STILL TTC your first baby

Treenie - I always knew I'd come back to work as I enjoy it - as well as it being a financial necessity (ie, if we want to live in the house we want to, I need to have a good job too). Lucky as work flexible and accommodating and work part-time very happily. Although going to work is a real rest from being a mother - I have great respect for ftmums - it would drive me spare! I also thought that I'd manage to do some work 'when the baby is asleep' - fat chance! Ds decided that the only possible place to sleep during the day was in my arms or in the buggy going along - putting him down when asleep was not an option.

We left it nearly a year after getting married before sttc - if we'd known then a) what it was going to take to get to having ds and b) how long it was going to take, I think we might have started on our first date! Unlike b-i-l who, with relatively long-term gf announced at Xmas that baby on way as 'got the counting wrong' (typical musician) and announced wedding at Easter in the following February.... I suppose the point of that is that you can never tell how long its going to take (or if it is even going to happen) - we were effectively at a last ditch attempt when ds arrived - and had agreed that we'd go down the adoption route if any further problems occured (luckily they didn't).

Never more being 'just you' - no, I'm now 'mummy', even when I'm having time away - and its fantastic. Hope that many of you will be there too soon!

Woodmouse it's funny that you should mention gangle. A while back there was thread about when the right time to have a baby was and we were chatting on that. I posted because I was in my 'now is the perfect time' mood which then changed again because of work and just general panic. We decided we'd wait up to a year, but two months on we both really feel we don't want to. Too easy to put it off over and over again and my dh is so keen bless him. He is so happy to listen to me waffle on about birth options and have a selection of vits shove down this throat every morning - the only thing he did say was that he really hoped I didn't postpone it again because he was so excited.
I do have a strong career but I can easily work from home and will go back to it at about six months part time becuase I love it. So that's not really the issue.
It's more the general lifestyle change. Never again will I be just me. I don't think my own mother has managed it 27 years on from having me, Once you are a mum you can never go back and I suppose I sometimes wonder if one more year of being on our tod - being selfish etc - would be a good thing, but then you can go on like that forever - or until it's too late.
And look on your lack of kids being around as a good thing. Other people's kids may put you off. Have a couple of mates with really annoying children and I have to reasure myself that surely I will not bring something like that into the world every time I see them! God you must think I'm so mean but it's true! Spending time with them is the best form of contraception!

Mistlethrush, at the thought of you following me! Was it you standing next to me in the takeaway a few minutes ago....?

Treenie, I know hat you mean about a new wardrobe. I keep seeing gorgeous clothes tht are not really maternity but would work well, just hope I get pg soon to go on a spending spree

Nomore, you are making me feel very earth mother is, and I'm really not! Even though you re exactly on my wave lenghth - I love my little pooch, furry faced baby . Hes definately more house trained than dh anyway... Can't wait to see dh with our baby though, theres something about a man holding a baby, defo.

Hi Woodmouse! I'm quite a lot younger than my sister and brother so my 1st niece was born when I was 8 and so have always been around small babies and children, seems like an extension of me somehow. Oh, there was another mini attack of earthmotheritis...

Mistlethrush and Kensgirl - you are not on the wrong thread. We are really glad to have you both

Treenie - Welcome to the thread!!! Don't worry about lurking and not posting. We've all been there to start with until your confidence lets you post. You sound exactly like me. One minute I'm all clucky and broody, the next minute I panic and see myself as a harrassed Lynette Scarvo and get cold feet. I worried that I'll never be me again and (unfairly) that DH will never lift a finger to help, that I'll lose my own identity. But then you read the posts on MN about mums and their children and everyone is SO positive!

I think that my occasional lack of confidence about TTC#1 is caused by a lack of DC's in the Woodmouse household - neither DH or I have nieces and nephews or young cousins, no family close by and very few of our friends have children (although everyone seems to be PG!!). Maybe I should "adopt" some for the weekend!
Do you feel like this because you've got a strong career? I know that Gangle felt like you and she might pop into the thread.

hello Pinkmartini and Bella and everyone else.

