How do you move on after miscarriage?

You have just been terribly unlucky, Kate. Honestly you did nothing wrong. As Katie said, it really does get easier with time.

You need to give yourself a bit of time to get over he shock of it all, especially seeing as you hadn't officially confirmed your pregnancy before your loss.

It feels shit right now, but I promise you it will get easier and whatever happens next, you will never be replacing the baby you lost, you will just be moving forward to create the family you both want.

Hey,
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Speaking from experience I know how horrible a miscarriage is. I miscarried back in September although we did everything possible to try and keep baby, as soon as bleeding starting we were running round to different hospitals but unfortunately once it’s began, there was nothing we could do. Coping afterwards was horrible and lonely, my boyfriend has been through a lot in his life and he has been emotionally hardened by it all. He doesn’t cry, he doesn’t even show any emotion he just prefers to get on with things and focus on the facts. Me however was an emotional mess. I would cry unconsoluably and he wouldn’t know how to react. I had 3 weeks off work and I had such bad anxiety whenever I thought about going back to work after the whole ordeal. My friends had never been through it before so although I could speak to them, they couldn’t relate. I’m 20 years old and as bad as it sounds I know my family didn’t want me to have a baby this early so my mom acted sad for me but I knew she was relieved.
I also found out after I miscarried that 4 people close to me were pregnant, all due dates within 2 weeks of what mine should have been. This felt so unfair.

I think that as cliche as it sounds, things get easier to manage in time. Back when it had just happened to me it’s all I would think about and I would break down. But now, it crosses my mind but I look on it’s an experience that made me aware of what I want in life.
I think you need to remember that you’re not alone in this, a lot of women have experienced it, plenty on here aswell, and everything you’re feeling is normal. You’re allowed to be upset, you’re allowed to grieve, it’s part of the healing process

If you ever want to talk feel free to privately message me
Katie xx

I also did a lot of reading about miscarriage, I read about facts and I read other people's stories and experiences (you can find lots online) this really helped me to validate my grief and feelings about my early loss.

I went through phases of feeling silly for feeling so upset about something I had only known about for a week or so, but after lots of reading I came to realise that a loss at any stage is still a loss. You have already imagined hat baby in your life and the loss of 'that' family in your mind is devastating, no matter when it happened.

Take as long as you need to deal with your feelings. They are valid and real, and you shouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise.

If I'm honest, I'm still not sure I have let myself believe that this is really happening. Still haven't told family, haven't booked in with a midwife yet. I'm mostly just taking it day by day. Every toilet trip is still terrifying! Especially since the amount of CM has increased and feels just like coming on

I'm just putting a lot of faith in my body and trusting that it'll do what is best this time. Each day that passes brings a little bit more hope, and that's all you can really do.

November baby wasn't meant to be, and I like to think that my split second decision to try again the following month was the universe telling me that THIS one was the one that was meant to stick. This one is the one that is going to join our little family.

I have no way of knowing and no control over what happens, so for now I am happy that I am pregnant, and like I say, each day brings a little more hope.

Going to see a dr about mental health and therapy is a really good idea. I can also recommend looking into mindfulness for anxiety, it has helped me loads.

Please keep in touch, as would love to hear how your story evolves.x

Hi Kate, glad I found you on here (I commented on your OPK thread) sorry to hear you've had such a shitty time the last week.

I had a miscarriage in November and was initially adamant that I would wait a few months before trying again. However, the closer I got to ovulation the less I wanted to wait, so had one bash at it the day of +OPK. We were very lucky and I got a positive HPT just after Christmas.

What is most important to remember is that it was absolutely nothing you did that caused you to miscarry. It won't have been because you were recently off the pill, and highly unlikely to be anything to do with your lifestyle. It will most likely be because your body knew that this baby wouldn't make it to term, something just went a bit wrong along the way. You couldn't have prevented it.

Perhaps sit down with your partner and tell him how you feel about trying again sooner rather than later. The way I looked at it was that I wouldn't be any less terrified if I got pregnant this month or 6 months down the line. Once you have had a miscarriage the fear stays with you, but you just have to try and trust that your body knows what it's doing. There is literally nothing you can do to prevent it, you just need a little faith.x

I am so sorry x I had a miscarriage over 4 years ago - found out at 10weeks that it had stopped at 6weeks. It can still floor me now. I got pregnant with my lovely DD very quickly after. Had one period in between and for me it was too soon. I was desperate to try again but I think my head and body needed more time - for hormones and emotions to settle. I had my gorgeous, funny DD but I had a very hard first year full of confusion and guilt. I had some counselling later on. I found many people didn't (still don't) know how to talk to me about it and I felt very lonely. Even though it is relatively common.

