TTC after recurrent miscarriage

Thanks for your experiences. I will keep thinking about private tests, but might not rush into it. At the moment I don't have much time for appointments and tests so will need to wait until I can fit those in anyway. It is partly the idea of having to get pregnant (which could take a long time) and then it happen again before finding out if there is something useful I could have done before.

Anne I have a nearly 3 year old and that is helping. If I'm feeling like sulking in bed I usually need to go to the park or something keeping me busy instead. Also means I've not had much time to rest and recover.

Oh my god, EXACTLY that.

Colleague: "Sorry to hear about what happened to you Anne. At least you can pregnant. My old boss and his wife had 15 miscarriages but they got a baby in the end" Me: "Um, thanks?" Colleague: "Yeah, it was IVF which worked in the end. And about 10 years I think. And they had to remortgage their house. But a baby in the end. Cool" Me (inside my head) "What the actual fucking fuck. I know you're a nice person but how was ANY of that meant to help me?!"

Possible minor exaggeration but that was near enough it. And it's stuff in the media as much as people trying to be helpful. I don't want to hear about people who've had 5 or 6 or 12. It's been shit enough as it is thank you kindly and I don't honestly know how we'd cope if it happened again.I know people do, and many much worse things especially involving babies and children. But I'd really rather not. I can't tell you how much I get what you're saying.

I'm also aware that to people who've had one loss, which is heartbreaking anyway, I'm one of the scary ones!

Hey Foxtrot

I've just been spamming it chatting about alternative therapies! Turquoise is one of the old guard and always nice to talk to. But I totally hear you.

How are you doing?

Sorry for your losses Mog, there aren't any rules here so you're very welcome to pitch in!

Do you know the area you live in is very slow on tests? I only ask because I didn't know anything about any of it and the first I knew about being referred was when we got a letter from the RMC with an appointment time. I remember the EPU mentioning it to me but didn't do anything about it and my appointment date was 7 weeks after my MMC, so incredibly quick. My consultant also works privately but the NHS RMC is fortnightly on a Wednesday afternoon. I had tests done at the first appointment, got info from tests from my surgery, got most of a treatment plan, and then was given the results 4 weeks later. It was blindingly fast.

From what I've read on here though that can be unusual, so it really depends on where you are. PM if you want to say. Round here, you'd be able to pay to see out guy so it might be worth finding our who runs your local RMC and see if they'd see you privately. A possible way to go.

Have you got any children or are you TTC your first? And do you have any family history of mc? Some places may well see you after 2 if there have been losses in your wider family.

Hello I'm not officially had recurrent miscarriage yet as had 2, but hoped you might be able to help with a question. I'm wondering about paying for private tests after hearing about how slow NHS ones can be and wanting to try and avoid another miscarriage. Would you recommend tests as soon as possible?

Also how do feel about taking medication to try and help? I worry there is so much guess work that if I was prescribed something and then it took longer to conceive or something went wrong again, I'd not know whether it was coincidence or messing with my cycles. Although it's obviously not working at the moment I still don't know if I want to potentially make things worse, but I don't want to do nothing. It's so hard to know what is best.

Good luck to you all.

Hey keepon, I remember you too, sorry you're still in this phase but welcome to our new tiny gang

I posted this on the TTC after loss thread this morning too and it's even more relevant to us lot: www.telegraph.co.uk/women/family/coped-grief-multiple-miscarriages-can/

I hadn't heard of the charity before but looks like it's a busy place and might have some useful resources. I haven't had a good painful wallow in the shit of it all for a while. The end of the summer has been so so so busy I've been distracted. A while back I was really struggling and bought a book by a woman who'd had a couple of losses. I needed to know someone else had been in the same pain and lived to tell the tale! And then it arrived and the moment had passed so it's stayed on the shelf.

I find stories of many many losses so upsetting - warning that the piece mentions someone who's had 20 - as I can't imagine it hurting more than it has done. How the hell do you keep getting up in the morning? How terrifying much each BFP be when you know what's likely to follow?

And I also find people who've had multiple losses then had a healthy baby after are in a different place. They know that however hard it was it was worth it. I don't at all mean they weren't in the worst place beforehand, it's not a competition and the grief of multiple loss is spectacular, but they know there was eventually some light and some happiness.

I have no reason to believe we'll have a happy ending, what if we're the people making up the numbers on those who don't go on to have babies at the end of it? DH isn't there at all and hasn't ever been, he's super optimistic bless him! But I have my moments. Am I being daft? Our consultant at the RMC said my next pregnancy, always assuming, has an 85% chance of making it to a take home baby. Which made us both feel a lot better in the earlier days of TTC again. But the shine's worn off it for some reason.

Sorry for rambling. I'm feeling alright today, not miserable, just a bit philosophical!

Hope you guys are okay x

Hello ladies.

May I join? I recognise a couple of names from various other threads.

Thanks for setting up this thread lisa. I was thinking of doing a similar one myself. I somehow feel a bit too cynical and like I've been around too long for the main TTC after pregnancy loss thread.

We're not back to TTC yet but will be in the next few months and I feel like I need to start and get back into the mindset for it. I'm having surgery on the 6th October and then once we've got the all clear from that we'll be back on it. I'm kind of dreading it to be honest.

So sorry anne, The past couple of weeks I was a few days late, I finally thought this was it again, I am never late, 28 days, I can set a clock by it, but at this point was nearly 4 days late. no symptoms but drove myself mad googling. and then it happened and that was another month gone!

What have your dr's said to you, have they given you a timeframe to crack on and if nothing happens by then they will do something else?

