01/2018 12:31

LTB (B=Bridezilla). She sounds horrible. Get out now, and get on with your (TTC) life.

TuttiFruttiPatutti · 27/01/2018 12:31

She doesn't want you beating her to having a baby

I think @NorthernLurker has hit the nail on the head!!

She's jealous that not only will people give you and your (tiny!) bump attention on the day (and really how much more attention than the bride are you actually going to get ffs!) but you're effectively beating her to it too!!

I think she's probably hoping you might decide to stop ttc until closer/after the wedding......

MamaL86 · 27/01/2018 12:31

Ridiculous. My chief bridesmaid told me she was ttc when I asked her to be bridesmaid. I was just happy for her. As it happened they were lucky and got lucky first month which meant she was 7 months pregnant on our wedding day. In no way was this a big deal /drama, we just bought a size up from her usual size. She should want you there regardless of whether you're pregnant or not.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/01/2018 12:29

Oh goodness, I think if I were you I'd be grateful I'd been let off the hook here!
Sounds like she's going to be pretty demanding, so if I were you I'd say "thank you!" and leave her to it.

Lifeisabeach09 · 27/01/2018 12:27

So what if you were pregnant?! You'd still be a great bridesmaid!
She sounds like a real bitch, tbh.
I certainly wouldn't try to get back in. And I'd certainly re-evaluate the friendship.
Count your blessings you no longer have to put up with her wedding shit.

Ginkypig · 27/01/2018 12:26

Pull out now, no arguments just say that's fine bride I'll just come as a guest.

Both of you just let the friendship fizzle out. You don't need any big fallouts.

People change and that's ok.

EssentialHummus · 27/01/2018 12:22

What they^ all said! She is going nuts, it's still early days, and you'd do well to be a bit further removed from what will soon turn into a right circus.

And HELLO DAILY MAIL, YOU CUNTS!
(thought I'd get in there early Grin)

Original poster
Doodlebug89 · 27/01/2018 12:22

In terms of still wanting to be bridesmaid - it's more because I want to avoid awkward conversations and having to reveal that I am TTC and also the rubbish feeling of not being pregnant yet highlighted to me and DH.

Did I mention that I have already paid for the hen weekend (abroad!)? [hmm[

OP posts:
FluffyWhiteTowels · 27/01/2018 12:20

Oh dear this sounds grim. Can only get worse when hen do is being planned me thinks.

I think I'd rather take the escape offered Grin and just attend as a guest, sit with your DH, and enjoy the day as an observer.

octonaught · 27/01/2018 12:19

I think the other friend feels the same as you.
I definitely wouldn't worry about not being bm. She would have you slaving around after her...
Bridezilla'll be pissing off a lot more people before the wedding if she is so entitled.
Go & have a good time as a guest.

supersop60 · 27/01/2018 12:19

Some friend.
Lucky escape.
Enjoy the TTC (much more fun than a wedding anyway)

NorthernLurker · 27/01/2018 12:19

She isn't a friend. She's a bully. Cut her out of your life and amaze yourself with all the choices you suddenly have.

happypoobum · 27/01/2018 12:17

I would be really grateful she has shown her Bridezilla tendencies early on and bow out gracefully.

Now you can TTC and still enjoy the wedding. Win/Win

I can't imagine why you would want to try to persuade her to take you back as a BM Confused

MiddleClassProblem · 27/01/2018 12:15

Yeah, let it fizzle out. She may even be one to change when she gets married and not see you so much. And when kids come into it, it’s much easier to let these “friendships” go as you honestly don’t have the time so you prioritise the ones you do care about.

Original poster
Doodlebug89 · 27/01/2018 12:11

It did cross my mind that she might be concerned about stealing attention. She does seem to be becoming quite bridezilla-ish. For instance, the bridesmaids weren't invited dress shopping and she won't tell/show us the dress she has chosen as she wants it to be a 'surprise'. But I don't understand this mentality. Who cares if the bridesmaid is pregnant? I wouldn't even be heavily pregnant.

I think the other thing that frustrates me is that she is very rich (her parents' money), and therefore if she did buy the dress and I didn't wear it, that £150-200 is nothing to her. If she was scraping together money for the wedding I would understand, but it really isn't a big deal.

In terms of ditching her as a friend, it's hard. The three of us (me, the bride, and my best friend/another bridesmaid) have been close friends since school. Both of us find the bride selfish and have become more distant in recent years because of it. She has done other things like getting crazy drunk at my wedding (to the point where I heard people commenting on the 'drunk bridesmaid' from about 8pm onwards!). But I'm not one for confrontation and I'm most likely to attend as a guest if necessary and then just keep my distance a bit afterward. I also don't want to create tension for my other friend (she is already saying that she doesn't know if she wants to be a bridesmaid anymore if the bride is going to be like this).

OP posts:
PastaOfMuppets · 27/01/2018 12:07

Even if you stay in the bridal party, she is only going to get worse ... quit asap and let her know what you think of her stupidity and selfishness, and consider not attending at all if she doesn't come to her senses. (I write this knowing I'm not the one in your shoes!!)

Thistlebelle · 27/01/2018 12:07

Dreadful behaviour on her part.

Personally I be quietly bowing out (of wedding party and then friendship) and all I’d say to anyone that asked was that the bride changed her mind about bridesmaids.

you should be more important than her photographs. I’d be terribly hurt.

AnakinCyberwalker · 27/01/2018 12:07

Horrible, horrible friend. There is no way in hell I'd want to be her bridesmaid now. I actually wouldn't even want to go to her wedding now, but I'm pretty like that Smile

MiddleClassProblem · 27/01/2018 12:05

Kinda hoping one of the other bridesmaids gets pregnant or even all of them...

It’s a crap view for her to have but it’s her wedding and if she wants that over a friendship, then whatever.

restingbemusedface · 27/01/2018 12:05

Bridezialla alert! I was ditched as a BM because I was pregnant and our friendship has never fully recovered. Hope your mate realises that she’s probably doing some lasting damage to your friendship.

SleepFreeZone · 27/01/2018 12:03

OP why do you every want to be her bridesmaid?!!! She sounds like a bitch. I’d happily step down and let her get in with it.

Screaminginsideme · 27/01/2018 12:02

My best friend didn’t Have me as a bridesmaid despite having about 8 others because she new we were TTC. It hurt a lot. Then again I just found out she had an affair with my H so she was obviously never my friend. It could be jealousy it could just be she is very immature and puts how the wedding looks above friendship. Either way she’s treating you badly and a true friend wouldn’t.