TTC After MC 12: Hopeful Twats and Emotional Wrecks welcome!

Oh, Mouse, I'm so sorry you are having such a horrendous time. You sound really down. As the others have said, is there any way you could plan a holiday to make the anniversary slightly more bearable? I'm keeping everything crossed that next month is a BFP x

Rachel I totally understand ...my DH is so positive about it all, and although I am thankful that at least one of us is, it gets on my tits sometimes!! (pardon my french).

Mouse I'm so so sorry.
It's my due date next month too and I've recently been having flash backs of my MC, which is something that hasn't happened for a while. We're going to be on holiday during the due date which is something we planned purposefully. Maybe you could do something to commemorate or plan something to look forward to? Hope you feel better soon. Sending love x

I second the mumsnet-prescribed hug, Rachel x

Oh mouse - it's rubbish isn't it? Have a good cry and a rage. You don't need to be positive all the time. It's good to be generally positive but when you feel bad acknowledge it.

Gosh mouse I'm so sorry, I hope next month gives you a BFP not AF! Or at least you get a bit of a longer cycle, and it doesn't come on the 4th. Can you plan something for the due date, to help you cope?

Lime thinking of you , hope the pain is nothing sinister. I don't see how those darkening FRERs we you posted could be retained product.

Emvy feeling positive for you! I'm also crampy and sore boobed today but could also be imagining it I guess.

Rachel it's so hard feeling this out of control of the process. I know exactly what you mean x

Nocats I am also wondering whether I need better nutrition, sleep etc to conceive now I'm older. Or at least feel like I'm doing SOMETHING rather than just drinking my sorrows away. Egg book sounds a bit preachy though

Having a shit day. I feel like I'm slipping into a black hole. Normally I'm so positive but I feel so crap it's unreal today.

I was expecting to start spotting last night as I did last cycle but when it came, so did the tears. My chest feels like it's about to explode. I sobbed into DH as he tried to calm me down. I've spotted all day today (CD25) and AF will come tomorrow and then just to rub salt in the wounds, my next af is September 4th, my due date.

It's going to break me, I know it. How do I cope? All I want is to be a mum. Why am I so broken? A year of this shit and I still don't know a damn thing about how my body works. 😢

Oh no Lime, thinking of you & hope everything's ok

lime hope all goes well, and it's just one of those things (rather than one of Those Shit things).

I have worked out that part of my reluctance to go back to work is the actual job I was doing; it's a great entry level job but it bores me stupid now I've got more experience and qualifications so I'm now actively looking for something else (and because it's a small firm there's nowhere to progress internally). I met a recruitment consultant today and have an Actual Interview tomorrow (so this afternoon I've bought an interview outfit because my current role is so casual, it's a jeans and boots kind of workplace and I have no interview-smart clothes that fit me).

DH and I DTD this morning, very spontaneous, very lovely (and strangely no tears from me, which we had last time after the MC). We've decided to wait a couple of months to actively TTC though, although I have reserved the right to change my mind after AF comes!

lime hope all is well. Shoulder tip pain can be many things - v sensible to get checked out. Hope you get good news.

rachel yes it is shit. Horribly horribly shit. You do NOT have to wander round being positive all the time. I actually think that's a damaging mindset. You are allowed to feel shit about things that are shit. I feel shit today, I'm having a miscarriage and it's shit. I refuse to think positive just now. I will later, but right now, it's shit. Have a (mumsnet proscribed) hug.

Oh lime, I hope it's all ok, thinking of you.

emvy, I'm with you. It is shitty mcshit face, the whole bastard thing. I want to be one of those oblivious women walking around having babies willy nilly and blithely asking when people are going to have another because I have NO BLOODY IDEA about all this crap.

Lime, really hope you're ok. Virtual hand hold at whatever a & e you're in x

So sorry you're going through this lime - hope you get some answers soon.

