Hut of Gl/Doom, part IV - FTC, because that's what we do....

Hey everyone. No pregnancy for me after all. Period has just arrived. Feel a bit numb. Was just starting to think that this could actually be happening.

Just wanted to check back in. Will read and respond to your other posts later. Just need to go and have a good cry now.

I'm not deserting you Soreheart! I am feeling strangely ambivalent about the whole business at the moment, so perhaps that's why I don't feel I have anything much to say. Being on the other side of TTC is a weird thing. I didn't try this month because we thought dp might be pg, and mum was here etc etc. And it's such a relief not to. I've been noticing all sorts of cramps and mucus this week that normally I would be obsessing over and it's so nice to know that they're nothing. I'm feeling a bit more at one with my body. Odd. Will be away during next month ov too so can really forget about things a bit. Dp is not pg, but she will try again in a couple of weeks. I feel very relaxed about the whole thing. Bizarre. I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.

Crypto, Well done for booking that appt. I'm sure it will make you feel empowered to know you are covering the bases even if it doesn't exactly bring joy. I have a second appt. sometime in June (nice and speedy for those of us that are ancient in fertility terms) and I'm already compiling questions / requests.

Impatience, that is the very definition of lurking here in my 'Soreheart Dictionary'. I'm just checking 'deserting Hut of Gloom like the proverbial rat' in my phrase book. . . . . . hmmm..yes...I see.

Ahh, hash brownies...er, oops.

Congrats Beckle too!

Does it count as lurking if you're too busy to post but pop in, scan to see what's going on and then have to run away again?

Hash brownie, lovely! I'll stash one for after my run

gotta dash!

Don't mean to alarm you Soreheart, but they were hash brownies, not hash browns!! But so long as they've got hash in them who cares if they are potato or chocolate!!!

Ah, excellent news Becklespeckle. I do understand about the 'jinxing' - it's very much to be expected, although others have been very brave and got on the wagon...see recent messages from Beansprout. Am currently on CD1 (again, that must be about 350 CD1s since they started - doesn't my body want to try something else???) so will eat all hash browns and Pimms. Thank you.

Huge congratulations to Beansprout and Becklespeckle

That sounds fabulous FMN, hope you have a brilliant (and productive ) time.

I have finally bitten the denial bullet and have made a doctors appointment for next week to start initial fertility investigations so am feeling nervous but also strangly excited about that.

I have some potentially exciting news! Was my bday yesterday and dp has got me a weekend in Paris (with him, obviously!). So, we go on Friday 4th May(CD14) and return on Monday 7th (CD 16) and I've been having 30 day cycles so perfect timing! No children whinging/interrupting, no housework, no untimely visitors!!!! Hooray!!
Beansprout, if you are still popping in then congrats to you! I hope you never come back!!

Hello all, not been in for a while as been far too cheerful but I just wanted to say thank you for being here for me when I was really really low, just being 'around' others in similar situations was great. I just wanted to let you know that I got a BFP last week, have not joined a/n yet as too scared will m/c again.
Hope none of you think I am insensitive but I just wanted to say thanks and leave you a HUGE plate of hash brownies and a massive jug of Pimms heavily laced with vodka in the hopes you won't mind me popping back if it all goes tits-up!

ta for Rioja - it's mixed really well with the mushroom stroganoff and biccies! burp.

soreheart. rant away my love!

fancy a colin firth muffin

Here, get this bottle of Rioja down you.

PMT is the pits.

I am so impressed that Beansprout has left the Hut and has gone to join the ante-natal one. You won't be surprised to hear I don't even know where that is. I have looked.
Managed to do the work thing but am now howling at Colin Fry's 'Sixth Sense'. So, I suppose you could say the PMT thing has finally kicked in. I'm so SAD that I'm sitting around in my house, on my own, with no family. I feel mean and ungrateful for what I do have. And desperate. I'm even havng ungrateful thoughts about other Doomers who are young or married or have children already.

It will pass. Sorry to be so self-indulgent. Just need to get it off my chest.

Duchesse - seriously good choice of choc.

