TTC after pregnancy loss: We're nervous, we're hopeful, we're checking all the charts and taking all the vits!

Just found the new thread so still catching up on all the posts..
Juniper glad your scan went well.
Emvy like you nausea has kicked up a stage here, I thought it was scanxiety although it has continued today (scan was yesterday - measuring 8w6d and all looked well thank goodness -although already I'm alternating between relieved from yesterday to worrying about the next one) I've found ice lollies are helping a little bit for me...

It's ok lisa I know what you mean. Personally I found the 8 weeks of emotion invested in being pregnant and the physical trauma of the mc very tough but I wouldn't compare it to a 2nd/3rd tri loss as yes I do think that would be a lot worse. I think physically it's of course easier earlier (mine was not just like a heavy period, still can't believe they just left me to do it at home) but obviously you are emotionally invested the second you see that line. However I don't think it's controversial to think that bond only increases with time. I was only just starting to get less anxious and actually enjoy the idea of a baby when it was cruelly taken away.

Welcome orange big hugs to you. Sounds like a hell of a journey. I think if you are over 35 they say 6 months of no results go and get checked out. Sounds like you are DTD quite a bit but you may need to be more targeted - can he change the dates he's away at all? Is it 3 nights in a row?

Hi can I join please?

Shite that we all find ourselves in this club.

My story: I have a DS turning 4 (I'm so so grateful) and in the last year had one m/c at 9 weeks and a TFMR at 14 weeks, 3 m/c pre 12 weeks before DS. My TMFR was in January and I'm 4 cycles in (had a long recovery) with no luck. I'm 37.

I'm not very familiar with the terminology used on here so sorry if I get it wrong. I've not been doing the weeing on a stick as DH works away 3 nights a week and I just couldn't face the actual proof that I was ovulating when he is not here. I've been using an app to track so we are having sex daily when he is here and it is around the right time - stupid question - is this enough?

I've just got some fertility check lube to try (did not realise I should not have been using regular stuff). What is the verdict on this stuff?

At what point would I/should I go to the GP if nothing happens?

I've been trying out convince myself that I'm not obsessed with ttc as I know how lucky I am and I should be satisfied with wonderful healthy DS but I find myself becoming bitter and upset about pregnancy announcements/seeing sibling groups. It's just so painful.

Argh, sorry, hit post and instantly regretted first sentence. It did feel a bit better for me that it was early, but I know not for everyone: really wasn't try to say that one way is 'easier' and sorry if that is upsetting for anyone.

Thanks unicorn - it wasn't great, but I did feel (comparatively) lucky that they were so early (if they had to happen at all); I know it could have been much worse.

emvy I'm not surprised that drinks thing stuck with you. What a horrible thing - I know the company would have meant it to be a nice gesture, but I'm sure you weren't the only woman it upset. Thanks for your good wishes - only a month left until we can TTC again and I'm both desperate to get back to it and terrified at the same time. I'm sorry you've been feeling so unwell.

mouse everything crossed for you - when is the due date? I hope that, good news or not, it's as easy as a day like that ever can be. And thank you for reply on other thread - should have just asked you here, feel bad for hijacking...

@emvy That was really a thing? That's so tactless.

Thankfully I'm going to our anniversary lunch tomorrow which gives me some sense of normality. But even that's a bit tainted in some ways.

I'm more than happy to have you and anyone else about. Sometimes you still need that sense of security or a safety bubble before progressing to the next stage, and that's perfectly okay.

@MouseLove Hoping that good news comes your way

Eek I found you all. Thanks for the new thread. Nothing to report here, dreading my due date coming up... but have a flashing smilie on my new fandangled clear blue. Hoping the extra vitamins give me a normal cycle this cycle. It would be lovely to get a BFP on my original due date. X

I hear you all! Anne, what you said about Mother's Day also resonated with me. I booked pottery painting with my mum, nan, cousin and her LO and all Mum's got a free drink... guess who was the only one that paid? It's really stuck with me. Obviously not having to pay but the fact that that was even a thing. And how utterly terrible and heartbroken it made me feel.

