April 2014 thread! - still continually supporting one another!

You will be well rid of him Ducky. He is not kind and caring to you at all and that matters.

Could you ring up and get an early appointment at the house so you are there first? They seem to go so quickly.

Would you not qualify for social housing on the grounds of being pregnant, having DS and suffering emotional abuse?

Feeling very worried now

I'm going to view a house tomorrow, but I'm viewing it last; apparently there's quite a few before me. Can't help but feel like this ones not going to happen as there's a lot of interest. Then I'll be back to square one id had my heart set on getting this one as it had been available for ages now. thought I could be getting out soon

Well today he stayed in bed until 11.45, I have pregnancy insomnia, managed to sleep about. 2/3 hours then was awake during the night, then as I was drifting off ds woke up (6.30). No chance of h getting up at all. He saying he can't afford to pay the bills but went out last night buying fags and stuff for himself.

It got bad today because I asked my moms dh who is very handy to fix a chair of ds' that had broke and the screw had been lost. I didnt bother asking h as I have to nag him for months to do anything, I have been trying to get him to fix our fire place for a over a year. And we needed a new screw of a certain size which isn't something h usually has. When h saw me put the chair in the car he absolutely flipped, saying he can't believe I didn't ask him to fix it instead. So I got it out the car, it sat in the hall all day until I reminded him for the 3rd time it was there. He then started asking me where he can get the stuff to fix it and what he needs. Then having a go at me because I didn't know. Then he decided it was broke beyond repair so covered it in a bright coloured super glue making it look a mess

He then wouldn't speak to me until he started having a go at me because I hadn't helped him move some stuff into the loft..... he hadn't asked me before

I went to help him and he sat and watched while I really really struggled to lift up some really heavy bags to pass to him I really struggled to lift them but he didn't care at all.

Then he just lay on the sofa watching me tidy. He would occasionally grumble something at me, like how he thinks I'm loosing it and I tell people things and convince myself I told him

Then he changed completely and started being nice.. moments before listing off a huge list of stuff he wants for his birthday... in January. Bearing in mind, it was my birthday last week, he got me nothing.

How has he been horrible? He sounds like a man who is quite miserable with life. Is he? He must realise he is being horrible. What does DS make of him?

I am sitting with my feet up. DH is bathing DS who is squealing very loudly and laughing. It is almost painful it is so shrill at times. I have shut the sitting room door.

I think that is a safe way to do it Ducky and that is what is important. Don't give him your address and make sure no one else does until he is calm and has come to terms with it. It's a good thing that you will be living with your brother as that will make it safer too. I wouldn't let DH in your house if I was you- ever.
Is it starting to feel real now?
We used the camper lots in the summer when we came back from France but we haven't used it for the last two weeks. DH and BIL are going walking in the Lakes next weekend and are taking it.

I'm glad to say h has been absolutely horrible to me today. Sounds stupid but it just makes it easier for me to do what I'm going to do.

Ha sounds like ds knows what he wants today lulu! You still using the camper van much?

My plan is that I move some small stuff out that he won't notice as soon as I get the keys, then wait until the nearest Friday when he's at work (so he has the weekend to come to terms with everything) and go to while he's at work. I don't know if I can get a van that quickly though but I have a couple of people who know what's happening that are willing to help me move stuff.

I'm planning on leaving him a note explaining that I have moved out as I am unhappy, and asking him to contact me to discuss contact with dc when he has had time to digest everything and calm down. He was so nasty last time I thought its best I put that in.

Do you think that's ok? Should I add in that his behaviour will affect his ability to be present at the birth of his daughter? Last time he was so horrible and intimidating, I'm thinking adding that in might make him think and stay calmer? Or would that just wind him up more

DS is workng on his 'choosing skills'. So far this morning we have had:
'nappy off pease' (please)
'like toast'
'No' to chopped apple
'Me go walk' with shoe brought to indicate it wasn't optional. He then got his other shoe and coat and said 'me see ducks'.
'Let's go Daddy' when DH was talking on the phone.
'Now Daddy' when DH didn't stop talking on the phone.
'Mummy help' when DH was still talking on the phone and Ds decided he wanted the buggy taken outside immediately.
We are now having breakfast at a cafe on the beach and he is tucking into an egg sandwich and has it all over his face and hands. Has just said 'No, not dirty' when I tried to wipe them.
It's going to be one of those days.

Can you not move out when he is at work Ducky and take DS's things like his cot? Then tell H when he gets back? Do you think your brother should be there when you tell him incase he goes off it again?

What sort of house is it?

Oh and I'm viewing a house next week I think it will all start to get a bit 'real' then. I just hope he'll let me take the big stuff I will need (ds cot and draws and book case etc) as I won't fit them in my car and will need to rent a van or something. I'm just worried that he'll really kick off and will say I can't have it.

I won't give in this time, will be too late with a house I'm quite scared at the thought of being a single mom of two though!

Oh I'm jealous lulu! My boobs are so small and don't change when pregnant! Pizza is always a winner with me too

Glad you had a nice time cupcake, did you stay in a caravan? I hope we can get on for dc sake. But h can be such an arse

Glad you had a nice holiday Cupcake. Where did the dog and cat go? Wete they pleased you were back?

We have been to Sainsbury's tonight. DH was driving me mad.
Me - What do you fancy to eat tonight?
DH - Anything, I don't mind.
Me - Shall we have pasta?
DH - Well we could do I suppose...... (meaning 'Oh God do we have to?')
Me -You choose something.
DH - I don't mind what we have.
Me- Shall I make macaroni cheese with smoked bacon and a crunchy topping?
DH - If you like. (Oh FFS say what you want then DH!)
Me- Right, I am buying pizzas.
He cheered up when we got to the cheese and then the beer.

