Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Ttc#1 Lucky no.13. The one where Doreen and Hugh ride the honeymoon gondola down the fallopian canal.

965 replies

StarkyTheDirewolf · 07/03/2016 22:50

Hugh enjoys ISW and his love affair with Doreen. He watches out for skittle tits and weepyitis. Mrs Arseholey Fucknut (Af) shows up when you least want her but brings wine and soft cheese as a consolation prize.

We don't have rules as such but expect to be talked down from the ledge with kind and well meaning but firm words if you get too hysterical. But most importantly don't convince yourself you're pregnant in the tww That is paramount!

We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts. We want a fanny full of determined Doreen, not unicorn farts and gnome tears with extra sparkle. We've been going a while now so the novelty has somewhat worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area.

Post your stats and add your dates. We have a register thanks to kats stats I am resident piss stick queen and if you don't test, you get a Starky's Star

When you post stats, add your predicted test/af date. We are currently running at about 49% pregnant with the grads thread over in ante-natal which we all hope to join soon.

Link to thread 12.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2580240-Thread-12-TTC-1Trying-is-the-fun-part-said-by-nobody-ever-whos-actually-trying?pg=1&order=

Ttc#1 Lucky  no.13. The one where Doreen and Hugh ride the  honeymoon gondola down the fallopian canal.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
26
StarkyTheDirewolf · 08/03/2016 20:46

miw tell him to stick his knob in a yakukt and to stop whining! Ovulation comes but once a month! alternatively canestan works wonders on man thrush, Dh used mine once and his cleared up in 24 hours or so! Downside being his cock was like a hairpin trigger, one swish and it went off!

OP posts:
Mileymoocow · 08/03/2016 20:33

Hi ladies, haven't been around much recently. I won't lie, I'm struggling horrendously with morning sickness and can't do much other than sleep and spew I won't complain too much though!

I am lurking, just not contributing much. You're all still very much in my thoughts

Miley
26
Harbouring a grounded until it's 18 9+2 pecan

RaeSkywalker · 08/03/2016 20:24

Patches glad to hear the end might be in sight for the cramping! Just said to DH that if I'm still in this much pain on Friday I might have to call the GP, I'm worried that I might have an infection Confused

SincerelyRosie · 08/03/2016 20:23

So much happens on this thread I struggle to keep up!!

Love the opening starky

Rosie
TTC #1
Cycle 3
CD 44 (irregular periods)
On my 3rd potential ovulation of the month!! AF suppose to be due in 2 weeks if I actually ovulate this time! Fx

Pugmummy87 · 08/03/2016 20:20

Ever FlowersChocolate

Harriet I'm so sorry my lovely Flowers

Hep I am also convinced that arseholey fucknuts has a twisted sense of humour. Last month she gave me nausea and a much lighter and shorter period than normal, convincing me that I was upduffed!

I stepped on the scales today and wanted to cry. Then DH took a picture of me and I wanted to cry after seeing it. Ive put on so much weight again Sad

miwelaisjacydo · 08/03/2016 20:19

Hi everyone FFs my husband has due to new washing powder got bloody thrush right on cue for FW. Am trying so hard but to be cross.

iPatches · 08/03/2016 20:16

Rae I've had the worst cramps this "month" and the most pathetic spotting/period ever. But the cramps have stopped!

RaeSkywalker · 08/03/2016 20:10

I'm still in limbo land! Horrendous cramps today and totally exhausted which is unlike me. No AF yet though. I think I might be in for the mother of all periods!!

Ever Flowers

StarkyTheDirewolf · 08/03/2016 20:09

moose he is a gudden for sure, fuck knows what he sees in me! Grin He's a hypochondriac though! He's twinged a muscle in his stomach...obviously it's not just a pulled muscle, it's probably a hernia! 😂

OP posts:
Kwick709 · 08/03/2016 20:07

islandgirl have you read "it starts with the egg" loads of advice there - that is where I found out about co-q10 and vitamin E.

starky shampoogate I love it!

ever my heart goes out to you my lovely.

Mooseville · 08/03/2016 19:58

Blimey - you guys talk a lot! Just taken me half an hour to catch up!

Moose
36 (nearly 37!) aargh
TTC 1
Cycle 2
CD 4

Plan this month is just to DTD more! DP seems a lot more enthusiastic this month and I think I'm going to discuss ISW a bit more as it approaches to gee him up! Doing OPK's and pregnacare supplements but that's it.

Ni and Ever my DP is exactly the same. Bed time only and it's always the same! I guess I could make a bit more effort too though, but it just feels like it's always me! How come men just want to shag all the time when they're not in a relationship and break women's hearts but aren't interested when they've got it on a plate!

starky your DP is amazing! Hairdresser, hunky body builder and at one with the female pheromones! What more could a girl want?! Fingers crossed his nose is right!

Kwick709 · 08/03/2016 19:53

Welcome trizzer!

HepKestrel · 08/03/2016 19:50

I hope things are clearer tomorrow for you .

I'm starting to think that aunty flo has a twisted sense of humour....