Oh gosh lime that sounds incredibly stressful! Keep us updated, I hope all is ok and this isn't leftover tissue from the last pregnancy

I'm kind of at the opposite end of what you guys have been discussing today - I'm doing the whole "try and forget it about and do whatever" approach. Which was going fine until I don't think I had a proper af and actually think I could be pregnant again. There, I actually said it out loud. Well, sort of out loud. I have all the symptoms from my first pregnancy and yesterday those little tugging type pains have begun - mostly on my left side (at the front low down, not ovary type pains), but sometimes right and sometimes across the middle. So, so strange if not pregnant to be getting these symptoms but I'm still too scared to test. And also will feel like an actual complete dick if I'm not pregnant. Such a hopeful twat it's unbelivable.

Rachel, nice to see you back but I'm so sorry you've been struggling. Those angry feelings I get all the time. Especially as, like you say, the due date approaches. It's such a bloody load of crap, every bit of it!

Hi ladies. I've been off this chain for a while as I was having a bit of a bad month. Really thought we would have been pregnant again by now and just had a bit of a meltdown over it for the last couple of weeks. AF was really late but getting BFNs and so was angry and confused and hormonal...but she's here now so although I'm disappointed it wasn't our month, I'm at least pleased to be out of limbo.
Anyway, I've spent this afternoon texting my OH about more or less exactly what you've all been discussing today: do we/don't we need to think about trying one or all of a lengthy list of things that might possibly help? Evening primrose before ovulation; aspirin; progesterone; acupuncture...dunno. The list seems endless. Husband isn't keen at all. He thinks we just try again with nothing new and try to put the last eight months out of our heads and just be positive.

I'm struggling to be even vaguely positive. I'm still so angry about being robbed. Robbed of my baby. Robbed of my positivity. Robbed of that excitement about being pregnant. And robbed of my time...we should be having our baby next month...instead we're not one single step closer. 😫

Sorry for the rant. Just feeling: 😡😞

In other news my boobs are on fire. Bfn this morning but they only started yesterday afternoon, with cramps. 11dpo. I usually get a bfp by now but trying not to read anything into it. This will be a very cruel form of pms.

Em I hope you're ok.


Step I can't remember why I took folate! I think it was suggested to me as a few people can't process folic acid; the folate is a more natural form. It doesn't actually make a difference unless you have that issue. It might be in ISWTE? I know either are good for sperm.


Mrs J how are you doing?

Swim I hope the house goes well, I'm sorry it's all getting too much. I think I'd chat to DH about it all the same. You could at the very least see the gp and start any initial chats/ investigations?

Welcome isthis, I'm sorry you're here. I have become dryer with age. Conceive plus helped but taking high strength evening primrose from cd1 till ovulation is supposed to help; it really does with me. I take two a day. I know what you mean with ISWTE, I have only taken certain things from it and decided to do ubiquinol after my mc. I haven't done a huge amount else than cut back on caffeine. Don't drink a huge amount already.


I agree I worry that all this extra stuff is unnecessary. With ds it was just pregnacare, and actually my tsh was shit too! I was swayed by the ubiquinol research though and read a lot of papers on it. They do prescribe it to statin takers and (rarely) to people with cfs - I can be mildly like that and I found it extremely helpful actually. But oddly post mc I was stronger generally. I think the folate / folic acid and b vits help your lady cycle generally.


😂😂 and eeewww to the moon cup idea! And the egg! I'm thinking of getting a moon cup to temp fate though; I know of a woman who found her mooncup chewed up by the cat but discovered she was pregnant a few days later and didn't need it. A feline second sense!


Patience grumpy she says pushing a pile of early tests under the book shelf you're not out yet!

Oh no lime - I hope you're ok?

I looked it up ana and you're right - the figures widely cited (c. 60% chance in a fourth pregnancy but 80+ with extra antenatal care) come from Lesley Regan's book on her work at St Mary's, and she's talking about those who did or didn't stick with them for antenatal care. The service is free but obviously transport/time off work for fortnightly scans/etc. aren't, so you're right that while you can control for the women's medical history (they were all 'unexplained') there may still be other significant differences between the groups.

