TTC after recurrent miscarriage thread 2 - we're not giving up

Congratulations @Labmum - that’s lovely news, so pleased that it went well! I got a bit emotional reading about the wiggling and kicking!

My period arrived today - exactly 4 weeks to the day from MVA. Mixed feelings, and still unsure what to do this month. I’ll see how ‘normal’ it is I guess. I’ve just spent £15 on 30 bags of ‘fertility tea’ online it’s official, I’ve gone crackers! It can’t do any harm though 🤷‍♀️ I know it’s not going solve anything!

Tough shout about work Anne - I don’t envy you! Why does everything happen at the same time? I don’t think you have to be explicit as to why you have a hospital appointment, just have one which can’t be moved? It’s extra stress to meet your deadline in time too!

Have lovely weekends everyone!

Thanks for all your thoughts and hand holding ladies. Scan was fine, baby is still measuring ahead for dates, nice strong heartbeat and gave us a wiggle kicking his/her legs and waving. It felt like the longest wait for her to say "baby is fine" but was probably only 5 seconds. I obviously cried, and I still keep getting teary. Back in a couple of weeks for my 12 week scan and booking appointment.

@Leezo I'm so sorry, will your OH be going to the gynae appointment with you? If so I think you may be best telling him so that you can be honest with the specialist about your history. You don't want him sitting there wondering why you'd not told him? Big hugs and wine to you.

Thinking of you @Labmum x

Hey it's been a wee bit from I've been on this thread so thought I'd check in. Some really good and positive news which is good to read.
I've had a bugger of a week. Full on pregnancy symptoms, completely convinced although didn't think my dates matched up. 2 BFN's and then a BFP yesterday, faint but definitely there which shocked me but I was elated. Decided not to tell DH for a couple of days due to our CP last month straight after our MMC. Long story short I started to bleed with cramps this morning. Really bad lower back pain which is quite unusual for me. Tried to convince myself it was implantation bleed knowing full well that it's near impossible after a BFP. Now I'm stuck with the problem of do I tell my DH and completely devastate him once again or just look at it as if I had never tested early I would never have known anyway? I have already been referred to Gynae and am awaiting an appointment. I also know that he will want to hold off future TTC if he thinks I will not cope with another loss. I just want to protect him as he has not been coping well and I think I can shoulder it myself. Sorry for the rant ladies I just have no-one else to talk to

Thanks Miami. I've already spoken with her and essentially she says it's always difficult going through pregnancy in my situation but I just need to try to trust in the stitch. She said we aim for 34 weeks and term would be a bonus. But that she obviously can't make any promises. Thanks for the reassurance that the card was appropriate, I thought it would be very wrong to pretend it hadn't happened but I know that seeing me will be hard for her.

I'm on annual leave next week so have just booked in for a massage to help me wind down. Feeling some occasional soft movements (I think!) despite my anterior placenta, which is reassuring, and 2 weeks to 20 week scan. One more week to maximum halfway point of this pregnancy.

I'm the most relaxed person in every other aspect of my life. I find this anxiety unbearable!

Hi @Paranormalbouquet can you get yourself booked in for a chat/checkup with your consultant just to chat through anxieties. I think being entirely honest about what has happened and how it is affecting you and seeking reassurance is a good idea.
It's so sad. And it will be hard for her (probably, everyone is different) to see you, but just letting her know that you are thinking of them and their little boy is lovely. Believe me, there were loads of people that didn't engage with us at all, I remember every card and kind text, even from people that I don't know that well. It helps, it makes it feel like your baby matters. Rest up lovely and take it easy on yourself.

@Miami congrats on the good hcg levels, I totally understand the countdown to the scan. I’m glad you have a plan in place too, I deal much better with plans.

@Labmum fingers crossed for yoybfor tomorrow.

@Anne I’m glad the scan was positive. I’ve been the same with radiographers fairly often too. This time round I went in for scan after bleeding at 8 weeks seemingly cheery, told her I expected bad news so not to worry but I’d rather not look at the screen. Then burst into tears when she found a heartbeat. I think she thought I was mad. Was the same again for 12 week scan. With regards to work is the rmc a gynae clinic? There are plenty of gynae issues that could bring you in for frequent visits for a few weeks. Could you tell a white lie and say to your boss you need a colposcopy and then follow-up? Or just “ongoing gynae issue”.

