Ttc after miscarriage thread #8

emsler you're not an idiot, you held on to hope and it's better to be positive than negative especially when your body is out of sync.

I went for my ultrasound today and those pains I've been having are from a suspected ruptured ovarian cyst. The sonographer could see fluid around my right ovary. There wasn't any cysts on either ovary though. Not sure what this means for ttc and trying not to google.

toddles off to google

Well, I tested, like an idiot, and BFN. AF is officially due tomorrow (14DPO) and the brown spotting has completely stopped so I don't know what to think. Guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Please do mulder. I'm sure all is well but the post mc period is so vulnerable. I got thrush with my previous one, never usually get that, and felt tired, shakey, dizzy, generally run down and shit. You need to take the best care of yourself. If stuff feels wrong then make sure you see someone.

Miami, it will hopefully feel exciting but it's probably going to feel a bit wonky at times. You know we're here for you. Have you asked the clinic what you need to do if you catch before your next appointment?

To massively overshare, we've become experts once again at the post work quickie Whatever happens this month I'm enjoying prioritising time with my very handsome husband.

Also keeping booze to a minimum. Enjoying the odd glass of wine but we're working our way through the crate of becks blue non-alcoholic beer I bought when I was pregnant

As we're actively ttc I don't want to feel guilty for anything when I get a bfp again.

Thanks guys- will call the doctor tomorrow!

Gosh the thread has been busy today!

Am feeling very contented after a lovely walk with DH today. Can't remember who asked but yes, it is the same Mull as the song, and yes, I am partaking in alcohol this holiday. Although I have decided that I am going to go (almost) teetotal once we're home, and just have 1 or 2 drinks max at a weekend.

emsler I would definitely test if I were you.

Crazy did you manage to resist?

Miami I know what you mean about blaming oneself. I am trying really hard not to go down this road of beating up on myself. I had one job as a mother, to look after my child, and I feel like I failed at that.

But, if you're inclined toward faith, my dad said something I found comforting - he said "god writes the letters and mothers are merely the postmen. So stop assuming you have so much control over it." I found that useful since I kept acting like I had so much control over it and therefore fucked up.

And if you're inclined towards science I also found it useful to remind myself that women have children in war zones, amid accidents, etc etc, so I probably didn't lose this baby because I thought the wrong thing or ate something or did something minor.

We take on a lot of blame onto ourselves because it feels like the one part of the process we can control, but as scary as not having control is, it's also a bit freeing to not blame oneself all the time.

Mind you, I say this now when I'm calm and have had what I'm calling a good day. But I'll need to keep reminding myself of this when sadness hits.

Hmm Mulder, I had a weird feeling almost like it was loose and moving around - you know when your boobs are unrestricted and you run up stairs? Like that but in the womb area. But not stinging. I agree I think stinging should probably be checked.

Oh Miami, I know it's fucking awful, the whole thing, but you can't blame yourself. Do you know what it is in particular that makes you feel that way? Counselling, maybe first for you and then for both of you might be a really good, healing thing to do.

You might find a whole load of new complicated stuff crops up when you're TTC again. Last month for me was really unsettling. I know it turned out I was pregnant but my goodness I cried. Literally sobbed and howled down the phone to my Mum, and all over DH, just with the unsettledness and fear, and hope, and pain and uncertainty of the whole thing. That I'd never conceive again, that I would and would lose it (ha), that I'd have loss after loss (again, we'll wait and see on that one...), that our marriage will suffer, that DH doesn't care as much as me, what the fuck my life would look like without children, that I'd have children and it wouldn't be worth it as I'd be a crap parent (bit premature, admittedly), honestly, all sorts of stuff.

And I'm not telling you how to feel, sorry if it sounds that way. I'm also not saying I haven't blamed myself as well, but even if they find something "wrong" with either you or me, it means it's something they can fix, not that we're at fault.

I've had cramping but in the ovary areas, not the uterus Mulder Stinging could be an infection? Maybe give it a day and call the doc or the EPU. Can't be too careful.

Is anyone getting a sore uterus in between MC AND first period? It's kind of stinging not period pain- should I go back to doctor?

Thanks Anne and Miami81. We're also waiting to hear back about an offer on a house today so it's a pretty stressy day all round!

Miami81 I've heard that before from people who have suffered devastating losses - that the worst has already happened and acknowledging that makes them feel much calmer about life in general and more able to cope. I think those people are amazing to be honest.

