TTC - First Time! (2)

Oh Misty I'm so sorry you are stuck in limbo like this. I know you have to be realistic but also keep a spark of hope because there is a chance still. My sister had a very rough start to her pregnancy with similar scares & my niece is now a bright bubbly 4 year old. I don't want to get your hopes up but also please don't be hope-less if that makes sense. Thinking of you xx

Misty it must be so awful being in limbo like that! I don't understand how you can be nowhere near as far along as you thought....Does that mean you ovulated way later than you thought? Fingers crossed for you. Please try and stay away from Dr Google you will only wind yourself up! You are being looked after by the experts now. I hope it works out I really do

Hey girlies. So the lady rang me back this afternoon to let me know that the hcg levels in my blood went from 3786 to 4179 in 48hrs. Although this is a rise, she said it's not significant enough a rise to be considered a viable pregnancy... it's meant to double. yet she can't rule that out completely because she said the hormones are just a guideline really and she said that people have had low rising hcg and a scan has gone on to show a healthy foetus and they've had a successful pregnancy. She also says that people whose hcg has risen perfectly at this time have found their pregnancy to have failed at the next scan... so she just couldn't be definitive either way.
She said that usually such a small rise over the 2 days would make her concerned for an ectopic pregnancy (which again she also hasn't ruled out) but she noted how clear my ovaries were and the lack of lumps, bumps or loose fluid on my scan from Tuesday and said that was a positive sign. I did mention I've had really bad crampy pains for a couple of days and again she just said she doesn't know for certain going from the blood hormone levels. Incidentally I've had little pains at all today and just tiny bits of brown spotting.
The bottom line is they've made another scan apt for me at 9:00am Tuesday.
I asked her do I have any hope at all and she said that's a hard question because she doesn't want to pretend the chances are high of a successful scan and a healthy foetus because it's really not, ordinarily at these levels, the pregnancy could well still be failing.... but she just can't be 100% so said a "little bit" of hope and positivity is a good thing but don't "expect" a happy ending.
This next scan will be a week after the first one I had with them, and 12 days after the very first one I had privately. Surely this has to be the one where I get a definite answer one way or the other 😖 I've already had 2 scans showing empty sacs, so that in itself is not a good sign and she said that means that whatever the outcome, there's no way I'm anywhere near as far along as I thought I am, and that's just looking at the previous scans.
I've tried googling hcg levels to see if the numbers even correspond to anything I can understand but there seems to be so much differing info on them online that basically I don't know what I'm looking for.
So yeah. Another day in limbo and another 5 day wait. Sorry for the long post again, I promise I will stop ranting soon 🙈 xxx

Everything crossed misty xxx

Thank you girls so much. It means such a lot to me. So I'm all done now. Absolutely nothing else I can do except wait for the phone call. She said it was so busy that I'm not expecting it til after 2pm. So til then, it's just a case of sit and wait. Bless you all for your kind words. Will pop back on later after my call. Hope you're all feeling ok today 🌺

Thinking of you today @MistyBxx. Got everything crossed for you xx

Thinking of you misty

Mistyb thinking of you today, fingers very tightly crossed xx

Misty I echo what twisted said - don't feel you need to hold back, if it helps to get it all out here then please do so! We're here for the good, the bad and everything in between on this thread . Best of luck for tomorrow, we'll all be thinking of you!

Mama dtd means doing the deed so sex to be blunt. I think ttc bring out the anxiety in even usually laid back people. It's incredibly stressful & so much info to be aware of.

Misty we are all worried for you so please go ahead and be honest, that is the nature of this wonderful thread. We're all thinking of you.

Wow there are a lot of things I don't understand on here! What's DTD? Sorry I'm completely new here 😬

So sorry to those who are going through our worst nightmares at the moment. this seems like a really great place for support, so many lovely people on here.

I'm due my period (from reading back I think this is AF!) on 8th March and I'm already worrying because I don't have any pregnancy symptoms. I'm such an anxious person that I already feel like I'm never going to get pregnant. I wish I was positive and ligh hearted about it but honestly I am on my first real month of trying and just really worry it's never going to happen. Is anyone else feeling like this? Feel really pessimistic but I'm just such a worrier and anxious person anyway so this is making me 100 times worse!

Thanks pibbee I'm just conscious of how I might be upsetting others who are looking forward to a bfp without having to worry about anything else you know 🙈 I'm so glad you're feeling more positive chick, ttc is such an emotional rollercoaster and it can totally make you feel crazy.xx

Awww our posts crossed misty . So sorry to hear about what you are going through. Please do not apologise for venting on here! It's so understandable you feeling like this, anyone would! And venting is what we are here for

Thanks charl I do actually feel better about the whole thing now after feeling totally DOOM about it today (burst into tears not only at work but also at the gym ffs - must have looked like a right nutcase on the exercise bike ha ) and I looked back at my dates for Feb and actually we did make a not bad go of it that month so it's not all doom. Plus Jan was the first cycle and let's face it who doesn't make a hash of it in cycle 1! So yeah, onwards and upwards!

