TTC After MC 12: Hopeful Twats and Emotional Wrecks welcome!

Just checking in and sending to the newbies, sorry you're here but you're in good company.
Got a negative on a pregnancy test and a positive on an ov test today (2 weels after my mc) so I think i'm back to being a hopeful twat for the TWW now!

Hi pies sorry for your mmc. You'll be in good company here

I'm feeling hopeful today; after a week of barely-there OPK results today's was noticeably darker. Nothing near a positive but a lot darker than they have been.
I may have missed ov and just be gearing up for my first AF post mc but either way, I'm looking at it positively.

Pies, I'm sorry, I missed your post - I must have been mid-type when you posted! Welcome. I'm so sorry for your mmc's. I completely see where you're coming from on the scans vs waiting - it's something I'm constantly yoyoing between. I had a mmc first time round and my second was a natural mc. Part of me wanted to book a scan at 10 weeks the second time round but since that pregnancy ended too, I've ended up where you are - thinking that just waiting is maybe the best way. There's nothing we can do to change things either way, is there. I also agree in terms of testing late - I'm vowing to wait a full week after af is due and actually, due to my cycle being wacky from mc2, I'm not sure where I am and have been having symptoms for about 2 weeks now. Still not testing for another 2 and a half weeks though so trying my best to ignore!

Grumpy, it sounds a good idea to test on holiday. Hopefully you can manage your anxiety without the Valium for the flight! 2.5 weeks - lush! Have an amazing time!

MsJuniper, what a funny response from someone who has experienced mc. I guess everyone deals with things differently but it's a shame she wasn't more understanding. There's a small handful of people I can cope with getting pregnant in RL and then you guys. Anyone else can bugger off!

@Lifeofpies really sorry for your losses
Welcome to our nest of hopeful twats!

Well it is a dilemma with the holiday but I can take tests with me so I should just bloody wait really. Also if by some fluke I got a BFP at 9dpo I am likely to FREAK OUT with anxiety so rather not have to face a plane journey immediately after that (hate flying and have got Valium but obviously don't want to take it if there is any chance I'm pregnant). I'm away for 2.5 weeks so if I get AF (due on wed 16th aug) then at least I'll be heading into FW again by the time we get home.

So sorry you find yourself here pies.

The hardest thing for me was when my sister was pg and due at the same time as one of my mc pgs. She has had 2 mc so it's not been easy for her at all but I still found it incredibly hard and ended up hating myself. She didn't understand at all and said "but I'd be happy for you" - but didn't get that I was happy for her but still found it difficult. She's also 5 years younger so I don't think she understood the sense of panic I felt age 40, plus I had had 4 mc by then and went on to have 2 more during her pregnancy.

Once the baby arrived though it was much easier - there have been occasions where she moans about how hard it is to have two children and I tense up but I love my DN and it hasn't impacted that relationship at all which is a relief.

Oh, forgot to say thanks for all the kind words and for the all other newbies like me.

@PossibiliTea completely get what you mean; also had a very easy first pg and now feel like that lulled me into a false sense of security! Was so ready for everything to go wrong when I first ttc and when it didn't, I assumed everything would be just as easy 2nd time around. I keep blaming my age, but actually I've got no idea what's wrong with my body!

Lovely to hear from miami, gives us hope :)

life, I'm so sorry.

Give yourself time to grieve - I only had a chemical second time round but it hit me more than my first mc as I felt so positive. Posting here will help. Do nice things and maybe don't ttc for a month or two to distance yourself? I found that worked for me but we are all different.

I'm jet lagged and my brain is mush - I hope all are well? Trying to recap thread and finding it tough going!

Not getting any preg signs so far but af isn't for a few days yet.

Completely agree with everyone in that there are so many people with problems, you never know what people have been through to get to that point.
My sister and SILs all have/had issues with fertility. I never really talked to them properly about it as I didn't want to come across as nosey/insensitive. Now I wish I had as I'd actually quite like to talk about it and wish someone would ask me! Oh well, we live and learn I guess. Still feel there's a huge stigma talking about it publicly though.

Emvy that's exactly how I feel, 3 of my friends have had a baby over the last couple of months and it is hard but you are so right in what you are saying, it's just we are focusing so hard on that one part.

I'm still struggling with the fact it was so easy to get pg the first time and I don't know what's going on with my body!

Congratulations on all the bpfs we have seen lately and sorry to the newbies that are here but it really is a good place to be.

Welcome to all the newbies. I'm so sorry you're here but I hope you find it as supportive as I have.

Grumpy, what a tricky one! Will you be able to put it to one side over the holiday or will it distract from fully relaxing? How long are you away for?