Unicorns, what you're feeling is completely normal. I felt exactly the same. I was so angry that I had to carry on ttc when I should have been into my second trimester of pregnancy - another blow by Mother Nature. I also remember feeling very conflicted about af - relieved it had returned but also a painful, visual reminder of what you've lost. Be gentle with yourself.

DT, welcome, I'm so sorry you find yourself here but I hope you find it a comfort x

Lisa, that makes sense. I think it's completely natural to feel like that - it's not really natural to take a break from ttc when all you want is a LO, but at the same time, distance does heal to a certain extent. Hopefully, in time, when you begin to ttc again, you'll feel in a much better headspace.

Nausea has been absolutely kicking my arse the past few days which I'm so thankful for but also massively panicking that I'm going through this discomfort for nothing, all over again. The second time round, I had barely any trace of symptoms but this is so similar to my first I can't help but feel that a) it's twins and b) therefore doomed one way or another. Thank you so much for letting me hang around. Moving over to the pregnant after mc thread was something I felt I did too soon last time.

@LisaSimponsbff That sounds like such a tough time, I don't think anything I try to say will even make a dent into how I'd want to come across. I'm glad you're in a slightly better place now though and I hope you can get the answers you need quickly.

I'm sure (although I may not sound it with my previous posts) that I have gotten a lot better over the last few weeks in terms of trying to piece my life together. I think that annoyingly I've just had to be a little blase about a few aspects of it in order to go forward. Today just seems to have hit me like a truck because I guess AF was the last bit to tie the end together, not like it would've made a difference had I got a BFP anyway. It's a bit stupid really.

I just wanted to say that that chimes so much with me too, unicorn, grumpy, and anne. I did fall straight away after two of my three MC (all three were in the space of four months). After the third one I went from 'sad and disappointed but basically ok' to 'feeling like I'm losing my mind and crying every day for weeks'. I thought at the time it was because it had lasted a bit longer (though still very early - I had two at five weeks and one at seven) and there had been moments of greater hope, because I'd gone a bit crazy with anxiety in that three weeks where I'd known I was pregnant (which in itself shows the first two had taken more of a toll than I'd allowed for) and because I was now convinced something was wrong (though I had been a bit obsessed with that idea since mc2). I now think it was all of it, that but just as much it was because we knew after no. 3 that I'd be taking a break for testing (which I'm now halfway through) and so there would be no 'new chances' for quite some time. A few people said that the break would be really good for me emotionally. I still feel a bit conflicted about that - if I'm honest, I'd much, much rather be pregnant right now than be where I am. But I do agree so much with that I only faced my grief over all three after a bit of time away from the TTC-loss-TTC cycle. So maybe it has done me some good after all. I'm certainly in a much better place than I was two months ago.

Found the new thread, been very quiet recently still coming to terms with it all. Have been catching up periodically. Congrats to all the bfps.

@AnneLovesGilbert I don't think I have the mental capacity to even think about what I'll be like on Mothers Day. I was so, so looking forward to it arriving and it just having a sense of 'finally I fit here and I'm so proud'. I think I might have to have a duvet and Netflix day and eat all the chocolate

Found you, place marking, catch up later.

That resonates so strongly Grumpy and I went through exactly the same thing. A few moments have levelled me and I've been shocked by it, like stupid Mother's Day. I guess since I'd got pregnant I knew I'd be a mum-to-be on the day and have my baby a couple of months later. To find myself sobbing so hard I couldn't get out of bed - 4 months after our mmc - was a turn up for the books.

It was complicated by conceiving again the cycle after my mmc, which I then lost a week after BFP, but it was only after that had happened I really faced my grief about the one before. If that makes sense.

My due date went much better than I thought it would. I worked from home in case it caught up with me, but I didn't tell anyone and we had a lot of hugs that night but didn't do anything to mark it. I'd expected to be devastated but it felt no different to any other day, I felt sad, but then that hasn't completely gone away.

Having to get back on TTC when it's meant to be behind you sucks beyond belief Unicorns! Feels so bloody unfair. And the temptation is of course to look forward, be positive, focus on another BFP. But depending on what you're feeling about your loss, it's worth checking in with yourself to see if you've let out anything you need to. The whole thing takes a hell of a toll.