Curly and Munchies I hope the waiting isn’t too long for either of you.

As you may have seen in the pregnancy thread, a local friend (not close-chat if we meet, occasional text messages) has just lost her baby boy a few days before viability due to what is probably an undiagnosed incompetent cervix (she had lots of risks for it, just not picked up on). It’s hit very close to home for me and DH. I’m feeling a mix of obviously devastation for her and her DH, guilty (irrationally) that I have a stitch in and she didn’t, grateful for my abdominal stitch and terrified it won’t work. Just as I finally started telling people (not much choice as it’s pretty obvious now) I’m back to a constant state of anxiety, hence posting at 3am! I dropped around a card and made a donation to Tommy’s in her little boy’s name.

Hand hold @labmum, I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow. Try and keep busy in the morning.

Fab news on bloods @miami81! Big phew.

Thank you @curlytwirlytwos Got my new meds today, a full carrier bag, it’s ridiculous.

Having a slight mare about work. I’m coming up to the biggest most pressful project deadline of my life in two weeks, same day as next rmc apt and scan with the consultant and then a huge work thing exactly two weeks after, again on clinic day. I would never ever tell work till well gone 12 weeks as seems no point till we know where this is going. But realistically I’m going to be out of the office around 3 hours for the next one, we waited 20 minutes for the scan yesterday and over 90 mins to see him so am I just going to have to tell my boss? I can’t book leave as it would be impossible given the deadline.

I’m in a new promotion/secondment and it might turn into something permanent soon so I don’t want to bugger my chances. The clinic is fortnightly and you have to be there.

Shit bags.

Oh @Labmum I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I hope you get a lovely scan with everything as it should be.
Bloods canine back, all good, they have slightly more then doubled. I'll take that. 8 days to a scan for me. Feels like it could be the longest 8 days ever.
@CurlyTwirlyTwos and @Munchies89 I really struggled during the last few months when we weren't ttc, it just felt like time was speeding past and that a perfectly good egg was being sacrificed every month. It's a very trying time. I tried to focus on what I could do (nights with friends without worrying if I was pregnant, seeing family etc) and it helped a bit. But yeah it sucks. And the worry that next time you just won't get pregnant is always there, I definitely felt like that, like what if my body just gave up completely.

Thank you all for your reasurring words x

@Miami81 🤞 for tomorrow! Hope they don't keep you waiting all day for the phone call.

@CurlyTwirlyTwos have they tried you on progesterone to see if that helps to keep the pregnancies? Ha I'm exactly the same, I wait to see if AF arrives and if so I then order OPKs and treat myself too as I feel rubbish.

Thank you @LabMum. 🤞 for tomorrow! It's so difficult having a later scan as you won't be able to think about anything else, especially tomorrow. Will be thinking of you x

Sorry you're feeling low @Munchies89, its such a horrible time and people say "just relax and it'll happen" but they don't know the frustration of having to wait each cycle. The 6 months between mmc1 and conceiving my Son were the worst ever and I was incredibly low and bitter and twisted about it all. So know that your emotions are normal, do what you need to stay sane and know everyone here is here to hold your hand.

@curlytwirlytwos first AF is a strange one, there's relief that things are going back to normal but then also sadness, get yourself in some wine and chocolates to enjoy.

@Miami81 fingers crossed for the blood results.

@AnneLovesGilbert glad all went ok yesterday. Did you get more of an insight from the consultant as to why you need the abs? I think the kitchen sink method is reassuring to know you're doing all you can. Got everything crossed for you.

I'm so so so scared about tomorrow, I can't think about anything else. I feel like my symptoms are fading and that its going to be bad news so I'm trying to prepare myself but it actually just means I'm wandering round under a big black cloud of misery! Scan not until 3pm either so its going to be a long day of twiddling my thumbs waiting.

Lovely news to read Miami and Anne - it sounds like things are going as should!

