TTC After MC 12: Hopeful Twats and Emotional Wrecks welcome!

em I'm so sorry for you.

yellow yes-I sometimes wish for an office job, but I know I'd HATE it. It's just really rubbish having to tell people so early, but they were AMAZING when I had my MMC, and I know I have to. I was freaking out a little on Thursday and Friday trying to avoid being places or handling certain things as they didn't know. My job is physical too, but I'm pretty fit & used to lifting heavy loads, but will have to be a little more careful I suppose. One of my colleagues is pregnant, and due to go on mat leave soon (she let me know the day I returned to work after the MMC-very sympathetically but talk about a baby bomb!) She wasn't in last week, so the staff a little more blase about the warning signs when hazards going around.
It's our very busy period at the moment, so hoping it doesn't get too stressful!
I'm trying to figure out the caffeine in my morning cup of coffee-I have a bean to cup machine and it uses about 11 g coffee beans per (double sized) cup I make. Google suggests about 95mg caffeine in 11g beans, and not all of that will end up in the coffee I presume, so I'm reckoning I can carry on with that. I cut back from two when I was pregnant the last time, and don't drink instant at work anymore. I don't drink tea either, but am partial to dark chocolate

Hello all. Currently undergoing a mc and rather upset by it all. Have taken a day or two off work because I'm feeling quite grim (hope that's not making a fuss, just not sure I'd cope today.)

Can anyone give me a brief rundown on how long I can expect to bleed, how long roughly it'll take to get a negative test and how long it takes to get back ovulating? I know 'it depends' is the answer to all but would be comforting to hear some rl experience

Oh em what terrible news

I'm so so incredibly sorry to hear this. See how you go tomorrow, could you do a half day? I don't know how flexible your work is but blessed with the ability to work anywhere I have my laptop I did a staggered return after my mmc with alternating days working from home and in the office and it really helped. I could brace face it knowing I could cry in my pjs while fielding emails the day after if I needed to. Sometimes the sad faces of people who knew or who'd guessed I was pregnant then must have assumed it had gone wrong were much worse than people who had no idea. I'm glad you have lovely DH. You've both had such a horrendous shock you need to lean on each other. Bleeding that heavily and having to cope with a&he and then surgery is going to take some time to recover from, and he'll have been so worried about you. A quick bfn is something and I hope you're not feeling too bad physically now. The feelings side is a whole other thing. Rant, cry, have pyjama days, try to just let the feelings come. We're here for you and I so wish this loss hadn't happened. Sadly you'll see some old faces here still. I'm sending you the biggest hug xxx

Hi again all. Unfortunately, I'm back - two weeks ago today I started bleeding, was scanned the following (Monday) morning when I was supposed to be 12 weeks, but bean was only measuring 9 weeks and no heartbeat. We had seen a heartbeat at a private scan at 8 weeks (measuring 7+5 so entirely "on track") so had got past the point where we MC-ed in March, and I relaxed.

I started bleeding quite heavily two days after the scan (filling a night time pad in 20 minutes heavy) so spent the afternoon in A&E having fluids and medicine to stop the bleeding, then had to go back the following day because a clot got stuck. Eventually had an ERPC on the Friday, and the bleeding has now stopped and we had a negative test last Friday.

I've got past the numbness, and the anger comes and goes. I'm back at work tomorrow and really not looking forward to it; I had told everyone at work that I was pregnant following the 8 week scan (well, the ladies I work with guessed as soon as I switched to decaf coffee) and I know they're going to be lovely but I also know I'm going to cry. And I've only just bloody stopped crying at home randomly. (I mean, I even cried at The Frog Chorus). I'm going to see how it goes tomorrow and just play it by ear.

I saw the GP on Friday who said it's probably just one two of those things, but that it wouldn't hurt to take the higher dose of folic acid (I'm 40 and not the slimmest, although my BMI is around 27 ish) rather than the standard, and once I get a BFP to take a baby aspirin, but that she couldn't refer me for any testing until I had had another MC.

I'm not sure whether we're going to wait for a natural period or whether we're just going to go for it this time, right now DTD is the last thing on my mind, but I'm sure that will change at some point. I hope it does, DH is a sweetheart.

