Ttc after late miscarriage. Let's support each other. X

Oh Molly how tough for you! I can only try and imagine how you must feel, you deserve some good news. I have my fingers crossed that the injection works and your levels come down. In the meanwhile take things easy and moan here all you need to. Dark days are bound to happen and I'm sure there will be more to come for everyone so we can at least support each other here.
Be kind on yourself x

Never apologise for moaning. You have plenty to moan about.

That emotional exhaustion is just horrific. You're still trying to grieve for your daughter and make sense of what on earth has happened and the injustice of it all and this on top is just hideous.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this. I know it's hard but don't try and worry about the future and trying again. Concentrate on getting through today. Tomorrow worry only about tomorrow. It might help with your stress levels.

& to you and a massive unmumsnetty hug don't tell anyone

Hi Again - nice to hear from you

Oh dear Mollly. Is that what you've been told, that you will lose a tube!? That's heartbreaking :(

Hey ladies I've just discovered this thread. Waves at impatient from another TTC board

I lost my son at 20 weeks in August. First pregnancy after two years TTC and successful 1st round IVF. The booking-in midwife failed to flag up my medical history which meant I should have been consultant led and high-risk but instead was left to my own devises. Went in to pre-term labour because my cervix was wide open which let an infection in to the womb. The whole thing was a disaster.

Had a chemical pregnancy a few days ago and hoping to do IVF this month as I'm too impatient.

Oh Molly what a week for you. You poor poor thing, I hope that they are looking after you. Are you still taking the meds and are they working?

I think I should have shares in first response the amount I've bought! Terrible isn't it!

Dates are so horrid aren't they, even reading the word March in next years work planner has turned my stomach sometimes. I hope you didn't think I was asking why on earth are you stopping TTC, I did wonder if there were sad reasons attached to dates and that's why I asked. I feel like we carry such burdens, makes me so sad that things aren't easy.

Well done for the weight loss, I'm 2 down this week but I do have a bit of yoyo habit so not getting too excited yet!

Hope you felt comforted by visiting Finley today. That's such a lovely name, it was on our boys list.

DH took DS1 to visit William today and he came back and told me he gave William 100 kisses. He actually kisses his stone, it's so sweet and heartbreaking at the same time. Later today he then asked if William was coming home yet and when we said no he said 'but he can't stay in the special garden forever' in such a confused voice.

Literally floored me, he's only 4 but he knew his brother was coming, he's jumped in his cot, unpacked my hospital bag lots, put Williams teddies in his bed, pushed the pram round with his bear in it and he has no idea why William never came home. My poor boy should not have to deal with this, makes me so sad and angry....

I know, I kicked myself for testing early, stupid tests!
Dates wise, I don't want to risk a baby being due in August or September. August is a month in which two of my siblings were born and they both died of cot death so it's a bad omen. September is when Finley was due so I don't want to have another baby then, even though ds2 is a September baby, it's just something I now want to avoid.

Molly it sounds so complicated and such an emotional turmoil for you. I'm hoping Monday gives you some answers. It is my worst nightmare. Someone in my baby group had a baby of unknown position and had drugs, she hadn't experienced a loss before that. Anyway she went on to have a very healthy baby afterwards.

Impatient, that must be frustrating that dh works away. Hopefully you dtd enough and some swimmers are hanging about waiting for the egg. Positive opk is great news!

On the up side I have started metformin for my pcos and have lost 8lb in 3 weeks so I feel like I'm on the right track body wise. I'm off to visit Finley's grave today as I haven't been for a few weeks and don't want it to get all over grown and unloved looking. I like going and talking to him

Morning ladies. Gosh Molly, not surprised your head is spinning, I hope you get some answers and I hope it doesn't turn out to be ectopic.

What a horrid drawn out episode and I don't know you but the thought of going back to the hospital and the EPU for scans make me feel really frightened and so uncomfortable - are you coping ok with that?

Kimbles, sorry to hear you got your AF, that's rubbish. Early tests are a bit of a double edged sword aren't they. Every month we have ever tried to conceive I've told myself I'm not going to use them and every month I have caved and start POAS like a crazy women as soon as they would detect something. I have no self control! Can I ask why you're stopping TTC for a few months? Is it date related? It must feel like losing control a bit? I know that makes me feel more unstable?

