TTC after recurrent miscarriage

anne I cross posted with you earlier, I too wrote out a pot that was basically saying I think im nearing the end of ttc as I feel like my life has been on hold for 3 years, I feel like ive missed ds growing in that time due to caring for terminal relatives, my life is on hold as I cannot make any plans, so today I thought fuck it all. Ive booked a holiday to new york in a few weeks, Im taking my mum with me, just like we used to do each year, Ive not been away in 5 years.

Im also booking a trip for new year somewhere hot for dp, myself and ds, to have something to look forward to.

I didn't press post on it as I didnt want to sound so negative but now I actually feel happy, ive stepped back slightly and can enjoy other things rather than spending my time worrying! Get painting your room, book a trip, go live your life!

Much love to you Miami. You have been in my thoughts today.

Sorry about the BFN Lisa. I second Anne's suggestion.

Anne, thumbs up on the non-baby making plans. We blew a load of savings on a trip to California last year, it was great! It is hard because I find it is always slightly in the back of your mind but we need to keep living and enjoying our lives in the here and now.

Miami You're in my thoughts today, sending strength and love to you all today xx

foxtrot get that, you want people to acknowledge its happened but also value your privacy. I have never told any family about my mc's. My mum especially would be the last person - not that she'd be horrible but she would constantly be asking me questions every day.

I did slip up to sil at fil's funeral a few weeks ago though and she started asking me lots of questions... not seen her since but i'm dreading it now she knows!

fingers crossed for you anne

So sorry Lisa, what a fucker. Big glass of whatever you fancy tonight and something sinful for dinner!

I have in the past, which is sweet of you to remember. We'll see. Due Saturday.

We were up very late last night making totally non baby related plans. I did some thinking while reading this new book by the acupuncture guy. He was saying he asks his patients what they want, they say a baby, and he says what else. Life certainly hasn't stood still and we're doing stuff all the time, but since we started ttc early last year it's been there, as something to consider for every plan we've made. Feels inevitable.

It's an interesting exercise though to think about what else I want. Maybe to get another cat, maybe to book a holiday to look forward to. Maybe not losing a few lbs because it doesn't matter, I'm healthy and who cares. I was trying to lose weight so I'd be 100% happy with my BMI when I have my next booking in apt.

I've been saving so we'd have a cushion for when I'm next pregnant/on maternity.

But screw it. I'm going to paint our room and we're planning a few days away over new year.

That's where I'm at today. I'm going to buy tester pots!

miami ❤️ Sending you strength and love x

Testing again today lisa? I got a bfn at 12dpo. Feeling pretty alright about it. Boobs are so sure and my nipples are actually aching. Not sure what that's about.

How are you today foxtrot? Weeing loads can definitely be a sign!

She has such a beautiful name Miami, I had to google it work how to pronounce is. "Radiant one", that's so beautiful.

We'll all be with you in spirit tomorrow xxxx

And I agree, what a thoughtless cow. You're so brave to speak up rather than sitting there like a lemon like I've done a few times! Maybe she'll think twice before being an idiot next time she has a grieving couple on front of her.

Jesus Lisa, what a twat. Have you imagined how you could have replied to tell him to keep his stupid fucking comparisons to himself? Then if you find yourself thinking about it again you can finish the memory with a vision of you smashing his face into a wall, or a haughty reply and him apologising.

I can relate to the enquiring/sad looks about whether I'm pregnant again/why's it taking so long.

I don't find it too hard to talk about, sometimes it's really helpful. But it depends who with and in what context. Having a couple of close people I can talk to, just about how shit it is sometimes, what I feel is missing, is really good.

Funny who's never once brought it up though - neither of my SIL's has ever said a single word. I'd told them both I was pregnant and I'm close to my brothers so they were in the loop on the MMC. I was in a right state, in hospital a few times etc, and I don't think I got a single message from either of them. Saw them a week later at a birthday and it was like it had never happened. Not sure if it's a relief or a bit sad.

Debate sounds interesting, I love a bit of politics. Anyone got a link to any info?

My hopeful twattishness went into overdrive yesterday

Was so nauseous on the way home I nearly chundered, lay on the sofa heaving, then ate some breadsticks and felt better. Boobs nearly doubled in size, super veiny and incredible sore. I had a sharp stab in my left ovary area and a short case of the fanny daggers. It was eventful. And quite familiar.

Af due Saturday. Feeling back to normal this morning.

Testing again tomorrow Lisa?

It's lovely you're close to your stepmum Bertie. Was your Mum being positive in an "it'll all be alright" sort of way?

I've swung between feeling comforted when people have said that and felt as though of course they're right and it will be fine, and rage at how the hell could they possibly know, loads of people end up childless not by choice and there's no justice to any of it so they should piss off. When it's the latter, I tend to grimace and nod then walk away.

Oh I didn't know they were having a debate. What happened?

Scary I feel the same and I think I'll probably be more comfortable talking about it in later years when we're not TTC any more.

Haha, I enjoy a parliamentary debate too Play, sorry to have missed that one.

Miami I've just caught up and read your posts, I'm so sorry to hear about Eilidh, and I will be thinking about you and your DH on Thursday. Midwife sounds crap as well, great that you told her what's what though, well done. I just nod politely when health professionals say stupid things so good for you standing up for yourself. Last MC I had, one nurse said "I just don't know how you go on" which was particularly unhelpful

I'm not sure where I stand on pregnancy loss awareness - on the one hand I think it is so important to talk about it, on the other hand, talking about it leads to the stupid comments! I didn't tell a soul about my last loss, just don't see the point anymore. But then, the stupid comments are because of lack of awareness so it's a vicious circle really. I spent this afternoon at work listening to people talking about their babies (3 people, one for each time I would have been due) and I really wanted to tell them why it hurt me so much, but it's too personal and i don't want people at work knowing that about me.

