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Original poster

TTC after recurrent miscarriage

984 replies

LisaSimpsonsbff · 10/09/2017 11:48

Hi, just wondering if anyone else was in a similar place to me and wanted to chat about it? I'm 30, TTC my first and have had three miscarriages, all early (two natural MCs at five weeks, then a MMC where a scan at 6+5 revealed development had again stopped at 5 weeks). I've had RMC tests and am just waiting on the results of that but hoping to be able to TTC again from my next period, which should come any day now. I've found throughout the whole thing (have been TTC just over a year now) that it's really helped me to chat with people in similar positions, so if anyone wants to be TTC buddies please let me know!

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Miami81 · 19/10/2017 14:06

@LisaSimpsonsbff
I have those pregnacare ones in the cupboard. Along with three packs of normal pregnancy ones, I just found that they really didn’t agree with me when I was pregnant (they have iron in which I just can’t seem to stomach at all). Will give them a whirl maybe next week and see how I get on with them. Happy to post them on if they don’t work for me.
My acupuncture lady definitely thinks spikes in blood sugar aren’t great. She gave me a handout with the low gi stuff on. Which is quite simple really and when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes I started back on that and it seemed to be controlling blood sugar quite well. Can take pics and pm to you if you wish. I also did gf for the first 12-14 weeks with Eilidh. I know that it might sound mental to be giving advise based on a pregnancy that ended in stillbirth but she was the furthest I had ever gotten and she is all I have to base things on.
I spent £30 on vitamins yesterday and that doesn’t even include the ubiquinol! And I will be going back to acupuncture and reflexology but that is mainly because they do calm me down quite a bit, and I did find the acupuncture quite healing after the last mc. It all costs money but at this stage I just think fuck it, we have money saved and if it helps salvage our sanity we should spend some of it.
I have the dreads of Christmas, it was our due date with Eilidh and last year I was just recovering from my second mc. I am having a complete fuck my life moment about Christmas to be honest. I normally love it too.
But I think I will try and focus on Anne’s advice from previous post. I need this time to heal mentally and physically so I think we might try and organise a few nice things to do over Christmas. And just try and not have every day be a fml day. I can’t believe how quickly time is moving. I need to stop thinking that today I should be xx weeks pregnant, I don’t think it is doing my mental health any good.
Sorry for bfn caramella we took a break during last Christmas from the ttc and just really tried to enjoy our time together as a couple. I think it really helped us heal from the mc’s in that I just ignored temping and opk’s and various other things and just really focussed on each other and life outside the ttc bubble. I do find that when we lose sight of each other the ttc side of things gets difficult and we can be quite snarky with each other.

Original poster
LisaSimpsonsbff · 19/10/2017 12:04

Sorry about the BFN, caramella.

I take them because someone else who had miscarriages at the same time as me on Mumsnet told me her doctor said they were the best ones to take (it was Dr Shehata, who seems to be a really popular - and astonishingly expensive - choice of private miscarriage doctor), which is hardly compelling evidence, I know! I've just looked and they're very, very similar to the conception ones so I don't think there's much in it either way. It's quite convenient to have the omega-3 in the same packet, but it would probably be cheaper to buy them separately.

I also have DH on a fairly strict vitamin regimen! He takes a multivitamin including zinc and selenium, flaxseed oil and ubiquinol. I suggested he take the multivitamin three months after we started TTC, and three months after that I started getting pregnant, which is probably just coincidence but has made us both a bit superstitious about them! He does also think he's picked up fewer bugs since he's been taking the vitamins.

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FoxtrotSkarloey · 19/10/2017 11:47

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FoxtrotSkarloey · 19/10/2017 11:45

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CarabellaSmella · 19/10/2017 11:31

BFN for me too at 13DPO. I have mixed feelings, disappointed obviously but I'd already decided to take the next 2 cycles off (can't face another christmas pregnant and in and out of the EPU) so it's nice to think I can actually make plans for the next 2 months. We're going to go on some sort of adventure holiday, something that I definitely would not be able to do if pregnant!
I think blood sugar can be important Lisa, I try hard not to eat too much sugary stuff but it doesn't always work. I do force myself to eat breakfast though - I take my many vitamins straight after and imagine they absorb better with food. Just made that up I think though!
I take high dose folic, ubiquinol, vit E, high strength D3 and B12. Miami definitely don't worry about the extra folic in your multivit, I am on 5mg a day (compared to the 0.4mg in a normal pill) and dr said it's fine to take the extra pregnancy vitamin on top of that.