Hey Miami, your cousin sounds amazing, what a woman. I had counselling while I was in the middle of my awful divorce and it was really helpful but I went in knowing what I needed from it.

For losses like miscarriage and stillbirth, do you know how it can help, is it trying to get to acceptance?

I know some people on here have had counselling through their hospital/EPU. Mine doesn't offer anything like it but I imagine the process of sharing with women who've been through the same thing is similar to what we have here, which is very helpful.

There was a piece on Channel 4 news last week about early pregnancy loss and they interviewed Dr Quenby. It was really interesting and it might be my perception but it seems like there's a lot more about miscarriage in the media at the moment. Which is also a good thing if it raises awareness and helps people lucky enough to not understand, to say and do more of the right things and less of the stupid thoughtless things.

God emsler I'm crossing my fingers and toes it's implantation. You lot potentially getting upduffed is what's keeping me sane at the moment.

Crazy it's so difficult isn't it. What CD are you now?

Hmm. Bleeding seems to have stopped (at least nothing since I got up at 6.30am this morning. So that's 3 days of very light, mostly brown bleeding, with the odd streak of red. WTF. Will have to wait until tomorrow for FMU to test which is driving me MAD!

Trying so hard not to test tofay... may have to quickly.go take one after my coffee though

AnneLovesGilbert I have to say, it's been a very odd period - no cramps and SO slow to start - usually I'd have a heavier flow within a day or two and at least SOME cramping, even on a good month. BUT it is definitely heavier than implantation bleeding I had last time and it has streaks of red so I can only assume it is AF, just a weird one!

Nimisha So sorry to hear of your losses. Your MMC sounds very similar to mine - we saw a heartbeat at 8 weeks but baby was measuring very small and eventually scan showed the heartbeat had stopped at 11.5 weeks. Awful experience. We're now on our 4th (soon to be 5th!) cycle since the ERPC. So sorry you then suffered a blighted ovum - just awful and cruel.

Don't worry about work - your manager is the only person who can comment on your sick leave and they know the reason why.

Oh go on then Water, you can have him Shame he didn't have an equally dreamy brother.

If this baby ever shows up and sticks I'm going to try and sneak Blythe into its name somewhere.

Hey Nimisha, so sorry for your losses

Medical management is really tough to go through so take the time you need to recover properly - body and mind. I'm sure your manager understands.

No one can say whether or not it'll happen to you again, we're all in that same crappy boat unfortunately. But what you can hold onto is that each new pregnancy has a far greater probably of surviving than failing, and that a new egg and a new sperm is a completely new start.

Hi everyone, hope nobody minds if I Join.

I actually wrote a long post but managed to lose it before I posted.

I am off work following medical management of a blighted ovum miscarriage. I had no bleeding or anything, I had a private scan which showed an empty sac at 6 weeks 6 days then had the dreaded two week wait for a repeat scan in case my "dates were wrong". I'm feeling ok this morning, but yesterday I felt fine in the morning then very very dizzy in the afternoon so taking things easy. Did have a little cry at a newborn baby on the TV. Very positive pregnancy test this morning but its still early.

This is my second miscarriage, I had an ERPC in October for a mmc at 10 weeks (baby didn't survive past 7 weeks 3 days despite having a scan which showed a heartbeat.) I conceived 3rd cycle after the ERPC.
Its sad to see so many people in the same boat.

I'm 37,ttc number 3. I had two easy pregnancies with no losses before. I realized it was a case of stick or twist and I couldn't guarantee things would go straightforward this time.

I feel guilty about having time off work, only my manager knows the reason why. What if it happens again?

At the ripe old age of 44, I'm sure I got to Gilbert first Anne

Shit bags emsler. What a disappointment, sorry love Have you had whatever your normal af symptoms are?

Well, I think I'm out for this month - AF reared her ugly head on Friday at 11DPO though has been weirdly light, but I've spotted a few streaks of red in the brown so I'm pretty sure it's AF and not implantation. Gutted as I had properly convinced myself this month was our month!

Bisquick I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how much pain you must be in. Sending all love.

emily FX for testing time! Have a wonderful rest of holiday whatever happens. Gorgeous.

Anne Well done on all your DTD!

Hands off Water

Lovers of the Megan Follows adaptation - did you know that Jonathan Crombie died last year? So sad