Lissie - that sucks.

Beansprout - whoo-hooo! Great news!

GK - glad it helped a bit. Hmmm, the lad didn't work for me (also had adhesions cleared) ... guess I'll just have to relax and stop trying... hehehe.

Imps - are you lurking or have you deserted us.

Soreheart - that sucks too.

... doh, why did I start doing personals... now I feel bad for not mentioning everyone else. Damn.

beansprout, so pleased for you sweetheart. will cross everything for you x

glitterkitty, glad to be of service!

well, its official, if there is a god, he/she's a monty python-esque figure with a truly warped sense of humour! my lil sis's 1/2 sis is 4m pg, she's 17 and doesnt know who the dad is. til recently was living with a violent drug addict and has never had a job!

im so fucking pissed off now, i dont know if i should laugh or cry!

got the usual urban myth about women who try for years, blah blah. and i should stop worrying about it!

Thanks to all who took the time to reply- it really helped get my head straight. I feel like I?m walking on eggshells- really dont want to say the wrong thing- I?d rather keep my trap shut. And thank you for the congrats- much appreciated.

Beansprout- my feeling is to leave it- and let her get there at her own pace. Its just that I didn?t want to seem uncaring. However, its hard to talk about this kind of stuff via email when there?s such a risk of coming across the wrong way- and like I say, haven?t seen her face to face for some time.

Duchesse- agreed- I have honestly tried to keep it low key- I haven?t mentioned my pg at all when we have had email contact, apart from when we announced. Thinking of you- I wish you well in the future.

Cdays- thanks for giving me the other side- I am so glad you made it all ok with your friend. In my case me and SIL have never been close (although I knew she was ttc I wasn?t discussing it with anyone). So we didn?t really go through it together in the same way. When I did get a result I told her how long we had been trying for though.

What worked for me was having a laparoscopy. They found multiple adhesions, endometris, multiple fibroids, one tube totally blocked and one half blocked, and both very ?convuluted?. They did what they could for me and said I had 5% chance of conceiving naturally. But apparently you are more fertile for a few months after the op- that?s when it happened.

Despite all this my MIL insists it because I ?relaxed and it just happened? the single most useless and irritating comment ever- still makes me fume to think of it- yes I stopped myself conceiving- what a load of !!!! Its in the same range as ?fighting cancer? comments- there?s sod all you can do about this stuff and implying your attitude is wrong is REALLY fecking unhelpful. (Ooops? sorry about the rant)

I wish I had known about the hut when I was ttc. Would love to point SIL here but as I say, its not a topic up for discussion at the moment. Thank you all again and good luck.

And Soreheart- sh*t. Sorry to hear.

Hi everyone. After a v faint bfp a few days ago, and a mad round of obsessive testing and worrying (a la the original title of the hut "... if it does, it will all go wrong"), I've decided to try and be positive and go over to the ante-natal threads. Doesn't feel right now to keep posting on here as I am not who you need to hear from so I'll say bye for now.

Just wanted to say how brilliant you have all been and how you have really kept me sane these last few months. And if this doesn't work out, I'll be straight back, but wish you all well in the meantime. I really, really hope you all get your bfps sooner rather than later

choc, a mc is a mc and chemical pgs can be just as hard to deal with! my last mc, tho i was only about 4w was just as hard to deal with as my latest mc (at 9w)from the minute you see that line you start planning and counting every day, and no ampount of pessimism or careful thinking will alter that.

FMN

1. I think it has become harder to deal with. We we very excited to have got that far... an actual BFP (well three as we didn't believe it!). We know it wasn't right as I had brown spotting very early on til m/c AND the m/c was very early (some would call it a chem pg... but that implies it wasn't real, and it was to us). We saw it as the beginning of getting pg and only a matter of months BUT it is almost a yr now.. and I find myself wondering if that is the closest we will get....

1. I wouldn't wish this ttc nightmare on anyone. It hurts dreadfully, I am bitter, twisted and jealous but I am also geniunely delighted for those who have cracked the pg code. I really think you can have both emotions.

shite