This is also what were struggling with now, just to get pregnant again. I have my acupuncture tomorrow and really looking forward to it, staying positive this is going to be the game changer .

Lisa glad to hear you got through the shower, totally get the milestones thing too, Sometimes I work out how many children I should have by now and it scares me, or even worse is the comparing to others which I just seem unable to not torture myself with. Prince george was born after my ds, and she's now on her 3rd and i have 1.

How's today been lisa?

Af arrived this morning. Run out of mefanamic acid and been out all day in pain and looking like I've swallowed a beach ball. But it was a happy lovely day and DH has been so sweet. I know he's gutted. I think he's starting to freak out about how long it's taking as well. Not sure what to do.

Oh well. Onto another month.

flynn, you're very wise and clearly an incredibly strong brave woman. You have my admiration and my sincerest sympathy for your losses and everything you've gone through. I hope there are happier days ahead for all of us.

I'll be thinking of you lisa and hope it's as okay as it can be

Still time to develop food poisoning in the morning if you can't face it and no one would blame you xxx

No af, was due today. Bfn on IC. In bed with a terrible headache and a sore throat instead of prepping for a BBQ tomorrow. Only just over a horrible cold so feeling a bit sorry for myself!

Had a wobble earlier. A year ago at this friend's birthday do I was pregnant and my biggest worry was that I'd throw up and/or people would guess before we wanted to tell them. What I'd give for that now. Instead of showing up with a squishy 3 month old baby in my arms I'm not pregnant and sodding af is failing to show. It'll probably turn up while we're there. Just my luck after this fucking year.

Look after yourself tomorrow okay. Here if you need a rant.

Lisa its not weak and pathetic - quite the opposite actually, wer all going through a hell of a time, I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy, each month my life is on hold, I barely drink, I rarely go out, I cant plan anything because I dont know what will happen and when it does we have dealt with the outcomes. Its no wonder you're feeling so delicate at the moment. It would be abnormal if you felt nothing at all and powered through.

You've taken a step to get help which is to be admired. Fingers crossed the counsellors come through for you, and as for the shower tomorrow, god I feel for you so much. Ive had 3 to go to this past summer, each one left me filled with anxiety, but I went and threw myself into it, threw off the "when are you going to have another one" comments and survived. and if i'm honest they were worse when they were in my head, the actual event was fine. Not saying I wasn't glad to get home in my pjs though, have a good cry with a takeaway too - Maybe that will help you get through it plan something nice for yourself after its all over.

Hi fia & something, sorry you've both found yourself here also. something - i'd give your gp a call to chase things up again, I remember getting my referral from my gp last december and when my appt came through for feb I was gutted it would take so long. you really want that as soon as possible.

anne yes to the clots as big as my hand! so glad they've settled down for you, im going to mention them this week at my next appt, fingers crossed they havent lost my bloods again! Your consultant seems so much more proactive than mine, my last appt was in June a week after i'd miscarried, as nice as she was she seemed too interested in trying to get me to sign up to a rm trial using progesterone suppositories.

Amongst other things I've now developed Insomnia, just what I need with a full day of work tomorrow! I have booked my acupuncture for next week, sounds sad but really looking forward to next week now, accupuncture & the clinic to get few more answers.

You've both been through the ringer @somethingfromnothing and @Fia256. Hope your appointments come through quickly.

Worth chasing up if you've waited longer for it than you'd expected to something? Do you have someone you can contact?

I found writing a massive list before our first appointment really helped. I was worried about being rushed and forgetting what to ask. Dates of cycles, past surgeries, dates of mcs, questions about tests etc. My consultant has the best PA in the world and she's been really great as well. As my last mc was after I was under the clinic it was she who gave me my shit HCG result and told me I was losing another baby, she was so kind, listened to me bawl and told me she really understood as she'd her own losses. A bit of compassion makes such a difference.

I'm happy to waffle on at boring length about what the clinic was like if it's of any use to anyone heading that way.

Af due tomorrow.... Don't really feel like it's coming, which I've definitely had one of the times I was pregnant. Got a BFN yesterday, but I've never had a BFP before 13 or 14 DPO and my luteal phase is 13 days. Temp still high and cervix is super high and soft. Will see what tomorrow brings.

My super sensitive nose which I've had every cycle since last mc made a brief appearance last week but has mostly been missing, though I have had a cold! Massive sore boobs but otherwise feel pretty normal. I'm incredibly hormonal most of the time with one thing or another so it's a bit weird to feel so normal. Either Af is being super sneaky or something's going on....

How are you all?

What you say makes complete sense Lisa, we've spent soooo long chatting through our options for future pregnancies (always assuming!) not wanting to fill me with chemical crap when I have no diagnosis, but absolutely not willing to waste time going it again and refusing the help and expert advice on offer.

What have you been told they'll give you when you're pregnant again? Will you keep on the progesterone e.g. take it from 7dpo and carry on post bfp? If so, how long for?

I've been told progesterone from first sign of spotting post bfp - though like you I've never had any in the past - till 12 weeks, aspirin until bfp swapping to clean jabs every day till full term. He said on the clexane I should then have a lower than normal risk pregnant and can go midwife led if everything else is okay, should have a natural birth, can breastfeed etc. After a pregnancy of needles and who knows what other drugs etc I'll be keen to maintain the chance of as much normality as possible. Obviously everyone just travels hopefully in pregnancy but I hate the idea of loads of intervention and medicalisation if it's not necessary.

Having said all that, I'd like a bloody baby after all these bloody pregnancies and the crap of the last year, so I'll do what I have to and take what I get! Waahhhh, where the hell is my baby!