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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

What are the chances of having another miscarriage?

63 replies

hopingandprayingthistime · 17/12/2017 08:29

I posted a similar thread over on the conception board but didn’t get many replies so trying again here for traffic. I would be really grateful to hear some positive messages about people who went on to have a successful pregnancy after a miscarriage. I had an early loss in August and I am now pregnant again (very early days) and I am struggling to keep positive and stop worrying that it’ll happen again. I know nobody can tell me what will happen - just looking for reassurance and positive messages to keep me going through these agonising first few weeks. Also any tips of things I can do / not to to give the pregnancy the best chance (I am taking folic acid and trying to eat more fruit and veg and stopped drinking / caffeine).

I’ll also have to deal with the problem of not drinking over Xmas as nobody will know, which will be problematic / exhausting. We don’t want to tell our families because they will be so excited and don’t know about our previous loss, and we can’t handle their disappointment as well as our own if something goes wrong. We also don’t want our private life (which we are struggling with) to be gossiped about amongst the family.

OP posts:
WelshMammy123 · 06/01/2018 17:40

Yes after 8 weeks is a really good point for a first scan. If baby's heartbeat is seen then then there's a good chance all will be well. I had two losses last year so totally get how you're feeling. I'm 16 + 2 now and was a nervous wreck through the early part of this pregnancy - and still am now to be honest!

CheesecakeAddict · 06/01/2018 17:40

Hi OP
I had a MMC, seen at 14 weeks but hadn't developed past 5 weeks. I got pregnant 4 months later and am now sat with my 6wo DD on my knee. Its devastating and you will worry this entire pregnancy but to reassure you, I actually started to show with my miscarriage and had loads of symptoms even though it had never developed into a foetus. So don't let the lack of symptoms worry you too much.

Personally I would have the early scan, I had one at 7 weeks and it gave me that added piece of mind that she was developing. However I never really relaxed and it just got worse because come the third trimester you are on kick counting and you might have one day where baby is resting and just go into panic mode.

Original poster
hopingandprayingthistime · 06/01/2018 17:34

Thanks WelshMammy I have booked an early scan for when I will be 8+3. Hopefully that’s a good time to do it as should definitely be able to see a heartbeat by then if developing normally? Still worried though and another week to get through yet.

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WelshMammy123 · 06/01/2018 17:29

Hi. I'd try not to worry too much about lack of symptoms. You might just be one of the lucky ones! When I had my MMC I had strong symptoms which then went rather than having no symptoms at all. I don't know how common they are - I think perhaps with the advent of early scans they seem more common than they once were. So in my case I found out at an early scan at 10 weeks that baby had died at 8 - I probably would have miscarried naturally by the time my 12 week scan came around. So it would of course still be a loss but not a MMC. I know you asked about an early scan up thread - maybe that's worth considering if you think it might help ease your mind.

Original poster
hopingandprayingthistime · 06/01/2018 16:52

How do you know you are actually pregnant before you’ve had a scan? I am starting to worry that I’m not actually pregnant anymore. My symptoms are so mild. However, no bleeding. How common is missed miscarriage?

OP posts:
MNHQ
LornaMumsnet · 04/01/2018 12:21

Hi all,

We're just moving this over to conception at the OP's request.

Flowers
Original poster
hopingandprayingthistime · 03/01/2018 21:14

Thanks @TheLegendofBeans - I hope my booking appointment comes through soon so I can at least get a date for my scan. Crossing everything that I get that far. So sorry for your loss.

I haven’t had any sickness yet and that’s worrying me as the internet is awash with “helpful” articles about how no sickness = bad news Confused

OP posts:
TheLegendOfBeans · 03/01/2018 16:21

PS: I’m going to level with you, when we saw a heartbeat at 9w it was a huge relief but it still tilted my brain into the “what if I lose it in the next three weeks” category. They scan at 12w for a reason, the vast majority of pregnancies survive after this point. But seeing a hb is always a very very positive thing.

Regarding the hen I completely understand why. Yes there’s no clinical reason why you can’t travel but if you’re nervous plus you don’t want to tell folk you’re pregnant yet then don’t go. If the hen/maid of honour is a good friend, tell the truth - they will understand.

TheLegendOfBeans · 03/01/2018 16:16

I was lucky on getting an early scan at 9w. Told them the truth; I had a mmc at 11w and it was surgically concluded.

I did have to say “please” but they were awesome.

Original poster
hopingandprayingthistime · 03/01/2018 15:38

Thanks for the answers on the scans. Maybe I will leave it for now. It’s just a waiting game isn’t it really - I would still worry after a scan. Also don’t like the idea of an internal scan.