Gilly - any more news on finding a place to stay in London?

hello to anyone I have missed

Nomore that's not weird logical at all. What you are basically saying is that deep down you are a maternal person - in that you are caring and want to love and be loved back. I suppose looking after pets shows that and is a precursor to looking after kids. Does that make sense? You're just not earthy mothery - neither am I.
Kind of like your cats, I always think about how much I love my dh so a little version of him I'm bound to adore.
My heart really is in the ttc thing and I don't mean to sound negative. I supose it's a good thing to go into it with your eyes open instead of being to idealistic.
And have just been looking at some fab maternity jeans - the thought of a lovely new wardrobe motivates me no end! x

Treenie - can agree with the sentiments. If it helps now I have ds, I feel 'complete' - hope that doesn't sound strange.

(I know this is probably the wrong thread to be on, long story - followed Kensgirl...)

And yes, sometimes I am that harrassed mother, but other times more than make up for the problem patches.

Its a big decision and a big change, but I knew when I was ready (mind you, it didn't happen quickly, but it did in the end).

Kensgirl - I know exactly what you mean - that's how I felt, although I wouldn't have done eg 18months before starting ttc.

Thanks Kensgirl it really helps. I'm really sorry to hear about your misscarriage. Let's hope this is the month for you.
Glad to hear you had the same sort of worries.
The way I look on it is that I can't imagine my life with out children so I may as well get on with it. That's not meant to sound flipant but I just think what's the point in hanging about for much longer.
I'm 27 by my dh is 32 and most of his friends have babies. We're standing on the edge of that life stadge so we may as well jump I think. Also I really do believe my friends who are mums when they tell me it's so worth it. They all seem extremely happy.
I'm sure I'll be just like you when I actually get pregnant and that the love for the baby will make me forget all my fears.
Hope so anyway!
x

Hi Treenie! Welcome! I know just what you mean about feeling terrified, its such a huge decision to conciously make. When we first decided to ttc I dithered and woried as I felt it was a bitl ike losing my identity. Plus, we had just got married, had a name change, and I lost my dad just 4 weeks after we got married, and 5 weeks before I first became pregnant. I felt as though I was going from being me, to being a completely new person, somebodies wife and mum etc. However, once we made the decision to start to ttc, I knew it was exactly the right thing to do, and wanted it more than anything in the world.Even when I found out I was pg I still felt a bit panicky over the enormity of it all, but then love for the baby I was carrying pushed all of thse thoughts out of the way, and was wonderful. Sadly, I went on to lose the baby, but now we are trying again I have lost all the negative felings and just know it is the right direction for my life to take. More than that, it feels completely natural, like it is calling me (now I just sound weird......) Sorry, I didn't mean that to be this long but hope it helps!

How is every one else this fine day?

Thanks Bella. This seems like the best place to be as I think your ttc your first baby is quite different to 2nd, 3rd, etc.
Feel a bit of a fraud as not actually ttc for another month yet, but hopefully this will help prepare me!

Welcome Treenie! (I saw you on your other thread, glad you came here!)

Hi all
I'm pretty new to all this TTC and to mumsnet but I would really like to join this thread as I've been following it for a while on and off. Hope that doesn't make me sound like a crazy stalker! You know what it's like when you are just thinking about starting TTC and want to read up on all the info and other people's experiences.
Anyway, have just come off the pill and going to start TTC after next af. On the one hand extremely excited, can't wait, looking forward to being a mum, but on the other am worried I'll never be 'me' again or that my dh and I will never be 'us'. Does that make any sense?!
Lots of people who post on mn seem to be absolutely desperate to have a baby and while I feel like that sometimes, other times I wonder if I will love it or if i'll be one of those miserable, harrassed mothers you see looking exhausted and fed up?
Does anyone else feel this way or am I weird?
Don't get me wrong, fully intend to TTC and really want a family, but also a nervous wreck about all the changes.
Any thoughts?
x

Bella - I know - congratulations - just hoping that all goes well for you. Fingers crossed!

there is mistlethrush - I'm pregnant! (see below). I'm just hanging around here because I am too much of a wuss to join an AN thread.