Original poster
LisaSimpsonsbff · 19/10/2017 09:52

I'm sorry foxtrot but hoping the cramping doesn't mean what you think - when is AF due? For what it's worth OPKs did teach me that my ovulation doesn't line up nearly as well with my fertile mucus as I would have assumed, so it might be helpful in timing. Of course, even when your timing is perfect there's still a less than 50% chance of pregnancy, which is the most frustrating bit of all of this.

Vitamin-wise, I take pregnacare (pregnancy, not conception - the ones that come with omega-3) and ubiquinol. It costs a sodding fortune, though!

My latest worry is my diet, and whether I'm giving myself wildly fluctuating blood sugar and that's messing things up. I tend to go relatively long periods without eating - I often don't first eat in a day until 4 or 5pm and sometimes - and this is my worst habit - I have something sweet not as an occasional add-on, but instead of lunch. I know it's not good, but I find it hard to get myself organised enough to take my packed lunch into work (I know, it's not exactly rocket science!) and then I end up grabbing a coffee and a slice of cake at 4pm to keep me going rather than eating proper, nutritious meals. I've always been more careful when I've known I'm pregnant, but I guess if I do have spiking blood sugar it might be doing damage before then. So I am going to try to eat proper meals!

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FoxtrotSkarloey · 19/10/2017 06:50

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BertieBotts · 18/10/2017 23:06

Yes I think we're quite often switched too.

Yes I was told folic acid just gets excreted in your wee if you have too much.

Yes magnesium reduces cramping, I was given it with my first miscarriage, obviously it didn't help! But nice to feel like I was doing something. B vitamins of all kinds are supposed to be good. There's some preliminary research about B6 but it's not officially recommended yet so we don't know in what dose it's okay to take.

MogScratch · 18/10/2017 20:54

Keep - that sounds like quick recovery, glad you are feeling well enough for a run.

Hello Sugar. Sounds like you have had a tough year. I agree about the fear of ttc but also couldn't bear not to try again.

Academic contracts / insecurity sounds like extra uncertainty but also interesting working with different people / places and good for learning. I've worked at same place since uni! I'm definitely overly settled there.

Miami - sounds like a good balance of vits. I was recommended magnesium for leg cramps, but reading about it I discovered it is also good ttc and when pregnant. You could add that to the mix.

Miami81 · 18/10/2017 16:56

Hi all
Having a slightly better day today. Thanks.
Any recommendations on pre-conception vitamins? I know my reflexologist mentioned folate instead of folic acid - but any other recommendations would be appreciated.
My plan is to take folate, ubiquinol, vit E, vit c and vit D for at least 3 months. It will make me feel like I am doing something vaguely useful whilst we are waiting for test/ pm results.
It is hard to find even a multi vitamin that doesn’t have folic in it though...... I am assuming that you can’t overdose on this anyway??

GreyCloudsToday · 18/10/2017 15:44

Hi Lisa yep, his work ties us to a particular city Sad. He moved abroad for a fellowship with me for a year and hated it so much. It's a bit of a nightmare.

Original poster
LisaSimpsonsbff · 18/10/2017 11:37

Glad you're doing ok, keepon. For whatever reason my DH is also going through a really down patch about TTC at the moment, too - it feels like we're slightly out of sync, we was more positive when I was more down, and now we've switched! I go back and forth day by day on how I feel - today I feel quite positive, tomorrow I might feel despairing.

Sorry about the weird dream, I know they can shake you! The last time I was pregnant I got this really vivid dream that I had literally lost a baby and had to look for it (but got more and more upset as I couldn't find it) two nights in a row, and felt a bit 'OH COME ON subconscious, maybe at least try and use a bit of subtlety?!'.

