Hut of Gl/Doom, part IV - FTC, because that's what we do....

lol LNO, sounds v odd!

Glad that all went well on the Mother visit Imp!

Hi Lissie and FMN - Doc said that with my eggs I would have 1% chance (due to age) of getting a BFP and with a donor's eggs 50% chance. Then I decided to do IVF with mine just in case and my chances went up to 30% cos one egg fertilised and womb lining was good...Reading posts from others with donor eggs they have not all been successful and it looks like 50% is more like 20% - 30%. So what do I do???I think sometimes it is better to have no choices - unexplained infertility just means the docs have not yet found a solution to this problem or no one can invest the time and money to find out what is happening .

Today Ive been a really moody person with DP (bollocked for not helping me with the housework and then again for muttering under his breathe) and at the same time feeling really randy (didnt let him know though) could this be side effects of the wheatgrass cos I havent felt like this for a while and I still have the AF from hell - no pain just (sorry TMI warning) loads of blood and huge clots too??? Is this normal???

So Im going to curl up in the corner (and have some wicked day dreams ) whilst supping a few long latte's - Biscuit anyone?

great news impy! glad you feel the pressures easing a bit!

FMN, its understandable that your OCD is misbehaving, we hate being out of control and ftc is just that!

Good news about your mum Impy! Are you gob smacked?!?
Have suffered OCD for quite a long time it seems, although only officially diagnosed about 4 years ago. Have just finally started seeing someone for CBT, so will see how that goes! Don't know if ftc makes it worse....pregnancy seems to (acquired a whole load of new symptoms!!) Bizarrly, the change in weather seems to make it worse . When we get a dramatic change from hot to cold or cold to hot(like we've had the past few weeks) it seems to kick start it. So I blame the weather, plus my period (cos they suck) PLUS my period cos it means I'm not pg! At least I still have hope with the 15 reptile eggs I am incubating!!
Anyway, hope everyone has had a good weekend.....

Wooo-hoooo.
I backed the rank outsider!

Ready and waiting

Oooh, MOTHER REPORT. She left today, and was actually completely lovely all her stay. I told her that dp had started trying (didn't mention I wan't this month and was considering stopping) and she said she didn't want to interfere, that it was our business, she just wished us well. She said she was sorry for me that it was taking so long, but was happy for me that I had dp and ds.

Possibly she backed off my case because we are obviously going under somewhat here with just too many things to juggle, and ds has been poorly this weekend. And I'm sure she heard us rowing in the middle of the night . (That's rowing as in arguing, not as in boating...) Just one of those letting-it-out things, nothing major.

I'm clinging on till the end of June. Fingers crossed I don't explode/expire/implode before then. When I feel how stressed my body is I'm not surprised it hasn't conceived.

So, who baked the outsider and predicted loveliness? What's your pref on hash-related products? Dp is a fab baker, and I am a mean roller. Or would you prefer a bottle of the lovely bubbly we got a crate of? I can stick it in to chill now if you'd like. x

FMN, it's interesting to hear you suffer from OCD. Was that the case before you started TTC, and if so, has FTC exacerbated it? I don't imagine it helps being stuck in a situation where there seems to be absolutely no correlation between what you do and the outcome! I'm not surprised that your symptoms are flaring up at the moment.

How hard can you slap me if I suggest you just 'chill out and let it happen'?

glad youre feeling better today!

Hi everyone. Am feeling much better today, although still not "normal"...whatever that may be! Still feel like I could burst into tears if the wrong thing were to happen, but am at least not crying willy-nilly (I always laugh at that phrase ) I don't know whats amiss with me at the moment. I suffer from OCD and have been taking medication for a number of years, but have noticed that at the same time as I've been really emotional over the last few days my OCD symptoms are really flaring up. Don't know if OCD is bad cos of emotions, or if emotions are bad cos of OCD! And I don't know if I feel all of this cos I'm only just really accepting that I had the mc, or if that is in the fore-front of my mind cos I'm so up in the air about other stuff! Oh, for a simple life......
LNO, have you thought about where you'll go next with ttc? I know that in the hut we aren't meant to talk about feeling grateful for what we have, and about other people being worse off, but it does put it in perspective a little for me when I see all that you've been through....