Those discussing others news and their struggles - it's become what I tell myself every time I get that jealous pang - you don't know what they've been through. Chances are, everyone has had their fair share of shit times in their life, even if it isn't necessarily baby related. I'm not saying that it's easy to think that and then you can get on with your day absolutely fine because it completely isn't but I try to just take a deep breath, remind myself of that and then try to distract myself. It's such an emotional rollercoaster! A friend of mine is due any time from now and I'm finding it easier now than I did at the beginning of her pregnancy. I'm actually excited to meet her little one, even if I do still feel a tad (a lot) jealous!

Hello all, may I join? I definitely fit the emotional wreck/hopeful twat description. Have been on the pg after mc thread but just had my second MMC. baby died around 8+1, the same day or day after a reassurance scan. Had an ERPC on Friday. Also had an ERPC for the first MMC last May. Been ttc for about two years, have a wonderful 4yo DS.

Very up and down at the moment. My practical/optimistic side is frantically researching, ordering supplements etc. They weighed me on Friday and my bmi has tipped into 'obese', which was a shock so will work on that.

But outside of the manic planning I fee just bereft. And a bit panicky. We were more open about the pg this time, last time I felt so invisible and even ashamed... so thought it would help to be more open. It's nice to have people thinking of you, but there's also an irrational bit of me that's mad for the world going about its business as usual. I know that's brattish. i feel very resentful at the moment.

We'll start ttc as soon as possible, but this time I think my plan of action if successful will involve not testing for as long as I can stand, and not having a reassurance scan until just before booking in. This time I felt like the scans would make everything ok, but of course that's not how it works...

Reading posts on here and the other thread definitely make me feel less alone. I'm just so sorry for what everyone has been through.

4dpo here... We are going on holiday in 5 days and I'm so tempted to test the morning we leave but all my early testing last month has put me off. Can't face more BFNs. I think I've just got to assume it's not worked and resolve to be healthier next month.

You're so right foxtrot, we often feel so alone but so many people have been through it. I found out that a friend I met at a postnatal group had had a tfmr before her successful pregnancy - such a devastating thing to happen.

And northernlass I am sure we all know that feeling, you're not just dealing with the pain of hearing someone else's news but also of dealing with your own response. I realised recently I had become such a ball of bitterness and I hate who it's made me become, holding me back from friendships and family relationships. To be honest this thread has been the first time I have really talked about all this stuff and started to turn a corner. Thank goodness for MN eh.

Yep, same here, I have a DD already so blithely assumed it would all go smoothly 

@northernlass81 I also had a MMC in May , at 10 weeks. Like you, I felt ok emotionally until a couple of weeks ago when it hit me as I'm still not pregnant. It's rubbish, I've had 3 people at work announce due dates close to mine (10 Dec) which has been very hard. Big hugs.

Thanks Miami - have PM-ed you.

@INeedABiggerBoat
I was having acupuncture all the way through 3 months of the break from the previous mc and am still having it now. After bfp it was every week for a while and now it is once a month. It's not cheap £30 a pop but I just figured that in a different circumstance we could be spending that money on ivf or private fertility tests or whatever so it was worth it for me. And I really do believe it helped me. Physically and emotionally. Pm me if you want to know anything else.

Hi all. I posted a couple of months ago after a MMC at 12 weeks in May and have been checking in here to see how you're all getting on. I thought I was doing ok but been really struggling the last few weeks and feel like I'm going crazy! In the last 2 weeks I've had to smile through 4 friend's announcements that they are expecting in Jan, mine should have been due in Dec. I am crazily happy for them as they are all lovely but I don't like all these jealous/guilty/self-pitying feelings I have everyday. I feel like I'll now be missing out on our kids growing up together but then stupidly guilty for thinking like that; it's not their fault or mine, just this rubbish situation. I have a 2 year old (I know I am so lucky to have him) and would love to give him a sibling but now with a bigger age gap than i wanted - another reason to feel guilty. I'm now onto cycle 3 post miscarriage and due to ov tomorrow but husband is away and is likely to be away again next month at the key time!! Oh well, I think I just needed to vent and write this all down. It feels like it has helped already x

That should be lulled, obviously, not killed. Stupid autocorrect.

Sausage, you are more than welcome here. I have a 2 year old DD who I conceived first month of trying and had an uneventful pregnancy with. I too was killed into a false sense of security and assumed it would be easy peasy with the next one two. Three miscarriages and a 40th birthday later and it is so very far from easy peasy. The anxiety is totally normal, we all have it and we're all here to help each other through it.

Hear hear lime. Having a child already (I have a 4yo DS) makes some of it easier to bear but then adds its own complexities.

Ineed I've also been having funny little crampy feelings but they have felt more like things are adjusting inside which I've taken to be a good sign. I fell asleep on the sofa this afternoon and am generally feeling absolutely wiped which again I'm interpreting generously!

Argh. Not that if it wasn't an expected pregnancy that makes a MC any better. Desperately tries to take foot out of mouth