oh babydances - you must feel so upset after that outburst. It's obvious how much you want to be pregnant so to have him take away all your excitement was really harsh of him. What he still a bit hungover? Could he just have been exhausted and reacted irrationally because of that? Not that there's any excuse for what he did/said but I'm just trying to think of possible reasons if he's usually a good guy?
I think you need to sit down with him and ask him honestly if he wants another baby because unless he's on board and excited about the prospect as opposed to just doing it for you then I would worry how things may be when the baby is born. I'm sure you remember from when your daughter was a baby how incredibly difficult it is and how important support is from a partner and so if he's not really wanting another baby is he willing to be that support structure for you? Or when things are tough will he take the mentality of "Well you wanted another baby* and just leave you to lie in the bed you made, if that makes sense?
It's important that there is no resentment on either side I.e you not resenting him for not wanting another child and him not resenting you for making him have a child he doesn't want.
Had he given reasons as to why he's not so eager about having a second child?
I used to be on another conception bus and there was a woman there who had been desperate for a child, her DP was fully on board, she was as excited as we all are on here and on her 3rd or 4th cycle she got her BFP. She was obviously over the moon but her partner suddenly did a U-turn, said he wasn't ready to be a dad and wanted her to terminate, which she did. It was so upsetting, I think most passengers couldn't believe that her partner could do that to her and were bewildered about the fact the woman agreed to a termination in order to keep her relationship. She then did continue posting and it was clear how upset she was about the termination and how much she now resented her partner for asking her to do it etc and it was generally a really sad situation. I'm only telling this story to demonstrate how difficult things can potentially get if the parents aren't on the same page. Although I'm sure your DH wouldn't backtrack to the point of asking you to terminate any pregnancy you need to know that he will support you 100% through the pregnancy and then when the baby arrives and he will never throw comments around about how he never wanted the baby in the first place if the going gets tough.
You need to really sit down and talk to him seriously about how he sees the future if you do get pregnant, what you need from him and then ask if he's able to give it. If he admits that he doesn't want another baby and is indeed just doing it for you then you need to think about whether realistically that is a good enough reason to have another child and whether you think it may put a strain on your relationship that may not be able to fixed and whether that's a risk worth taking?
I absolutely understand a woman's right to have and want a baby but it is also the man's right to not want one and somehow a compromise had to be made.
He needs to agree that if you are going to be TTC then he needs to support you, be on your side, understand how much it means to you, show some enthusiasm, show that he wants it too and make you feel that TTC is something you are choosing to do together, not just him doing it because you want him to.
It sounds like a really difficult situation but for something so life changing as having another baby then I think it's so important you are honest with each other, really listen to what each other is saying and then come together to decide which is the best way forward for you as a family.
