Is this my first BFP?

polly he just keeps saying sorry, he asked if we can still go for dinner tomorrow as he's been looking forward to spending time with me. He's still being so nice and loving, except towards my pregnancy. 

Awww. I know this is so hard for you and you badly want him involved as you love him but it has to be all or nothing because you want this baby. He can't turncoat like this. He needs to know this.

Sorry I wrote all my last post before reading he already has a daughter. Scrap what I said, he should already know how amazing they are.

I'm so sorry for you.

I wouldn't go for dinner with him to be honest. You can't have the conversations you need to have in that environment and you certainly can't pretend it's not happening!

Has he given any reasons for why he feels like this now? He's being really cruel in my opinion!

I was in a very similar position last year, my DP wanted a baby, I got my bfp and he had a meltdown! He wouldn't really speak to me and didn't know if he wanted the baby- it was the most awful time.

A few days later I made him tell his dad (they are so so close) and he was suddenly happy about the pregnancy and apologised to me. I think his dad being excited made him feel like all would be okay.

To skim over the next 9 months he was a different person to the one I agreed to marry just 4 days before my bfp, I didn't feel supported and felt like he was keeping me around purely because I was pregnant. He took some interest in the pregnancy, he didn't say it wasn't what he wanted but he has since admitted he was stressed at the thought of having a baby and that is what caused him to behave the way he did.
To be honest, I struggled with the idea of being pregnant too even though he was planned and very much wanted.

Fast forward to now and our little boy is 5 weeks old and his dad adores him and can't believe that he ever doubted the pregnancy and can't believe he acted like he did when he loves the baby like he does. He is a different person, intact he's back to the man I agreed to marry. He has apologised endless times for the way he was, it doesn't make it okay but I love him and want our family to be the best it can be so I'm keeping my (bit of) resentment to myself and enjoying having the man I know and love back and seeing him dote on his little boy.

I'm not saying it will be the same for you but I just wanted to share my experience and hope all works out for you as it has for us. I found the thought of having a baby and the reality was massively different but when he's here you wonder what the worry was for.

Is there anyone he can talk to about the pregnancy who can give him a bit of tough love? To tell him everything will be okay? He might need a few days to get his head together, he doesn't deserve your compassion right now but if you give him a bit of time you might find he realises what a mistake he is making.

I'm not making excuses for him, far from it but it's a massive life changing event and there is stress that comes with that. It would be such a shame for him to ruin your relationship only to find 9 months down the line he'll love that little person more than anything and wish he could go back in time and change his complete outlook.

I really feel for you, you can never get this moment back and I know how horrible it is for it to be ruined like this but your baby will be so worth it.

I really wish you all the best

He already has a daughter? Bloody hell its not like he hasn't been here before then?

No. Don't go to dinner. He needs to work a lot harder than one day away from you to make up for this.

Oh my goodness!? Wtf is up with him?!

Your message is perfect, I hope it brings him to his senses.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

Your H will probably come round. However I personally would not forgive and certainly not forget very easily. How dare he taint this moment for you like this when, by the sounds of it, he's been more than a willing participant until now?! Dick. Sorry but I'm extremely angry on your behalf!

Me too. Silly arse!

I came across your thread this morning and was so excited for you and remembered the times I got my BFPs with my 2 babies and felt a stab of jealousy and wistfulness at the wonderful times ahead you were going to face.

Then I read on about your DH's response I was going out so put your thread on my watch list to return to later and respond.

As others have said it could be shock from him. However that is no fucking excuse tbh. Especially after you've BOTH been trying to conceive for a YEAR. When I told my then DP about our first pregnancy we had, at that time, been FWBs only for an extremely short time I wasn't long out of a very long term serious relationship and it was not ideal timing in the slightest. However he was amazing and we'd only been together 5 minutes and when drunk! We're now married with another baby. I'm not trying to make you feel worse, what I'm trying to say was that your "man" should have feigned being delighted and should have been extremely supportive even if he was shitting himself underneath as mine probably was although he has never once said that or admitted it to me to this day - even when asked!

Your H will probably come round. However I personally would not forgive and certainly not forget very easily. How dare he taint this moment for you like this when, by the sounds of it, he's been more than a willing participant until now?! Dick. Sorry but I'm extremely angry on your behalf!

Has he responded to your message?

I cant see the message pic won't load on my phone. Hope all is ok. X

Good message, well done Rainbows. He may still come round but I'd be pretty shaken by this. If he does, I'd consider some counselling to make sure you both know where you stand and where you're headed.

Wow i didn't expect this!

What a mature message to him, i hope it's just complete shock on his behalf and perhaps him going to his mums might clear his head and a good talk from her might help too

Good luck Rainbow

Cant believe what I'm reading!? What a strange reaction if its been planned? This must be horrible for you. Try not to stress. Easy said I know... Hopefully he will come round. If not, you will do just fine. You have been blessed with this baby for a reason. If I was in your situation I would ask him to leave until he can discuss this like adults xxx

Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS

Secondly, I Agree with blacknred, good attitude!!!

Make your decision wisely, you can do this rainbows ..seem like a strong lady to me

Good attitude Rainbows! You will be fine, with wobbles yes but fine.
As a mother myself, I can tell you the love for a child is bigger than the love for a man. Start building your support system, get all your plans together and you will make it.

Oh how horrible OP... have you tried asking him what his reasons are?

Tbh if i was you i would be prepared to go it alone... a mothers love for a child is much greater than the love for a man

and I will echo Violet and say yes you can do it alone.
There's only the unknown to fear but there's a lot of help out there and you will get through it. Do you have friends and family you can talk to irl?

Rainbows congrats on your pregnancy. It must have brought you so much happiness after a year of ttc.
I am sorry your partner is being an asshole. But just know that you don't have to make a decision straight away and the decision you take should be yours and yours alone. Can you report your own thread to MNHQ and ask to be reposted to relationships where you will get a lot of advice from many lovely wise mnetters.

By the way, many women do do it alone, and very successfully. There are many threads here of women getting through this alone.

I actually didn't find it easy to do it WITH DH as he found the baby stage tough.