At this point, I think there is very little difference in your chances of getting pg again. Do be kind to yourself now though and let yourself grieve xxx there is no right or wrong on what happens next. Take care x

I lost twins in May this year. Was extremely traumatic and just a hideous time. I cried litres of tears and needed an operation to help get the babies out.

Things that helped:

• mumsnet miscarriage support thread on conception pages

I still have bad days. I'll never forget their anniversary or due date that would have been.

I got pregnant 2 months after my operation (first cycle) and it's twins again. That has been the biggest thing that helped me, getting back to trying and finally getting that positive test again. Currently 27 weeks and nervous each day. I'll be honest, I think of my lost twins often and I probably always will do. But it does get better. And it will get easier for you I promise.

Forgot to say that I conceived again 3m later. I felt very nervous until I passed the point at which I had previously miscarried. Nonsense, really, but that's how I felt. Which is OK. Went on to have my lovely dc3.

When I miscarried the lovely midwife explained that it was nothing I had done. It was not my fault, it was biology. It was ok to feel angry and robbed, just not to feel angry at yourself. Have compassion for yourself. No guilt, no recriminations.

She said that we could start trying again whenever we wanted, once the bleeding had stopped. Waiting until you've had a period was purely for dating purposes, and they'd go by scan dates, anyway.

I remember that dh grieved, too. Some people thought that was weird, but his dreams and hopes were also smashed. While we dealt with it in our own, different ways, it was good recognise each other's sadness and to comfort each other.

(((Hugs)))

I think he’s right a little bit of time to heal your body and mind certainly won’t do any harm.

Sorry op it’s so horrible. I had a similar exp with what would have been 12 week scan, sent me to wrong waiting area with all the happy preggers people whilst I was in floods of tears. Had to wait for bloody ages before anyone realised! The miscarriage association forums helped me. I have a dd now. You will very likely carry a baby full term. More women I know have had them than not.

Sorry about your lost all you are feeling is a completely normal reaction to MC.
I had two and was devastated by both especially as time was getting on for me.
Even though it was early days in your pregnancy you are grieving for the loss of your baby and all that would mean for you, your partner, extended families and friends etc.
Give yourself time to cry and wallow and feel sad and lean on good friends if you can.
I gave my self a time limit that I would allow myself to upset until x date then I would pick myself up dust myself off and try to resume normal life.
Give yourself a decent gap to heal mentally and physically before trying again. I felt rubbish after the second one physically. I went on a major healthy eating campaign.
I never believed I would ever have kids after taking ages to get pregnant and then having two miscarriages. I eventually went on to have two normal healthy children in quick succession in my very late 30’s.
I had some tests and my thyroid was low so I was put on thyroxine which helped. As this can lead to miscarriage.

I've had 2 mc in less than 5 months really traumatic. But want more children i can only try go to gp etc for tests. You can't get rid of that scared feeling but you have to get back on the horse so to speak x

Very sorry to hear of your loss. Whilst I can't peronally imagine how you must feel, wanted to tell you I have 3 friends who miscarried at various stages if pregnancy and went on to conceive and give birth within a year. So please don't despair. Look after yourself, January is a horrible month as the best of times, without something as sad as you have been through xxx

Sorry for your loss OP

I had a mc in November at 7 weeks. We'd been trying 20 months, it was our first bfp. I was and still am devastated about it. Two months on we've haven't conceived again yet, I have my fingers crossed it will happen again soon, but can't get my hopes up too much as it could take us 2 years again. At 36 I feel I'm running out of time though.

Take lots of time for yourself and talk when you feel you can to whoever feels right. I have talked about it a little with one person other than DH, but still feel reluctant to talk to others. Let yourself cry whenever you need. Sending you big hugs x

So sorry, it is so devastating.

I had a mmc in May 2016. I was 40, recently married and we were so happy. It only took us 2 months as well and it was wonderful. The miscarriage absolutely floored me. I lost part of myself and really wasn't sure how I was going to function. I had counselling through cruse and that really helped.
I had to have a month off work (I work with children), just to rest and remember and to start to heal. I miscarried at home, which was actually good for me, as I felt close to my baby, that sounds odd, but it was time for us.

We started trying again straight away, mainly because of our ages, and were lucky. I fell pregnant again in July 2016 and in April last year, our beautiful daughter was born.
Nothing will heal the hole in my heart that is our baby bean, but I feel very blessed to have our dd. She is the absolute light of my life and I appreciate her even more.

As a pp said, take care of yourself. Take care of each other. It's a very difficult time, and you will feel a lot of emotions. I was 20 weeks pregnant with our dd when it would have been baby bean's due date. That was a confusing day and I ended up blacking out through anxiety. It hits you from nowhere sometimes.

I hope it all works out for you.