How's everyone else doing today ? Xx

Not great charl if I'm honest. In quite a lot of pain today, very low down dull, long period cramps which come and go but have been all day since about 1pm. Even taken paracetamol so must be bad. Don't want to go to hospital or docs again coz I'm going there for bloods 8:30 tomoz anyway and will mention it then. Spotting again but light and brown not red or clots (sorry tmi) just feel very uncomfortable and miserable really. Sorry I'm not a ray of sunshine girlies, just feeling very down and can actually relate to what you said about being back to normal charl. I know it sounds weird but either way this turns out tomoz (and I think we're past the point of hope now) I honestly just want the pain to just stop and forget about it. I've got a 5 hour car journey on Friday to a relatives funeral and I can't imagine feeling like this in the car. I've offered to drive coz I'd rather have the road to focus on than sat in the back feeling like this xx

Not long for you twisted the 2ww is the longest time ever, fx for good news for you this time xx

Flatwhite im ok now thanks.. takes a while to adjust to but aside from that it almost feels like going back to normal as weird as that sounds.

Hope you're ok phibee.. I know it's only a month but when you are counting day by day it feels like the months go on forever!! I do feel for you xx

How you doing today misty?

How is everyone else xx

Awww @Twistedsister it sounds like you are being a great friend. Sounds like she is getting better, will no doubt take a while though

Well me and DP have still failed to DTD at all this week, I ended up having a bit of a go at him this morning cos I'm just so wound up by the whole thing. I know I'm being totally irrational and it's just one month, but still! Feel like I'm acting like a bit of a nob as me humphing around isn't exactly helping. Oh well. Have decided (with him) to not tell him when the main baby making days are as doing so seems to be causing issues for the last 2 months. Am only on cycle 3 and 2 of them have gone a bit wrong due to this, and the first one we buggered the dates up, so actually I pretty much feel like the last 3 months have been wasted now

Thanks Pibbee - my friend has severe depression including suicidal thoughts. She doesn't live near me but I've been talking to her daily. I'm just so worried but it's draining. I don't mean that callously as I want to help her through this but I also have previous MH issues (although not as bad). I think she's getting somewhere so fingers crossed she's crawling out of it & getting the help she needs & new meds.

Hi @Twisted sorry but your "well done stud" comment cracked me up! I am very much in the same boat in that I know how you feel! Sorry to hear your friend is having a bad time. Hope he/she is OK...

Ladies I've been off for a while for various reasons including a friend going through a bad patch. I've just sobbed reading the posts I missed. Charl & Misty you are both so incredibly strong & I'm so sorry to hear what you're both going through.

I have been so pre-occupied I've not been aware of my cycle but AF due 1st April, Ovia says 5 days til I can test. We didn't dtd a lot for similar reasons to others & DH wants a medal for managing twice. Well done stud!!

I've not had OPK these last two cycles but I think I need some of nothing this months as I'm convinced my cycle has lengthened. Is that possible?

I had ewcm a lot during Ovia fw dates & early on I used to only get it 1 day, and not much at that. They said fertility would go straight back after implant removal but I'm not convinced.

A little symptom spotting here as had thicker cm this week & sooo tired. But it is tax year end and I am crazy busy at work so likely just all that affecting me.

How is everyone else going?

Flatwhite I hope you feel better soon!

Marie and Jelly (in fact all of us ha!) I totally agree symptom spotting is a real pain! Gonna try and avoid it. Maybe i need an exciting new hobby to distract me

Misty you are being so strong! We are all thinking of you

Was going to post something else but can't remember what now

Thanks girlies. I really appreciate your support and charl although it's awful what you've been through, your kind words mean so much to me chick. I know I will get through it all either way and I'm trying to detach myself a bit so that if/when the worst happens, I'm more prepared. So hard though!
jelly don't worry about what others are going through, we know exactly how stressy ttc is and you feel like you're going mad so don't compare, there's no less or more important in our own lives and minds chick, it's totally normal and I absolutely get that a bfn is worse than af showing up lol.
flatwhite hope you feel better soon, so awful feeling down and ill, and worse when you're ttc. Are you taking any vitamins? Pre-Natals or anything? Might be the boost you need for your immune system etc xx

That should say everything crossed, not everything comprised!

Hello lovely ladies! @MistyBxx - oh you poor thing having to go to hospital. Really hope it's good news for you, but if not, I think the strength you're showing is amazing.

@JellyBean89 your symptoms sound promising! I'm also coming down with a cold only 5 days after a UTI which required antibiotics! Crap immune system! That can definitely be explained by my job though - stressed full time primary teacher! I'm
also bloated (but first proper AF might arrive next week if my first pill period isn't spectacularly late) and am having vivid dreams, but I always get crazy dreams when work is busy, so again, that can be explained. No change in boobs apart from slightly sore nipples, and no nausea at all. Body temp higher, but that's probably because I have been ill and am still feeling rough! Going to test next week, but 99.9% sure it'll be BFN! We have just started TTC though, so can't complain if it is! Keeping everything comprised that you'll get your BFP Jellybean!

@Charl19, how are you feeling today? Xx