We're ovulating again, so let's jump our men. It's TTC after miscarriage thread 11

Enjoy your gig NoCats! Sounds brilliant, let you hair down and remember what it was like to be carefree

Please don't hate yourself. It's the old thing of not wanting someone else's baby, but grieving and wishing for your own. Fuck it, we've all had thoughts we probably wouldn't share with anyone else and baby making is a world of god damn injustice.

I've been very lucky to conceive naturally and relatively fast, hasn't got me anywhere to date, but I have been pregnant and it's amazing. Some people never experience that at all. My friend is having her third at the moment but they've had a horrible journey to get there and it's cost a bloody fortune having private IVF abroad as their NHS cycles failed. They have two gorgeous children but they've never once shagged and got her knocked up.

Bliss, has it been positive knowing you've conceived? For a lot of people it's very unhelpful for people to trot out "well at least you know you can get pregnant". But it has helped me. Logically, there's no reason it won't happen again and the chances with each one are still very high. Just need it to happen again soooooon!!!!!

See how you go tonight. Take your time, aim to be close and cuddly wherever it goes I reckon. Don't put yourself under any pressure and get DH to follow your lead.

I was worried about it hurting after everything that had happened with surgery, post op infection etc, but by the time I'd come off all the drugs and was back on my feet it had been about 2 and a half weeks and I mentally all over the idea so we went for it and it was great. If anything, DH was the one a bit overly worried about me when I wanted him to see me as his normal, whole, healthy, up for it wife, not the miserable, bleeding, sobbing mess I'd been since we found out about the MMC. And tbh, after him seeing me sitting on the toilet half miscarrying, which was when I think the mystery finally died, I was desperate for as much normality as we could muster and it thankfully that side of things was completely normal and felt right. Enjoy x

@Smurf123 I checked my emails today and got my ovia updates. Made me cry, then I tried to unsubscribe and the reason why list included miscarriage which made me cry more.

I also am seriously pissed off at my body for not working correctly. I cannot understand why one day we saw a lovely heartbeat and the next it's in the toilet. Life seems so cruel sometimes and @AnneLovesGilbert has worded it perfectly.

I will never forget this but I hope that I will be able to enjoy future pregnancies (if that happens) and be grateful that I can actual conceive naturally. We were in the beginnings of fertility tests before catching.

In other news, DH and I have decided we might try to dtd tonight. Hopefully it will all go well and we won't feel weird about it.

poss you didn't bring anyone down, that's why this thread is so amazing. Everyone is here to listen as many times is needed as we actually really do know how it all feels. anne a bit of foot stamping in private and on here is healthy release I reckon. I get bogged down by the seeming unfairness of it all, I struggle some days not to stare and be judgy and wonder why they deserved a baby over me and I hate myself for doing that.
Oh and poss huge LOL over the discharge shout, how hilariously unsexy that I might just try it!
Well tonight I know I'm not pregnant and I'm going to bloody enjoy a drink or two and jumping around like a loon to a band at a gig with my OH!
Hope you all have nice weekends planned

Biggest squeezy hugs to you all. I know I always say it, but while I wouldn't wish this on anyone, having people who really truly empathise does make it more bearable. God bless MN.

It's good to share things Tea, don't ever apologise. There's a lot to be said for keeping busy when you can! We had a long chat a while back on here about people being reluctant to book holidays and make plans. Which I can understand. But life has to go on and as someone pointed out, what better reason to bin off anything you then can't do than being pregnant or having a baby! So crack on if it feels right. We started a few house projects we could put some energy into, they're not all going ahead but planning is good. And the holiday we had was awesome, so glad we did it.

Oh smurf That's so painful and tough. I wouldn't ever have put a scan photo on Facebook anyway, it's a picture of your insides for gods sake, but in the future (always assuming, ha!) I'm going to be so so careful as you just never know what people around you are going through and what hurt you might cause them inadvertently. I hope if they know about what you've been through they're sensitive with sharing...