I'm glad that the Dr wasn't annoyed with you @Miami, I wondered what his reaction would be! It's reassuring to have a 'plan' in place whatever happens AND know you are getting great care where you are. Fingers crossed it goes well and those figures keep climbing!

@AnneLovesGilbert - I can't believe you were comforting the sonographer! It's the preempting and preparing yourself for the outcome - I would be exactly the same. I'm sorry that we can't get too attached (or excited) in these weeks. Keep on top of those meds!

@Munchies89 I sorry you are low too - I know how you feel. I've purposely decided to take a break and still upset that I'm not pregnant! I worry about conceiving too - although like Anne I've gotten pregnant pretty much on the trot since Dec (x3 times), it's maintaining it that I'm struggling with. But what if I won't find it easy to fall again?

I think AF is coming this week - 3.5 weeks after MVA, and wondering what to Get back onto it or break over summer as planned? I was on amazon the other night and found myself 'browsing' opks and a bbt thermometer for when I want to start ttcing. I didn't add to my basket, but I might crack if AF arrives!

Yep second bloods are done. He said someone will ring tomorrow. First ones on Tuesday were 868 or something at 4+3. Trying not to panic as dd's numbers were way higher then that.
But then I had all that bleeding with her and a heomatoma in the left horn that my consultant mentioned may have been a twin that never got started, so perhaps her numbers were higher than they should have been.
It's all such a fucker.
The doctors office was full, and I mean full of babies. Like really little ones obvs in for their first checks or jabs or whatever. I managed not to lose my shit. Barely!!!

Second bloods today @Miami81? When will you get the results?

Sorry you're feeling so low Munchies89

I do totally get how you feel, I used to panic about being hyper fertile as I caught 3 times in a row and thought I'd forever be conceiving and miscarrying, which seemed pretty bad. And then fuck all happened for 13 months which nearly drove me insane. I got some comfort from temping so I knew I was still ovulating and had a sense of my cycle, and from Pilates and acupuncture so I felt like I was looking after my body, but there's just not much you can do. It's a massive cliche but I had a call lined up with my GP to get a referral for fertility tests as they'd said to wait a year, and ended up using the call for a re-referral to the RMC as I got my BFP the day before and the RMC discharges you if they don't hear from you for 6 months.

Just one of those things. It can sap the life out of you. I just wanted to be pregnant again and start trying options and I felt like it was never going to happen again.

Forever whatever reason I'm back on a roll, BFP in February which was then a MMC, chemical the month after, this one the month after that. God knows what's going on in there.

No advice at all, but a handhold and a lot of sympathy

@Miami81 glad to hear your meeting went well

@AnnelovesGilbert that's positive that everything looks good for dates and you have a plan going forward. Hope the next 2 weeks don't go too slowly for you.

I've felt a bit down and tearful for the last few days. Just struggling with the fact that I'm not pregnant again yet when it normally takes me 1-2 months yet my last pregnancy ended in February. I'm starting to worry there's something else wrong as I'm due to ovulate in the next few days or so yet I started spotting yesterday so who knows what's happening with my body at the moment x

That is such good news, I’m thrilled to bits for you xxx

Mine was okay thanks. Scan showed a sac and yolk that was fine for dates, couldn’t see much and no visible heartbeat but she was happy.

Saw the big guy, he’s changed my meds and wants to scan me in two weeks himself so he can have a proper look at my insides.

Upping pred to 15mg a day, adding aspirin, sticking with cyclo abs splitting the fragmin so two jabs a day. I’m massively pissed off that the stupid reg wouldn’t bloody listen to me last time, I TOLD her it should be twice a day and he was really annoyed but still early days.

I said I’m not getting attached and he said good, he’s not getting his hopes up and we mustn’t but we’ll see how things look in two weeks. He mentioned intrallipids but said I’d have to go private and that’s a whole big conversation to have down the line if need be. Don’t know what the criteria would be but he said I’m currently his big mystery as there’s just no diagnosis and yet something is clearly wrong so he’s taking the kitchen sink approach. Oh joy...

