TTC after miscarriage thread #4

cheeky sounds like you are keeping yourself busy... I honestly don't know how you do it, you are so strong! I didn't even want to speak for like a week! Make sure you find a way to let it all out, have you ever seen a therapist? I have one for ptsd after a car accident but when I had the MC it was really useful to just talk about it with someone who doesn't know me and will listen etc.

kate I'm sorry your in limbo... I hope you get some answers soon, and fingers x it's a positive outcome!

I'm 12dpo today, temped dropped for third day and got a BFN on a FRER so I'm out! Really disappointed. When we got pg with the MC it happened in the second month, but I was so much more relaxed. I really don't know how to not think about it 24/7!!
We are off to Italy tomorrow so now I can have a glass of wine or ten... But af will get me in the next couple of days, not exactly what I want on holiday!!!

Sorry to hear your still in limbo hopeful. It's just so hard to 'move on' or accept it when your in this waiting period. You sound like your coping well though and not a nervous wreck like I have been. Just remember it's not over till it's over. Still every hope, I'm praying for you!

I can't really be assed going for bloods again next week. I was so tempted not to go today but glad I did now as I thought my levels would've dropped enough and today was going to be pointless but apparently not. Mentally I feel 'OK' but physically I'm not sleeping or eating properly and I know it's all building up in my subconscious. It's not good. Sooner or later I'm going to come crashing down. I need to stop holding it together. I just don't know how to though.

Just went out with DH for a munch at nandos and then to watch the jungle book. Just on the way home now. The film was really good; I had a little cry to myself during it. Snapped at DH a few times as well which sort of spoilt the evening. I feel bad for him I don't know whether I'm coming or going?

What's everyone up to on the bank holiday weekend? We should've been baby shopping this holiday, getting ready for arrival in July.

Evening girls

Just catching up now... How are you all?

Mimi best of luck for your next test. I'll have my fingers crossed for you!

Brenna have an amazing weekend! Sounds gorgeous. And can I just say your DH sounds like such a great man! He seems to say just the right thing and sounds v sweet. Bless him. Am I right?!

Cheeky how are you?? I imagine it is actually quite comforting for your levels to be going down quickly. From what I have read you can ovulate as soon as your levels gets under 5, so it could be soon time to get on that love train!! I do admire your strength. This next time is your time, I just know it.

I am still in limbo. My consultant doesn't want me to stop my medication until my scan next Friday so have to keep on jabbing myself with needles and stuffing up pessaries for another 7 days. I know the game is over. My boobs have dropped down to size and my moods are v erratic - in pregnancy I go super calm and zen. I just want it to resolve and so I can get on with my life and stop f*cking checking my knickers every single minute. Mind the language.

xx

It could be implantation mimi?

The Hosp phoned and said the HCG is down to 16 which is not quite zero so they will check me again next Friday. Hopefully the last time!

Can your body be getting ready to ovulate when there is still hormone? Ie could I still ovulate in about two weeks?

Brown spotting isn't necessarily a bad sign. But I know the fear. Hand hold!

I've never had an evap line before and I'm fairly certain it appeared before the 5 min deadline so I'm opting for head in the sand PMA approach! I also have no idea how early I tested as not tracking OV and it's my 3rd post-mc cycle so things are still a bit all over the place; WFT cycle was 49 days, then 28, I'd guessed this one might be the same but pre-mc was 30-31, so who knows.

I have one Superdrug 4 days early test to use which shall duly be peed Upton tomorrow with fmu, fx it's a winner!

On the other hand, if anyone has experienced evap line with the Superdrug 4 day early years, feel free to burst my bubble.

Really really sorry mimi but keeping my fingers crossed for you. Xxx

Aww mimi. No words really

sorry to hear that Mimi I hope it isn't

hard not to get excited when it's something you want so much! i got excited last month when af was a day late!

Thanks Brenna, Bertie and Cheeky, unfortunately it looks like I may have posted too soon. The dreaded brown spotting has arrived 🙁. Will test tomorrow anyway but worried that I either got excited over an evap line or I've had another chemical pregnancy. Why can't this ttc business be as easy as other people make it look?

Hi cheeky

In the info I got after having my mc, the leaflet said they recommended waiting for next cycle (so they could date pregnancy) but there was a high chance of conceiving straight after one (I think they add this as a warning in case people don't realise that) I suppose it's similar to there being a high chance to conceive straight after having a baby.

good luck, everything crossed for you that it happens soon.

I'm in 2ww but just trying not to think about it!!

x

Aw miMi fingers crossed. Good luck for tomorrow.

Just had my bloods again - hopefully back to zero levels now. Will get a call this afternoon

The lady was really nice today. I asked again whether she thought there was a common theme between my miscarriages as the lady the other day had said there might be (which wasn't v reassuring for next time) and she said she didn't think so. She also said the stats were for having a successful pregnancy after two miscarriages. I asked about the consultant appt I had in the post and she is going to check why I was referred and try and keep it if it hasn't been cancelled already. As for trying again she said they often see ladies who haven't had a period in between miscarriage and next pregnancy and all is fine. On that note I've decided not to go back to contraception. Even though we probably won't actively 'try' we won't prevent either.

