Hut of Gl/Doom, part IV - FTC, because that's what we do....

Morning. Did test. BFN. Off to work then.

FMN, 1) it does get easier BUT I don't forget, I just remember less often. Sometimes, it can hit just as hard as it did at the time BUT seems to be on fewer occassions as time goes by. 2) Sometimes I feel so angry and jealous I have had to leave rooms with no explanation. Again, the size of the reaction and frequency has become smaller over time.
Use the Hut, I swear the whole process I went through would have been easier if it had been known to me at the time. I really didn't seem to have the 'right' kind of person to speak to (rant, rave, swear, cry, feel sorry for myself, etc etc).

duchesse - take care of yourself.

ime, it doesnt get easier as such, just easier to deal with. you will never forget any little bean, they are still your babies.

i find it hard to be around friends who are pg/just had babies but am perversely excited about SiL having hers. its ok to be selfish and rant and cry!

Oh jesus, I'm just about to blub again, and not cos I was feeling miserable but because of today being what day it is for Duchesse I hope you have looked after yourself today in any way that is best for you...
I have been feeling so odd the last week that I did a test today (despite being at tail end of period) cos I just don't get why I feel so emotional, tired, burpy and chocolate-cravey. Obviously was a BFN, so am still no nearer knowing why I'm behaving the way I am.
There a couple of things I wanted to ask....1) for all those who have m/c'd do you REALLY think it gets easier as time goes on, or do you find it harder and harder? Will it only start getting easier when I am pg again? And 2) do you all really feel pleased for friends/family who announe pg when you are so desperately trying? Only I seem to suffer such divided emotions in that I WANT to be happy for people but I can't help being really jealous and bitter about it?

oh duchesse {hug, but a v awkward english one with no eye-contact}life really is shite!

soreheart, unfortunately if people havent been thru it they assume that all you have to do is drop your knickers,after all we spend our late teens/early 20's desperately trying to prevent pg, secure in the knowledge that sperm can and will find a way thru! thats fecking sex ed for you! i remember having a terrifying lesson in contraception where the teacher told us all the stats for failing condoms/pills etc and "the best contraceptive is the word no" what a joke that is!

got aches in left (tubeless side) groin today so really dont think all our duty-shaggings going to have done much good! should have ovd sat/sun and have more blood taken on mon, am fed up of being used as a pincushion and peeing on stupid fecking sticks!

rant over now, i promise

my SiL is 8.5m pg and we've explained to ds that theres a baby in her tummy so now hes pointing at my belly and saying baby! whos sides he on?

Afternoon All, I'm always logged on when everyone else is goin ghome / doing dinner! Anyway, I think Gkitty's SIL could possibly be introduced to MN - Hut of Doom (Saharan Wilderness). . . no idea how to do this with any awkwardness but it's been fabulous for me when I've been feeling so envious I could be sick.
On which subject, work colleague has announced she's 4 months pregnant (DD 18 Oct) today and it's basically been the topic of chat ALL day. I've done very well. Various people saying, 'Why didn't you say earlier?' and 'Why would anyone keep it a secret?' etc etc. I managed to say very little but was obliged to point out that life can be very complicated and some folk are very superstitious and that some people have a long and sad story when it comes to fertility. Do you think they guessed?
Meanwhile, I am on CD32/33 (usually 29/30) and I have no symptoms of anything really. I am getting a bit excited BUT I have been here before (up to CD35 and then, on that day I took a lot of trouble to purchase a test (long story), it was negative and AF started about 3 hours later.
I WISH I knew what was going on without testing. It feels like I will be jinxing things to do the test. I know I'm on the slippery slope of nuttiness now but that's TTC for you.
Duchesse, a couple of mogodon for you / a few episodes of Midsomer Murders. Do not look at other thread. Do not Do not Do not.

My best wishes to you, Duchesse.

Duchesse - We are here if you feel the need to use words to express how you are feeling.
I talked to my mum over the weekend, asking her how she coped (her first child was stillborn) - she said, like any grief the first year, the anniversaries and the significant dates were the hardest - thinking of you.

Best wishes to you Duchesse. I find dates very difficult. I hope you are looking after yourself

Cheers for the feast Impy - tuck in everyone.
Hope I?m more successful with my rather longwinded response to Glitterkitty? here goes!!

GlitterKitty - I'm going through something similar with my bfriend. (Though she fell pg rather than sneezing one day)... For the two months she was sort of trying and, at last, I felt I had a real life friend I could share all the crap about ttc... (to the point I realised I had to hold back as all my bottled up concerns came pouring out!!)

When she told me she was 6 weeks I was completely torn in two. I dreamed of us getting pg around the same time, and having kids the same age (I encouraged her to start ttc!). I was over the moon for her while I was at rock bottom. Meanwhile, she was asking me for advice, scared of being pg, desperately in need of a mate to hold her hand through it and I was eaten up with jealousy and very, very sad.

She then called me saying she was going into a&e with a feared ectopic... and I felt dreadful. All was OK but she said she just didn't know how much to tell me. I replied... by text: I was happy for her and I hoped I could be there for her as her bump developed but also hoped she understood there would be times I'd need to keep away.

