Ttc#1 Lucky no.13. The one where Doreen and Hugh ride the honeymoon gondola down the fallopian canal.

What's a "pita"?

Jam Ignore the gnome! He's just a pita and nothing but a bad influence in these uncertain times! X

Ever really sorry to hear you're having such a tough time at the moment. I'm completely with LovelyFishy on how to manage a hopeful/positive balance in life.

For me, I was absolutely dead certain for years that I never wanted children - for various (often barmy) reasons, including (but not limited to) the environment, the future of the world, my ability to provide for kids financially, my ability to provide for myself financially, and my mental stability and suitability as a parent (I've struggled with depression and anxiety in the past, and it freaked me out to think of that happening again if I were a parent). Then a couple of years ago I changed my mind, and decided I could manage all of those things, because the positive aspects of raising children massively outweigh all of those negatives. And after much planning and delaying, finally we began TTC at the end of last year.

But as it's become clear to me that making babies isn't actually as easy as it looks, and that there's still a strong chance that we won't manage it, I've had to reconsider my previous stance. I was always 100% happy at the prospect of spending the rest of my life together with my DH, as there are so many things that we would likely only achieve together if we don't have kids. Essentially, we all have two possible life paths ahead of us, both of which are equally full of potential, just different. I know that we can have a totally fulfilling life either way, so mostly I try not to worry.

In practice, at the moment, as we're still a bit new to the game of TTC, during the TWW I can still let my hopes get up to a silly level, and that's not cool. I wish I could be more zen about it. But already this month I feel a lot more chilled about the whole process than I did at the beginning, and I just keep reminding myself of all the cool things we can do together (places we can go, houses we can live, creative projects I can achieve with more time) if we don't have children in life.

Again, sorry for the long post. I just got all deep on you all

Lastly, Canters I just wanted to high five you on your mountain-hot tub-sex! Sounds amazing - quite jealous now

That's brilliant hep!

Hep I love your description of the month! I also got my LH surge earlier than I expected, hoping it hasn't thrown us off this month. I don't tell my DH about opk results either, but I think he knows. I'm not normally so determined to dtd when he's so obviously shattered looking otherwise!

Sorry to hear about your troubles Ever. I nearly had a melt down last month with the whole ttc thing. My mother (who died when I was a child) struggled for years to conceive me and I'm an only child. I've always known I wanted children and been secretly terrified that I won't be able to have them, that it might be something I have from her but I can't ask about it now. I've also had a "premonition" that I'll need IVF but maybe I'm worrying too much!

I ended up settling on the knowledge that I desperately want children and will always keep trying for them, but to focus my attention on my DH. We're in this together (even if I keep some of my crazy about this from him!) and we'll have the rest of our lives together which I couldn't be happier about. At the end of the day we'll have each other and even without a baby I'm thankful for that.

I hope that helps in some way? Didn't mean for it to be such a long post!

for ever and jam. It really sucks sometimes doesn't it?

I don't think it's going to happen for us naturally in all honesty. I have no reason at all to think that but just a sneaky feeling. We agreed we would try until November then get help but it seems such a long time away when I want a baby so much.

On my more positive days, I try and remind myself it's normal to take up to a year and I don't exactly have form for patience.

kat would you be stressed if you don't take them? Personally I'd want to - and aim for the well timed shag. Being all on hols and chilled out seems like a nice head space for getting knocked up.

Unlike my morning I waited for him to get home and pounced as soon as he got through the door All re stocked on Doreen now.

I have promised him if it doesn't work this month I won't share so much info next cycle - just keep up the increased DTD without saying a word re opks or cycles.

kwick how are you getting on?

kat i have a clear blue poas ov tester for travelling. Its more expensive, and only gives you a yes/no but its a lot easier that peeing in a cup. You can do a sneaky test, and have a shower whilst waiting for the results.

at home i am using the strips

I personally don't tell OH about the details of my testing. I just use it to help me get "in the mood" at the correct window - or rather focus my effort . If he isn't in the mood I don't push it.

The down side of this is we don't dtd enough .....

Hep thats it exactly!!!
I only have 6 OPKs left. (From ummmm 50) I was planning on being chill this month and not bothering. Esp as we are away and can't dtd. But now im wondering if I can do a tactically placed OPKs to get the exact right day and then get a well timed DTD snuck in somehow. But that means I'll have to take my OPKs and DPV with me abroad. Which is not chilled.

hugs ever

i'm sure we have our own ways, I certainly have low days.

Why don't you spend some nice days/evenings with OH enjoying yourself. no pressure. Just enjoy being a couple?