I don't know if any of you have been made aware but on parliament tv (I'm so sad) right now is the live parliamentary "debate" on baby loss and it's fascinating.

Oh Miami the last thing you need at the moment is healthcare professionals making ridiculous comments like that. I'm proud of you for standing your ground and I very much hope she has reflected on it and learnt something from it. You are very much in my thoughts for this week, and especially for Thursday.

I think I shall light a candle on Sunday and make a donation to one of the miscarriage charities.

Another pic, clearer: www.appleseedfertility.com/uploads/4/1/5/3/41532581/7415621.png?412

Miami will keep you and your family in my thoughts on Thursday. What a horrible silly midwife! For goodness sake, didn't she think about what she was saying?

Anne luteal phase isn't connected with when you'll get a BFP - BFP is purely in relation to when your hCG reaches the level a test can pick up. My mum can be a bit strange about fertility too as she's never had any issues but thankfully I have my stepmum to talk to as she had two miscarriages in between her pregnancies and DH's sisters and mum all know about miscarriages/infertility. I did actually tell my mum that her positivity was a bit much, I hope she took it in the nice way I intended.

I don't feel like doing anything for pregnancy loss awareness for myself.

Scary/Keep/etc At the moment I feel like I'd rather keep having miscarriages than do IVF but aware that may change, especially if we have a lot more or if we start having them later on. I don't know. But we can discuss options with the specialist when we see them anyway.

flynn with OPKs they are supposed to always show two lines, you've got to look at the darkness of the lines in relation to each other. Normally the test line will be lighter than the control line, when the test line looks darker, then it's positive. When they are the same it means you're close to your surge. It's possible to miss the surge, but you should see a darkening and then lightening after ovulation. You want to take them in the afternoon, rather than in the morning like pregnancy tests but if you think you're close to your surge you can take them twice a day if you like.

Here's an example - the last one is positive.

i46.tinypic.com/10rmj60.jpg

Keeponrunning
It's Eilidh's funeral on Thursday and the wave of light ceremony is on in Edinburgh on Sunday for baby loss awareness. Not sure we will be able to go this year, may just all be too raw so soon after loosing her.
I am trying to work up the courage to change my profile pic on Facebook to show the candle or something for baby loss awareness week. So many people on there didn't even know we were pregnant though so not sure I can go there. Feel like a bit of a wimp about it all to be honest. It just all feels so personal but at the same time I want everyone to know her name and that she was real. And I feel the same about the miscarriages. Like they were real and that they could have been my take home babies but we will never know why they weren't.
My community midwife was here at the end of last week, I really don't like her attitude in general but she said to have a think about timings of trying again to try and avoid anniversaries. My DH said he was so proud of me cos I just completely shut her down and said, well I think once you have experienced three pregnancy losses that the dates involved can't put you off trying again or otherwise we wouldn't have much options and also having had two miscarriages before Eilidh we know that just getting pregnant is hardly any comfort at all. We know we can get pregnant - it's the fucking staying pregnant that is the problem. Anyway I hope I never have to see her again. Of everyone we have dealt with she really has pissed me off.
Anne sorry your mom is being thoughtless. I have agreed with DH to just try and let other people and the stupid things they say wash over me a bit. Unfortunately until they are in your shoes they just don't get it. Even family.
Had to have a word with my oldest sister last night about bearing in mind that this is our loss and that any way we deal with it is just that. Our way. She is being a bit overpowering about the whole thing. Anyway she arrives tomorrow, I am hoping she calms down a bit once she sees us.

Sorry for the rant, I didn't mean to sound so bitter, and I feel bad in the cold light of sober day as my Mum's amazing and often says exactly the right things and can be the best support ever. But I guess that's the point, even though she loves me and wants so much to be what I need, due to her own fertility excellence she struggles with where we're at now. Thank you for getting it, and sorry some of you have dealt with breathtakingly shit comments as well! Aren't people weird.

I saw that Sunday was the wave of light keepon, I'll light some candles and send some love out there to all the people who have been and are going through this. Hadn't thought about anything specific to us. I'm dreading 4 November which is a year since we had the bad scan with my MMC but it's fireworks and my DSC will be here, so I'll have a think about having a remembering day this Sunday. How about you?

Sorry about BFN Lisa, of course it's shit and disappointing, give yourself a chance to feel sad about it you need to. Hard not to get sucked into the hope of the first cycle back ttc as so many people seem to have that happen as well.

Your poor friend flynn, I wish her success with her treatment. It's awful when you realise what the people around you are going through in silence, but - like we have here - a huge comfort to share with others who understand that having babies isn't always that straight forward.

You know testing and luteal phases? My LP seems to be exactly 13 days. So how come twice I've had a BFN at 12dpo and then a BFP at 14dpo?

Pregnancy loss awareness week, rather.

Also, don't know if anyone else is aware of this but it is pregnancy loss week this week. Will anyone do anything particular to mark it?

Sorry, missed your earlier post about the PGD yesterday Scary. The odds do seem pretty crappy. And yes you're right, ultimately it always comes down to how many miscarriages you can handle, which is a very difficult question to answer. When I had my first miscarriage I told myself I would stop after 4 and here I am trying to mentally prepare for a 5th role of the dice.

Sorry you're having a tricky time with your Mum Anne. I think we all have that person who manages to get it wrong time and time again. Not long after MC number 4 my difficult friend said 'well let's be honest, 4 babies would have been a lot to handle wouldn't it'. I think I was so shocked she'd say something so ludicrous I just didn't respond at all.

Sorry about the BFN Lisa.