Thread 25. TTC #1 - February Fertility Fighters on the FRONTLINE

Tea fixes everything Hep (well it certainly helps for a while anyway!)

*tea not tex

skipper look after yourself. step away from the ledge and have a nice cup of (decaf?) tex

flash you should never feel bad about grief and an ectopic is a pretty big thing on many levels both physically and mentally. I'm the same so happy with brill family and so amazingly supportive DH, a job I love (albeit stressful) and so much positive l couldn't figure out why I was turning into a shell of myself and not wanting to go out or socialise like I usually do. It was so weird. But what you need to think about is that no matter how strong others seem to be a lot of the time they are going through similar things as you it's just we all cover it up due to stigma associated with anxiety and mental health.
We all need to make sure we look after our minds especially with TTC because anxiety and stress can really impact on getting pregnanct as well, not always but it can. TTC itself as we have all seen on this thread many times can get us all anxious and down so we need to continue to talk about it here to help us all though!
Much positivity and to all x

Yay do you know what I love to hear that we are all normal and all have normal anxieties you can totally feel alone in this because no one shares due to stigma but we are all here talking about it
hep you totally sound like me in some respects - catastrophising (that's what my counsellor calls it) imagining the worst about things! Yours is around your house, mine is around health.

Missy yes, I think it is all linked to anxiety, as the last few days I've been not allowing myself to go for at least 2 hours, and realising that most of the time I don't actually need to go even after 3 or 4 hours! And making myself breathe through what I think is an urge to go, and realising it isn't, its part of the panic attack.

Yeah I felt like I didn't have any reason to be stressed because I have a nice life and a lovely DH and so my wanting a baby/feeling grief for my ectopic was unreasonable when everything else was so good. So I think I ignored it because it felt self-indulgent. Which is awful as I would never think that of any of my friends/family/anyone if the situation was reversed.

skip I really do hope your symptoms mean something amazingly positive but try to balance those thoughts with the fact that they can all be linked to something else. Last month I had bigger boobs than usual from ovulation onwards which never happens to me, I also had nausea and heightened taste so I did wonder if preg but it just must have been a weird hormone thing or because I was getting a rottton cold who knows! Perhaps just try to not symptom spot as much and just wait for the first sign of no AF then get excited. It's a real tough one because we are all hoping so much for that BFP!

my anxiety is based (or manifests?) on my house falling down..... crack in the plaster ->must be subsidence -> house falling down. slight damp patch in wall, or carpet -> house falling down. Too much clutter in attic -> well then surely it will fall down and take all the ceilings out -> house falling down. Too much slamming the door shut -> house falling down. GrumpyOldCat staring at wall-> He knows the house is falling down !!!

(and yes i have spent money on damp and structural surveys) Logic tells me it is irrational, but that isn't how anxiety works. And i know it is a symptom of other stress or things going on.

In conclusion flash you are not alone

I found that cross-stitch helped me. Although it has been giving me headaches, so perhaps I will restart trying to teach myself to crochet instead.

miranda I totally agree with you on the CBT thing it's actually helped me lots with loads of other areas of my life too for example TTC!! My anxiety was around feeling sick and nauseated (which if I do ever get preggo morning sickness is a big fear now so hopefully the CBT will set me up for this).
flash anxiety in itself can lead you to wanting to urinate more frequently so that fear might in itself be leading you to actually get the physical symptoms like a weird crazy cycle! I had this with nausea, the anxiety of nausea itself made me nauseated and which the led to more anxiety and it just kept going round and round and round...you need to try to break the cycle somehow.

You're certainly not alone flash, sadly it affects a lot more people than you would think but it is something you can get under control . I had CBT therapy to help cope with it and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself. My anxiety was around the fear of fainting in public, even though that had/has never happened! I had therapy for just over a year but that was more because I found it improved so many other areas of my life rather than I needed it to control the anxiety (if that makes any sense?!). The thing I would say is just be kind to yourself through it all, I was really hard on myself initially and got annoyed that I'd let myself get in that state but once I learnt to be compassionate towards myself it really helped

Skipper I really hope you are pregnant. I was a bit convinced this month too, had this weird burning sensation in my boobs, very strong sense of smell, very bloated and windy. It's so easily done even after ttc a long time. I really hope you are right but if you can, try and keep a lid on it as the disappointment can be so crushing. Keeping everything crossed for you. Are you going to test Thursday?

Skipper your symptoms may mean something good, but they might just be normal but nothing related to potential pregnancy. How many DPO are you?

I am going mental here. I feel pregnant and I keep telling myself that it's all my head (like it always is) but something is not right. My belly feels bloated and solid, I have had light cramping AF feelings since CD1, my senses are accute (hearing/sight). Someone talk me down from this ledge please, I just can't deal with it when it's another BFN.

Ooo which one?