Last cycle - pretty much the same as all cycles:

cd1: oh hello AF, you finally decided to turn up? well at least i know where i stand you b*h
cd4: good bye to the bitch!..... come on roll on to FW.... this is the month, this is the month ... hang on ..... will Doreen be available ???
cd5-9: hello EPO!, hello opk, this is the month, this is the month ....... get in the mood for FW
cd10: what LH is here already AARRGGHHH!!!! ok,,,,,, get in the mood.... get in the moood.... hello Doreen!

cd17: i didn't do enough .... well maybe ??? .... no.... should have done better ..... but there is still hope?????.... don't get your hopes up .....
cd20: bloody 2ww..... no wait , its a SP - I will be positive, I will be positive....
cd 24: getting impatient....
cd 26: don't poas, don't poas, don't poas
cd 29: hmmm..... poas - BFN ah bugger.
cd 30+ : hello limboland, well this truly sucks now ......
.... and repeat....

Good morning everyone.
I'm sorry to hear people are having trouble with relationships and all that- particularly ever. What did DH say after you let him know how you've been feeling?

I think we all need to remember that it can be completely normal to take some time to conceive. We've had most of our members here just popping in for a month or two and then popping out with little beans. But they are the lucky ones. We will all be lucky eventually. But we are just more normal. That's what I'm telling myself anyway. I'm trying not to let DH see if I am stressed about it because he is a man and doesn't care and I think that's just the way it is.

Men and women are different species. Apart from Starks DHbwho knows what he is! It's tough being a woman but look what we get to do!

Empowering post end. Off to get eyebrows waxed. As we also have to try and be beautiful and it hurts. Urgh.

Hugs ever how did the talk go, is your oh understanding?

Morning ladies
Had a big talk and massive cry with OH this morning
Told him I cant cope with the pressure on my own. I honestly cant.
People say relax about it. It makes me want to punch them
All fine if you are in your twenties and get preggo first time.
But I hear the clock ticking so loudly I just can not afford to be relaxed about it. And as for stress affecting TTC, it has to be proper stress, not just the crazy tempting so none of that if you dont relax it wont happen crap please
Anyhow, how do you guys do it? How do you keep the balance between keeping hopeful and positive, but knowing that there is a chance that it wont happen to you?

I dont think it will happen to me. I am a positive person, but I am very good at predicting certain things... I just feel it wont happen soon and I know I will stop trying if it doesnt happen in a year.
Should I just stop all together? This is causing damage to me and the relationship

It's great reading this thread, love the idea giving birth to a malteaser! I've not got much to add but my hamster used to stuff malteasers (that I thought I'd, ahem, hidden) into her pouches, the chocolate would melt and go all around her mouth then she would wash herself and end up covered in chocolate.

Totally agree with the 'Yay, congrats on being preggers' combined with 'Oh god, why can't it be mmmmeeeeeee!'. I'm off to see a friend this afternoon who had a miscarriage at the same time as me but got upduffed almost immediately afterwards and now has a 6 week old! Ah well, I'll go pee on an opk to make me feel better

so was just falling asleep last night, when my cat decided to take a short cut across the bed walking across by boobs. Ow! that woke me up !
i think i can definitely class my boobs as tender (though i think it is just pre-AF)

jam

its hard isn't it. You want to be happy for your friends, and you are ... but this little part of you inside starts screaming "its not fair!"

but we don't know how long they have been trying either......

There's no way I could do pole fitness and look elegant! But I admire those who can do it!

So after my emotional few hours last night, DH gets a text from one of our friends telling him they're expecting. He's recently got engaged and is saving for a house after travelling but found out they are 7 weeks pregnant. I'm very happy for them but you know when you've got a few friends left that you're absolutely certain you're going to have kids before them? Out of my 11 close friends, 6 are married and have had babies in the past 2 years, 2 are in new relationships and 3 are single. I always thought I was in that first group but seems I'm just lagging behind, despite having been together for over 10 years and doing everything right. It upset DH as well but he didn't really say. Just that 'oh well, that's another one' kind of feeling.

Thanks for the OPK advice Hep and iPatches I work in a school so I think midday wee collections might be nigh on impossible! Very annoying!

I do already have a lovely little Gu ramekin, I love their deserts, but I just can't see how I can do the testing during the school day. We only have two toilets so I can't hog one for ten minutes without it being really obvious!

Starky I've always wanted to give pole fitness a go! I'm worried that I don't have enough upper body strength though.

Speaking of pee vessel, I may have gone out and bought Gu today! It now seems ok, I'm not having a very unhealthy if totally delicious pudding, I'm buying something useful.

Stark I completely missed shampoogate. You DH sounds fucking hilarious though

Lol at designated pee vessel!!!
(I have had lots of other lols but I can't remember who said them!)

Omg you girls have chatted so much today I can't keep up!! But I will try to tomorrow. Hope everyone is okay xx