FMN, I wonder how today is going? A bit better, I hope. What an utter nightmare TTC is. Just logged on after a very busy week and it seems there's quite a few AFers this week. I haven't seen her yet, at my house but AF symptom spotting is proving to be too easy. She's left her cardie on the sofa and got up early to make tea and biscuits - evidence in the kitchen is undeniable.

It's all too crap.

FMN, sell it on ebay, and use the proceeds to buy yourself something frivolous. that what i did with the stuff i bought during my ep.

LNO, i wish i knew what to say! every time i see a pg woman (and has anyone else noticed just how many of them there are?) i feel like they're staring at me and i have "barren" tatooed on my forehead. would a donor be so bad tho?

FMN - I wouldnt give to a friend cos I would feel bad everytime I looked at kiddy in the gear for my non existent one so hence why Im giving it to charity - out with the old and in with the new....

It was my first attempt at IVF and had IUI 2 yrs ago with a BFN too. yes we do try between IVF (although sometimes we just shout at each other cos we are fed up of doing it on demand - to say the fun has gone out of the bedroom is a gross understatement!) and this month I was hoping that maybe the drugs were still in my body and would help on the egg front - so thought I stood a better chance this month than most yet it was the shortest cycle yet...just had to pop out to Tescos to get more tampax and pads! short cycles are costly.

We've looked into donor eggs and although they are younger and therefore hopefully would possibly be more robust - I think I have a prob with implantation so even with the best eggs it just wouldnt work...Ive read alot of the donor sites and the number of fails are just as bad as IVF with normal cycles....I just don't know what to believe anymore. TTC is just so confusing - I look at pregnant ladies and swear Ive witnessed a miracle and they appear oblivious to it all - it just makes me so sad and also cross.

I'd give it to your friend. Lend them, if it's too hard to give them up. Will seeing her wearing your clothes really remind you of your own FTC? I mean, do you ever forget?

But should I give it to someone I know? Will it not just be a cruel reminder every time I see her? Or do you literally mean "give it away" as in to a charity shop or a complete stranger or something?
So anyway, is that 3 of us on CD1 today then? LNO, forgive the question, but do you continue to try between IVF? I'm sure I have read about you but I have a terrible memory and can never remember things like this! Would using an egg donor really be just as much of a gamble? Sorry if I sound dumb but have obviously not had to dig into IVF processes and stuff, so am sure that I can't appreciate all that is involved in the slightest.
And sorry if I'm slow on the uptake, but have you literally only just gone through IVF?

FMN, so sorry you're feeling so crap today. Cruel joke: Tired, emotional, sick - are you pregnant? Slap me, that's fine. I haven't got anything useful to say at all. If I were with you in real life I'd give you one of those Poor you non-smiles and squeeze your arm. Then I'd make you a cup of tea and a bacon sandwich, then while you refuel I'd put some candles and Massive Attack on, open a bottle of red wine and roll you a spliff. Just want to let you know I care.

FMN - I would just give the baby stuff away - Ive been sitting on loads for 8 yrs and now Im thinking that if I give it away sods law will mean I will get pregnant .... so I am clearing it all out this weekend to go to charity - its all new and some stuff is really expensive but what the hell - my sister isnt going to have any more and by the time I wait for my niece it will be museam gear.. it will be hell though

I came on today as well so it looks like a crappy day for a few of us in the hut. I wasn't due on until Tuesday so at least I didn't waste untold pg tests this month I suppose.

Sorry you are feeling so down FMN.

Hi Lissie did you really mean 40y if so then you have just given me loads of fresh energy to keep trying .

FMN - Im fed up today too cos AF arrived today really bad..and my cycle was only 22days so Ive gone back to a really short luteal phase and lots of spots on face as well that just isnt me so IVF not only gave me a bFN but also SPOTS and puppy fat...at 45 that's not too good and I had to pay for the priviledge . Do you think I am regressing to teenage years . (well maybe the puppy fat is just - fat ).

Nelli, know what you mean, we are seeing the consultant in May with a view to one more try in July/August. I have considered donor eggs but it looks just like the same IVF lottery and I just don't think I could manage it (mentally).

So now folks my next try at herbal medicines is Wheatgrass capsules - they smell a bit grassy...(not the spliff type unfortunately ) Anyway Ive heard they are supposed to give you energy, fountain of youth stuff including increased fertility......truely starting to believe all those crazy adds - apparently you can buy it as juice but tastes viale (LNO leaves a bottle behind as a taster to all).....