I know what you meant rachel xxx

Tonight Tea! And as often as physically possible We're lucky that it's a big part of life whether TTC or not and it hasn't become a chore. DH is weirdly obsessed (in a sweet way) with symptoms throughout the month (sounds super creepy but we're together 24/7 as we work together) and when I get the reliable right or left stabbing he looks at me and grins and says something like "oh, it's time, get yourself to bed, righty this month heh?" or "I know what we're doing when we get home" and then we make sure it's baby-focussed shagging When I get a deluge of ewcm I have similar incredibly sexy patter along the lines of "oh! It's happening, put your coffee down I'm about to jump your bones"

If that sounds hideously naff and unsexy I can only say it works for us and a good dose of humour makes everything better

Anne I know the feeling, and I'm a bawler too! I'm sorry, it's so horrible for all of us. I think we are all hoping for it to disappear when we go on to have a healthy baby, we just need something to find comfort in I guess. I have those exact thoughts why don't I deserve a baby why was it here in the first place and it just spirals. I have to focus on the future when that happens and try and be grateful for what I have.

Everyone has been helpful in saying to plan things etc and focus on things other than being pregnant. I'll give that a go...

I'm so sorry i didn't want to bring you all down with me! So when are we next all jumping our men haha! Are we still keeping things sexy or is shouting "look at my discharge let's get to it" doing the trick for us all haha x

Anne thank you.. You have managed to put into words what I couldn't..
Today my Facebook has a lovely scan picture of my husbands cousins baby..that have just found out it will be a boy... They are due the week after we should have been.. I'm happy for them but I want to scream and shout that it is just not fair.. I know my husband would be a fantastic dad and I know the miscarriages were no one's fault but I really feel like it's my fault we don't have a baby yet..it's my body that failed to do what it was supposed to do.. For me from the second I saw that positive test it was my baby.. I was planning how things would go.. My husband signed up to smyths baby newsletters.. I know he still gets them on email... I don't know how he can do it.. I certainly can't bear it because it reminds me of what we have lost. When we saw the heartbeat my dad joked about him being too young to be a grandad.. U still have the text on my phone.. I can't bear to delete it but at the same time I in floods of tears every time I accidentally read it or think of it ..

Sorry; that message is out of synch. I started typing it hours ago, and then had to get some work done...and now it doesn't really make sense!

Oh Anne; do you really think so? Of course different people grieve differently, and there's no right or wrong. Personally, I do feel like I have moved on mentally. I was very sad about the baby, of course, and she/he is now under a beautiful acer in our garden and will always be there. But for me, I don't think the grief over that one baby will haunt me in perpetuity. What upsets me is the impact on our plans for the future, and on my OH who so desperately wants a child of his own. So I have to hope that if/once we do actually get through all this and have a baby that lasts til full term, and out into the world, we won't actively miss the one(s) that never were. I hope.

x

Oh anne- I completely get you- all these questions we constantly have running round our heads- lots of will it ever happen, why me, what have we done wrong, how unlucky can we be!? - all whilst acting completely normal and just like everyone else. I also completely miss being pregnant and the hope it brings- not being alone.

So sad about your little girl- I know each one is hard, but to know that she was absolutely fine and just stopped growing is heart breaking.

You're right bliss- to actually be able to be open with how we are feeling to people who understands completely- it almost feels like there is not as much pressure on DH as well, as he doesn't have me constantly talking about things.

I have to say that this thread is wonderful. I really hope we all heal soon. Thank you for the support

4am Starshine, the loneliest most hopeless time in the whole bloody day. I hear you.

I don't have any yet and in the shit moments I do find myself wondering why we've made these babies and for some reason I didn't deserve to have them survive. Why don't I get to be a mummy?