It's so tough, isn't it grey? Does your DC make it a bit harder for you to be geographically flexible, too? I worry a bit about that; DH and I always had a deal that we'd move to wherever I got a job because he's a teacher and insisted he could do that anywhere. But he started at a new school in September and he loves, loves, loves it and I'm finding it tough to imagine yanking him out of there are making him go back to a school like his last one, which he found such hard going.

Glad you're feeling more positive, mog - I know it's so hard, and I hope you get a reassuring scan soon.

I'm fine, thanks, Anne - CD5 and I don't ovulate until 16-19, so I always find this bit of the cycle a bit boring and frustrating, but not at all stressful. AF seems to be on her way out today, which is welcome - she sometimes hangs about until day 7. How are you doing?

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Sugar82 · 18/10/2017 11:37

Hi all,
I have just had my 2nd miscarriage at 8 weeks within 4 months of my 1st miscarriage at 12 weeks.
Glad i have found this thread.I am so scared of the idea of ttc again as scared of it happening again .i still recovering at the moment but nice to read your posts xx

keeponrunning85 · 18/10/2017 11:02

I'm doing alright thanks Lisa. I went back to work on Monday and going to try a little run tonight so almost back to normality! I had got into a place of feeling quite positive about TTC again but was chatting to DH about it last night and he's feeling anxious about it. Then last night I had a dream that I had an actual baby, got caught up in a family party at a leisure centre and forgot about him and left him in his cot. When I went to check on him I thought he was dead and was distraught but half an hour later he moved so I breastfed him. WTF?! Confused

So maybe I'm not really that positive about it deep down!

GreyCloudsToday · 18/10/2017 09:28

Hi Lisa I've got a 3 month research contract that I'm taking part-time, so I'm sorted at least from January to June. I'm in the social sciences. The possibility exists to cross over into industry in America, but not so much here in the UK. I'm also holding on for the possibility of a permanent post - I love my work and like you, I'm not ready to think about retraining.

I'm resigned to being "on the hustle" of short contracts for a while until I either get pregnant (and stay pregnant) with kid number 2 or we close the door on the whole thing - for sanity and job reasons.

I had my first child straight a few months after I defended my PhD. It's pretty much always a bad time to have a kid in academia! Mcs make things a lot harder, I'm on my third now - 1 before DC and 2 since then.

I still feel that it's possible to have both a kid and a career. When I look around at my peers, everyone else has managed to find academic jobs. Some of them took a while, but everyone has found a home. I'm hoping that the same will be true for me - and for you. If you really want a family you should go for it, as there's always something that can be done / found / applied for / cooked up!

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/10/2017 09:14

Mog, that definitely sounds promising. First trimester exhaustion, who knew it would be a blessing Grin

How are you Lisa?

FoxtrotSkarloey · 17/10/2017 23:23

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MogScratch · 17/10/2017 20:52

After last miscarriage epu said they would give me an early scan next time and hopefully they wont change their mind. I'll have private one if they won't though. Before I have had private scan but epu ignored it and rescanned me, but I'd prefer to avoid that. I'm feeling so excessively tired at moment, any chance to nap and I take it, become good at napping in cars and trains! That's making me feel more positive as my body must be doing something extra if it's this tired and I definitely didn't feel like this last 2 times.

Bertie - will you wait until end of week to test? I have fingers crossed for you.

Original poster
LisaSimpsonsbff · 17/10/2017 17:07

I'm so sorry, miami, that you are facing these extra things in the middle of such an awful time for you. Seconding anne that you shouldn't feel guilty - she's a professional and will (or at least very much should) have understood.

Do you get an early NHS scan or are you going to have a private one, mog? Thinking of you and hoping you're managing to keep calm and distracted.

How are you doing keepon? Hopefully the post-op soreness has stopped now?

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keeponrunning85 · 17/10/2017 07:54

Miami sorry to hear you had a difficult day yesterday. I know there's nothing I can say but please know that we are all here and keep posting if you find it helpful.

