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Original poster

Abandoned by Father

32 replies

Curlylou1 · 20/11/2017 08:06

Morning hoping for some words of wisdom. I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant last week and it’s unplanned. Was in total shock for a couple of days and then decided to tell the dad. He was as shocked as I am and I gave him a few days to absorb. At the weekend he came back and said he didn’t want a baby for personal reasons - driving a business, the affect on his current children and his personal freedom. I unfortunately cannot abort. It doesn’t feel right . We cannot agree a way forward. He thinks it’s a case of taking a pill and getting on with life. I have stood my ground and will continue too. The latest update I am getting is he will be there for the baby, but not me . There has been no compassion and kindness in our brief conversations and I am dealing with a stranger. We had lots of plans going into next year and all of these have been cancelled. I feel like I am being punished for not doing what he wants.? Am feeling alone , scared and confused. We are both in our 40’s . Has anyone experienced this. Any words would be appreciated

OP posts:
PoppyJ1 · 21/11/2017 17:34

If you have an abortion that you don't want, you could be letting this selfish man decide for you whether or not you are going to be a mother. That is a huge decision and only you should be making it. If this is a wanted pregnancy from your point of view, congratulations x

Original poster
Curlylou1 · 21/11/2017 17:13

HairHat. No I don’t have any kids, which is making this an even more difficult decision :(

OP posts:
Hairyhat · 21/11/2017 16:44

Do you have other children Op? If not then I think it’s very different for you than for him. Also, if you’re in your 40s this may be your last chance to have a baby. Your fertility window maybe smaller than you think. I went through the menopause at 38/39 and would dearly have loved another child but didn’t realise I couldn’t until it was too late.

Original poster
Curlylou1 · 21/11/2017 08:18

We met up last night to talk again as I needed to get to the bottom of his fears. There has been an apology so feeling calmer. The crux of it is he wants a girlfriend, but not a family too soon (it’s been 6 months) and was enjoying getting to know me. He admitted that it had been going well and he had been happy. I have decided to have some counselling this week on my own and take some time to reflect over the weekend. He is going to get some counselling on Friday on his own. Some advice I would give from this don’t put your stake in the ground open as a discussion . Hoping to come to resolution in the week. His love is on offer without the baby as are all our plans, but it’s not about that for me. Paid for a private scan yesterday and slept for first time in a week. Worth it for peace of mind

OP posts:
SoozC · 20/11/2017 23:18

I have a friend who was in the same situation, except she was five months when she found out. Her child is now 9. The father has seen the child every week since birth, including an overnight stay, and continues to provide. But he and my friend do not get on at all, they are civil for the sake of the child but that's it. My friend does not bad mouth him in front of the child. So it can work. Sorry you are going through this.

RedastheRose · 20/11/2017 22:38

You want your baby but the truth is that at the moment he doesn't.

It's your choice to continue the pregnancy and he doesn't have to like it. However, if he didn't want a baby he should have taken precautions himself.

You basically have to resign yourself to being the best co-parents you can be at this stage.

As it's only a week since you found out he could be in shock or feeling trapped, he may come around but he may also always feel like this.

Make your plans to do this alone and if things change then you can decide if you still want to pursue a relationship with him.

HoneyCake86 · 20/11/2017 08:33

My ex wanted a baby with me then abandoned me at 16 weeks and spent the birth in bed with a new woman. He tried to act like disney dad for a while but now don’t bother and has got his latest gf preg. So its not exactly the same but similar now. All i can say is no matter what you do this asshole guy will do what he wants regardless of what you do, so do what your heart tells you and what YOU want. It does sound like hes lashing out because of not being in control of the situation. I know its painful but it is you who will be living with your decision. Hugs

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