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Original poster
hopingandprayingthistime · 03/01/2018 15:37

Yes I suppose that’s right. Maybe I will see how I feel closer to the time and can always feign illness. Not sure what else I’d say as an excuse and I’ve paid for it all now anyway.

OP posts:
QueenAravisOfArchenland · 03/01/2018 15:34

Well, the chances of you needing it are really quite low, but personally I'd just look up the nearest hospital and make a plan for how I'd get there if I had to. You don't have to tell the hens anything, or you could tell one of them and ask for help if you did have any bleeding.

But if you're so anxious about it you really feel you can't enjoy the weekend then you could just not go.

Original poster
hopingandprayingthistime · 03/01/2018 15:31

Queen because I am super nervous and don’t know what I’d do if something happened / what I’d say to the others on then hen / how I’d deal with it without DH etc.

OP posts:
QueenAravisOfArchenland · 03/01/2018 15:28

Why wouldn't you go away? You're in the same country; you'd just go to the local hospital. It's still the NHS.

If you don't want to go on the hen you don't have to but there's no issue with travelling and the pregnancy.

Original poster
hopingandprayingthistime · 03/01/2018 15:27

Thanks so much for your replies Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
hopingandprayingthistime · 03/01/2018 15:27

MumsnetHQ is there any chance you could move this thread to a place where it will remain available longer than 30 days? Thanks

OP posts:
Runningoutofusernames · 03/01/2018 15:24

It's also important that you know that it was almost guaranteed not to have been from anything you did. Most miscarriages are because of an underlying problem in the way the fetus came together, and are nature's way of ensuring that a non-viable pregnancy doesn't continue. When my obstetrician told me this it was so helpful - of course it is good to do all we can to be healthy, and it can help to feel like you can take action, but don't spend a long time worrying.

Fwiw I had 3 miscarriages (no underlying cause found), followed by 2 healthy pregnancies, both now off at school!

Macauley · 03/01/2018 15:18

Hi I had a mc at 10 weeks then got pregnant 2 months after. DD currently sound asleep in my arms Smile.

I did have an early scan at 9 weeks. I was a nervous wreck so my gp referred me for an early scan. To be honest it did reassure me but only for that day. I did treat the scans like milestones to reach.

I also went abroad during my pregnancy. Early on at about 8 weeks then long haul at about 20 weeks. I had my travel insurance. I’d go for it.

fortifiedwithtea · 03/01/2018 15:13

depends if there is a medical reason for an early scan. As my second pregnancy was ectopic (big scary operation, whole 9 yards etc.) I had an early scan in both subsequent pregnancies to check foetus was in the right place and check for heartbeat. DD2 was scanned at 5+ weeks and only a quivering blob on screen which I found more upsetting than DD1 was had a definite heartbeat at 6+ weeks.

A scan is only a snap shot of development at the time it is done. Its won't give any guarantees that the pregnancy will continue successfully.

If you want to go on a hen do and have the energy for it, then do it.

Original poster
hopingandprayingthistime · 03/01/2018 14:54

Hi all, hoping you can help with a couple of related questions. Seven weeks now and still seems okay. 1. Would you have an early scan? Is there any point? I am not sure it actually makes any difference and would only reassure temporarily, but on the other hand five weeks is a long time to wait. I don’t even have my booking appointment yet. Interested if you think early scans are worthwhile / did they make you feel better? 2. Would you go on a weekend away (hen do) in same country but long train ride away during the 12WW? I am wondering how on earth to get out of it and would feel bad as actually want to go. But what would I do if something went wrong while I was away? Nobody on the hen will know of course. Thanks.

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Original poster
hopingandprayingthistime · 28/12/2017 01:03

Ps managing to hide the not drinking from family over Xmas mainly by pretending to drink (with help from crafty DH). Nobody has said anything so far, hopefully they haven’t noticed or are being tactful.

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Original poster
hopingandprayingthistime · 28/12/2017 01:01

Thank you thank you thank you! These replies mean so much and are keeping me going through all the worry. Google is my enemy right now but Mumsnet seems to be my friend. Thank you!

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TheLegendOfBeans · 27/12/2017 23:48

I had an early loss in August and I am now pregnant again (very early days) and I am struggling to keep positive and stop worrying that it’ll happen again

This was me this time last year.

11w DS is snoring away in his already-too-small Moses beside me.

I had to keep asking myself “why SHOULD this pregnancy go wrong?”...not when.

Good luck and congrats OP. Keep the faith x

DrMadelineMaxwell · 27/12/2017 23:41

I had three mcs, one after the other. Dh and I had all the tests but nothing was wrong, just one of those things.

Then I had 2 successful pregnancies, teens now.

Original poster
hopingandprayingthistime · 27/12/2017 23:24

Thanks for your replies. I am hoping and praying this time as my name suggests!

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