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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

No sex/no baby

35 replies

FuckMyUterus · 31/05/2017 08:34

Hi all,
Was gonna post this in Relationships but this answer to everything is LTB so thought I'd post here.
Me and my OH have been together a decent amount of time and we've always had quite a hectic sex life. We've been trying for a baby for 9ver a year now and suffered a MC in January and a CP in March. Everything was fine up until the beginning of this month, and all of a sudden we just don't have sex anymore Sad. We have only had sex 8 times this month, which I understand is normal or loads for some couples, but not us! It's making me feel low and unattractive and most nights I cry myself to sleep. I have discussed it with him and he just changes the subject or says he's tired. Really don't know what to do, he says he wants a baby but we only had sex once during my FW this month, so I'm pretty much out. Sorry it's rambley but I'm so upset and emotional over this!

OP posts:
PoppyJ1 · 31/05/2017 17:13

I think he's being unfair. I've had a similar thing with my DP recently, also following MCs. Not lack of sex but refusing to discuss TTC meaning we can't time it. He wants to "relax and let it happen" but a certain amount of coordination is necessary! It's very upsetting.

If I were you, I would back off for a bit and I bet he will come to you. You shouldn't have to but if the priority is getting pregnant, you may have to pick your battles and bite your tongue. It will happen eventually. I know every month that goes by feels like a step away from the dream but realistically it isn't going to make much difference if you conceive now or in a couple of months. Self imposed deadline can make things so much worse!x

PotteringAlong · 31/05/2017 17:12

Then that's your issue - sex 8 times a month is a red herring.

What happens if you hug / kiss / touch him?

Original poster
FuckMyUterus · 31/05/2017 17:10

pottering I should have been more clear, on the days we don't have sex we have no physical contact at all. On the days we do have sex he will kiss, hug, touch me randomly etc. On the days we don't it's like I have a contagious disease! He won't sit by me, we don't kiss AT ALL, no hugs, no touching; literally nothing.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 31/05/2017 17:02

That's still having sex every 2.5 days. That's not a lack of intimacy. You say that it's making you find him unattractive but maybe you nagging him about sex that you are still regularly having is making him find you unattractive?

The thing about relationships is that they change. Your attitude to sex changes, either because you're ttc or because you're pregnant or have young children or because you just go through phases where you feel like it less. It's not a problem. It is a problem though if your relationship can't weather the changes.

Wolfiefan · 31/05/2017 16:59

No. He sounds like the brat. How dare he shut you down and refuse to talk about something that upsets you. He really doesn't sound emotionally ready for a relationship. Much less a child.

Original poster
FuckMyUterus · 31/05/2017 16:56

Thanks for the replies. Have spoken to him about it and he said it's not the MC that's bothering him, when I asked what was bothering him he changed the subject... when I pressed him just told me to leave it :( I don't even know what to do or say anymore, I know I soumd like a spolit brat but the lack of intimacy is starting to make me resent him, and find him horribly unattractive. I don't know how to cope with the whole situation without spending all day on the verge of tears everyday.

OP posts:
SleepFreeZone · 31/05/2017 10:41

Thing is sex isn't fun anymore is it? From the mans point of view all he can see is pain and upset and that just isn't going to get him revved up. I don't know how my DP managed to perform in the face of my secondary infertility and three miscarriages. I was just a weeping mess and bless him he only curled up and gave me a note from his Mother once 🙊

I'm so sorry for everything you've been through but somehow you've got to try and bring some silliness back in. Stop discussing fertile times and ovulation and just try and go and have some fun. I'm honestly not being facetious, I totally understand where you are at, but unless time isn't on your side (late thirties?) you've got time to chill a bit and maybe let him have his cave time.

DaisyChainsForever · 31/05/2017 10:36

I agree with the previous posts, he may be struggling to deal with your losses and a bit scared of you getting pregnant again. Be gentle on him and yourself, that's a lot to deal with in a short space of time. x

Laurajonesy · 31/05/2017 10:34

I agree perhaps he needs a bit more time to process the losses?? I'm so sorry for your mc's

Flashinthepan · 31/05/2017 09:35

Sorry about your MC and CP.

Obviously I don't know what's going through his mind or your mind, but could he be struggling after your losses and afraid of you getting pregnant again in case there's another loss?

Perhaps he's not ready emotionally to deal with the worst case scenario and needs some time to recover.

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