StarkyTheDirewolf · 08/03/2016 19:47

I hate it when he's right though ever I'm used to being the smug bastard in our house! I don't like it when roles are reversed! It unsettles me! What if he thinks he's going to be right more often?! I can't have him getting dangerous ideas like that! 😁

but I fully recommend home bargains argon oil shampoo, it's 99p and bloody lovely

OP posts:
iPatches · 08/03/2016 19:36

Hep - well I haven't had a "normal" AF but I have had some delightful brown spotting this morning so I'm counting that as AF. The cramps have gone off. Neither Ovia nor I know what's going on TBH.

Evergreen15 · 08/03/2016 19:36

Starky your DH is one of the wisest people I know Grin

HepKestrel · 08/03/2016 19:34

ipatches are you still stick in limbo land?

StarkyTheDirewolf · 08/03/2016 19:33

The most annoying thing about today has been that following our "discussion" in the body wash aisle of home bargains yesterday. I used the argon oil shampoo, I deliberately didn't brush my hair prior to washing it and refrained from putting conditioner on too.

A little while later, determined to prove my point to dh, called him in for the final installment of 'shampoogate' "See" I declared "I just used your shampoo and I bet my hairs all knotty now!" Well, only for the comb to fucking glide through my locks like it was made of warm butter! And to add insult to injury, after I dried it, my hair is like shiny bloody gossamer!

He's been preening all day the smug bastard!

OP posts:
iPatches · 08/03/2016 19:21

twinky - buy some cheap sticks and dip them in your pee daily as soon as your period is over. Try to do it around midday/early afternoon but do it whenever you can if not possible. The sticks are cheap if you buy in bulk. The key thing is that the line has to match or be DARKER than the control to be considered positive (unlike a pregnancy test where any line counts as a positive). You may see it getting progressively darker for 3-5 days beforehand.

Bonus: you will now become the proud owner of a designated pee vessel - Gu dessert pots are a favourite around here .

bluebird3 · 08/03/2016 19:18

Hi!

Bluebird here
Age 30
Ttc #1
Cycle 13
Next AF due 5th of April

Trying to be more relaxed this month. No temping or opks, just dtd every other day and maybe everyday cd 11-18 if possible.

Haven't had a chance to catch up on the thread yet but hope everyone is doing well!

HepKestrel · 08/03/2016 19:15

Hardly an opk expert. Main advice is you can order strips from tinternet at 14p a strip. I would start as soon as AF finishes ( I was caught out by lh appearing much earlier than I expected. Test between 10am and 8pm. That reminds me, a need to do it now.....

iPatches · 08/03/2016 19:14

I'm here. Late again.

iPatches, Cycle #4ish. Not had an easy time of it.

Having been in Limbo Land since Friday, had some reasonable brown spotting today. Not my normal but what is these days? I'm considering it AF. Cramps have gone away too.

The "strategy" is every other day this month with a little extra during the FW. OPKing is a problem as simply no opportunity at work, and varying days mean I sometimes can't test between FMU and 7-8pm but have managed to always spot my O in the last 3 cycles. Not going to be temping, sticking anything "up there" to check CM (pants inspection will continue) etc.

So will be OPKing (again) and keeping fingers, toes, and everything but legs crossed, and trying to care as little as possible even though it's all I can think about every single day. That means nights out, enjoying every single moment of a weekend lie-in, sweating it out at the gym, sugar and caffeine until anything tells me otherwise.

twinkydink · 08/03/2016 19:10

Wow I managed to miss a whole thread!

Work has been absolutely manic and I felt like I needed a break from worrying about TTC.

So nice to come on and hear all the BFPs really happy for everyone.

I'm due to test on Monday 14th, only symptoms is some very light brown spotting today which usually arrives before AF but never this early.

Next cycle I think I'm going to try OPK because I currently have no idea when I ovulate! Any tips on how to get started from any OPK experts?!

Evergreen15 · 08/03/2016 18:57

Hi Inspector! Smilewelcome! Thanks for the advice. The rest of the relationship is great. He is so amazing and we are very well suited. But the sex is just not what I have had before / dream of. This is a very important issue when TTC. He seems to be on board with the baby thing now, but so tired of initiating every single time.
Ni thanks for the advice. He gets lots of compliments from me (I get literally nothing) I like spontaneity but he is bed time sex. I just dont think I can cope anymore. How am I supposed to get up the duff!???
Feefs yes that is another one, that it hurt this morning and I still dont know why. But I dont think this is the reason. I feel really unattractive and fear that I will never get pregnant

Hep we love TMI here Grin
Skip thanks Smile you are spot on and lol at the massage with tiny thong. OH is also allergic to so many lotions and crap that massages not an option either anyway. So I have bought 4 different nice outfits kind of body suits from Lovehoney that are super flattering and nice. Also a vibrating thingy to use. I have tried to do oral when not on isw and just being super nice in general and that.
Starky you are DH are so funny!
What else can I do? Sad
Jem OH wont do dirty talk. I wish it was different. He is (sorry) but very boring in bed Sad
Thanks peaches not sure the talk will sort things out, I have tried this before. Sad
Pug he knows now and I thought he would be better at pretending he actually wants to sleep with me... He knows we have to dtd but just me doing it all.
Confused my thoughts exactly!!! When you watch tv apparently men want sex all the time!!!!
I am not a model, but I dont think I am disgusting either. Not pretty, but not repulsive and I have had boyfriends before when I was younger and skinnier that like me, so I dont know. I am just getting fatter now as I feel it is all lost.

Laurenowls · 08/03/2016 17:47

hep thats when spotting stopped last proper af was 31st dec...