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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

No sex/no baby

35 replies

FuckMyUterus · 31/05/2017 08:34

Hi all,
Was gonna post this in Relationships but this answer to everything is LTB so thought I'd post here.
Me and my OH have been together a decent amount of time and we've always had quite a hectic sex life. We've been trying for a baby for 9ver a year now and suffered a MC in January and a CP in March. Everything was fine up until the beginning of this month, and all of a sudden we just don't have sex anymore Sad. We have only had sex 8 times this month, which I understand is normal or loads for some couples, but not us! It's making me feel low and unattractive and most nights I cry myself to sleep. I have discussed it with him and he just changes the subject or says he's tired. Really don't know what to do, he says he wants a baby but we only had sex once during my FW this month, so I'm pretty much out. Sorry it's rambley but I'm so upset and emotional over this!

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Mamabear12 · 03/06/2017 22:39

Geez 8 times a month is a lot! Have you thought perhaps to take it easy a couple months? Maybe he needs a break from trying. Also, I think if you get the right day you have more chance of getting pregnant then blindly doing it frequently. Both times I got pregnant, it was one try once that month. But I also know when I'm fertile as I have a regular cycle.

Viletta · 02/06/2017 12:09

@FuckMyUterus don't not take advice from strangers who don't know you, your situation and your relationships. Good luck with ttc, hope now when the truth is revealed your sex life will get back to normal!

Original poster
FuckMyUterus · 02/06/2017 10:40

Well thanks for all the replies... That's fine that you all wouldn't accept that in your relationships, however I know my partner inside out, I know the reasons he kept it from me, I have severe anxiety when it comes to money/bills being paid etc and although he has had a bollocking for not telling me, what do you suggest i do? Leave a relationship that (the last month aside) is damn near perfect? He's never abusive, controlling, he's funny, kind, makes me laugh and I love him.

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Wolfiefan · 01/06/2017 18:57

You feel better?
It's water under the bridge?
WTF? To lie to you about something so massive. Even a lie of omission. That's huge. Seriously I wouldn't be TTC right now.

physicskate · 01/06/2017 18:48

Agree with pottering...

JoJoSM2 · 01/06/2017 18:47

I'm surprised you consider that sorted... Non-disclosure of such information would be a massive red flag for me. Also, you seemed to think it was all 'me, me, me' and didn't seem like a particularly supportive partner to him...

Viletta · 01/06/2017 18:38

@FuckMyUterus phew! Glad all is sorted now! It's not a bad thing he decided to fix things all by himself and not putting his problems on you, however it is better to be open in a relationship. Good luck with your ttc!

PotteringAlong · 01/06/2017 18:14

I'd be discussing it with him now! No way would I be having a child with someone who could loose their job and not tell me. That's a huge huge lie to tell someone.

emvy · 01/06/2017 17:56

Yeah, maybe that's something to discuss with him at some point Smile

Original poster
FuckMyUterus · 01/06/2017 17:39

Thanks emvy I'm so pleased that it was something fixable. I'm a little annoyed that he didn't trust me enough to tell me what had happened but that's all water under the bridge now!

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user1496319600 · 01/06/2017 17:30

Poor you! He needs to listen to you, he may want more time but your not a mind reader. I'm sure it will improve if you just lay all your feeling's on the table and he does the same, he can't keep fobbing you off its not going to help the situation. FlowersSmile

emvy · 01/06/2017 17:23

Wow! Glad you managed to get it out of him in the end. Hope all settles now x

Original poster
FuckMyUterus · 01/06/2017 17:20

3 weeks ago sorry not 2

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Original poster
FuckMyUterus · 01/06/2017 17:20

Just thought I'd update you all... last night I'd had enough of the evasive behaviour so I pushed and pushed and then I pushed some more. Turns out he lost his job 2 weeks ago, and didn't tell me being as we're TTC and didn't want me to say that we needed to put off trying. He's started a new job Monday just gone so it's all sorted now. Thanks to everyone who replied, I feel SO much better now!