Oh bugger. I had shoulder tip pain. I know that can be a worrying sign although it might just be something not bad causing it. Called epu and snow I'm in a and e!!!! Might it be an ectopic? They are not even confirming my pregnancy as there is talk that it may be some left over miscarriage hormone. Not feeling great.

Yeah I'm definitely worried that I'm older, or perhaps damaged in some way... when I had the MC and just before I had quite bad pains in my scar...

I know all this is irrational, I know humans are just cack at segregating chromosomes and I know it's effectively quality control kicking in but I am still just a worrier by nature.

Even though I know you are all talking sense with regards to it not really being anything you particularly did that cycle, more it being just chance as every time is different. My two pregnancies (that have ended in mc) I fell without really trying, drinking etc, not worrying about things as this is our 3rd child we were 'keeping it casual'. However knowing I can carry to full term I'm worried now I'm older, that perhaps my body needs more nutritional help? I think before I was popping vitamins for a good 6 months before ttc 7 years ago. That although I fell pregnant this time I lost them maybe being overconfident I had nothing to worry about. I mean I did the normal things like avoided bad food, cut down caffeine and stopped drinking as soon as i got my bfp, but perhaps I need more vits? Or my lining needs a better chance if my eggs are older? Who knows, I'm clutching at straws maybe.... This month I'm going to see what ISWTE says and defo get some evening primrose oil for extra ewcm. I feel very dry post mmc.

Sorry nocats and sorry to others who find themselves here, you’re in good hands but it’s a rubbish club to be in.
The debate about what to do differently and the chances of it making any difference came at a good time for me today. I’m ridiculously stressing out over whether if I have got incredibly lucky this time round and got pregnant, the fact that both DH and I had a few more drinks than we would usually over the weekend when we would have conceived will mean it’s all doomed before it even starts.
I’m seeing my GP tomorrow (first appointment I could get after my last mc 2 weeks ago) so will see what they say about anything to do differently. It does all seem a bit luck of the draw, but it’d be good to feel like I’m doing something.

I’m also worrying about whether we should just pay for some private tests as I know they won’t do any on the NHS until after 3, and if it’s something actually wrong with me I’d hate to lose another before finding out (especially as I’ve lost the last two so close to the 12 week scans – first at 11 weeks and second the day before my scan!) but well aware that like you anne, chances are they won’t find anything and I’d just be throwing away money we don’t really have…
Oh and of course I’ve already started ‘symptom spotting’ 2 dpo. I clearly need to chill out! Everyone else has mad worries like this too right?!!

It's almost impossible to control fully for everything - this sort of study is retrospective and observational . I'd imagine women who have better antenatal care/more antenatal care are :

In higher socioeconomic brackets
Likely to make better self care and health care decisions (v difficult to control for)
Have better /safer/cheaper access to antenatal care

Was the study done in the USA? That'd make the above even more true - some pretty shocking economic (and thus sadly also racial) divides when it comes to maternity outcomes :(

The study on IQ and breastfeeding that often gets quoted on here is supposedly controlling for everything but if you look closely you can see things that could confound. This kind of research is really almost impossible to do

foxtrot the last study I read on positive thinking was an oncology one and it made absolutely no difference to clinical outcomes whether the patient thought positively or not. They reported better measures on their own mental state but it made zero difference to their clinical outcome.
I think (and I'm a scientist and not a medic) that if you've covered the obvious bases like booze, fags and diet, then there's no need to beat yourself up over stuff like positive thinking. There's quite enough guilt and recrimination in this ttc business as it is.

I was (over)confident having had a straightforward successful pregnancy before

I dunno.. I had an early scan at 5 weeks as I had had food poisoning. Booked in, saw GP and midwife a couple of weeks later. I was so sure the pregnancy would work out, I was very positive. But miscarried at 10 weeks (8 week MMC) which is like a 2 per cent chance?! Wtf.