TTC after recurrent miscarriage

Hello Chocolate and Salt. I am about 6 weeks and still on this thread. This is the 3rd time I've been pregnant this year, so not really believing it will be successful and assume I'll be back to ttc next month. Chocolate I saw your post in pregnancy and it's shocking you have not had tests after 5 miscarriages. Salt sorry to hear another story of unhelpful insensitive comments. My experience at the hospitals have been fantastic, so there are some doctors who can get it right.

I'm not sure how I'm feeling. I don't normally have pregnancy or miscarriage symptoms, so not expecting those, but that makes it hard to feel reassured or panicked. Feeling fed up of early pregnancy for nothing, missing out on fun things to avoid drinking and my body bloating and clothes looking rubbish. Feels like my body has been through a lot of strain this year.

Lisa - to have ups and downs through the process is understandable and not something to feel guilty over.

Wha, Salt, that isn't even true, there is no cause of miscarriage which causes future pregnancies to be less likely! I bet that she meant the more miscarriages you have the more likely it is you have more serious problems, but jeez. Talk about insensitive and misleading!!

Thank you Lisa, the pregnant after miscarriage board is probably better. Just had a little read back through a few posts, and wanted to say sorry for your awful appointment. I once waited an hour for an appt after my 4th miscarriage, only to be in literally 6 minutes and told "there's nothing we can really do, I'll refer you on to another trust, but your odds of a successful pregnancy will go down each time this happens". When I asked for statistics, she just shrugged. She thought I was still pregnant and when I told her I'd miscarried she didn't even say "I'm sorry" or anything, just wrote it down. After that appt, I was so devastated, it really set me back. I can empathize with how upset you've been feeling, and I think feeding back to professionals that deal with women like us is really important and valid for future women with RM. Good luck with the future, this seems like a lovely thread, hope you ladies all get the babies you deserve xx

You're not nuts Lisa. I have similar spirals of thoughts myself about my losses. And every so often someone comes along, be it a friend, relative or healthcare professional who manages to say something which just feeds into those thoughts and emotions.

I'll jump on the bandwagon as well, of that's okay, although not sure if this thread is just for ladies TTC, coz I'm actually pregnant not, but like ilovechocolate I've had 5 miscarriages and no children yet, so very very nervous.

Can i join please.
Just found out I'm pregnant after 5mc's
Panicking like mad and trying to keep calm x

Scary duck hello. Sorry you have to be here. Sounds even more stressful knowing you have a reason miscarriage may be more likely. I hope the next time works for you even if the chances seem slim.

Lisa - your phrasing seems much better than unlucky and sounds a good letter to send. Is part of your frustration the delay and not ttc for months while waiting for the tests? I think having such a limp answer when you have waited and held hope on finding a solution would knock me hard emotionally too.

I think that is a good idea and I agree that unexplained or seemingly unconnected would be better ways to phrase it than "unlucky".

But it is quite personal so I don't know. But medically unexplained is more accurate than bad luck. It could be that there's a cause they don't know about.

Sorry, bit of a waffly post.

Lisa I think if you feel the care you have received is below what should be expected than yes, contact PALS. Maybe write it out today, sleep on it and then read it again before sending it to make sure you're happy with it?

I shall fess up to being a doctor for this bit. I know there will be countless things I've said to patients and relatives over the years that they will have felt have been insensitive or could have been said in a kinder way. We need feedback to know what we can do differently in the future. I now mainly work with people who have brain injuries, often very severe, and no matter how much I've been taught about empathy, I'm never going to come close to understanding what it is like to be in their position. I think the same applies to a lot of the doctors we have encountered because of recurrent miscarriage but some are probably better at acknowledging that than others. As a doctor I sometimes worry that saying platitudes will come across as patronising or they may just seem like empty words.

There's certainly some things I am planning on feeding back to my hospital. Same as you, not a complaint, more feedback. Such as one of the nurses at my EPU speaks incredibly quietly, bordering on whispering, which isn't great when you're trying to work if she said there is or isn't a heartbeat. But she probably thinks that that is being sensitive. I've decided to wait until the end of the journey so to speak to do this though.

Welcome ScaryDuck. Sorry to hear of your losses. I'm a fan of the running/wine coping strategies too and can second the wine sometimes winning!

Lisa I'm sorry your appointment was rubbish. It is crap when you go with all this hope of this person being able to offer something to help you and getting nothing. It feels to me that unless you go to one of the big RMC hospitals it is very much a side line. I certainly don't feel like my consultant is hugely interested in it, more that it is just something she has to do as part of her job. Also, I think ultimately they just don't get the emotional toll, and think that people can go through an unlimited number of losses.