Mog finger crossing for you with the early scan. How are you feeling?

Bertie I am very impressed with your zen-ness!

The vast majority of our friends know about our miscarriages now. I figured they probably all thought something was amiss as we haven't had a child yet and if I had any other health problem we would tell them. It is the acquaintances/people making polite conversation with well meaning questions I find trickier. A big part of me wants to just blurt it all out but instead I tell them I have a cat and make a vague statement about hoping to have a family one day.

BertieBotts · 16/10/2017 22:52

Yeah, I don't think I'll stop thinking about it, I'll still roughly know and prob still track AF etc but not feeling like temping right now.

It's good actually because I'm in that last stage where you don't know if it's pre-AF or early pregnancy symptoms but I'm not going crazy wanting to test because I know I won't actually be late until the end of the week anyway.

MogScratch · 16/10/2017 17:22

Hello, sorry I've not posted in a while. I have been keeping busy to help distract myself but time is still dragging. Think I will book a scan this week to find out what is happening with this pregnancy. Will be about 7 weeks so there should be a heartbeat if there is going to be one. Hoping I can book a last minute scan. I find it hard not to worry once a day is booked in. Irrational really!

I have missed lots, so will read back properly later, but from this page.....

Anne - there seems to be a lot online about diet if you know what deficiency or symptoms acucupucturist said you have. Glad period is not as painful or clotty.

Miami - unfortunately there are probably going to be lots of difficult situations, but people will understand, you just have to do what gets you through. I hope the days get easier for you though.

Bertie - I think once you know your cycles tracking is less important. I found it hard not to think about where I was in cycle, even when I wasn't trying to get pregnant, once I knew my cycles though.

Keep - I find it is the people I would want to talk about it to least who bring it up, like ancient relatives, but people who I don't mind talking about it to have too much discretion to ask. So if asked I give vague comment and change subject.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/10/2017 14:17

I often come back to food.... My acupuncture woman doesn't do anything diet related but she said if I ate meat she'd have me on regular bone broths. I don't, so we agreed I'd have hearty stews, grains and anything heavy in veggies and colour and it has to be hot.

DH made a massive stew at the weekend with dumplings and pearl barley in. Having leftovers for lunch and I swear I can feel myself getting stronger and healthier Grin

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/10/2017 14:14

Exactly that Miami! Now wondering is my afs were "wrong" in the past.... Will you have acupuncture again? You've been through so much it might be a way to nurture yourself at the moment.

So sorry about your day. Don't feel bad, she's a professional and you were the one in need. I hope she was kind to you and if it was a UTI you got something to help.

What's the deal with work now? Have you spoken to SANDS or any of the other charities?

Can you focus on doing one thing for yourself every day? It depends on how you're feeling and what feels doable - forgive the cliches to follow - but watch a funny film if you'd enjoy it, find a new show to binge watch (homeland?) and distract you for a bit, take a short walk and get some fresh air, paint your nails, make a meal or bake a cake, phone a friend, have a bath or a lovely hot shower. Something that makes you feel like you're looking after yourself.

Miami81 · 16/10/2017 13:23

Hi there
Anne I found that the acupuncture made a massive difference to my AF. It went from very clotty and dark to much more cranberry red with very few clots. I found it very helpful.
I am having a bad day. The funeral is over, and all visitors are gone home. Had to go to the doctors this morning thinking that I maybe had a UTI. It was an emergency appointment so didn't get to any of my normal doctors. The doctor that saw me was around 8 months pregnant - I just completely lost it. I just sat there crying. Took me ages to even be able to look at her. I felt really sorry for her afterwards as I am sure she was quite uncomfortable too. No idea how it could have been avoided. Every day is just a bit overwhelming at the moment.
Bertie I think that stepping back from temping etc if that's what you want is very sensible. Agree with Anne.
Lisa I agree with the others - I think there are so many different issues when dealing with recurrent loss. I for one am really glad that this thread is here as there is no way that I could engage with the other thread at the moment.

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