Thread 25. TTC #1 - February Fertility Fighters on the FRONTLINE

Welcome vi. Wow cd 60 , I can't imagine what that is like! i hope things start to settle down for you soon

Congratulations poppet wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy.

I've been lurking on this thread since October and just kinda garnering the courage to join in.

My name is vi. My stats are:
Age:30 (soon to be 31)
Ttc #1 (although my partner has a 7 year old boy)
I'm on cycle 6 of ttc and I'm on cycle day 60

I suffer from crazy irregular cycles That can range from 28 days right upto 98 days (that was a killer AF) so I'm temping (getting no joy) to see if I'm
Ovulating and generally trying to find out what the hell my body is doing!

I've followed you all for a while and I was inspired to join by kwik but also the rest of this awesome thread of ladies.

Bear with me while I get to grips with this, as this is my first ever post!

Thank you so much Inspector! Hmm nothing major if I'm honest; AF was due yesterday but from Tuesday I had on/off pain on my left side (I don't know whether "ovary pain" is a thing but that's how I would describe it!) I wasn't sure if it was AF coming, but I don't usually get pain like that (or that early) so I thought it was a little odd but I tried not to think about it too much.

The only other thing is that while I was away I felt dizzy/lightheaded one day which made me feel a bit sick, however I was skiing and the visibility was awful that day so I wondered whether it was because I couldn't really see where I was going! It kind of felt like motion sickness if that makes sense (which I get occasionally anyway and I have fairly low blood pressure naturally so it could easily have been nothing).

Other than that, nothing! No sore boobs, sickness or anything!

Gee sorry I meant to say thanks very much for mentioning the Zika/IVF warning. It hadn't crossed my mind at all when we were planning our trip. Luckily where we are going is not affected according to the WHO site (sadly no Thai beaches for us).
I am also hoping you get your pre-IVF BFP but, like Jam, very optimistic about what that will bring for you. I'll be a keen follower of your updates as expect to be in the same place come the summer.

Congrats Poppet! You must be feeling very excited indeed. Nice to see someone get their BFP early on in their TTC journey - it helps bring down the thread average! Did you have any symptoms?

The Deliveroo man has just brought my dinner. So it's Netflix and Japanese food for me now

Hi everyone!

I've been on holiday so just catching up on the thread. It moves so fast! First of all Kwick, Pug and Mouse I am so, so sorry to hear your news, I hope you are doing as well as can be expected at this sad time. Keeping everything crossed that you get your BFPs soon; you all deserve it.

Sorry to hear about the BFNs, AFs and anyone going through a really tough time at the moment. Reading the thread it looks like it's been a really difficult cycle for some of you ladies so here's hoping to a much more positive March.

Pyjamas and Jam I hope things get better with your DHs. TTC is stressful enough without this on top. Pyjamas I am with you on the drinking thing; a couple of beverages here and there is not going to do you any harm! It's amazing that we have so much information available to us these days (the joys of Google!) but at the same time it can be information overload and it makes us question everything or put normal life on hold. My theory is that women have been having babies for thousands of years not knowing all this stuff, so if we decide to "break the rules" I don't think it's going to cause too many problems. Everything in moderation I say, and do whatever works for you.

Congratulations to Harriet and Colour on the BFPs! Hope you're both doing well so far. I feel like I may have missed another couple of BFPs somewhere? Sorry if I have and I promise it's not intentional!

Speaking of which...I am joining the club as I got my BFP this evening! I waited until AF was due this time as I'd rather have seen that than a BFN and the CB digital said I'm 2-3 weeks. Really happy but also remembering that it's early days!

Thank you for asking after me sk1pper, really sweet of you

Geeup I meant to reply to you earlier. The best of luck with your last natural go before IVF, a last hour surprise would be lovely, but I'm also really excited and optimistic for IVF for you. Keep us posted - I feel like we will likely end up down this route so I'll be following your journey x x

Just popping on before going out for dinner to say penguin you legend, that BMJ article totally shut him up after he said 'show me one thing that says it's fine' and he's apologised!

*Alexia
*
Yes I think it's too early too. You never know though...

Just getting ready for a night shift. Praying there's nothing much going on. OH just cooked me fajitas which makes me feel better!

Sorry to everyone having a crappy time, especially when partners aren't supportive as they could be I guess it makes everything a lot harder.

Oh kath I can so sympathise with the phone conversations in the stairs at work. This is me! And DH although he goes away a lot also has soooooooo much time off during the week so he could easily crack through all this stuff. I asked him to look after one thing with the damp report we had done and it took four weeks of me asking him almost daily to do anything about it. Rahhh!

