April 2014 thread! - still continually supporting one another!

Ducky, just let your H get on with it as far as women are concerned. Poor things. You have had a lucky escape. He will never be the dad to the children that you hoped he would. You need to have really low expectations of him or you will be very disappointed. Don't torture yourself by checking up on what he is doing - just be glad he is tormenting someone else and not you. If you question him it makes you sound interested- don't give him the satisfaction of even thinking it.
Could your mum or your grandad or your brother store at least some of your stuff so it is out of there?

It is so cold here -3 at times today. DH took DS to the tennis courts with a ball. I could see them from the bedroom window. DS was so funny, DH was kicking the ball and DS was running after it then pickng it up and running off with it. Perhaps he won't be a footballer! He fed the ducks as we and DHsaid he was talkng to them and quacking at them.
After lunch we took him along to the lighthouse with his little bike. DH ended up pushing him while DS looked for birds- there is a wildlife reserve and it is full of birds over the winter. He thinks they are all ducks. He could not concentrate on his bike- just sat on it and got pushed.
We are tucked up now and he is excited because it is his second birthday tomorrow. PIL are coming up with grandma and all comng for tea with BIL and SIL. DH is helping him make them a card each - very cute. I am having a lie down.

Ha lulu, I hope ds isn't disappointed when he sees the baby and no duck! he must really likes ducks! Did you have a vegetarian Christmas dinner? Or do you have meat?
Are you settling into your new house?

Cupcake sounds like you had a lovely night! Did you go dm's for the day? Not long now until mat leave! Feels like it has gone so fast!

I'm so angry and a bit upset. The one friend I have I messaged and they haven't replied.

I was snooping on stbxh girlfriends page and there's another girl, I think it's her roommate. She put a picture up. A picture of my slippers. Stbxh had brought them for me a week before we split. I had worn them a few times but they look brand new. The caption said 'absolutely love my Christmas present from stbxh and new gf'.

I sent him a picture of it and said I know and I suspected him of having an affair with her and this has just confirmed it. He text back saying he thought I didn't want them. He wouldn't deny the affair, and wouldn't tell me how long they have been together.

I still have a lot of stuff at our house. Now I have to try and find storage somewhere until
I have somewhere bigger because if I don't it will 'go missing'. A few of my things have 'gone missing' recently. At least I know where they have gone now

Happy Christmas!

I am coming up to 23 weeks. I have been saying that for 2 weeks until DH told me last Friday I was just 22 weeks.

Your H is a complete knob Ducky. I have no other words.

DS has been excited today but mainly about all his company.We did lunch here because SIL has morning sickness and it was a bit much for her so we had them, PIL and grandma here. Ds was so excited. He opened his presents but was more interested in taking them to people to play. He has repeated his choice of a duck rather than a baby to grandma and MIL. He was adamant. He also told MIL he has a willy. Not sure what the context was.

Somehow, I managed to pull together a fab lunch - if I say so myself! I was really proud of it. It was a fluke that it all came together but it did.

They left about 7 and Dh and I have just lazed around with cold drinks,talking and listening to music and watching a bit of telly. Eastenders was quite good.

George Michael is dead! I am so shocked. Love his music.

And happy Christmas everyone!

Still asleep! Ds was awake at 6. He kind of gets Christmas this year.... he's a fan of presents

Had a bit of a shock though. Last thing Christmas Eve, it's all over Facebook (I know I shouldn't bother looking!) stbxh is 'in a relationship'. It's with one of the girls he was speaking to when we were together.

I take the kids to see him on Saturdays, I messaged him first thing Saturday morning to ask if the house would be clean when I took them round, it has been filthy recently. He ignored the message. I got a message at 11.30am, I usually take them round 9.30/10am and it just said 'no'. Later that night I got a message saying he had been asleep as he had been out all night.

I took the kids to see him this morning. I told him that I need some maintainance, he said no.

The reason he didn't see them Christmas Eve was because he had taken his new girlfriend out for a meal and drinks. He never did that for me. He then stopped at her house. He won't tell me how long they have been together.

I think she was upstairs the whole time I was there...... in my house.... that I had to move out of.

I know he got her an expensive Christmas present. He hardly spent anything on ds.... and dd doesn't even register on his radar. He said he didn't bother because he knew I would get them loads of stuff.

You looking forward to mat leave cupcake?

How many weeks are both of you now?

I still have no internet!

That is excellent news Cupcake - all of it. When is he due?

DH and I went shoppng this morning while DS was at nursery.Then he took DS out for lunch and a walk and a train ride and I had a sleep this afternoon. Bliss!

DH and I were just talking about when DS was born and how stunned we were. We just looked at him for hours. I can remember late at night in the hospital room waking up and DH wasstanding at the window, holding him, showing him Newcastle and talking to him - telling him how loved he was and that we would always look after him and what they were going to do together. I got all weepy. He thought I was asleep.
I bet they send me home the same day this time depending on the time. SIL and BIL are coming along to stay with DS and will take him to their house.