I've got the insomnia and weeing a lot - don't know what's causing the former (3.15am this morning) but the latter is probably as a result of the large quantities of tea that I'm drinking (very weak I hasten to add) as a result of the insomnia...

Fingers crossed that there is a better explanation for your symptoms Bella!

no nausea! (must not get stressed about that!) but veeeery sore breasts and insomnia. and weeing a lot. it's great! (and I'm not being sarcastic)

Hope this is your month Scorpio x

(i'm fine thankyou, CD3 and doing this ttc business all over again!)

(Bella - hope you ok )

Hi everyone!

Bella - hope you are feeling very nauseous... but otherwise fine!

Mistlethrush - hello again, hope you are ok as it sounds as though you have alot on your plate at the moment. Still, you seem to produce the goods under pressure so maybe it will work for you this time. My edd is fast aproaching (1st July), and I had hoped to be pg by then,even though I shouldn't be, so its going to be a difficult time. Still, I hope so soon. I got pg the 1st month possible that time, and now worry that the mc or erpc have caused a problem that is preventeing me from conceiving now.I know its probably unlikely, but I do torture myself with "what if...."s.

nomore - how true is that?? It brightened up my day!!

Gilly - Good luck with the job and the house move. I.m sure your dad will be OK too, it maybe that it takes a little getting used to for him, if he thought you were settled and ttc again, and doesn't quite undestand that the new challenge will help you channel your energy until the bfp arrives. I think your fertility prayers have been working overtime for all us first timers lately, so I hope they have enough power left to deliver for you and the rest of us still here very soon.

hello woodmouse! You have been quiet lately, hope you are Ok! City and Scorpio ( I know you lurk.....) are you both busy? Not seen you for a while...

Pink martini - I like that thread too, but am in danger of trying to do them all......not sure if thats just obsessive overload . I kkep on seeing you on threads I'm reading tto, did you decide to keep your name?

How are we all doing this month? I'm on cd 21 but I don't think I will be this month,as dh has been ill and we had 2 big arguments over trivia , so unlesss we have been extra lucky....nada. Oh well, I can pretend symptom spot until af arrives, and then try a bit harder next time .

have just had a look - good thread for novices like me!

HI everyone, posting in haste but in case you've not seen this.
here's a thread about things to do

Sorry, seeming to be a bit hit and miss in my posting as have to do it from work - dh in IT so our home computer hasn't worked for 2.5yrs now... (he brings work laptop home so isn't troubled by this)

Anyway - some sharing.

I can sympathise with issues when get to edd - I ended up having my last chemo injection following molar pregnancy following mc on my edd - so its not a good day. I was very glad when that date passed and my ds was not born on it - he arrived 6 days later 2 years on. Even now get gloomy sometimes, but then I look at ds and pull myself up - and, despite being accepted for IVF, still managed naturually in the end!

In terms of time taken, ds is 6 yrs on after starting ttc... Got to the top of the NHS IVF treatment list twice and conceived just in time both times - I think I work well under pressure. I do think that the last time resigning from my job and moving on was a good idea, so Gilly - you never know your luck...

I also am a working mum and it works well. I went back 3 days a week, this was OK but I couldn't get enough done so I was bringing work home but not getting paid for it - so my bosses agreed that I could work 4 days in 3.5days which means that ds in nursery for 3.5 days. He loves it and runs in with a big smile every morning (although he runs out with a big smile every evening too) and work seem OK. 4 days seems to make all the difference in terms of management considering me full-time enough to take on the full range of work. Colleague has just come back on 2 days and this doesn't work too well...

Kensgirl - yes, I would like to ttc, but its a bit difficult if dh has a bit of a hang up - not sure whether its the worry following last years' mc, or the thought of the financial burden that's putting him off, but its a bit difficult ttc when he's not cooperating... Anyone else with this problem?

Will try to keep up with this thread a bit better so that its not just every two weeks or more that I manage to post!

Good luck to everyone

ha ha!