Ah yes that's right, sorry, I'm so bad with names. It's so late, are you trying to sleep? I would get up and do something different. Run a bath or have a shower if it won't disturb your neighbours. Go and sit outside if it's safe and possible. I used to smoke - don't now obv but sometimes it's just being in the cool still silent night air and breathing and looking at the stars which helps you feel a bit more grounded.

Don't spend loads of time online because it will feed the awake/ruminating cycle, but you could watch something silly with def no mention of pregnancy and/or read an old favourite book or do something meditative like colouring, drawing. Drink some water or make yourself a tea - decaf if you like.

Hope you feel better soon x

Yes defo agree. Sorry I thought you had a previous bad experience but perhaps I was getting you mixed up with another poster.

Ah Lisa glad Coventry were nicer. Was that the same doctor as before?

Anne no don't worry about dips as it's about the overall pattern, not anomalies of a day or two here and there. In terms of knowing whether or not you're pregnant, it won't affect temps until well after implantation anyway as it's progesterone rising again which pushes them up further. That happens around the time you'd get a BFP or your period.

Scary I was thinking about what you said earlier about planning for getting over a MC before Christmas and I realised I've been doing this too I know I've miscarried before at about 5-6 weeks so I do tend to look ahead to things and think about when it will be in terms of fertile/pregnant/period/potential miscarriage. I'm going away in November and I've twigged it will be almost exactly, BFP or AF time. So I'll be drinking heavily or celebrating. Don't know how DH will feel about me being away! But it's so unlikely we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I would probably be fine until I got home anyway.

The nice thing about Germany I must admit is that they have ultrasound scanners in the gynecologist's office so you get scanned all the time. And blood tests constantly which I used to find really annoying because I hate needles, but I've got used to it now and I appreciate getting concrete numbers of whether my hCG is increasing. I got a picture of the weeny sac with the first one even though it wasn't meant to be. And she showed me both times the deflated/empty sac which helped me process it I think. I didn't notice the first one pass at all so it was helpful to have something concrete like that.

Sorry to hear about the rubbish doctor Lisa. I think ultimately they really don't know much about miscarriage at all - the consultant I saw at the RMC basically said as much, he'd written off my test results before even doing the tests. It is SO unhelpful to be told it's just "bad luck". Glad that Coventry were more helpful!

Anne there is nothing much to do for future pregnancies - I can have as many early scans as I want but I find them really stressful and it seems a bit pointless, it's either fine or it's not. Next time I will go for a scan at 8 weeks (as they usually die at 7) then a CVS if I make it that far. Can't really picture that now though.

Pilates sounds good, might give that a go!

What can be done to help with future pregnancies scary?

My god but Chinese medicine is doing well out of us lot!

I think whatever makes you feel better, more in control of it all, like you're looking after yourself, is to be commended. Pilates is making me appreciate what's good, strong and capable about my body. I've had moments of utter despair at my failures to make and keep a baby, so focussing on getting it healthy and celebrating what it CAN do is positive. I do tue occasional jog but I never last long! Wine is great

Also gin. And becks blue which I got into when pregnant. So few calories it's basically flavoured water!

I need to shift a few lbs and I feel relatively motivated to do it.

But the rest is as important. Long baths, good books, nice potions and lotions, quality time with DH, seeing friends when I want to, staying in when I don't.

Nice to have you with us and I obviously hope you're not here too long x

Hi Lisa and Anne and thanks!
Yes, I did find out about the translocation after the TFMR. My first pregnancy was a MMC, and I was told it was just a one off and everything would be fine. Sure you all heard that too! Then the next pregnancy was obviously anxiety filled but i had 3 perfect scans before they discovered fatal abnormalities. So TFMR and the baby tested for unbalanced chromosomes - was told nothing to worry about, just a random occurrence but they'd test us both anyway. And of course, it was positive. Think I was in shock and denial and got pg straight away, somehow though it might be different but MMC again. I feel pretty hopeless now. Conservative and pessimistic sums me up Bertie!

I do acupuncture as well Anne, I don't know if I actually believe in it but it's really relaxing and I love my acupuncturist. The other things that help me are wine and running, more wine than running though tbh...

Lisa, you've been through so much, the last thing you need to do is berate yourself for what other people might think about it. I do know what you mean, I worried on threads before that I'm a symbol of what I struggle with sometimes - how many more losses before I get my baby! But what can we do? Pat ourselves on the back for still standing and feel gratitude that other people can have the easy, optimistic, straight forward pregnancies we sadly haven't had. The shittest thing is having the chance of a stress free naive pregnancy taken away forever. And while you're dealing with that, don't add to it by feeling bad about how your friends might feel x