Young and ttc

If you really were mature, you would not be having a baby aged 17 with a boyfriend that you haven't been with for very long and not even living with.
Get real this is a terrible mistake.

If you really were mature for your age, you wouldn't be thinking of having a baby at 17, with a much older man you barely know. The very fact you want to do this means you absolutely shouldn't be.

If you do this you will regret it for the rest of your life.

I hope they've been together less than 3 years as she'd have been 14 3 years ago...

The point about living together first is to make sure you can both happily live together and iron out any issues before adding a baby into it, if you got pregnant now, moved in and actually you were completely incompatible - it's too late, there's already a baby on the way.

You're not actually thinking through what people are telling you about why you should wait, which is kind of at odds with how mature you seem to think you are.

The reason people wait is to make sure it's the right time, not for your sake but because the best possible start for a child's life involves more than taking some vitamins and smoking a bit less.

I would say you need to wait until you've been living together for a little while (nothing to do with age).

Have you been together very long? If you've been together less than 3 years and also never lived together, bringing a baby into the mix is a real gamble.

I have to be honest, buying baby things before you're even pregnant doesn't make any sense at all. It could take ages to conceive, longer than you realise. There are always sales and baby events. You're not missing out by holding off. You seem very impatient and want to have everything right now.

Some women find the 1st trimester the hardest part of being pregnant, as "morning" sickness can be really unpleasant. Also, some women experience extreme tiredness in those early stages, which can be difficult alongside the constant nausea.

One thing that you have plenty of is time. I would live together for 3 months minimum, before trying to get pregnant. Make sure that you get on and everything's ok before you add more things into the mix. It's no time at all in the grand scheme of things, a tiny tiny fraction of your life.

(Btw, I would give the same advice to anyone who was considering ttc but wasn't yet living with their partner)

Start taking folic acid
Eat a healthy diet
Cut down on alcohol when ttc ( if you drink it), then stop completely once pregnant.
Save money for the babies arrival, babies are expensive.
Once pregnant stop smoking completely

I couldn't of been a mum at 18, but that doesn't mean your not ready. Do think very carefully though.

Good luck!

Why not live together first? Moving, being pregnant and then having a newborn is stressful, I've done it. You don't have to do everything at once.

If you don't want people to comment on your ages then why make them a major part of your post?

"I am 100% commited to giving up everything to make sure my baby is happy"

I know you are. And that's why you aren't really ready. Giving up cigarettes, nights out and so on is fine. But you are also giving up your education, a big chunk of your growing up time and the possibility of independent financial security. All of which will be incredibly important when your baby is no longer a "little squidgy thing" but a person with needs and wants......

Wait a few years...not because you're 17 in itself but because you can only have been with your partner less than 2 years and you haven't lived together yet.

Live together for a while, get married (as you're engaged) then think about children.

Having a baby is something that can rock your relationship even after you've been living together for years, don't do both at once, not if you want the best chance at a good relationship.

Not going to lecture about age, but even if you were 32 and 32 I would still say "live together for a year before you ttc."

Living with somebody is a big step in itself and is worth trying out before you bind yourselves together with a child.

Hurricane I think if you're ready and your partner is ready then go for it.
It's not easy living together, ttc, being pregnant or having a baby doesn't matter how old you are.

I was 21 when I had my daughter, she's now 8. A bit older than you but still young. Myself and DH had to rush to move out of our parents houses before our daughter was born so your forward planning is a good idea.

We were financially stable but not well off and had people donate their babies unused items or we bought second hand things. We had everything and most of it we didn't use like the baby bath for instance. It was just easier to use a baby bath chair as I had a c-section as well.

One thing I would prepare yourself for is the judgement of other people. I found being young, I wasn't taken seriously and was viewed as a silly young girl despite me being 21! I was given completely unwanted and unhelpful advice about how to care for my daughter, about routines for her and how to be a good parent. I'd get stared at walking with my pram. I did look very very young for my age so that made it even worse. People would talk to me like I was 15 especially when my daughter started pre-school. By then though I had two daughters under 5.

Quit smoking asap I'd say as well. I quit a year before I fell pregnant but it wasn't because we were ttc, the law changed so I couldn't smoke at work so thought I'd just quit altogether.

Life completely changes once you have a baby, everything revolves around the little squidgy thing that popped out of you.

My 'general advice' would be live together for a while and see how things go.

Have you discussed what you're going to do about money?

Please stop trying until you've been living together for a bit. It absolutely changes things.

Definitely make sure you can live together first. Being pregnant in itself can be a strain on a relationship because you're full of hormones, worry, excitement etc. When the baby arrives that will be amplified beyond belief.

Having a child is about being less selfish and that starts way before they're actually here - put them first and get some stability before you even start.

Give up smoking completely now. It's too late to stop once you find out you're pregnant. It should be straightforward to achieve given how much you want a child. Put the money you would have spent on cigarettes into a savings account.

Also, if you're working, check out your company's maternity policy and pay. Make sure you qualify (time-wise) for their maternity pay package. Are you registered with a GP? If not, then sign up to one now.

Talk to your partner about finances, and make sure you know your budget for if/when you have a baby. Are you on the same page with regard to parenting methods and choices? Examples would be attitudes to feeding choices, managing sleep, approaches to managing behaviour when the child is a bit older, etc. It helps to be in agreement about these things before you're pregnant so you can be a united team and not argue when you have a small baby/ toddler.

And then, don't rush. I'm sure you are aware that once you have a baby, you have to prioritise their needs above your own wants. This may not be a problem for you, you might be very happy to do that but it is worth considering carefully.

Oh, Hurricane!

Bugger being tactful, I have to say it. Please, please, please think again. At least wait a year until you're used to living together.

Yes, folic acid and giving up smoking (giving up, not cutting down, by the way) are really important. So is exercise and a healthy diet. But so is money, and a settled relationship and work and education and childcare and you.

You have lots of time. Lots of time. Don't rush.

Honestly? I would encourage you to make the absolute most of the next few months while you're TTC/pregnant. Enjoy each other's company, act spontaneously, travel.

Having a child is wonderful but it is completely life changing. You put someone else first all the time. You have to cancel your plans when they are sick. You worry about them. For the first few weeks/months you are utterly exhausted. Your body changes permanent in lots of little (and some big) ways. Everywhere you go you will have a mountain of stuff to take with you - prams, nappies, travel cots. You can't flit off on holiday on a whim. You won't have as much time for each other. Your career/education will take second place at least for a while.

You won't begrudge a second of it and it's all worth it a thousand times over but having a child is a BIG, BIG deal. I waited until I was almost 30 and I'm glad that I did because I have so many adventures and years together with my DH to look back on. We have different adventures now (sometimes just getting out of the house is a major achievement) and are so happy with our little family but there's no denying that children transform your life.

I know you don't want advice on anything else and you won't listen to it anyway- but do think very carefully about what you're doing. Living with someone is very different to going out with them- and you have to learn how to do it. A tiny baby is a strain on any relationship- even more on one that's brand new. Do you have any family support?

Well done on reducing smoking. It's not just essential to stop whilst pregnant... It would be a good idea to stop completely now whilst TTC. And your partner, if he smokes. I appreciate that's easier said than done, but it's just the start of a long list of hard things you'll do whilst pregnant and once you have a child