Pyjamas I really hope he's making it up to you. He needs to read kathrinos book too

Alexia he's just totally paralysed by fear and indecision over it. It's a massive decision and I get that it's nerve wracking. But we are talking about a man who finds it hard to decide on where to go for dinner as he worries it might not be good so can't make a decision. Applied to the scale of house buying his worries are just blown off the charts.

Hello binky I hope you're okay, you always seem so sweet I'm sorry you're having a rubbish time. I'm feeling better thanks but I don't know if it's the bug or the stress but I've got terrible constipation things are very backed up and very uncomfortable at the moment so I'm on the prunes yoghurt and mint tea hoping to sort it things out!

Harriet Christ word for word I agree with every word! I explained to DH about how I feel like he's a heavy weight on my shoulders with regards to buying this flat and making big life decisions. They come thick and fast when you leave them to your 30s but you have to man up and face them together. Instead I have to have the energy and enthusiasm to get both of us through them - against him dragging his heels. You are right - he will love having our own place when we finally get in there!!

Hi *Binky" top of foot is still a little swollen, so I can't wear shoes tight.... So certainly not my running shoes.

Have made progress with my crochet lessons. (Switching between different instructions/tutorials).

Other than that a lazy day!

to those with OH/DP frictions.

jam and kathrino I just wanted to say this is completely my experience with my DH too - we actually had a fight a couple of weeks ago about this because I constantly feel like I'm dragging him to the next "stage" - from buying our first flat, to getting engaged, planning the wedding, TTC, moving house...he always likes it when we get there but never takes the initiative!! We're also in London and like inspector (I think?) says we're a typical London couple in that we got together aged 22, married at 29. DH still feels he's "young" to do all this stuff and I have to remind him his view is skewed by all our london friends and we couldnt afford (biologically for me) to wait another 10 years for kids etc! Although he was totally on board with TTC he didn't expect it to happen cycle 1 and has been in total shock since we found out. Definitely more concerned than happy, and focusing a bit on negatives/worries rather than being positive. Anyway sorry for long rant and I know I'm lucky, but I really think this is just what men are like - actually a bit over cautious often and find it hard to visualise stuff so prefer to stick with what they've got rather than risk new (and exciting) things. It's shit that we end up with all the admin as a result but they will get there in the end. jam your OH will be so bloody grateful when you have your own place and once you've moved in all this stress will be worth it!

Hi ladies, I took some time off this week as was feeling a bit shit (physically and emotionally). Trying to put my big girl pants on though and sort myself out now as I'm being a drama queen and there's much worse going on in the world

Hope everyone's feeling better than last weekends lurgy-ness? Jam how are you doing? And how's your sore foot hep?

Glad your appointment was ok kathrino. FX things move forwards quickly for you

Kwick I am so so sorry for your loss. Heartbreaking How are you doing? Thinking of you- you are a wonderful support to us all and please let us know if we can do anything to help you at this dreadful time

Sorry that they want you to delay things mouse but that will be a great opportunity to get your body in tip top baby carrying condition after you've eaten lots of pizza. Pizza is therapy

also to those AF got- hope there's been lots of f-it action this weekend

Pyjamas your picture properly made me belly laugh 😂 Sorry about your argument last night- hope it's settled down now- and yours london

So sorry to hear about your anxiety flash Absolutely not pathetic. We are often too harsh on ourselves- we would never expect so much of others, be kind to yourself (this is my catch phrase I think)

Alexia I hope you had some fun for your birthday despite the shitty timing of bitchy AF. It is so hard when you're ready to be a Mum and it's not happened- but it will, we will all hold our babies when our time is right

Overall, sorry it's a crap time for so many Stay strong and as said many times before, we are one day closer to our babies every day

On the positive vibe- Excellent news Harriet and colour -congratulations!

That's exactly why I'm raging penguin - I leafed through the rest of the book and it basically said I'm infertile due to my low AMH level and will need to consider adoption/egg donors, which is absolutely not what our fertility specialist told us.

I've told him over the last 8 months that drinking affects sperm so he should cut out the binge drinking 12 pints on one session, yet he still did it (once the night before his sperm analysis). Now he's decided he's cutting out booze entirely and is trying to guilt/manipulate me into doing what he wants. We just had another chat, and I've said I'm not having it. Either he apologises and stops having a big sulky face on or he can leave me alone for the rest of the weekend.