I used to do the pretend-casual thing but recently decided to be a bit more scientific and include DH in my testing etc. Frankly as a pp says it was fairly obvious when I was ovulating and sex has not been at its most exciting since all this started, so we may as well approach it more joylessly methodically. Strangely it almost had the opposite effect as I didn't feel so alone and we had some quite nice times last month, although there was some performance anxiety stress as well.

I read It Starts With The Egg (which I'd recommend to any newbies) and was taking Ubiquinol and Mya Ova (folate + myo inositol), as well as vit c and regular pregnacare conception.

Can't believe I'm still pregnant. Every day is taking so long. All my markers seem such a long way off, unreachable. 10 days until my first scan, 4 weeks until my danger point (I've had 2 mc at 9w), 7 weeks until the end of the 1st tri. I'm terrified every time I go to the loo but trying to stay calm and positive. All my pg/mc have been so different there's no way of knowing how this will turn out so all I can do is wait.

That sucks hula. It must be so tough having someone in the immediate family due on the same date.

Can I join in on the mini vent... My SIL announced she was expecting number 2 on my due date 😥 only a couple of weeks back and at the time DH had just said he was ready to try again... Although I'm happy for them, it hit me so hard, couldn't stop crying that evening. Miss my baby 😥 now it sometimes feels like will it ever happen, worried about my age (37, 38 later this year) and DH doesn't want to talk or know much, just wants everything casual and not really planned...( Find this near impossible as it's always on my mind) CD5 now... No idea when to start dtd regularly without making it obvious to dh that it's ov time... Then other times im feeling bah is there a point will it happen? Sorry feeling pessimistic grr need to snap out of it... Just had friends round who have 4 dc.... Hit home that I want more...

That must be tough hot - I wouldn't want to tell work either, and luckily I sit at a desk all day so no need! I ended up telling my boss about my most recent MC because I became completely useless for about three weeks and got into a bit of a mess with some deadlines. He was actually really unexpectedly lovely, but I regret it a bit because I think he thought I wouldn't be thinking about it for quite a while yet (most academic women seem to have theirs well into their 30s), and so now I think he must be wondering when I'll get pregnant again. We talked about my career progression the other day (I only have eighteen months left on this contract, so we were talking about what I'd do next) and it was a bit of an unspoken elephant in the room.

Hotcookie my work is so physical I'd have to tell them straightaway too, and I really really wouldn't want to.

Oh for an office job! Which I'm sure I'm romanticising!

Have been feeling sick last 2 days, I KNOW it's psychosomatic and I can't possibly be getting morning sickness at 4 weeks...
Have to tell boss tomorrow, my job deals with a LOT of serious potential hazards so they (and basically all the staff) need to know. I just tried to avoid anything last week before I took the new tests on Saturday. Just hope this one makes it

Thanks yellow the whole casual approach was fine for the beginning and we did fall pregnant twice but now I'm more desperate to be pregnant again I'm taking a completely different outlook on ttc. And it's not like he doesn't really know. I mean why am I suddenly up for it for one week when not so bothered in the others?!!

I've ben looking into ubiquinol and it seems really interesting so going to get some of that for next cycle and maybe some evening primrose oil too. I'm going to be rattling with all the new tablets!

Nocats I think you're right, I'm involving DH in all my testing & cycles now.
I told DH today that my OPK is getting darker, he knows that a positive means we'll be at it big time! Not that he enjoys 'baby making' sex, but do any of us?!
I found the less I told DH the more pressure I put on myself, and just thought why should it all be on me when it takes us both?! He found it hard at first, having grown up in a very male household. He could barely say the word 'period' out loud!

Yep if it doesn't work this month I'm giving up drinking ~obviously if it does then also giving up drinking~ and ordering it starts with the egg

I agree to the ridiculous planners where everything just seems to fall into place. Drives me mad.
I'm bloated and feeling like af is on her way. Disappointed this month, cycle 3 post second mmc and was supposed to be having a baby next month. Due date of first mc is fast approaching and I feel so far away from getting pregnant. I think if af shows up next weekend I need to chat to DH about trying harder and he'll just have to accept that's what it's going to take. I can't handle the casual approach and him not supposed to be knowing when I'm ov. I'm also going to look into the book a lot of you seem to be recommending as well.