My day is just worse and worse. I really feal like I'm slumping into some sort of depression here. Not just FTC related I'm sure, but I haven't felt this crap in a long time. I'm in one of those "don't want to be alone, but don't want company either" moods.Have tolerated looking after other peoples children all day and now just want to curl up in bed and cry. Maybe I'm coming down with something cos I had a day off sick on Thursday - not like me at all - feel really, really emotional and tired and just had a wee bit of a dizzy spell.
Also, am facing a little dilemma about maternity clothes.....bought some summery stuff in the sales at christmas in preparation for having an August baby. Have kept hold of them "just incase" I got pg again really quickly, but it didn't happen and I just have a bag of bits sitting in the back of my wardrobe. Have a friend due in Sept.....should I give it all to her? I know I'd hate doing that, and would def. hate seeing her wearing any of it, but what use is it to me? And does it do me any good knowing it is just sitting there?
Gee, look at me waffling on. I bet even if there is anyone around this afternoon you'd all run a mile after this lot.......

yes, theres a friend of a friend of a friend who tried for 40y gave up and had 6 lots of triplets and quads in the space of 2y, soyou never know

{{hug}} FMN, hope you feel better soon. CAT me if you want to chat babe.

feedmenow, sorry you're gloomy. I know what you mean about having a baby in 2007. The same thoughts have gone through my mind. Only a handful of slightly used tissues, a big bottle of voddie and a hungover hug to offer you by way of comfort.

Impatience, glad you've made a decision you're okay with for now. Let us know if anyone blesses you with my personal favourite reassuring advice - 'Now you've stopped trying, it'll probably just happen...'

Well, plain old tears and pessimism from me thismorning Period arrived (so have now had 2 30 day cycles, which at least means I can probably/possibly count on that) which I expected cos have not had a whole lot of sex this month. However, can't help but feel bitterley disappointed anyway. This means that all the time I'd been planning a baby in 2007 are now out of the window (and I KNOW that the year doesn't really matter but thats what I had in my head), and I'm just finding more and more that as time passes I find the thought of my m/c harder and harder to cope with. So, more tears from me this morning. At least dp isn't at work and could give me a hug and try and comfort me 9although he's never been all that good at that sort of thing, bless).
And I also had a weird dream last night.....in RL, a couple of weks after my mc one of my relatives announced pg then mc'd quite soon after. Well, in my dream, they announced another pg before me and I just felt really bitter and resentful, both in the dream and in RL when I woke up. It's my birthday next week and I had so wanted to have a really good reason to celebrate.....
Any other gloomy souls about this morning?

impatience, ooh shes doing well, and totally understand wanting a break from ttc. {{hug}} makes sense for all of you!

ejb, im in shropshire so, think youre prob right. im just being paranoid.

got some 75mg asprin today from asda, it says on front that its for people with clotting disorders so i think ill just try my luck with it in the 2nd half of my cycle. one of the little buggers will have to stick eventually (thats not too optimistic for the hut is it?) and if i can do anything to encourage that i will!

Helloo ladies. Not been here for ages so just dropped by to see how you are all getting on.

Lissie - just wanted to add that I doubt whoever you spoke on phone was giving you anything other than blanket advice. I carry a chromosome abnormality and I got a call offering an appointment with Genetics Counsellers about a week after my blood was taken. Basically, what I'm trying to say that if anything significant was already showing up, they'd be calling you in sooner. OK things vary region to region (I'm in West Mids) but I doubt you'd be dangling for that long. Also, my dd has quite a lot of medical issues and my experience of NHS there is that bad news filters through pretty quickly; good news / no news communicated at routine appointments (Results? What results? oh all those kidney tests? Oh yes we were concerned there was major damage..flicking through notes Oh no all fine)

Anyway, all the best, everyone. Here you go - here's a nice jug of sangria. Got a bit warm in the sun though. Got any ice?

PS, only comment so far was about the young couple next door who's cat has just died. 'So they'll probably have a baby soon now, huh?'

I resisted the temptation to shout FOR ALL YOU KNOW SHE'S BEEN TRYING FOR AGES!