Secretly stopped taking Pill 2 weeks ago

let me add to that,

you are also committing the man to child support payments for years of his life.

Sorry to be so blunt, but really need to think this through as you are totally screwing another person's life. As i said, this should be a criminal offence.

As a man i would like to say that secretly stopping the pill with the intention of tricking him into getting you pregnant is a little short of...

R A P E

I think it should be a criminal offense for a man or woman to do this.

Stop now, before you violate another person.

Think about it. You are bring into someone else's life something that will exist for ever that they did not agree to. This is bad for you, him and the baby.

Well, I don't know about your individual case, and what your dh is like.

But, on general principle, I would not do that to someone. I have however, been in your situation TWICE. I wanted children and he didn't. What I did was I decided where my priorities lay, and set it clearly to him. The choice was his - to split up or have children. We did both. First split up, then he came around and we got back together. Same thing happened when I wanted number2. SPlit up, then he agreed and we got back together again. I guess he decided his priority was to keep us together. It is a risk, but at least everyone knew what they were doing. Another techique I adopted for number2 (when he was still on the fence) was to say that I was not going to take the pill since I wanted to have children, so it was up to him to sort out contraception. I then had to move to the next stage of saying I would only have sex without contraception. So, he could only have sex if he was prepared to take a chance. He managed abstinence for 2 months, then just caved in. He is now happier than he has ever been, and we have two beautiful children. He also does not blame me for anything, since I was always completely honest with him. I am not sure our relationship would have survived if I had done this behind his back.

Havign said that, I can understand how being so desperate to have kids can make you feel like you don't care whether you have to raise them on your own. Hard to advise, but that is the call you have to make. Do you value havign another child more than your relationship and honesty? It's up to you.

I'm not going to throw stones because I'm not in your shoes and I know when you want a baby, you want it. Just make sure that he loves you enough to stay no matter what and if he does, then he would love it just the same and accept it. I have a friend who's husband was dead set against another, absolutely under no circumstances and she did the same thing and they are divorced now, so what I'm saying is...make sure that he wouldn't leave you if you had another because you wouldn't want to raise it alone. He may come around. My dh wanted one really bad 2 years ago and I didn't and now he is neutral and I'm crazy about having one, we just can't get it together at the same time, but I know that if I do become pg, he would put his fears aside and be very happy, this is something you need to ask yourself.

That's very understanding of you. I've had a similar conversation with dh - I can be certain that I don't want any more babies but if anything ever happened to me he might find that he would want more if another partner did. Maybe I shouldn't think that way? I suppose it's unlikely - I'm pretty fit & healthy. I know several families where the Dad has died and one childless female friend of 42, so perhaps I'm reflecting too much on that.
I'm supposed to be having a minor op that would make it extremely unlikely that I could conceive but dangerous if I did - so he's considering the snip.

He's C of E. I think it's too radical a thing to do. What if all your children died? What if (like happened with us) you divorce and fall in love with a gorgeous 30 year old who wants your babies?

That's exactly my point - what a terrible breach of trust - either way.
If your ex was a good Catholic presumably he shouldn't have been going for the snip, anyway?

I didn't think so anyway.
I suppose the women who think it's fine to engineer the "accident" are also fine about their husband having the secrety vasectomy then?

Xenia,Just for the record, being the OP on the other thread re 'accidentally or accidentally on purpose pregnant' I am not NameChangefor Now,

Funny - I was just about to post 'How would you feel if your husband had gone for a vasectomy without your knowledge?' and Xenia has beaten me to it with a real life case of exactly that! God, Xenia - it does sound as though you had to put up with a lot with that man. You have my sympathy on that one - no wonder you feel that he was 'abusing' you.

It can be hard to reach an impasse on a major decision such as whether or not to have another child, but to stop taking the pill without a partner's knowledge is an appalling breach of trust.

I agree with other posts - tell him you've stopped then the ball is in his court.

I don't think its that bad

surely women have been doing things like this for years

So if things were the other way round and it was you who didn't want anymore children and you dp was in control of contraception. Whoops the condom slipped off and didn't tell you how would you feel ?

but Socci, NameChangeForNow has presented this with a certain amount of bravado so should expect negative comments. The others you refer to at least keep it to themselves for the most part.

She chooses to hide behind a pseudonym and not to return to this thread to fill in any background. For all we know there could be valid health concerns, financial worries, relationship issues which make it so not right atm, from her dp's pov, and she is preventing other MNetters from putting this into context or replying with anything other than a knee jerk judgement.

My dh didn't want kids....EVER & I was deserate for children.

I was told time & again that 'accidents happen' by several people. I was on the pill & was told it was easy to just stop taking it.

But as my mother never wanted me & I lived with that knowledge, I could never have made dh responsible for a child he didn't want. Not only was it deceitful to him, I would be betraying my child, bringing into a world where I knew it wasn't wanted. I couldn't do that to a child.

I was lucky. Dh relented, although not until things got so bad I nearly left. We now have a dd we both adore.

Other therad is... may be this one was spawned (good word in this context) for that.

Relationships :For those of you who have fallen accidentally or accidentally on purpose pregnant, what effect has it had on your relationship?

If you look at the other thread on this which I can't remember the name of, current, I'm posting on it, people are declaring on that they were on the pill and it failed which it does sometimes so there's no need for the husband here ever to know. Of course you risk him having been out for a secret vasectomy (my husband tried to arrange one without me knowing not that I could have stopped him after baby 5 anyway - amusingly his GP called and told me and assumed I knew.... and he never bothered to get on with having it done which is great because since we divorced I feel that's much better for him in case he meets anyone else).

its not a good thing she has done but women do this sort of thing all the time

would we condemn someone who did no use contraception in the same way?

haven't read the whole thread yet )but will)but in response to the op how sneaky and underhand

In all fairness, questions have been asked but as she's not come back its been a bit difficult and assumptions have been made. Lets face it, you don't post something like that and expect everyone to go 'oh well done you - lets have a round of applause over here please'!!!!!

Perhaps she is very young and silly?

Message withdrawn

Oh I bet she is glad she posted on here!!!!

Just to add my full penny in....It is pretty immature and disrespectful to do that to your partner. You have other children aswell to consider. I suggest you go to relate and hope that you are not pregnant, so you can sort your relationship out first... Hang your head in shame girl... you are giving the rest of us a bad name!!

Feel bit sorry for her. Must be shit to not feel like you can confide and talk to your partner.

Hopefully her head is so hung in shame she can't lift it to type.
She knows she's wrong, what more is there to say?

As if you come on here to announce that!! What did she expect?A standing ovation?!