Thanks for the book recommendation kathrino! I'm getting it

We bought our flat before we got married but I certainly found it way more stressful as a process (and I certainly felt that DH left me to do all the work). I often watch Location, Location, Location and see these couples getting all excited together about their offer being accepted and remember how I did all the negotiations with the estate agent in the stairs at work because DH just wasn't interested. I am still annoyed four years on (and that's the main reason why I don't want to move again because I'll have to deal with all the shit). Anyway, that was a long and self-involved way to say that I completely understand the stress you're under Jam. You'll get through this though and you will be stronger for it.

Pyjamas, there was a really good book that used to be recommended a lot on this thread called Expecting Better. It's written by a social scientist who got frustrated at the advice given to women that had no scientific merit so reviewed a lot of studies/literature to work out what advice she really should follow when TTC and when she was pregnant. It's so easy to read something and take that as gospel but she shows that most of it is a complete load of bollocks.

Thank you for your incredibly helpful and thoughtful reply inspector. I really hope these things are making our marriage stronger. I'm worried about how much we've been arguing recently and the long term effects of that. We need to work on helping each other through it as a team rather than it pulling us apart.

I can completely sympathise with how you felt to your ex, that describes really well how I felt - that his hesitance was a sign of his feelings towards me. He thinks I'm still resentful about it. In my weakest crappest moments I probably am

Jam for you. I'm glad you've been able to calm down and put your anger to good use. I'm almost tempted to engineer an argument with DP as this place needs a bloody good clean and tidy. Sadly he's sleeping on-site for the next few days during his long shifts.

I get the frustration you feel at your DH dragging his heels. My ex took 6 or 7 years to propose to me and although at the time I said I didn't mind, I think it hurt me more than I realised - it certainly came up a lot when we were raking over things in marriage counselling. I saw all these other couples getting married after 2 or 3 years and took his hesitance to mean he just wasn't that into me.
Looking at it now though I don't think that was necessarily the case - and is not the reason we are now divorced!

When you live and work in London almost no-one gets married before 30 these days and so when you meet someone in your early twenties (as you must have done?) it's pretty much inevitable that you are together a long time before getting engaged.

House buying is hugely stressful too, of course. You two have a perfect storm of stress going on right now but honestly, once you're through this and settled in your amazing new home you will be so much stronger than most other couples out there. This time is hard but it WILL pass.

Pyjamas I am furious on your behalf!!

Your DH is helpfully quoting an article from 1998? Almost TWENTY years ago? He knows people were still smoking on planes then, right?

This is what pisses me off so much about these sorts of books. I don't know which one that is or who wrote it, but the pedalling of out of date, uninformed, biased 'research' and opinion and dressing it up as fact makes me so angry.

Do your DH a favour and buy him a copy of Ben Goldacre's Bad Science so he can see how poor that book he is using to emotionally manipulate you and control your behaviour with is.

In the meantime, you can show him this article which was published in the BMJ last August which showed no discernible reduction in pregnancy rates amongst those drinking up to 14 servings per week.*
The text is a bit scientific but there is a short video on there too which outlines the study and results in a clear way.

I assume that he is living by his own rules and is tee total himself? Given that alcohol intake has been shown to have a much greater effect on sperm quality than it does on women?

Seriously, I'd be livid!!

*the study doesn't go on to advocate drinking 14 servings a week when TTC
**I don't know why all the scientific studies are Danish

5 units or less! There you go pjs that's a lovely glass of vino

Pyjamas I feel your rage!! Yes to the reading and researching too. We've spent the last year learning about sperm morphology, luteal phases, how an egg is released and 'caught' by the Fallopian tubes, about pineapple core and pressed and proxeed womb linings and god knows what else. How they can waltz in after one anecdote or half an internet article and cast aspersions is beyond me!! You are absolutely entitled to a couple of drinks after work and you don't have to have permission! The nurse the other day said to me a glass of wine after a stressful day is recommended as stress is more damaging than a sodding glass of wine!

Sorry your temp has dropped Miranda, I hope it doesn't mean you're out. Your crumpet tears made me smile with knowing! Those late cycle hormones are a killer.

EJ arghhhh I feel your pain. It's easier for them - their biological clocks tick far more quietly

Ooh Claire that sounds much more like implantation bleed than AF. Fx

I've used my remaining rage to clean the flat from top to bottom. There's nothing like a mard to get me hoovering. We are at a truce now reading the papers in a very clean tidy room! 😤

These are the pages which have completely made him lose the plot - doesn't seem to understand that a couple of drinks when AF arrives is not quite the same!

Congrats *colour!!
*
🤞 for you 88

Now catching up on 'Enders while he sulks upstairs. Whatever!

Thanks Ladies

Just an update the bleeding has completely stopped. Just some brown stuff now and only when I look for it....

We shall see. 6dpo seems ridiculously early for AF!!