That makes complete sense TheGrumpySquirrel. I guess that's probably what I'm doing, though in my mind I know it'd be two separate events, but maybe thinking about it and actually facing up to it are different things.

Thank you for sharing your experience I hope you're managing okay, as best as you can anyway.

@UnicornsandRainbows1 the idea you could catch the first or even second cycle after loss is very appealing because (in my personal experience) it allowed me to almost postpone some of the hurt from the miscarriage as I would be pregnant again which would magically fix the pain .. I was so desperate cycle 1 and 2 post mc. Then when I realised it wasn't happening straight away I had to let myself grieve properly and accept that that pregnancy was gone and that any new pregnancy would be a separate thing that could happen in the future. Does that make sense? Not sure if you can relate to this, but maybe?

wouldn't catch* sorry

I don't know if this is a normal feeling or not but here it goes anyway.

Just looking for a bit of advice really and wondering if there's any tips on going forward after the 1st AF. I just feel a bit... I'm not sure. I'm trying to think ahead and say to myself that my fertile week is only so long away, but it just feels so weird to be back at ttc again if that makes sense. Going to from point only to go to the start again.

My need to continue and want for a LO is immense but my god this is somehow screwing with my head a bit, and I knew realistically we would catch the egg first time round but nothing prepared me for these weird feelings about it.

I'm not sure if I'm making sense at all, or if it's even okay to ask here but is there any advice for this, or anything you lot did going forward? I've been so teary this week gearing up for the posibility of AF and I'm just so drained.

i feel so much less alone here....

doublechoc - i also use the clear blue....started last month. got to negs then 2 flashies then my static at cd15.

have you got flashy smileys yet?

i started testing yesterday at cd11 and so far got a big fat 0 but i have a roughly 30 day cycle so think thats ok for me for now....

im in 2minds with opks - last month it putme at ease that at least itlooks like im still ovulating(im 45!)

@DT2016
Welcome to the group and so sorry to hear about your loss

You comment really chimes with me, about looking back and realising that this time x amount of time ago, you were pregnant, happy and completely naive to what lay ahead.

And also absolutely, that feeling of being 1 year down the line but no further forward

We've been TTC number 2 since July last year, off the back of a MMC discovered at the dating scan

You're in great company here, nobody quite gets it like all the ladies on here!

Thanks Bertie for the new thread. I've written half a post loads of times in the last few days and never manage to finish it!

Anne thanks for your suggestions, we don't have a lot of flexibility around when we try (a toddler and DH works long hours), but you've inspired us to book our holiday over next months fw. Hopefully that'll make next month a bit easier!

DT2016 I'm so sorry about you ectopic, that must have been really awful. Its a lovely supportive bunch here though.

I'm mid cycle and having some ups and downs with the opks. The lines were getting stronger and now they're faint again. I know you shouldn't look at the clearblue digis, but I thought this would mean I had ovulated. But I've not had a peak fertility smily face yet

cd 12. negative opk again this morning. we have dtd every day through every fertile window since last summer (after the loss anyway). i dont know why im bothering! but here i am. poas.

So sorry for your loss DT You are very welcome here, I've found no one in the world gets the rollercoaster of loss, sadness, fear, hope, POAS madness, panic, exhaustion and occasional hilarity like this lot. You're among friends.

Couldn't agree more with others on pregnant threaders staying with us in any capacity that feels right, you're giving us hope!

Big love HTs x

Hi ladies

Can I join you please? I had a cervical ectopic pregnancy last year. It was really awful ☹️

We have a DS and am so grateful to have him in our lives. We would really love to give him a sibling though.

This time last year, I was pregnant but at that point I had no idea what lay ahead. I'm so sad that a year later, we are no further forward. It's made worse by my big birthday looming next week 😩

I think I may ovulate around the time of my birthday so if the universe is kind, perhaps I will get a very special present. I really hope so. This will be cycle 5 of trying after the horror of last year.

Keeping everything crossed for us all.

Will catch up with the thread now! x

Morning all. Thanks for the new thread! I'm still here, just a bit quiet at the moment... really happy to see so many bfps around, though. x