And yes Kwick I love call the midwife. Last night's episode was so sad in so many ways. Keeping my FX for the Turners!

flash I've had bad anxiety since last summer I was having what felt like constant attacks from the moment I woke until I went to bed again, god knows how I got through work each days I felt totally spaced out. My counsellor said to imagine yourself like a bucket gradually filling with water then one day just the littlest thing can tip the water over the edge. This is what happened to me. There was no big event, nothing, just lots of bits of things that gradually pushed me over the edge. Counselling helps, CBT. I've also this weekend started taking lavender Kalms and they actually seem to be working to just take the edge off things. I didn't want to start taking full on meds because of the TTC thing, I realise lavender is not advised when pregnant but figure they will be easy to come off (no addiction risk) if I ever get my BFP.
Glad you have someone to support you this is the most important thing. Talk to them and tell them all the things you are thinking and feeling no matter how mad you think they are, it really helps.
There are also a few apps that can help Stop, Breathe, Think is great.
Big love x

Feeling a bit better than yesterday thanks but still not great! I'm just wiped out, it's so boring. Trying to read this Atwood I've been reading for weeks but struggling...

You are all amazing! I felt I was going mad. Sorry that so many of you have been through something similar but nice to know I'm not alone.

How are you doing Jam?

Oh flash you poor thing. I also suffer with anxiety and panic, it always amazes me how many people this affects. I've had medication and therapy over the years, and found CBT very helpful. I also second hep that regular exercise helps. Hope you are feeling better soon 🌸

Thanks ladies. Hep yes running is helping me stay sane. The manifestation of the stress/anxiety seems to be panic attacks about needing the loo and not being able to hold it/find a toilet in time. If I run home from work I'm able to keep the stress under control but if I try to walk it, it's too much.

Miranda how long did it take you to feel like you had it under control?

I have killed the caffeine, and am also using some of the breathing I learnt in yoga (also have more yoga tonight) to try and calm myself. I managed through a couple of attacks at the weekend with my DM but don't feel confident enough to get through one when I'm alone at the mo.

Still it gives me something else to worry about instead of TTC!

Thanks guys, cramps are ramping up so am sure AF will be here shortly. Probably in the middle of the meeting I have this afternoon... As soon as it arrives, I will call the clinic to rearrange the scan. I'm supposed to be delivering in internal training session on Weds so I may try and double book myself so someone else has to do it. Silver lining and all that.

Miranda, I've had cramping from a couple of days after O before. It's never meant anything in particular in my case sadly (I think I just probably hadn't noticed it until TTC) but if it's new, FX it's a good sign!

Oh Flash, you poor thing. Take care of yourself. I agree re taking a sick day when you need it. I've had days when I just can't face going to work for whatever reason and having a time out has always helped.

Jam I second kathrino, if you need it, I'm sure 2 won't hinder anything!

Got my fx for you that its not AF & she stays away for you too kathrino!

Got everything crossed for you too Harriet hope the OPK is a good omen / sign of another second line to come soon!!

So sorry you've been struggling flash, my sister had them a few years ago, drs told her it was stress, hope you're able to get a handle on them soon

Harriet i'in the tww, so that's not an issue!
Flash sympathies! That's actually the main reason I run, to keep my anxiety under control.

I recommend reducing caffeine, that helped me a lot*. There are also breathing exercises that help (ok, I was rubbish at these).

You can sign yourself off ill for a day. Mental illness is just as real as physical. I have needed this in the past.

*Clearly everyone different

Sorry to hear about your panic attacks flash, it's not pathetic at all. I suffered with them a few years ago and they are horrible!! I was the same as you, i had them if I left the house/left work (the places I felt safe), they really are horrible experiences. Mine were brought in from stress too. I hope you start to get on top of them soon

Morning ladies, sorry I've been absent. Sorry to anyone who's been visited by the witch or is just generally having a bad time.

Harriet I think it's a good sign, how many DPO are you?

Hep sorry to hear about your ankle/foot. Hope it gets better quick!

So in boring and pathetic news, last week I started having panic attacks on my way home from work everyday and I've been really struggling with leaving the house/going for walks/going long journeys in the car. Basically I think I'm just massively stressed/burnt out. Anyway, that's why I was AWOL for a few days. Still trying to get myself together. Still last day of AF today I think so will be nice when that's over.

Hope you feel better soon jam and are being looked after, sounds awful!

Hope your foot/ankle heals soon hep I'd be feeling the same if I couldn't run!

Congrats on the house harriet and fx that is a good sign with the opk!

Really hope it's not AF for you kath

I'm having a confusing cycle this time, I think I ovulated on Friday (opk was positive Thursday and had ovulation pain Friday and my temp rose) but I've been having mild cramps everyday since then, they're not painful but I'm just aware of it every now and then,it's more like an ache. Does anyone else have mild cramping for a few days after O? Every cycle my body seems to do something different!! Think this is going to be a long TWW.

Good luck to everyone testing this week, have my fx for all of you!