Cupcake, I just had gas and air with DS - it was too late for an epidural. It wasn't too bad.

Ds was great in his play. He came on with the others at the back, looking sparkley with his tinfoil wand. They all sang Twinkle Twinkle (sort of, was mainly the other children) and waved their wands and were led off.
We took him out to tea at the Italian restaurant we like. He is in the conservatory, playing with his flashing musical wand from last Christmas and singing with DH. I am lying on the sofa infront of the fire. The cats have gone upstairs to get away from his singing.

Cupcake course you can do it! I did it with dd and it was amazing! The difference on how good I felt after was unbelievable! They been ok with you having a vbac?

Lulu my dd is poppy, Scarlett was on my list! And ava

I like India, Ellen and Anna. I also like Nina and Scarlett (but they are not on his list ) and Elisabeth (which goes off and on his list). I actually like quite a few of the names on his list. I love Indiana but it is a bit unusual. We'll see.

What did you call DD Ducky?

Yes we have told everyone Cupcake. You can tell now that I am - am 23 weeks. We wouldn't have minded a boy or a girl but DH is just over the moon it's a girl. He says if the next one is a boy we are stopping then. There is not going to be a next one

DS says baby because we say the word but it is just a word. He does not associate it with us- just other babies.

Oh lulu that's lovely! I can't remember, have you told the family yet? I love Thea too, do you have a favourite name? And I'm so so relieved to be rid of him, I don't think I would of coped at all being with him now after having dd.

Cupcake, your divorce should be pretty straight forward I think if it's based on the 2 year separation thing? Did you speak to a solicitor before?

Good luck for your gtt! Is it more likely to happen again because you had it last time?

You are so well rid of him Ducky.
Keep a note of every time you take the children and the state he is in, and every time he either does not turn up or tries to change things at the last minute. Is the house on the market?
That is awful about the counselling Cupcake. It might have really helped you. Can your mum or ex-h give you a bit of a break? Have you started divorce proceedings yet?
I can't remember if I have said, the baby is a girl. DH is over the moon! He has been thinking of all kinds of names - his current list is 25. It includes:
India
Evelyn
Clementine
Isobel
Indiana
Mary
Georgina
Bridget
Thea
Delphine
Thomasina
Mia
Anna
Ellen
Eleanor
Winifred
Constance
Amelie
I can't remember the rest. Most of them have a short form he likes eg Clemmie, Delphi, Indy.
I am not even being asked, just told what he has added and crossed off.

And cupcake that is awful about the counselling! I can't believe they can do that to people who are struggling! Surely there must be away they can help you before that date, can you speak to your gp practice manager or something? I don't know if they could help? Or maybe complain to PALS?

Yes lulu the divorce has started, I can't wait for it all to be finalised! I haven't contacted csa because I know he will stop paying the bills if I do, then the house will be repossessed and I won't get any money from it which I need to pay my rubbish solicitor haha.

Oh cupcake I hope ds2 is feeling better soon, me and ds had that the other week, it's horrible.

Dd has now got a horrible cold and cough am taking her to the drs in the morning as she keeps throwing up almost whole feeds.

Well this weekend, I took dc to see stbxh. He tried to rearrange in the morning, I said no, he then said he needed to rearrange as he had been run over. I said if he had been run over he should be at hospital, not going to bed like he said he was, he then said he wasn't that bad so I said I will take the dc round.

I got round and all the curtains were closed, the house was filthy, he was in bed. I called him and heard him mutter something. ds was shouting him, no reply. 15 mins later, ds had been constantly shouting him so I went upstairs, I told him he got up now or we were leaving and he wouldn't see them until next week, he just said 'ok' so I went downstairs, ds looked full on heart broken and was screaming daddy and crying, so I went back upstairs and told him I can't believe he can lie in bed when his son, who he hasn't seen in a week, is stood down stairs crying for him. He just muttered that he was badly hurt. I pulled the covers off him and his arm was cut pretty badly and his face was swollen. He had crawled into bed with his arm bleeding and dirty clothes on. He eventually got up after we had been there, and ds had been screaming for him 25 minutes. He stank of booze. I don't know if he was telling the truth about being 'run over', he said a car hit him (he was on his bike), and drove off, apparently no one stopped. It was on a really busy road. Or I don't know if he just fell off his bike drunk, or if he drove into a car himself because he was drunk. I spose I'll never get the truth from him though.

You have very right to moan Ducky. Have you started divorce proceedings? You can instruct your solicitor to write a letter by a date- they do what you tell them. Can you go through CSA for financial support from DH? You must feel very alone but at least you are rid of him.

The older children do the play at nursery. Ds and his little friends just come on as stars at the back and then come to the front with the helpers to sing the song with the bigger ones. Then they go off because they won't stand still apparently. He is excited though and keeps saying 'I a tinkle star, good boy'. DH and I are excited too.