With my MMC, we had tests done as it ended in surgery and know it was a girl, and that she was perfect. Nothing wrong with her at all. Her heart beat, she are perfectly, and then she just stopped. No one has any idea why. With the earlier ones either side I can be more pragmatic, with the first one I was glad to have been pregnant as we'd been at it a few months. And I was pregnant again within a couple of weeks. And the Feb one, we didn't have long to attach to the idea, and in my head and heart it was just far too soon after everything we'd been through and the whole pregnancy would have been horrifically stressful.

But still. They were our babies, that we made together, and it not being "meant to be" just stinks. I believe they WERE all meant to be and I'd like some fucking answers about why they're not here.

Of course they couldn't all have been here as they overlapped. And I totally hear what you're saying about your DS. He is here with you and maybe there is a reason your first one wasn't. I so envy people who poas and just see the chemical or biological possibility! I've fallen in love with the idea of each one the second I knew they were there, however microscopic and unformed. I miss being pregnant so much it sometimes hurts. I want to stamp my feet and yell that it's not fair.

Which would be pointless and embarrassing! So I have a soak, read a book, focus on work, hug my husband, try and stay hopeful that someday it'll all work out and we'll make a baby who will thrive and make us a family. The feat is the worst thing. I'm sending you a hug. Thanks for listening! x

Oh Anne it does suck, but I have to say, I had a mc before my ds and although I still think of that first mc, the over riding thought regarding that one isn't that if that one had been sticky, my beautiful ds wouldn't be here. So keep hoping for that sticky bean, once they are here, the loss won't go and I know I will always remember the due dates of all the others, but I have to keep telling myself that we will be lucky and that if we hadn't lost the others, that one wouldn't be with us. My worst fear is that we never get to that point and just don't get pregnant or keep miscarrying that's when I am not sure how I will cope- actually just try to not think about that most of the time (although usually start to in the middle of the night) ☹️

Yep, in the same club as well Tea and Starshine. Mostly things are good, but I felt like my general emotions came closer to the surface when I was pregnant the first time and they haven't gone back to down to the levels of before. And I've always been a bawler so it's worse than ever (I'm all over the shop a lot of the time)

Do you know what sucks? Since my MMC I've had this idea what when I get a baby, you know, a proper, healthy, take home baby, the pain and heartache of the losses will fade and be behind me.

But the more I read and the more people share their stories with me, the more I hear that no matter how many children you had before or go on to have, the sadness doesn't ever go and you always know you're missing a baby/your babies.

So it's here for good now, the disappointment at how hard the whole thing has already been and the fear of what's to come, the loss and the sadness and the shame of my body having failed me. The pain and regret at what was meant to be will lessen but it just won't ever go. It's part of me now. That sucks.

My last mc was Feb tea and I still get knocked by things- can be fine and then suddenly have a day where it feels like everyone is pregnant etc- not sure that'll ever go until we are lucky enough to have another. Think you just have to be as kind to yourself as you can x

Conker that sounds like things are going on the right direction.

Thank you all for your kindness. It feels like a big step backwards I wish I was stronger I thought I would be by now x

Racheal- why can't they read notes first? Even just quickly! Hope the bleeding stops soon- just a constant reminder and stops you moving on.

Conker- good news about the scan - you sound in a positive frame of mind which is good- hope that hcg continues to drop!

Thanks for the reassurance Anne- I have used glow before Which isn't as good as this new one at all.

Oh tea- more reminders! hope you're feeling ok

Sorry to see so many new faces on here but I can tell you all the ladies on here are so amazing and supportive :-)
I am just back from the EPU - had scan this am which showed everything from miscarriage had passed which is good - left ovary looked good for ovulation / having just ovulated - they weren't sure which but would fit in with ewcm on weds this week which would be cd 15 ?
They think positive pregnancy tests could just be stubborn hcg - but have also said we need to monitor with blood tests to watch it all and rule out pregnancy of unknown location - they couldn't find any thing on scan so think it is most likely the natural miscarriage resolving itself!!! Fingers crossed! This has been such a tumultuous journey for us - just really really want to get back on the ttc! We managed to dtd several times around Ewcm ! And will do it lots next week in case signs are wrong and ovulation is later this month due to miscarriage!

