How to have the "I want a baby" talk

It depends how your DP likes to process things. My DH is the kind of person who needs to mull things over in his own time. If I went for the blunt talk option about anything he'd probably just say no. I've learnt to drop a few hints, bide my time and let him start thinking about a concept on his own. Then we come back to it properly a while later.

I think often with things like this, one partner can be mulling things over in their heads and come to a conclusion. You then share it with your partner and expect them to be onboard instantly. Whereas the partner needs the same chance to think it through iyswim.

Maybe he was onboard with kids as a vague far off plan, but needs time to think about it being more immediate.

What Oyster said and MrsBobDylan. I didn't have fertility issues, and I was only 28 and married for 5 years, but my ex h and I went round and round with this. Luckily, time was on my side, but when I was 30 (he was 34) we divorced when he finally admitted he never wanted children, ever.

Very low ovarian reserve means you might not have a great deal of time like that (I ended up being 32 when I had my first, after remarrying).

A very frank discussion is in order here. Does he realise with your medical issues, it needs to be sooner rather than later?

Are there any plans to marry? If you do agree to have children this is something you also need to think about, protecting yourself financially.

Just be open with him, my dp always said he never wanted children but a few months ago he turned round out of the blue and told me he had changed his mind, I think for him it was the worry of not being good enough and not feeling mature enough but now we're ttc! He could just be feeling pressured to conceive straight away in case it doesn't happen straight away but he needs to know how you're feeling!

You need to open with him. Say that the all these test results have made you re consider your fertility timeline and layout all out for him. Then try and give him space to think about it but agree a time/date to talk about it in a non emotionally charged way.

If you are planning a baby with someone you should be able to have a very very honest chat about feelings. DP didn't really agree with my timeline so we agreed on a joint timeline, 18 months later than I wanted to start but a few years before he wanted to. But fact of the matter is we talked, and talked and talked then came to that joint decision.

Yes, agree you need to be upfront.

Do you think he might be worried about fertility problems and is finding it difficult to articulate it?

You need to tell him that you want to start trying for a baby. If he blanks you, changes the subject or walks away then I'm afraid you probably have your answer.

I hope it works out for you.

Yeah I think it needs to be a big talk.

With us I used to drop in casually (well we both did) to conversations about how I / we wanted children some day. Then once we were living together over a bottle of wine I said I want to start trying in x years time, he agreed that time frame made sense for us. As it got nearer the time we discussed it often.

Can you go out to dinner or something and bring the subject up over dinner, so he can't slink off and avoid the conversation?

Yes you need to be blunt. It's one of those conversations that has to be 100% agreed upon. You can't leave it hanging and just hope it will happen eventually. It has to be active agreement. He doesn't get to be non committal on this one. It's too important.

Don't nag, you need to have one proper talk to go over it all. He doesn't get to just ignore the issue, you've a right to know if it's on the cards now/someday/never. Is it a long standing relationship? Do you live together etc?

It sounds like you have approached it and he gave a pretty clear response! Do you mean how to discuss it so he agrees?

If a baby is a deal breaker for you you need to be extremely direct with him and tell him you want a baby, you want to start TTC straight away or at X point and that if he doesn't wholeheartedly want that he needs to tell you now.