TTC after recurrent miscarriage

Nice to hear both of your thoughts on beliefs lisa and flynn, thank you.

Sorry for the off-topic derail into spiritual matters... But for me it's all been part of the process, acknowledging what's happened, finding ways to come to terms with everything, and finding positive ways to move forward into hopefully a more positive place for hopefully a more positive pregnancy journey.

Nurturing the whole body just makes sense flynn, especially when you've been poked and prodded either as a result of miscarriages (I didn't find the surgery much fun) or with tests. Plus trying to keep faith with your body and what it's capable of. We've all already made babies, and even those of us who don't have DC yet, know we can do it, we just need to be able to hold onto them till they get big and fat, arrive to us safely and come home for head sniffing and cuddles.

I'm feeling pretty good tonight. Nice weekend ahead of us. Bought LOADS of fruit and veggies, going to get an early night, paint my nails, appreciate what I have and look forward to being needled tomorrow and all the potential benefits of that.

Hope everyone's doing okay. flynn, hope you're not feeling too battered by the hospital being shit and you get a chance to chat to DP.

Lisa Thank you much for sharing all that, It still hasnt put me off! I've never had a coil fitted so cant compare the pain to that but with ds I was overdue and did have a sweep which is I believe the same sort of thing - Now that hurt!

Im 2 1/2 hours from coventry by car so not too bad although I think I would get the train as I hate driving for ages. Id have to go alone too which is a PITA but dp would need to be here to pick ds up. I have the money so thats no problem I just fear that if nothing comes back from this I will end up shelling out for other tests and all our savings will be used up with nothing to show for it. Need to think about this 1.

Anne That's so kind of that friend, I used to be forced into religion by mum when I was younger, then I rebelled away and now find myself saying the odd prayer to help me out when needed so there must be something still in the back of my mind!

And like you I have gone so Woo too, I have fertility crystals in every room - not told dp he thinks I just like them! I think im leaning towards Eastern ways more because our western NHS ways have given up on me and not found anything, and I think mostly the western way is to produce some tablets for you to take and cover what your actually dealing with.

The eastern way appeals to me as they deal with the whole body if that makes sense. Ive probably convinced myself with that reason anyway, but thats what I like to believe!

Yes, that's exactly how I feel Lisa, these days I'm all about accepting good will and kindness wherever it appears, and it's often where you least expect to find it.

I've often really envied people with a faith, what a comfort to believe it's all part of a bigger picture and there's a higher power with a plan. But I've even struggled with "it wasn't meant to be" said to me in a non-religious way. Sorry, no, it fucking WAS meant to be and we were dealt a crappy hand. There was no reason, in a philosophical sense, that my babies have died. My DM was so angry wth her god when we had the MMC she stopped going to church. But she's found her way back, and seems to take comfort from talking to friends who share her beliefs.

I'm fully on board with other forces at play, energy, the importance of intentions etc, but it's much more eastern and vague and it works for me at the moment. The idea though of a single deity which is absolutely fine with the pain we've all been through and has either intended for it to happen, or had no power to stop it, can piss right off.

Sorry, not sure where that all came from! I'm grateful for the kindness and the generous thoughts from the nice man!

I'm sorry if your experiences have complicated your faith. Do you ever go to church? We actually have a small memorial for our MMC baby in our village church, which hasn't felt hypocritical because it's a special place in our community which we support as that rather than a religious place.

How many times did you go there Lisa? Sorry it was so painful, that sounds quite traumatic.

Sorry about BFN Fox Enjoy the wine and I really hope the sorting goes as well as it can.

Flynn, I know what you mean, I keep telling myself I know it's not a miracle cure but I'm kidding myself! That's shit about DP not being more engaged. I'm sorry, that's really tough. Recurrent losses take a massive toll on everyone, do you know how's he feeling about things generally? Are you able to sit down one evening and ask him and share what you're going through?

I had to explain to DH that every now and then an "it'll all be okay" is nice, but most of the time I don't appreciate positivity or platitudes, who knows if it will all be alright, and I don't want him to fix it, I just want to vent, or worry, express sadness or fear, and a "yes, it's shit" and a big hug or a nice meal is much more helpful!

Of course you need to talk about what's been going on, can you let him know it matters to you to know he's there supporting you and that it would be nice if he remembered when you have appointments and asked about them?

I had a funny thing happen last night. I told DM I have acupuncture planned for tomorrow and knew it wasn't a miracle cure and she very awkwardly said she had something to tell me about miracles but didn't know how....

She then went to on explain that a friend was on holiday in the summer abroad, climbed a mountain and came across a chapel to Mary where women go for fertility boosting when they're struggling to conceive.

He got my a bottle of anointing oil that has been blessed, and some special water and brought them back and posted them to DM for me.

He's a committed Christian, DM is a recent convert and I'm nothing of the sort, so she's been sitting on the parcel worried I'd think she was overstepping bless her! Apparently my mention of acu reassured her I'm open minded (hell, I've also got into reflexology, crystals, washed my feet in magical water at a hippy place some months back, I'm well into the woo!) so she's dropping everything round tomorrow morning.

I have no idea what to do with any of it but I'm immensely touched by the kindness of a man I've never met, who's been listening to DM when she's been sad about our struggles and went to a lot of effort to try and help us.