Good luck for tomorrow Mimi! Everything crossed for you.

Oh Mimi. I know The Fear. I hope this is The One for you. xxx

Brenna hope you enjoy your spa weekend. I think if I was in your shoes I'd have had several meltdowns, and for what it's worth I think it's better to have the odd meltdown than brave face it all the time because that's not great for anyone's mental health. So have a thoroughly selfish weekend of putting yourself first, you deserve it and possibly need it.

I've been lurking but not posting as I've had very little to say but knowing that there's all you guys going through the same stuff (and seeing an NHS shrink) has been helping to keep my head above water. We were supposed to be going to the Implantation clinic at Coventry to get my lining tested this cycle but I thought it would probably coincide with our holiday and I wasn't keen to waste a day tracking down there when I could be doing something more fun. So I have ate, drank and done all the bad stuff this cycle and this seems to have happened .

The witch normally gives me a 4-5 day warning of her arrival with spotting, nothing and I found walking up hills on holiday really hard and was breathing a lot but not the usual asthma breathlessness. Anyway did a test a couple of days early and am now freaking out that I'll be experiencing my 4th MC soon. I know I should be more positive but my body has let me down a few times already, ladies, feel free to give me a slap and tell me to chill out! Am testing tomorrow to see if line improves.

I am due today IC. Going away for a spa weekend. Equally annoying. My temp hasn't dropped though, so I don't think AF will make her appearance today. Which means no wine tonight. No tests in the house, so I can't even test - but then if it was BFN I wouldn't risk drinking anyway.

I did tell DH in between sobs that it was better I had a meltdown then than over the weekend. He accepted that, then offered me chocolate to make me feel better. I was half laughing, half crying explaining to him why chocolate maybe wasn't the best cure for a my-clothes-don't-fit meltdown. In the end I had a camomile tea, ranted on here and went to bed. I'd rather have had a wine last night. Oh well, fewer calories in the tea.

They have been there 5 years. The OW is the mother of my Godson. I actually bumped into them pushing their pram the day I was miscarrying the first time. It was the worst moment of my life and I was so proud of myself that nobody got punched. I am absolutely desperate to move but at first after the split I just couldn't afford to and wouldn't have got a new mortgage. We are hopefully going this year. If I get my finger out and do the last of the DIY.

I feel better today. The meltdown cleared my head a bit.

cheeky and kate thinking of you guys and what you're going through and sorry your friends aren't being how they should - such a horrible and lonely time.

brenna thinking of you too and agree with the post above about what a lovely person you seem so give yourself a break and enjoy the weekend...hope you find something nice when shopping today.

Aw Brenna hope you have a lovely weekend away, totally deserve it. You sound like such a lovely person and are always doing things for other people. Do listen to your body and mind, take a step back and take it easy and put yourself first sometimes. Sometimes the infections and things can be a sign that your body is run down and it needs some TLC.

I know it's extremely difficult but Just try and 'leave' everything this weekend if you can and think you yourself you will come back to it after a couple of days. I always think of it like putting your worries in a box and saying, right I'll come back to you when I've got more headspace. I've not explained it very well but It was something I was taught when dealing with the cancer. Xx

brenna that sounds very stressful... I'm sorry you're feeling low. I hope you manage to get something nice shopping and hope you have a great relaxing romantic weekend away with your DH.
Also can't believe your ex is on your street! How dare he!!!

Cheeky and Mrs. I am glad you mad eit through work today Cheeky.

I had a meltdown tonight. I am so tired at the moment and work is still quite a grind. We have been busy every night this week doing things - mostly for other people. I got home tonight and my lovely brother called to see how things went at the clinic yesterday. Which was lovely. But he was full of how hard things are because he has had a problem at work that took him 3 months to solve - my research has been stuck in teh same place for a year now. And he is struggling with the housework because they have a wee boy and a new baby. Then I tried to pack for this weekend and I literally have nothing to wear because over the last 9 months and the pregnancies and chest infections and things I have put on 2 stone and the zips just don't go up. I feel tired and ill and fat all the time, I hate having to face work every day. I am stuck living in the same street as my ex and the OW and their baby as they bought a flat a few doors down from me and we can't get our flat on the market as I am just too busy and ill most of the time. And the dresses were the final straw. We are going somewhere really posh and I have jeans and leggings. I am out of my comfort zone going there anyway and I am struggling with my weight so much. I cried my way through trying everything on in my wardrobe. DH doesn't know what to do with me. We are skiving off work early tomorrow to go shopping. Thankfully having had a meltdown tonight means I will be fine by tomorrow.

You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself. No one in real life gets it and I've never felt as lonely as I have through this. Very great full for this thread.

Thanks hopeful.. Feeling a bit sorry for myself today in terms of the people in real life. Only DH is 100%