So much love to you all 💕

(My last post seemed to end rather abruptly) x

Echoing all your feelings and comments on those pregnant - the less in your face and moany about it they are, the easier it is. However, none of it is easy. It's all bloody hard, every bit of it. I'm so incredibly bitter, as you say, about those who just have it fall in their lap and happen just as planned.

It is a bit like that with my friend that's due - they planned it, she got pregnant, she's about to give birth, and she's VERY chilled about everything and has been all the way through as there has been nothing to worry about. I obviously am very, very pleased that she's had an easy ride as we are all evidence that for many people, that's not the case, but the jealousy is and always will be there because at the end of the day, she has what I want. And as you say grumpy, those with dates around yours are the absolute hardest of all.

Despite this, it's nice to know that we all feel the same, even though, of course, you wouldn't wish being in this position on your worst enemy.

3 people in my office are having babies in November, December and January respectively! Luckily my pa knows about my mc and so was able to let me have some space from it all

I was supposed to be having my baby on 10 December 😢

Yes lisa I know exactly what you mean. I feel so resentful of people who have it easy and never have to worry at all. Just got baby bombed by a friend who is due in January with #2, "oh it was planned" 😡

Sorry for the mega post!

That must be awful yellow - I'm not surprised you were upset . I was surprisingly fine with SIL's pregnancy at first, but it's got harder as she's got a bump and as I've had two more miscarriages since then. It makes me feel so guilty because they're not being at all twatty or smug about it, it's just the very fact of the pregnancy I find hard.

Their pregnancy was completely unplanned and really quite difficult - they're had to change a lot of plans around it - but in a weird way I don't find that that hard (again, they're not moany about it - it would be different if they were). The people I really resent (and I know this makes me a bad person) are the ones who have perfectly timed and planned pregnancies and never seem to have to worry about a thing. The people who are telling everyone at five weeks, never even considering it might not work out. I moaned about it on here at the time, but: I had to go for dinner with a group including a pregnant woman who talked about nothing but her pregnancy recently. She gave up her job before TTC - everyone told her this was a bad idea, that she should wait in case it took longer than she hoped, etc. She fell pregnant on her second month and is now about to give birth. I know it's horrible of me because it's not her fault but it makes me so, so jealous that she just assumed everything would work perfectly for her and then it did.

Lisa my SIL is due 2 weeks after my first due date, mid-November.
Will also be in-laws first grandchild.
I still haven't seen her, and I am worried about it. She wasn't present at a family Birthday a few weeks ago.
I saw bil though joy and all they went on about was buggies & car seats etc. Bil talking about how they were getting a 'runaround' but it's ok, because car seats can go in the front seat right?! But why not? What's that about neeborn's necks? When he walked away I hissed to DH that his brother was a twat. DH squeezed my hand through the conversation.

I do feel bitter about her pg there! I fucking said it! because I know that they worry about how the baby will impact their holidays etc, how they'll cope without a proper nights sleep. And yes, they're entitled to their worries but ARGH! There's loads more but I don't want to out myself. It's hurtful to hear how having a baby's such a drag when it's all you've ever dreamed of, but it's not happening. I know where you're coming from juniper.

That must have been really hard msjuniper. I'm in a similar situation - SIL due ten days before my first one would have been - and it is difficult, but I do feel very lucky that my family have tried really hard to be sensitive about it all. DH and I have been discussing what to do about Christmas though (I know, I know - it's August!) - he thinks it might be a bit horrible to be here for it as it might be very baby-centric (this is first grandchild for my parents) and so we are toying with the idea of going away over it.

Hi to the newbies - so sorry you have to be here, but hope you have a short stay!

@halloumisandwich a line 2 shades darker on my OPK has made me a hopeful twat!! Gotta get it while you can!
Sorry to hear about a neg test, but 🤞🏻 for our ovaries