So I finally got a static ovulation smiley this month but on day 19 which is quite late isn't it? The added complication was that DH was working abroad do I think we may have missed the boat this month - we had sex a lot before he left and when he got back but concerned about the gap in the middle.

Oh well, it is what it is. In other news I'm starting a form of psychotherapy called EMDR in a couple of weeks which is used to help people with traumatic memories and PTSD so I'm hoping that is going to help me as I'm getting some terrible flashbacks of Williams birth and the aftermath. The therapist comes highly recommended by an ex solider friend of mine who suffers terribly with PTSD after 2 tours of Afghan and he is doing so much better after seeing this lady for treatment.

Hope you both have a nice Sunday ahead, DH is away so it's just DS1 and me - he wants to go to a local soft play so currently trying to
Convince him that swimming and a pub lunch would be much more fun!

Impatient did you get a positive ovulation day? So frustrating isn't it!
I'm working on shifting some pounds too and trying to be the best version of myself while ttc, it's the only thing I have control of as far as trying to keep a pregnancy safe so I'm doing my best too.

Hey ladies, 2ww over and after a faint positive we ended with af! Oh well, new month to begin! Last month of ttc for us until January now.
How did you get on Molly?

Will be thinking of you tomorrow Molly and hoping you get a clear answer x

Hi ladies sorry for the delay. I've had a dreadful few days. When the sad hits me it's still as terrifying as day 1 and sometimes I just can't shift it. Even the thought of typing out stuff makes me so tired if that makes sense?

Anyway (deep breath) I've had a much better day today and I'm currently in a bubble bath with a big glass of wine so thought I'd catch up with you both.

Molly oh my, what on earth is going on? You poor thing, you must be so confused. Hopefully you will have a clear idea what is going soon. The wait for scans is hideous isn't it.

Kimbles, Urghh the 2 ww! Horrid and long. As you say at least you know you're on track. Feeling a bit in control is so much better. Got everything crossed for you.

Well I've had my day 7 blood done and day 21 is Thursday so we will just have to see what they say. I've actually been doing the clearblue ov kit again this month. Got the flashing smiley in day 14 to show hormones have risen but still no ovulation detected and today is day 17 so we will see. Goodness knows what is going on with me!

Am going to focus on trying to lose a little weight and running more as that is something within my control and I think it will make me feel a little more confident, a bit better about myself. I'm still carrying some pregnancy weight - only a few pounds up but I was overweight before so my bmi is sitting at 29 so I'd like to get that down a bit. (She says with a glass of wine in hand and a pie cooking in the oven!) To be fair it is our wedding Anni today so we're being a bit naughty!

Hoping for a static smiley tomorrow but we will see, DH goes away overnight tomorrow so we'll have to get busy tonight and then again in the morning - DH alarm goes off at 6 so it's not going to be a very romantic tussle at that time in the morning!

What a nightmare for you not knowing. We are in the 2ww at the moment, 11dpo and negative test, don't think we will get a positive this month but we are at least on track x

How are things Molly? X

How rubbish for you, I really hope it all works out and you get an answer, the worst is the not knowing.
I am ok, in the 2 week wait at the moment and just not thinking about it. Dh goes away on a charity event to raise money for the maternity hospital on Wednesday and isn't back until Monday. Dreading 3 kids on my own but it will make time go quickly I guess x

Are you still bleeding Molly? Did you bleed heavily for long? I have no experience, but if you suffer from any pain you should get checked out straight away!

Hey impatient,

Welcome to the fearful crew.
So sorry to hear about the loss of your son. It's such a massive hole to be left I completely understand that. Our son was born in April and this month is the first time I have ovulated, I had an ovulation bleed and a +ve test for ovulation so we dtd a few times and I'm excited for a possible two lines but equally completely fearful of them.
I hate that we probably won't enjoy our future pregnancies through worry.
Agree with the no safe zone. Until I have a physical baby in my arms I won't believe it, I'm worried about bonding and things that I shouldn't even think about yet with my hypothetical pregnancy.
We at least have this, where we can talk openly and honestly without the taboo and feeling concerned for others awkwardness.
We can help each other through it xx