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Viletta · 31/05/2017 22:34

I'm very sorry to hear that you are feeling so low. In my experience men often don't analyze their feeling and don't know what they are feeling. Perhaps try to be supportive and give him space and time to figure things out. He might be depressed and it might not have anything to do with you. Stay strong!

Original poster
FuckMyUterus · 31/05/2017 22:24

viletta not that he has someone else, more that he just doesn't want me anymore. It's complicated but if he was to leave me it would make life extremely difficult for him and I think that's why he's staying. He just seems to have no regard for my feelings etc and sometimes he just makes me feel so low. I don't even know why I'm still posting, it won't solve anything will it?

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Viletta · 31/05/2017 20:20

@FuckMyUterus
Maybe he can't figure out what's wrong and therefore is not ready to talk about it? I'm very sorry in advance, but are you implying he might have someone else?

Original poster
FuckMyUterus · 31/05/2017 19:55

mrs ive been pregnant before so well aware how I'll feel. I take on board that I must seem like very very hard work but our sex life has consisted of 2/3 times a day most days for over 2 years now... I guess I'm struggling to articulate what I mean but something just feels off in the pit of my stomach. There's this gnawing feeling that something isn't right and I just don't know what it is... I guess posting here was a mistake as you'd really need to know us to understand :(

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MrsPicklesonSmythe · 31/05/2017 18:51

In the nicest possible way I think you might need to relax a bit. 8 times in one month would be loads for us ordinarily and for lots of people I reckon. I think to say you're resenting him and finding him unattractive because hes only wanted sex a few times a week this month is really unfair. Everyone has ups and downs with their sex drive and ttc isn't that fun.
Do you think he might be avoiding intimacy because he thinks it might lead to sex and he cba?
When you're pregnant and for a bit after your sex life won't be the same how will you cope with that? X

peppatax · 31/05/2017 18:40

He's fine when I discuss TTC, when I told him my period is late this month he actually got really excited, until I pointed out that I can't be pregnant as we didn't dtd at the right time.

With all due respect OP you sound like hard work. Having sex 8 times a month and it's not enough? You tell him when he gets excited it's not possible as you missed the (most) fertile window? (There is a chance you can get pregnant at any point in your cycle). Sounds like you need to give him a break.

emvy · 31/05/2017 18:35

I was unsure whether to comment or not on this but I just had one thought - give him another opportunity to talk it out - explain again how you feel and say you're giving him one more chance to make things better, that having a baby together is a huge deal and you have to be on the same page to go into parenthood together, and if he's still insistent that things are ok, leave it. At least for a couple of months, and see how you go. Maybe you just need to take the pressure off a bit - he may not even realise he's behaving the way that he is. Maybe those looks that you say he's giving you aren't really anything. Then, as the poster above has said, maybe suggest therapy?

JoJoSM2 · 31/05/2017 18:08

Have you considered therapy? It must be a very difficult time given the last few months. Also, I don't think it's the sex that's a problem... It seems to be lack of communication, lack of affection and you seem to feel very low...

Original poster
FuckMyUterus · 31/05/2017 18:07

viletta as I said above it's clearly not a TTC issue I don't know what else it could be :(

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Viletta · 31/05/2017 17:45

Hello,

We've been trying naturally for 6 months and TTC for another 6. The more I think / talk about babies, the less desire my DH has.. it stresses him out. Especially if I mention that I'm ovulating.. this is 100% mood killer for him. Instead I now try to be super sexy during my FW and initiate sex with passion and try not to talk about conceiving much. We are going to do the tests now as it's been over a year.. DH thinks something is wrong with him.. another mood killer.

Perhaps this is something that bothers your DH?

Original poster
FuckMyUterus · 31/05/2017 17:17

pottering nothing happens... he'll hug/kiss/touch me back with a pained look on his face that he then denies when I question it.
He's fine when I discuss TTC, when I told him my period is late this month he actually got really excited, until I pointed out that I can't be pregnant as we didn't dtd at the right time. He then seemed to have such a low mood, I thought he was going to cry. Just wish he'd open up to me :(

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