Within half an hour of the text she was at my door with flowers. We both cried... and it has helped clear the air. I'm not saying it is all hunky dory... I'm still the barren one, she's still up the duff - but it has restored a closeness I think has been missing from our friendship for some time.

I hope this helps in some way - I'm sure she is happy for you, and I'm sure your success gives her some hope (Congrats by the way!!! - what do you think worked in the end for you??), however she will also feel she has lost a friend with whom she can share her innermost fears of ttc... and may be struggling with the dreadful emotion of jealously. Perhaps she needs to know you still understand.

Glitterkitty - this is a hard one. I had a similarly difficult situation. My SIL's baby died at 18 days old (SIDS) and I was 10w pregnant. While we avoided telling people for as long as possible, we got to the point where it was becoming obvious. Got a very difficult response from dh's other brothers and sisters, ranging from bursting into tears to asking if we had planned this (?!). SIL herself said congratulations and then from that day to this (ds is 2.5 now) has never wanted anything to do with him (or us). It has been hard but it's obviously very, very painful for her and, ultimately, it's not up to me to say what she should or should not feel. I can't try and manipulate her into feeling something she doesn't. That would not be a loving or respectful thing to do.

I would say just give her time. We had pretty much an entire side of the family that couldn't deal with my pregnancy and we basically became apologists for it. Just enjoy yourself with the people who are genuinely happy for you and let everyone else work things out in their own time.

And, of course, congratulations!!!

That sounds like a good idea. Perhaps stick to core stuff: Sorry she's still not pregnant and it's so crappy FTC, don't need her being outrageously happy for you, just want to still be in contact with her and to be there for her if she needs you.

You did ask for interfering! (And I'm an eldest sister afterall )

good luck.

I dont want her to feel she has to say shes happy etc, I just want her to feel bearable with it and MIL not to get insensitive and start telling her to buck up etc.

Impy- agree with people falling easily being more difficult- all my mates did and I just tried to remain calm and focus on getting p*ssed.

Thanks for the advice. I might send her a friendly email- jokingly saying are you avoiding me? I dont want to patronise her tho. Will have a think.

I agree with crypto: Of my friends who are getting pregnant at the moment it's the one who had an accident that I can't tolerate seeing. She has no idea, and I resent having to congratulate her for something she didn't even try for. (I know this is unreasonable.)

NNNOOOOOO!!!!!

Just wrote a veritable thesis in reply to glitterkitty and it just vanished. Bollocks.

So, to summarise: talk to her. Give her the chance to say she's jealous, cross with you (yes, even you have now deserted her), sad, lonely etc, and just listen to her. Poor thing. Then perhaps she can get on with feeling the good things for you.

Chocolatedays, had also described the large unhealthy buffet I've left you. But refuse to write it all out again! Just go for it. If you are allergic to anything I assure you you will be rashed to the eyeballs by lunchtime. Enjoy!

GK: Thanks for the spliff: the thought of that will get me through this mountain of work.

Oh, and congratulations!

Hi Glitterkitty - many congratulations on your long awaited pregnancy . Does she know how long you have been trying? I am always genuinely please for people that get pregnant after such heart breakingly long time - its just the 'I wasn't even trying' brigade that really gets to me.

I promise I dont have any babydust on me, BUT can I ask you lot a favour- read bits of the thread and thought you might possibly know what I should do in these circs...?

Dear hut

After ftc for nearly 4 years I'm finally pg. My SIL (DP's bro's wife)has also been ttc for a long time. Since I have been pg I havent seen her- despite lots of family meet up etcs. Its obvious that she dosent want to see me. I obviously have sympathy for her situation-was same for me for a long time & wasnt expecting her to be pleased for me or anything. But shes made it quite clear she dosent want to see/speak to me and MIL and others are starting to comment.

Question is- baby is not going to vanish and the situation isnt going to improve- do I say to her 'feel like your avoiding me' in attempt to talk/ clear air/make things a bit easier, or do I just let her do her thing and hope MIL deals with it sensitively (because she WILL bring it up...)?

skins up and leaves on table along with giant Hotel Chocolate selection box and bottle of bolly

Hmmm - opium isn't mentioned in any of my detox plans... excellent, me next!

Any of you in West London? I'm back to see my acupunturist on Thursday - I think he may be worth a visit if you are open to these things.

Yeah, pass that to me. Ta.

urgh fecking babydust! sometimes after talking to my friends im covered in the fecking stuff, does it work? no it fecking well doesnt! anyone else?

Hi Impy
Well since I am on the mother of all detoxes in RL please can I have shed loads of caffeine, chocolate, gluten & alcohol with sugar, salt and processed gunk.
Enough to share with the rest of the hut would be great.
(I'm also drinking at least 3l of water a day so something to dehydrate me would be appreciated!)

Glad the weekend went well.

I'm oly dipping into mumsnet at the mo (rather than lurking almost constantly!!!) as my mind is gearing up to pumping myself with hormones... and finding the IVF websites handy for support (though they tend to heavily overuse smileys and worse and splatter me with babydust. Bleurgh)

FMN: I've heard great things about CBT for OCD. Hope it helps!

Chocolatedays: What would you like for your prize?!

well, thought to myself i should have ov'd yesterday but should do some humping just in case, but dh is a birmingham fan and subsequently got so drunk he was drooling! so now ive got a huge headache coz im so uptight about it, not impressed!