Same here as NoCats, Smurf, I get a twinge/stab in my right or left side, tends to alternate each cycle. It lasts a minute or so and happens a couple of times over the day. Tends to be the same day as my most ewcm, though can be a day either side. when it's not the same day I don't know which day I actually ovulate. Hoping temping will help me tell. We always DTD every day of the fw so hopefully that covers it!

Can totally relate to wanting the intimacy rachel. We were waiting after MMC till the bleeding completely stopped, so my cervix was nicely closed. Would have been a couple of days after MVA as I was feeling better. But then I got thrush and an infection, don't know where but I ended up in A&E with crippling pain quite high up on my right hand side where there isn't really anything. So I did 7 days of ABs then caneston, then got back on it, gently! We made sure we did a lot of hugging and kissing and other closeness while it was all going on, but my god I missed the sex part. Really really good nothing retained, sorry about the MW being a twat, she must have been mortified but how hard is to bloody check before you open your mouth ffs?! Hope it wasn't too upsetting and you're back to normal very soon.

Oh tea, that's so tough. I had all sorts of crap through the letterbox in the aftermath, was like an extra stab in my broken bloody heart each time till I'd managed to cancel everything and unsubscribe from all the baby related crap. It's shocking how the right hand doesn't even know there's a left hand in some of these places, just keep proper records and spare women in crisis yet more heartache. I'm so sorry x

Apparently my 24 week scan is due. Email from the exact place where the MMC was discovered. :(

*sure

I started using the app this week when I started temping Starshine, just using the free version. It's waaaay more detailed than Ovia, though will probably carry on using both. I'm are you won't lose your data!

@FuzzyOwl so sorry for loss, but congratulations on your BFN so quickly. That sounds like such an odd thing to celebrate, but I had to wait almost a month for mine from D&C, which was over six weeks after the date we found out we'd had a missed mc... and unfortunately all of that was in April and I'm still not done, apparently! 😖

I am so desperate to DTD (not for ttc either), just to have some closeness back in our relationship..but the bleeding is back up to considerable amounts (so disappointing as I thought earlier in the week it seemed to be finally tailing off a bit).

Had a scan today. The mw who checked me in said 'oh, I remember you came in to see us a few months ago; it's so great that you're pregnant again so quickly!' ... 😢nope. She looked horribly embarrassed and apologetic when I corrected her: not pg again, still exactly where I was in April. Just with less patience or optimism.

Anyway, the good news is, they say there isn't any more retained tissue. They can see one or two big blood clots and a few 'streaky bits' of blood, but that's it. So please cross fingers and toes and whatever else you have got for me that this is the end and maybe in a few more days (or weeks), the bleeding will stop and I can get back to square one! Square one sounds like a wonderful place to be just now. 😂 xx

Can I ask anyone who is using fertility friend, do you just use the free app? Just panicked and read the VIP free trial will end in 22 days and don't want to lose all my data?

Hi to all the new people, I haven't been on here long, but have found the thread very supportive.

Double- hope the time out helps, completely agree that there are times hat you need to give yourself some space as it's so easy to just get too caught up in all of this.

Glad you're doing ok emvy

Have a good evening nocats and fx!

Smurf I have never noticed ovulation pain, but I am going to keep an eye out for it this month!

Think I should be in FW next week- but this month I am going to try and relax and not put too much pressure on ourselves! (Easy to say that right now!)

Thanks nocats I don't know that I have felt it before or maybe I just wasn't thinking about it before. Yesterday past view days I have had a sharp/ stabbing pain that's been coming and going on my left side. Yesterday it was a bit more like a dull, constant pain... Currently in fw. Not sure what it is/ was.. Was just curious if it could be ovulation pain.. I'm trying to stay away from ovulation tests/ temping for now as we were both putting too much pressure on getting pregnant and both times previously it has happened when we weren't at all thinking about it... But after each mc I find it harder and harder to not think about getting pregnant again!!!