What would any of you make of it?

sorry fox Its so annoying when your waiting for something one way or the other, try not to be too impatient about it as you're sure to only stress yourself further. Enjoy the wine, enjoy having a bit of time to yourself, then come back stronger next time

Lisa yes it is for the NK cells, I think I may have asked you on my other thread but how did you find it? Was it painful?

Im probably wrong but i'm pinning my hopes on this acupuncture being my miracle cure. Doesnt help that ive mentioned twice this morning to dp I went back to the hospital yesterday and he's not even asked how I got on, He has a lot on his plate at the moment but still cant help feel a bit sad that hes either not listening or just blocking it out at the moment.

So sorry flynn. It is so frustrating. The 'it is just bad luck' pill is very hard to swallow. And how crap to make you wait so long for the results.

Even though my uterine septum was discovered after miscarriage number 2 and there is evidence linking it to miscarriage I had to request a clinic appointment and then ask for the surgery, my consultant was not going to offer it. All she did was send me a letter saying the genetic testing was normal and that I knew I could ring EPU for reassurance scans next time I was pregnant. I was so angry when I got that letter.

Sadly, sometimes we just have to make a nuisance of ourselves I think.

Thankyou all, Feel much better after devouring a family bag of minstrels! The tests she had previously told me about is based at the Warwick clinic, they are phone based to begin with and it boils down to them giving you an endo scratch, this procedure costs £540 and they get back to you with the results within a few weeks I think.

I was debating whether to do this as its a lot of money for just another thing to test for and may not produce any results. I need to really sit and look through the best tests available, From what I've read up the NHS tests aren't that conclusive anyway and possibly may need to book in for more thorough of the same tests.

She asked me about any changes and I mentioned the size of the clots - still nothing, I mentioned again how I think there is something wrong with my thyroid (family history of having to have it removed, plus mil asked me recently if i have thyroid problems as mine is sticking out to much whatever that means!).

My heads a bit battered with everything this week, tonight is takeaway and vodka! Tomorrow is researching a bit more and looking forward to my acupuncture on monday again. Thanks for letting me moan!

May1208 If you're looking for success stories, I don't mean to be rude but this probably isn't the best place! We're all still waiting too :) I expect if you post on Pregnancy you will find people who have had miscarriages previously which might be reassuring.

Flynn sorry I missed that she'd held onto the results since August? WTF? And yes very confusing and hurtful that she would give you hope for more testing and then - nothing. Gah.

I can't get myself too worked up about alcohol. I'm sure it does make a difference but alcohol seems to be involved in so many accidental pregnancies that I just can't bring myself to believe it makes a big difference TBH!

Anne I have put a bit on, I'm not quite in the "healthy" BMI range yet but getting closer.

flynn we are in Germany and the geneticist is covered by health insurance so that is good. I don't think we can get it moved up as there are only two geneticists/fertility clinics in our area and the other one is so booked up they aren't even taking on new patients. This one was a six month waiting list as I called them in July.

DH already knows that he has the translocation from testing his mum had when she was pregnant but we need them to redo the test because apparently it's important to know what particular chromosomes are affected as that will give us more info. They can do selective IVF if we really struggle to conceive so that might be something we look into but I'm a bit scared of that - lots of needles and painful procedures I think.

Apparently genetic issues are the only way that men's sperm can be the root of miscarriages.

Oh flynn biggest hugs. What a complete fucker. I agree about calling the MA helpline. I haven't yet but their website has been such a help to me and I have a DD to them every month specifically to contribute the phone line!

I'm so confused about her agreeing with you?! What does that mean? So they've done all the tests they can but she agrees there are other tests other people could do? I'd be fucking livid, it feels more productive than despair, but just ride the feelings and rant at us lot if it helps. Here for you x

lisa good! You deserve a blowout now and again, why stress all the time! Give yourself a break, you may find relaxing and not stressing will do you the world of good!

I've just come out of the hospital resting the urge to cry - they basically told me the karyotyping results had come back all clear, she'd had the results since early August but hadn't got around to sending me them. And after that told me I'd reached the end of the road with the recurrent mc clinic, there were no more NHS tests to offer me but they would be happy to do an early scan if I needed one should I ever get pregnant again.

I cannot cry. I have to pick ds up from school in a bit. I'm meant to be under one of the uks leading mc clinics and they've just signed me off. Last appt she told me they were all down to bad luck, today I said I refuse to believe it's all bad luck and the correct test hasn't been performed yet and she agreed with me...wtf?? When they say 1 thing but mean another. I feel genuinely angry now that they've wasted so much of my time for no answers and no real help.

Early night is needed and I'm breaking open the bottle of vodka!

Hi Ladies. Sadly I find myself joining this thread as I wait to go to hospital for a D&C. Second miscarriage in 4 months. On the plus side we are very lucky to be pleased with a 16month old DS but fear age is now against us (41). I've been frantically searching sites for ways to naturally improve fertility and to try and for statistics of 3 in a row (if we are lucky enough to conceive again). At this point very grateful for any tips or shared stories of what worked after recurrent MC.

fox Sorry you're having to sort out your dads estate, But wine is the most sensible option you can choose whilst doing so!