In my head I’ve got 9+ weeks as the magic hour and I asked if we could be hopeful if we get past that but he said no, we’ll have to wait and see. It sounds brutal but I’m so bloody jaded these days I really appreciate his frankness. Found myself preemptively comforting the scan lady with a “please don’t worry if it’s bad news, we’ve been here before and will be fine” as she’s not a regular clinic person.

So no real news. More meds. More wait and see.

Hope everyone’s okay today, thank you for checking in.

@AnneLovesGilbert hope all is ok.

Hi all. So meeting at St marys in London went well. We have a clear plan if this one doesn't work out, but he was very clear also that there is nothing to suggest that it won't work out. Concentrate on having as calm and positive a pregnancy as you can seemed to be his advice, and it it doesn't work we will sort out that septum once and for all.
Feel so much better. I feel supported I think.
Also he reviewed my full current pregnancy care plan (he is an rmc specialist) and there was nothing else he would suggest. He was clear that he thought my team were doing the best to deal with placenta issues. So again that was really good too. Xx

Good luck today @Miami81 and @AnneLovesGilbert! Sending positive thoughts your way. Let us know how you both get on!

Thank you Curly. Appointment's at 4, scan just before, and we may be delayed as usually are.

Good luck today @Miami81, thinking of you and hope it's a good meeting. Enjoy the train journey and please let us know how you get on.

We're both trying not to think about it, and aren't talking about it, but I am obviously thinking about it.

Good luck today @AnneLovesGilbert we are all hoping for a good scan for you.
We are on our way to London for our appointment with mr Raj Rai this morning at st marys. It's a beautiful day and we will be on a train for most of it.
I am anxious and nervous about today, I am worried that he will be judgy that we got pregnant again before seeing him.
But I just need a plan in place, I have to know that if this one goes south that there is something we can do. Wishy washy just won't cut it anymore. It's been over two years now since the first miscarriage, I have been pregnant for 50 weeks, I just want to take a baby home. Ffs. It's the simplest thing in the world, until it isn't as we all know only too well.

O - and let us know how it goes Anne!

Good luck at the RMC today @AnneLovesGilbert - I’ll be thinking of you and really hope it goes well! I’m sure it will, tentative thoughts from me, but I think it’s your time

I’m sure it is nerve racking, I’m sending positive thoughts your way!

Sending positive thoughts to everyone that is newly pregnant on the thread Miami and Labmum (and Paranormal you are inspiring us all)! We are doing all you can (it’s all anyone can do). We are trying our best with the hand that’s been dealt to us (which is what I tell myself on better days). We can’t do anymore! Each day which passes without anything happening is progression!

This is how I got through my last preg (even though it didn’t last)! I understand that is stressful and a constant worry. I’m already planning how I’m going to manage it next time!

Oke Coke - enough preaching from me it’s only 8 and I’ve a day to get through, as does everyone else!

Be kind to yourselves today, I’m going to try!

Good news @Miami81, keep us posted. Are you feeling better in yourself?

I felt like absolute crap yesterday, my office sweltering, I had back ache all day, then period type pain on top in the evening, not bad at all but properly freaked me out and I was just wiped out, massive hot flushes, really fainty, horrible. Barely slept and feeling fine again today, it's just coming and going.

Will you get a scan next week?

How are you finding the cyclogest @Labmum? Hope Friday comes quickly

Got RMC appointment and scan tomorrow. Dreading it.

Welcome @TaylsN

Enjoy your acupuncture @CurlyTwirlyTwos Sorry about your cousin's baby bomb. I'm usually happy and relaxed about other people's pregnancies and babies, but there was one woman at work who basically stole my due date for one of mine and the rage and injustice I felt was extreme! Not her fault of course, and it was the only time it really got to me. Suck though, sorry. And it sounds like you've been having a tough time at home too. Are you usually able to talk about things together and are struggling with this in particular?

It's a special kind of utter fucking awfulness going through multiple losses, a lot of relationships take a battering as you're both grieving in different ways, throw fear into the mix and it's all too much. Wait as long as you need to resume marital relations! Better to wait till you're completely ready and up for it than to push it and be sore or tense.