He'll flip Ducky but he will rely on you giving in when he behaves like he did last time. Don't give in. He will come round and adjust if he sees he isn't getting his own way. That is what emotionally abusive people do. They make a huge fuss and drama, threaten all sorts and expect people to give in so they can get their own way.

I think I will just have normal scans from now on unless they are a bit worried.

Mine is semi-planned. I had come off the pill. We are just hopeless with condoms- same as last time. We were planning for it to happen around now rather than 10 weeks ago. I can feel my bump now if I press my tummy but you can't see it. Boobs are getting bigger.

I don't know lulu, I think he will flip out he's seriously acting like nothing at all is wrong.

Will you have extra scans throughout the pregnancy? Can't believe that all 3 of us are pregnant again and not one was properly planned.

I have no idea what sex it is Ducky. Yes, normal scan in two and a bit weeks. And I am having consultant led care again.

I am glad to hear you and DH are getting on better. You should be able to- you will always be parents and have to communicate. You must be dreading telling him- I would be. If you stick to it he will come to terms with it eventually. He must know things are not right.

I hope Cupcake is enjoying herself.

Hope you have a lovely time cupcake and hope the ds's are on their best behaviour!

Lulu that's great news! Only 2 weeks to your next scan then? Do you have any feelings whether it's a boy or girl?

Well I'm still waiting for my house to come up so it looks like I'll be viewing a different one at some point this week.

Me and h have actually been getting on recently, although we still sleep in separate rooms and gave no physical contact what so ever. I don't feel that way towards him any more. I feel so horrible for doing what I'm doing but I know I can't just go on like this for his sake and I know he will be horrible once it happens.

The scan was fine- they said I am about 10 weeks. Could see tiny hands and feet and it was sort of wriggling round. DH got all emotional when he saw it on the screen. It was about 3.8 cm long which she said was fine.

I have had a surge of energy that last few days. Not as tired anymore.

We are going to keep it to ourselves as long as possible.SIL had DS today - she thought I was working.

Lulu I hope ds face is better.... and dh recovered! Iced apple juice sounds lovely! I will be thinking of you Tuesday, I was very nervous as this time I had a week of sickness then didn't feel at all pregnant, I didn't with ds either. Will dh be going with you?

Hope you have a lovely time on holiday cupcake. For the gender reveal are you planning on doing something big? Or just something small? If small you could send the grandparents a little box with a note saying 'your going to be grandparents with some little pink or blue booties? I read that once on here and thought it sounded cute.

I'm exhausted. Ds sleep has gone bad again. Last night he kept waking up crying, in the end I put him in my bed (a small blow up single) and he just lay there for hours discussing very important things the whole time he wanted me to just sit there rubbing his tummy. Then he was demanding drinks. Am hoping it was a one off because he had been a bit poorly in the day and is teething.

There has been another house come up, not the one I wanted but it's a house. It's bigger than the one I wanted but it doesn't really matter as db would move with me. Am going to try and contact estate agents in the week, although it's difficult because h has loads of time off coming up the house I want is still being refurbished apparently. I love it but even when it comes up there's a few people waiting for one so it's no guarantee I'll get it and I just can't wait much longer as I need to sort dd's stuff.

Have a great holiday Cupcake. Don't come home early. They will be fine. They will love the beach and the sea and digging in the sand, ice creams, rock pools. You will have a lovely time. The fresh sea air and sun will do you good.

DH has been fast asleep since 9 in bed. I am sitting with a big glass of iced apple juice and a large packet of crisps with my feet up. Having a very nice quiet night.

Ducky - hope a house comes up soon for you so you can sleep in a bed and have some peace of mind.

It is my scan this week- on Tuesday. Bit nervous. Apart from tiredness which seems to have gone in the last couple of days, I don't feel pregnant.

And he came home last night having had 5 pints and was totally out of it.I made him sleep in the spare room and he fell asleep fully dressed. He was ill this morning - very pale, feeling sick, splitting headache and is only just now starting to look normal. DS and I have been out without him today. He left his car last night and had to go back for it today. Is feeling very sorry for himself and has had no sympathy from me. He thinks he might need to go to bed early to get some sleep and feel normal tomorrow.

Sounds like you are feeling crap Cupcake. You cope really well as a mum. I couldn't do what you do. You will be fine. It will be hard but you'll cope.

DH is out tonight. DS has just gone to bed. He had a fall today in the garden and scraped his face. He was hysterical. I was quite scared because of the fuss he made but he's fine and once it was cleaned up it isn't much. I am sitting with my feet up and a big mug of tea. I'm going in the bath in a bit.

Hope you have a nice time in Skegness Cupcake. I would rather have a few days there than be at hen parties- I hate those. Don't worry about finding a man. You've got enough to be doing and they are problematic creatures themselves. DH was late leaving this morning. There was toast, butter, milk and dirty dished on the worktops when I went downstairs. He had spilled milk on his shirt and taken it off and dropped it infront of the washer and got one out of the drier- not ironed. A pile of dirty football kit was on the floor- he had put his clean in his bag because he's playing tonight.
He made himself some sandwiches for lunch and had used the cheese and ham that was for me and DS- packets left on the worktop. I could have flattened him. Then he rang from work to say he'd forgotten his football boots and could I drive them up and drop them off and would I mind taking him an ironed shirt because he hadn't realised how creased the one from the drier was until he got to work and he had some important meetings and looked a sight. DS is no bother compared with him some days.

Oh cupcake sounds crap. And as did exh what a dick. Sounds like he wants them only on his terms. That's not a father! I would help you out if I could

I'm sure I've read on here about some anti depressants you can take while pg... i have no idea though. I have often thought about asking for some but I'm only depressed when I'm with h. I just need to get away from him, for my physical and mental health. All my hair has started falling out again and I think it's down to the stress.